The Troll Whisperer (14 page)

But Noah took a hold of Oscar’s shoulders and
made him look him in the eye. “There is nothing you did to deserve
that.”

“How do you know?” Oscar said. “I was a real
asshole in high school. Still am.”

“You’ve never been to me.”

Oscar could only shake his head at that. He
couldn’t confess right now. It would kill him.

Noah kissed his forehead. “I’m so sorry. That
was a terrible thing you went through.”

“For me?” he said. “Yeah— yeah, it was
fucking terrible, but you know what? It was just as bad for
everyone else. My friends got put in jail. Jeremy became an
outcast. My mom and dad got separated— my sisters were deprived of
their dad for two fucking years because of me.”

Oscar felt like a great noxious bubble inside
him had just burst. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes so
hard that he saw stars, but Noah pulled them away. Oscar made a
sound like a car stuttering, and then he started to sob— deep, ugly
sobs that wracked his whole body. Noah held him the whole time.

It seemed to go on for a long time. When he
was down to sniffles, Noah stood up. “I’m going to get you some
tissues.”

Oscar just sat there on the couch until Noah
returned, feeling numb. He didn’t even let himself think about any
of that anymore, let alone say it out loud. Soon Noah returned, a
whole box of tissues in his hand. Oscar took one.

“Crying is awful,” Noah observed. “All that
snot drips in your mouth.”

Oscar laughed a little as he dabbed his eyes.
“It sucks. That’s why I don’t do it.”

“So seeing your dad triggered all this?”

“Yeah, and the fact that they were so excited
about Alex’s fiancé.”

“Did he ever apologize?”

“Oh yeah, loads of times. I didn’t care,
though. He showed me what he really thought of me. You can’t take
things like that back. And in all those apologies, he never once
mentioned that he was okay with me being gay.”

Noah wisely didn’t say anything to that.
“What made your mom take him back?”

“Me leaving home, probably,” Oscar said. “As
soon as I was eighteen, I was out of there. I think she forgave him
sooner than that, but she kept him out because I didn’t want him
there. Even after I had physically recovered, I wasn’t exactly what
you’d call functional. I just lay there in bed, completely
useless.”
Clinically depressed
, was what the counselor had
told him before sending him off to a shrink to get a script. Like
there were pills that could take away what happened. He flushed
them all down the toilet.

“I couldn’t go to school. Mom tried
homeschooling me, but I wasn’t a great student. I dropped out
instead.” He preferred reading fantasy novels and trolling on the
Internet to doing anything productive. “My dad would come by to see
my sisters and try to talk to me, but he eventually stopped making
the effort. With me, I mean— not my sisters.”

“It doesn’t sound like you ruined their
relationships with him.”

“I sure as shit didn’t help. Nikki wouldn’t
talk to him for three months. She was only four. She didn’t even
know what was happening— just that I was hurt, and I was mad at
him. I finally told her it was okay to talk to him, but a part of
me didn’t want her to. What kind of psycho wants to take a little
kid’s dad away?”

“You weren’t the one who endangered your
father’s relationship with her— that was his own fault,” Noah said.
“And your mom was right to kick him out. You know that, right?”

When Oscar didn’t say anything, Noah took one
of his hands in his own. “Oscar, you’ve probably replayed this
whole story in your head so many times that you don’t have any
perspective on it. From what you’ve told me, you’ve done nothing
wrong.”

Oscar snorted. “Yeah, well, maybe there’s a
whole lot of shit I haven’t told you.”

Noah put his arms around Oscar from behind
him, pulling him gently backward until Oscar was lying on Noah’s
chest. “So tell me, then. I promise I won’t be scared away, unless
you punched puppies and beat up old ladies.”

That was probably supposed to get a laugh out
of him, but Oscar was too despondent to even try. “I can’t.”

Noah didn’t say anything for a while. He ran
his hand over Oscar’s hair. Oscar shut his eyes and breathed the
clean smell of him in: dish soap and Pine-Sol, deodorant and dryer
sheets. “Okay, so if you aren’t going to tell me your darkest
secrets, then I’m just going to assume that they’re as irrational
as your belief that loving someone means you deserved to get beaten
nearly to death. You’ve gone on and on about your flaws, but you
never mention your strengths.”

“What if I don’t have any?”

“So you’ve got modesty covered, then,” Noah
said. “And loyalty. Your friends nearly killed you, and you still
wouldn’t turn them in.”

“That’s not loyalty,” Oscar said. “That’s
stupidity.”

“We’ve already covered modesty,” Noah chided.
“Okay, next on the list: loving.”

Oscar actually laughed at that. “Oh, come on.
Ask anyone who knows me— I don’t have a reputation for being
tenderhearted.”

“What if I asked your sisters? I bet they’d
have no problem describing you as loving.”

Oscar didn’t have an answer to that.

Noah continued. “And you loved Ricky. You
loved him so much you were willing to throw away your life for him.
Which brings me to the next item: bravery.”

That one was especially ironic, considering
that right at this moment, he was scared shitless of telling Noah
the truth. “I’m not brave. You’re just going to have to trust me on
this one.”

“You came out to your parents, which is
something I never managed. I just disappeared. I didn’t even come
out to them in the letter I left.” It was his turn to sound
derisive. “For two years, I said nothing. I knocked on doors, I
said the prayers— for all intents and purposes, I seemed like the
picture of pious devotion. I told myself it was just so I could
plan my escape, but that wasn’t entirely true. I was petrified of
what they would say. What they did to my uncle, when he left…” Noah
trailed off for a moment. “Well, let’s just say it wasn’t pleasant.
And he wasn’t even gay; he just stopped believing. My mom told me
to pretend like he had died. We weren’t supposed to even speak his
name.” He paused. “And I left my sister there with them. I didn’t
even have the courage to give her an explanation. If there’s anyone
here who’s a coward, it’s me.”

Oscar rolled over. “There’s nothing wrong
with you,” he said vehemently.

“Well, if there’s nothing wrong with you, and
nothing wrong with me, then I guess we’re both perfect and deserve
each other,” Noah said with the smile.

“I don’t deserve—”

Noah cut off his words with a kiss. “What
about me? Don’t I deserve to be with the guy I want?”

“What if I’m not the guy you think I am?”

Noah pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine.
Let’s say you’re a traitorous, hateful coward. I’ve been celibate
my entire life up until I met you, and you fuck like a porn star.
Don’t you think I deserve that?”

Oscar laughed— for real, this time. Noah got
to his feet, pulling Oscar up with him. “Come on,” he said. “Why
don’t we eat some dinner?”

Oscar sat down as Noah took the casserole
dish off the stove. He’d made lasagna. “Perfect timing,” he said.
“It’s cool enough to eat.”

He placed the dish on a hot pad on the table
before getting plates and silverware.

“You made this whole thing just for
yourself?” Oscar asked.

“Yes. It makes for good lunches during the
week,” Noah said as he laid out the plates.

Oscar shook his head. “How do you think so
far ahead? It’s like a super power.”

Noah laughed. “I wouldn’t say a week is
particularly far ahead.”

It was a simple enough sentiment, but in that
moment, it seemed profound. “You’re right,” he said slowly. “I
guess it isn’t.” It definitely beat looking backward.

After dinner, they curled up on the couch to
watch
Bringing Up Baby
for the third time. Katherine Hepburn
breezed onto the screen— well, more like she tornado’d onto the
screen. “
The love impulse in man very frequently reveals itself
in terms of conflict
,” she explained to the exasperated object
of her affection. Oscar sneaked a peek up at Noah. Maybe if Noah
found out about the trolling, it wouldn’t be so bad. This was
Noah’s favorite movie, after all. Maybe he’d just put his hands on
his hips and give him a lecture, after which he would declare his
undying love.

Of course, Katherine Hepburn’s character
never acted out of malice. And she was sure as shit more charming
than he was.

After the movie was over, they stood and
stretched. “Guess I’ll head out,” Oscar said.

Noah put his arms around him. “Why don’t you
stay the night?”

Oscar laughed a little. “No offense, but I’m
not really up for it right now.”

“I didn’t mean for sex. Just stay with
me.”

Oscar hesitated. That broke a really big rule
he had: never, ever, ever spend the night. But Oscar didn’t really
like rules, right? Why shouldn’t that apply to his own?

“Okay,” he said.

Noah kissed him so sweetly that Oscar nearly
changed his mind about sex, but Noah broke it off. “Why don’t you
shower? I’ll get our dessert.”

“Dessert?” Oscar smiled. “Sounds great.”

And it did. It really did.

****

Everything smelled clean.

That was his first thought upon waking. This
was obviously not normal, so he startled briefly until he
remembered where he was. Sunlight streaked through the blinds; he
wondered what time it was. And more importantly, he wondered where
Noah was, because he was alone in bed. He heard noises in the
kitchen.

He used the bathroom and then went to find
Noah. He was standing in the kitchen in his dorky sweatpants, a
T-shirt, and his green apron. Why on earth anyone would wear an
apron over sweatpants was beyond him, but it was charming. It was
more than charming, actually.

It was lovable.

Noah was stirring something in a bowl. He
turned when he heard Oscar enter the kitchen. “There you are,” he
said. His hair was still wet from the shower he must have taken. “I
was wondering how late you were going to sleep. I’m making us
pancakes.”

Oscar didn’t say anything. He crossed the
room in a few steps and took the bowl and spoon from Noah, setting
them on the counter. Noah opened his mouth to say something, but
Oscar didn’t give him the chance. He kissed him, starting gently
and increasing the intensity as Noah warmed to him. They’d had
their share of intense encounters, but something was different this
time. They’d been playing before; this was serious. Oscar untied
Noah’s apron; they broke apart just long enough to get it off and
then they were against each other again, coming together like
pieces of a puzzle that someone had at last figured out.

They stumbled back to the bedroom, and then
onto the bed. Their clothes slipped off easily, and their bodies
moved together just as effortlessly. They’d only been together two
months, but they
knew
each other— there wasn’t a word
between them as their hands fell into already familiar patterns
over each other’s skin. Oscar understood every wordless sound that
fell from Noah’s lips; it was like he’d become fluent in Noah-ese.
He and Noah reached for the nightstand drawer at the same time.
They laughed a little at the way their hands bumped together.
Between the two of them, they got the condom out and the lube open.
Oscar rolled the condom on as Noah slicked himself; it never had
taken Noah long to get ready. Noah lay on his back and spread his
legs. Oscar lined the head of his cock against Noah and pushed
slowly inside.

It shouldn’t have been possible for the sex
to get any better, but somehow it did. They fell into a slow,
steady rhythm; they both wanted to make it last. But slow and
steady couldn’t last forever— not with how Noah moaned, how his
hands moved to Oscar’s ass, urging him forward. Oscar obliged,
thrusting faster and faster; he felt like they were dissolving into
each other, and Oscar thought briefly
we’re making love
before he stopped thinking at all, and then he was coming with a
force he didn’t think possible. He felt dazed, only vaguely aware
of Noah kissing him while Oscar was still inside him, surrounding
him, making him safe.

It had to end eventually. That angle that
Noah had to hold his head to kiss him looked uncomfortable. Oscar
withdrew and took off the condom. Noah tried to stand up to throw
the condom away and fetch his usual post-sex washcloth, but Oscar
held him back, pulling him completely into his arms and kissing
him.

Noah pulled back a little. “I’m all sticky,”
he protested.

Oscar kissed him again. “There is nothing
wrong with sticky every once in a while,” he said. “And I don’t
feel like letting you go yet.”

“You’re gross,” Noah said with a smile.