The True Tale of the Monster Billy Dean (28 page)

“Don’t say words,” he says. “Dont ask qweschions dont ask words. Ther nowt but words & words & words & words. Lissen to the birds. Just lissen. And to the water & to the leevs in the breez. & the grass and . . .”

He puts his hands acros his mouth to stop himself.

“Non of that needs to be heald,” he wispers throu his fingers. “Non of that needs to be brout bak from the dead.”

They lissen togetha & they go on lissenin. Thers no more thuds. Ther silent. No leters nor words nor marks cud mayk the sownds that can be herd wen the human beest is sylent for a wile.

“Cum into the river with me,” he says.

He stands up steps into the water and looks bak at her and holds out his hand.

She steps towards him. Her wyt shoes sink a bit into the mud & they darken. He takes her hand & leeds her in. She gasps at the coldness the wetnes at the drag of water as they go deeper. They go up to ther wastes. She tiptoes on the stony riva bed she balanses herself to stop from farlin. They grip each others hand and go deeper deeper. They see the fear in each others eyes but they also see the laffter. They go deeper. They stand with the river flowin acros ther chests. Theyd only need to lean back to be swept away. Billy laffs at the fish below and he points down and they see them flikering and flashing ther. Elizabeth gasps as they swim and twist about her as they rise and say ther sylent O O O O. Billy dips his head into the water & moves it back & forward & feels the shugar in it being nibbld by the fish and being washd away. He rases his head agen and his hair hangs down over his eyes and his neck and tuches his sholders. She reeches out and cowms it off his fase with her fingers. They stare at eech other and ther is nothing to say. Thers just silens within them and the good noyses of the world arownd. Billy sees that she is byutiful. They hold each other ther in the river. And then she leans into him and shows him how to kiss. He presses close and for the first tym he nos the wish to go sumhow insyd her ryt insyd her so that he will becum her so ther will be nothing left of him so ther will be no mor Billy Dean.

He dos not yet no how to do this thing.

She smiles & steps away into the flow. She leads him back to the bank agen. They stand on the grass and the water flows from ther drechd clothes and from ther bodys to the erth.

The birds continue singin around them.

“Look at us!” Elizabeth laffs.

She says she has to go. She kisses him agen.

“Yor byutiful,” she wispers.

He opens his mouth and trys to speak but shes alredy weaving her way throu the shrubs and bak into Blinkbonny.

What a bluddy fool I am to lissen to them. What a spiky-heded styoopid-brained & emty bluddy fool. What a childe. What a bluddy styoopid bluddy soddin styoopid fool.

“You are so grate,” they tell me.

“You ar so gloryus you are a thing of wunder.”

“You hav majic in yor tuch.”

“You work true miracls.”

“Acsept our gift.”

“Acsept our prase.”

“We ar honord that you wark amung us.”

“Acsept our prares O Billy Dean.”

Fool. Fool. Fool. Fool.

They tell me I could hold back death.

Fool.

They say the dying stop ther dying becos of my tuch.

I see them warkin laffin dansin singin them that came to me in pane & such distres.

Fool.

I see the dout & darknes clearin from them.

I see the lite of life flood into them.

I see it evry day & evry day just as evry day out in the world the boms go off & dout & darkness falls and falls and falls.

Then 1 brite day wen Im on my way to Missus Malones they bring the body to me.

They wark qwikly carryin it acros the rubbl crunch crunch.

Ther are 4 of them that carry it on ther sholders on a wooden bord.

Thers a weepin woman warkin at ther syd crunch crunch.

They lay the bord down on a pyl of stones.

Crunch.

The body is rappd in sheets.

I no it is for me & can be for nobody els but me.

So I turn away from my path to Missus Malones & I wark to them crunch crunch.

“Yor Billy Dean,” says the woman to me.

“He is” says Jack who is sudenly ther with us.

“What do you wish from him?” says Joe.

“Weve brout my boy,” she says.

The men start peelin the sheets away.

She reeches for my hand.

“Bring him back,” she says. “Yor Billy Dean. Tuch him. Bring him back.”

A few folk gather. The word is spred. Mor pepl cum. Mam cums runnin to my syd. She reeches towards the woman but she wispers “Cum home Billy. Cum on just cum back home with me.”

I dont move. I watch the body apearing as the sheets are taken off. A yung man dressd in green with a splash of blood lyk a star on his chest.

“Plees,” the woman says. “Im not redy for him to be taken from me. Yor Billy Dean. Just tuch him Billy Dean.”

I stare at the empty sky at the nowtness that has nothin in it but a cupl of tiny jetblak singin larks.

I hear the voyses.

“He can do it.”

“You can do it Billy.”

“Of cors he can.”

“Hes a bluddy wonder.”

“A miracl worker.”

“You hav majic in yor tuch.”

I look arownd agen.

“Do it Master” says Jack.

“Show them yor grate powers,” says Joe.

They hold up ther hands and tell the peepl to give the master sum spays.

I see Missus Malone leenin on her stik her fase all blank. I hear her voys within me.

“It apears ther may be no end to yor gifts, William.”

“No,” says Mam. “Cum away with me, son.”

“Plees” the woman begs.

Elizabeth cums to me & Jack & Joe allow her throu.

“You dont hav to,” she says. “Nobody cud do this.”

But I see the qwestion in her eyes. Cud you?

The body on the bord lies stil and sylent.

I neel down at its side.

I stroke its isy cheke its brow. I lay my hands upon its isy chest upon the isy conjeeld blood. I try to think of sumthin to wisper sumthin to sing sumthin to cum up with sum bluddy prare or sum bluddy howl. I even try. I stand up. I rase my hands to the sky. I yell out a stream of bollox. But thers nothing in it. I no that thers nowt. Just nowt. Just this cold body & my cold hands and the woman weepin abuv. I siy. I crouch beside the body agen. I see how byutiful it is even in its death. I see a tiny beetl roamin acros it then another. I reech to them and let them roam across my fingers then back onto the young mans skin. Mebbe the peple arownd me think that I am prayin or am deep in thort or am in poseshun. But all I do is watch the beetls roamin round and round and bak and forth across the cheeks and eyelids and the ere lobes & I wunder if they hear sumthin lyk crunch crunch as they wark & I wunder if they no ther is another being lookin down upon them. Soon other tiny worms and beetls cum — sum of them so smarl they cant hardly be sene at all.

As I watch the voyses wisper is enything happenin can enythin be sene.

1 voys gasps, “He moovd! I swer to God I sene him moov!”

“Yes!” says another. “Yes! Yes!”

Another fool. All of us such fools.

I watch 1 beetl crawl into the yung mans nostril and 1 into his ere and I think of all the tiny creechers that will now explor the yung mans body from within and I see how the dead man has begun his return to the erth & to the things of the erth & I see how wunderful it is this mingling of blood & flesh & bone & dust & tiny crawling beests.

I look up and ther is Mr McCaufreys big red fase gazin at me tenderly past all the other fases. I gaze strate back at him. He smiles. I want to laff with him. I want to rore with bluddy laffter. I mite as wel be tryin to resurrect 1 of his bluddy lamb chops. I mite as wel try to bring a string of best pork sausages bak to bluddy life.

I take my hands away from the body of the byutiful yung man.

“I am sorry,” I say to the weepin woman.

“I am such a bluddy fool,” I say.

Thats wen I see him fase to fase at last.

The crowd remayns a wile. They watch me. The woman gose on weepin & gose on weepin as they lift her son & carry him away from me agen.

Mam cuddls me.

“How cud they expect such a thing?” she says. “Dont be trubbld, Billy.”

Missus Malone rayses a finger to show shes still expecting me then warks away towards her parlor.

Mr McCaufrey cuddls me too. Still he smiles. Still he sees the joke in it. He shrugs and heds bak to his shop.

“Cum with me,” says Mam.

“Cum with me,” says Elizabeth.

“Heal me,” says an old man coming towards me holding out his witherd hand to me.

“Tuch me,” says another.

“He was simply too far gon,” says a woman.

“You cud do it,” says another. “If death had bene more resent. If death had cum in other ways. If death . . .”

“We stil beleev in you,” is wisperd in my ear.

Tuch me. Heal me. Bless me. Help me.

And I cant stand it. And I look at all the fases all around me and at the ruwins of Blinkbonny and at the larky sky abuv.

“Leave me alone,” I wisper. “Just leave me alone.”

“Yes mebbe its for the best,” says Mam.

But still her hand is on my arm. And still Elizabeths hand is in mine. I shayk them free.

“Leave me alone!”

They take ther hands from me. I start to wark away. Jack & Joe are at my side as if theyd wark with me & I tel them no. No! And they disapear. And then I see him ther at the bak beyond the watching fases. He has a black hood on his hed. He has a black scarf on his throte. Its him, the shining eyes the stedy look. I meet his gaze. Its like hes simply watching taking note. I try to call out but the words are tangld in my throte. I moov towards him. I push past the others in the way. They tuch me as I pass. I free myself from them & see him leaving warking away. I stumbl on the rubbl. I slither and slide like I did when I was the styoopid thing that first came out from the dark. I try to call his name but cannot call. I gurgl and sqweek like the tonguetyd child that I was or lyk a beest. & then I cannot breeth & cannot move because he turns takes 1 last look and then is lost among the crumbling walls the ruwind homes the deep dark holes of poor Blinkbonny.

And I scuttl abowt like a beetl on a body & cannot find him anywer & therfor start to think he must hav bene an illushon or a trick or a thing in my poseshun or a spirit cum to see me from the afterlife.

Then Mam is at my side agen lifting me up holding me tite.

I look at her and no that shes seen nothing.

“I saw him,” I wisper.

“Him?”

“Dad. My father.”

“O Billy cum bak home.”

I grone.

“O Billy cum bak home.”

I hold her tite.

“O Billy cum bak home.”

She strokes my cheek.

“Its just the ajitayshon of it all,” she says. She kisses me. “You need to stop. We need to get the couraj to go away.”

I find Im weeping.

“O Billy,” she says. “It was only yor desire that brout him. It was only a dream.”

I carm myself. I tel myself that yes it has been an illusion. I tell Mam that I understand. I tell her Missus Malone is expecting me and that I must go.

She keeps on holding me.

“Let me go!” I snap. “Let me bluddy go! I’m not a littl child no mor!”

And so she leavs. I watch her go. I look arownd me and see nothing.

Then I hear the voys of Missus Malone eckoing across the rubbl.

“William! William Dean!”

I see her nearby & I siy.

“William!” she carls softly. “The bereaved ar waiting for you.”

And I go to her.

And we pass my house.

And I see my mother throu the crackd kitchen window all alone. She coms to the dore. I tel her that Im fine now.

And I see Jack & Joe who bow as we pass by and ask am I recoverd now.

And yes, I say.

And we go throu the dore of many locks and throu the coridor to the preshus parlor that is about to be engulfed by afterlife.