The Truth Behind his Touch (19 page)

‘And now the boot’s on the other foot,’ Giancarlo said
in a husky undertone. ‘Now I’ve found out what it’s like to be that person who is willing to do whatever it takes to get someone back.’

‘Y
OU’RE
just saying that,’ Caroline whispered tautly. ‘You just can’t bear the thought of someone walking away from you.’

‘I don’t care who walks away from me. I just can’t bear the thought that that person would be
you
.’

Caroline didn’t want to give house room to any hope. One false move and it would begin taking over, like a pernicious weed, suffocating all her common sense and noble intentions. And then where would she be?

‘Look, let’s go down to the beach. It’s private there.’

Caroline thought that that was exactly what she was scared of. Too much privacy with Giancarlo had always proved to be a disaster. On the other hand, what had he meant when he’d said that he would do whatever it took to get her back? Had she misheard?

‘Okay,’ she agreed, dragging that one word out with a pointed show of reluctance, just in case he got it into his head that he might have the upper hand. ‘But I want to get to bed early. In the morning I think it would be best all round for us to leave, return to the lakes, and then I can start thinking about heading back to the U.K.’ Her mind instantly went blank and she felt a sense of vague panic.

‘I’ve already been in Italy far too long!’ she babbled on
brightly. ‘Mum’s started asking when I plan to return. It’s been a brilliant experience over here. I may not be incredibly fluent but I can hold my own now in Italian. I think it’s going to be so much easier to get a really good job.’

‘I’m not all that interested in your prospective CV.’

‘I’m just saying that I have lots of stuff planned for when I return home and, now that Alberto is back on his feet and this silliness between us is over, there’s no reason for me to stay on.’

‘Do you really think that what we had could be termed
silly
?
‘

Caroline fell silent. When on a frustrated sigh Giancarlo began heading towards the lawns, to the side gate that opened onto a series of steps that had been carved into the hillside so that the cove beneath could be accessed, she followed him. It was dark, but the walk down was lit and the steps, in a graceful arch, were broad, shallow and easily manoeuvred thanks to iron railings on either side. She had no idea what the cove was like. The walk was a bit too challenging for Alberto and she had hesitated to go on her own. In Giancarlo’s presence, her fear of open water was miraculously nonexistent. Without him around, she had been dubious at the prospect of the small beach on her own. What if the tide rushed up and took her away?

‘The water is very shallow here,’ Giancarlo said, reading her mind. ‘And very calm.’

‘I wasn’t scared.’

He paused to turn around and look at her. ‘No. Why would you be? I’m here.’

Her heart skipped a beat and she licked her lips nervously. Although it was after nine, it was still warm. In the distance, the sea beyond the protected cove glinted silver and black, constantly changing as the waves rose, fell, crashed against rocks and ebbed away. It was an atmosphere
that was intimate and romantic but all she felt was trepidation and an incredible sadness that her last memories of Giancarlo would probably be of him right here, on his own private beach. Whatever he said about doing whatever it took, she would know what he meant: he didn’t want to lose.

The cove was small and private. Giancarlo slipped off his shoes and he felt the sand under his feet with remembered delight. Then he walked to the water’s edge and looked out to the black, barely visible horizon.

Behind him, Caroline was as still as the night. In fact, he could hardly hear her breathing. What was she talking about, leaving the country, returning to the U.K.? Uncertainty made him unusually hesitant. She had confessed everything to Alberto. For him, that said it all. He turned round to see her perched on a flat slab of rock, her knees drawn up, her arms wrapped around herself. She was staring out to sea but as he walked towards her she looked up at him warily.

‘I don’t want you to leave,’ he said roughly, staring down at her. ‘I came back here because I had to see you. I couldn’t concentrate. Hell, that’s never happened to me before.’

‘I’m sorry.’

He sat next to her on the sand. ‘Is that all you have to say? That you’re sorry? What about the bit where I told you that I don’t want you to leave?’

‘Why don’t you? Want me to leave, that is?’

‘Isn’t it obvious?’

‘No. It’s not.’ Caroline shifted her gaze back to the inky sea. ‘This is all about you being attracted to me,’ she said in a low, even voice. ‘I don’t suppose you expected that to happen when you first came to see your father. In fact, I don’t suppose you expected lots of things to happen.’

‘If by that you mean that I didn’t expect to reconcile with Alberto, then you’re right.’

‘I’m just part of an unexpected chain of events.’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

‘That’s the problem.’ Caroline sighed. ‘You don’t know what I’m talking about.’

‘Then why don’t you enlighten me?’

Caroline wondered how she could phrase her deeply held fear that she had been no more than a novelty. How many times, as they had laughed and made love and laughed again, had he marvelled at the feeling of having taken time out of his ordinary life? Like someone going on holiday for the first time, he had picked her up and enjoyed a holiday romance with her, but had he ever mentioned anything permanent? Had he ever made plans for a future? Now that she had found the strength to walk away from him, he had come dashing back because she hadn’t quite outstayed her welcome. But she would.

‘I feel that my life’s been on hold and now it’s time for me to move on,’ she said in a low voice. ‘I never really meant to stay for this length of time in Italy in the first place, but Alberto and I got along so well together, and then when he fell ill I didn’t want to leave him to on his own.’

‘What does that have to do with us?’ A cold chill was settling in the pit of his stomach. This had all the signs of a Dear John letter and he didn’t like it. He refused to accept it.

‘I don’t want to just hang around here, living with Alberto, waiting for the occasional weekend when you decide to come down to visit until you get sick of me and go back to the sort of life you’ve always led.’

‘What if I don’t want to go back to the life I’ve always led?’

‘What are you saying?’

‘Maybe I’ve realised that the life I’ve always led isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.’

Caroline gave him a smile of genuine amusement. ‘So you’ve decided that you’ll take to the lakes and become a sailing instructor?’

‘You’re so perfect for me. You never take me seriously.’

On the contrary, Caroline thought that she took him
far
too seriously.

‘You swore to me that you weren’t going to say a word to my father.’

How did they get back to this place? Caroline frowned her puzzlement but then she gave an imperceptible shrug. ‘I hadn’t planned to,’ she confessed truthfully. ‘But Alberto was at the front door when I got back. I think if I’d had time to get my thoughts in order—I don’t know … But he opened the door to me and I took one look at him and I just knew that I couldn’t carry on with the deception. He deserved the truth. It doesn’t matter now, anyway.’

‘It matters to me. I came here to try and persuade you that I didn’t want us to break up. We’re good for one another.’

For that, Caroline read ‘we’re good in bed together’. She looked at him sceptically.

‘You don’t believe me.’

‘I believe that you’ve had a good time with me, and maybe you’d like the good time to continue a little bit longer, but it’s crazy to confuse that with something else.’

‘Something else like what?’ he asked swiftly and Caroline was suddenly hot and flustered.

‘Like a reason for not breaking up,’ she muttered. ‘Like a reason for trying to persuade me to stay on in Italy when I’m long overdue for my return trip. Like a reason for persuading me to think that it’s okay to put my life on hold because we’re good in bed together.’

‘And let’s just say that I want you in my life for longer than a few weeks? Or a few months? Or a few years? Let’s just say that I want you in my life for ever?’

Caroline was so shocked that she held her breath and stared at him wide-eyed and unblinking.

‘You’re not the marrying sort. You don’t even like women getting their feet through your front door.’

‘You have an annoying habit of quoting me back to myself.’ But he shot her a rueful grin and raked his fingers through his hair. ‘You also have an annoying habit of making me feel nervous.’

‘I
make
you
feel nervous?’ But her mind was still wrapped up with what he had said about wanting her in his life for ever. She desperately wanted to rewind so that she could dwell on that a bit longer. Well, a lot longer. What had he meant? Had she misheard or was that his way of proposing to her in a roundabout manner? Really proposing? Not just asking her to marry him as a pretence …?

Logically, there was no need for him to continue the farce of trying to pull the wool over Alberto’s eyes. And Giancarlo was all about logic. Which meant.

Her brain failed to compute.

‘I’m nervous now,’ Giancarlo said roughly.

‘Why?’

‘Because there are things I want to say to you. No, things I
need
to say to you. Hell, have I mentioned that that’s another annoying trait you have? You make me say things I never thought I would.’

‘It’s good to be open.’

‘I love your homespun pearls of wisdom.’ He held up one hand as though to prevent her from interrupting, although in truth she couldn’t have interrupted if she had wanted to, not when that little word
love
had been uttered by him, albeit not exactly in the context she would have liked.

‘I never knew how much I had been affected by my past until you came along,’ he said in such a low voice that she had to lean forward in the darkness to follow him.

‘Sure, I remembered my childhood, but it had been coloured by my mother and after a while her bitterness just became my reality. I accepted it. The financial insecurity was all my father’s fault and my job was to know exactly where the blame lay and to make sure that I began rectifying the situation as soon as I was capable of doing that. I never questioned the rights or wrongs of being driven to climb to the top. It felt like my destiny, and anyway I enjoyed it. I was good at it. Making money came naturally to me and if I recognised my mother’s inability to control her expenditures then I ignored it. The fact is, in the process, I forgot what it meant to just take each day at a time and learn to enjoy the little things that had nothing to do with making money.

‘Am I boring you?’ He smiled crookedly at her and Caroline’s heart constricted.

‘You could never do that,’ she breathed huskily, not wanting to disturb the strange, thrilling atmosphere between them.

Giancarlo, who had never suffered a moment’s hesitation in his life before, took comfort from that assertion.

‘Ditto.’ He badly wanted to reach out and touch her. It was an all-consuming craving that he had to fight to keep at bay.

‘But you never got involved with anyone. Never had the urge to settle down?’ It was a question she desperately needed answering. Yes, he might have been driven to make money—it might have been an ambition that had been planted in him from a young age, when he had been too young to question it and then too old to debate its value—
but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t have formed a lasting relationship somewhere along the way.

‘My mother,’ Giancarlo said wryly. ‘Volatile, embittered, seduced by men who made empty promises and then vanished without a backward glance. I don’t suppose she was the ideal role-model. Don’t get me wrong, I accepted her and I loved her, but it never occurred to me that I would want someone like that in my life as a partner. I worked all the hours God made, and in a highly stressed environment the last thing I needed was a woman who was high maintenance and I was quietly certain that all women were. Until I met you.’

‘I’m not sure that I should take that as a compliment.’ But she was beaming. She could barely think straight and her heart was beating like a sledgehammer inside her. Take it as a compliment? She was on a high! She felt as though she had received the greatest compliment of her life! She had felt so inadequate thinking about the exciting, glamorous women he had dated. How could she ever hope to measure up? And yet here he was, reaching deep to find the true essence of her, and filling her with a heady sense of self-confidence that was frankly amazing.

‘You’re fishing.’

‘Okay, you’re right. I am. But can you blame me? I’ve spent weeks trying not to tell you how crazy I am about you.’

Giancarlo grinned and at last reached out and linked his fingers through hers. Warmth spread through him like treacle, heating every part of his body. He rubbed his thumb over hers.

‘You’re crazy about me,’ he murmured with lazy satisfaction and Caroline blushed madly. Liberated from having to hold back what she would otherwise have confessed
because she was so open by nature, she felt as though she was walking on cloud nine.

‘Madly,’ she admitted on a sigh, and when he pulled her towards him she relaxed against his hard body with a sensation of bliss and utter completion. ‘I thought you were the most arrogant person on the face of the earth, to start with, but then I don’t know what happened. You made me laugh and I began to see a side to you that was so wonderfully complex and fascinating.’

‘Complex and fascinating. I like it. Carry on.’

She twisted to look up at him and smiled when he kissed her, his lips tracing hers gently at first, then with hungry urgency. Her breathing quickened and she moaned as he pushed up her top, quickly followed by her bra. He bent his legs slightly, supporting her so that she could lean back in a graceful arch as he began suckling on her nipples, pulling one then the other into his mouth, greedy to taste her.

She understood sufficient Italian now to know that his hoarse utterances were mind-blowingly erotic, although nothing was as erotic as when, temporarily sated, he looked down seriously at her flushed face to say with such fierce tenderness that her heart flipped over, ‘I love you. I don’t know when it started. I just knew when I was in Milan that I couldn’t stand not being close to you. I missed everything about you.