The Tycoon's Resistant Lover (9 page)

James looked down at her pink cheeks for a long moment, then something occurred to him. “Julianna, is there evidence of….”

“Yes!” she snapped at him, then turned around on her heel, heading back into the gallery and up the stairs to her office before he could ask any other questions. Her head was down as if she were walking in a storm and she had to brace herself against the wind and rain. She’d left him standing in the doorway leading from her warehouse to her gallery, a stunned look on his face. That surprise gave her enough time to get away from him, getting space so she could work through this latest issue of the night.

She wanted to slam the door on his bark of laughter but was trying very hard to re-gain her dignity. Slamming her door would only cause him to come up and investigate but she couldn’t face him right at this moment. She was so hurt by his reaction and had to fight back the tears caused by his heartless laughter at her expense. She stood in the middle of her office just taking in deep breaths, trying to calm down and smother the hurt his laughter had caused her.

She would not cry, she told herself and sniffed, blinking rapidly to stop any errant tears that might decide to fall and reveal to that horrible man how much he’d just wounded her. She’d had sex for the very first time and he had laughed! What a rude, disgusting man! How could she have entrusted her first time to him?

Well, there hadn’t been any ‘entrusting’ going on, she reminded herself. If she’d been thinking, she would have locked him out of her gallery and never spoken to him again. But there was just some mind-numbing chemistry between the two of them that shut down her thinking and reasoning processes whenever he came close to her.

So the trick was to make sure he didn’t come close! That’s all. Easily done, she said, trying to give herself a pep talk. She’d agreed both yesterday and today to meet with him, despite her better judgment and both times she’d ended up in his arms. Apparently, that was a very bad place to be, especially when she was vulnerable, such as after her first sexual experience. That laughter was a cold slap in the face and she would do well to remember that the next time he asked for any of her personal time.

“What’s taking you so long?” James asked, standing in her doorway and casually surveying her personal sanctuary. Then he noticed the bright eyes and something twisted in his gut. “What’s wrong, Jules?” he asked softly, moving over towards her and taking her in his arms.

Julianna couldn’t believe how crass he was! He’d laughed at her and then expected her to just fall right back into his arms? “Don’t touch me!” she yelled at him, taking a step back and raising her hands so he couldn’t reach them.

James halted, a shocked expression on his face. “Julianna?”

She shook her head and closed her eyes. “Just leave me alone,” she said with a bit more dignity, but her voice was shaking and her hands curled into fists. She crossed her arms over her chest and took a deep breath. Remembering her manners at the last moment, she added, “Just go. Please.”

James put his hands on his hips and shook his head. “Not until you tell me what happened to the passionate woman of ten minutes ago. Surely you can’t be regretting what we shared already.”

“I do,” she spat out and turned away, curling her arms around her stomach and bowing her head so he couldn’t see her lip tremble, fighting the need to cry out her hurt from his cruel words.

“What the hell is going on, Julianna? What happened between the bottom of the stairs and now? Besides you….” He stopped and thought back to their conversation…and his subsequent reaction. When he remembered his exhilaration and how he showed that feeling, he finally understood. Rubbing his hand over his face, he couldn’t believe what an idiot he’d been.

“Damn!” he said softly. “I’m sorry, Jules,” he said and moved closer, not touching her, but standing close enough to smell her soft perfume and the flowery scent of her hair. “I laughed and you’re hurt. And I’m sorry, but it isn’t what you think.”

Her whole body stiffened because he’d brought up his laughter, and his voice was so gentle and deep. That tone was breaking through her humiliation, just a crack and she was shuddering from the exertion of trying to not throw herself into his arms and pound her fists against his massive chest in punishment. “Just leave me alone,” she said and hated the fact that she sniffed, revealing just how close to tears she actually was.

James sighed heavily, already regretting his outburst since it caused her this much pain. “I didn’t laugh because you were a virgin, Julianna. I laughed because I was delighted that you would share your first time with me. It means something to me, and that means that I mean something to you. I was just happy that you….felt that way about me.” He watched her carefully and knew that he was getting through to her when he saw her shoulders relax slightly. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I guarantee that I’m not letting you go. I’m going to overcome every obstacle, even if I’m one of them, Jules.”

She wouldn’t look up at him although his words went a long way towards soothing her hurt feelings. “Thank you for that.”

His hands wrapped around her slowly, ready to stop if she showed the least resistance. But she didn’t stop him and his arms enclosed her slender, trembling body, hugging her gently to show him how sorry he was about his thoughtlessness. He kissed the top of her head and was relieved when she relaxed a bit more, even leaning against him slightly. “So will you come home with me? I’ll make you the best pasta you’ve ever had and we’ll talk.”

She stiffened and stepped out of his arms. “No. I appreciate the offer.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I really just need…”

“You’re going to tell me that you need to be alone, aren’t you?” he interrupted and his hands moved up and down her arms. “Against my better judgment, I’m going to leave. I think it’s a mistake, and I really think we should talk and work through this. Something is bothering you and I’d like to understand this better, to understand you, but I know that you’re not ready for that.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered and crossed her arms over her chest again, closing him out. “I do need space. This isn’t me. I’m not like this and I don’t do things like this causally.”

He nodded, completely agreeing with her. “I know that, Jules. Which is why I don’t want you to be alone right now. I want to listen to why you think you’ve done something horribly wrong which isn’t the case.”

She opened her mouth to try and answer him, but she couldn’t form the words. “Please,” she finally said softly and blinked to keep the tears from falling.

James saw the tears in her eyes and sighed heavily. “Okay. Let me drive you home,” he said with grim resignation. Every instinct within him was telling him not to leave her alone but he couldn’t fight the tears. Normally he would simply ignore tears. In the past, women had used tears to try and manipulate him into buying them something or not ending their relationship along with pleas and assurances of undying love. They hadn’t felt anything like that towards him, except perhaps an undying love of his bank account.

This was different. Julianna was sincerely upset and he’d done this to her. His gut wrenched at the thought that she regretted what they’d just shared and he wanted to fix it, to make it all better so that she was as elated as he was. But she was confused and angry instead.

“I’ll give you time. Just promise me that we’ll talk. Soon.”

She nodded her head, not willing to promise him anything but wanting to be alone before she broke down completely. She was hanging onto her control by a thread right now and she wanted to curl up on her bed and cry out her wounded soul to an empty, dark room.

He drove her home despite her claims that she had her own car behind the warehouse. At her door, he walked her up the stairs and made sure she was inside before he kissed her gently, softly but with a deep passion hiding just below the surface.

Julianna pulled away from the tender kiss and walked inside, her fingers shaking from reaction, not just from that one kiss but from the whole night. Her actions were finally catching up with her and she wasn’t sure how to respond.

She went upstairs to her room and curled up on her bed, pulling a pillow against her body and letting the tears flow, her mind going over every single point in the night and her shame at how much of a participant she’d been in the whole process. Images of the night flashed through her mind and she castigated herself for being so wanton, so blatantly disrespectful to her relationship with Edward. Not to mention the fact that she’d had sex with a man she’d known for less than a week.

Chapter 5

Julianna sighed as she locked the door to her shop. It was Friday and she was so relieved that the week was finally over. This day in particular had been absolutely horrible. She’d barely slept last night so she looked like a wreck.

James had called several times throughout the day but she’d ignored all of the messages her staff had handed her. She hadn’t picked up any of the calls to her cell phone either. And she’d avoided her e-mail just in case he’d resorted to that method of communication. She felt like a rabbit trapped in her store, afraid to pop her head out for fear that the fox would snatch her up and eat her for dinner.

Glancing at her calendar, she sighed with frustration as she realized that the day was still not over. She had a dinner party tonight but thankfully it was with one of her college friends so it might be a relief, an escape from hiding at home and worrying if James was going to come by. She knew she had to avoid James at all costs because she was very afraid she might just end up in his bed again. She couldn’t allow that to happen.

Tomorrow she had a buying trip which would take her into the countryside through Sunday night, so that was another way for her to escape from James’ too-knowing gaze. Monday she had a committee meeting, Tuesday was some charity function and then by Wednesday, she should have him completely out of her system and she could move on with her life.

She took a deep breath as she locked up for the night, shutting out the gallery lights and slipping her leather purse over her shoulder. Walking out to her car, she started to feel stronger, more sure of herself now that she had a plan to avoid James for at least the next five days. He was handsome and attractive, strong and confident and he’d managed to squeak under her defenses despite what she knew was best for herself.

She glanced down at her cell phone, feeling guilty for not returning any of his phone calls today. It was the coward’s way of handling the situation and she knew better. But with James, he was just too persuasive and besides, when he was around, she couldn’t think properly. His closeness muddled her mind, made her think that he wasn’t as bad as she knew he was when he was away from her.

Yes, she knew intellectually that her argument made no sense at all. But she wasn’t dealing with her intellect right now. She had to figure out her emotions and then she could handle being rational. She should just talk to him. Her hand rested on the door handle to her car, hesitating as she considered just calling him up and asking him if they could talk. She actually enjoyed talking to him, but she didn’t think he would respect her need to stay away from him at least sexually. When James was close, he was a force of blatant sexuality. She was only human and she didn’t want to be tempted by him again. An evening with James wouldn’t stay just a conversation.

And did she really want that? Or did she want him to take her into his arms and tell her that everything was wonderful, then show her how wonderful everything could be between them.

Her head fell against the top of her car. She was so confused. The man terrified her in ways that just didn’t make any sense. Was she that weak? That pathetically confused and unable to have an intelligent conversation with a man?

James was different, she knew that. His powers of persuasion were….okay, they were probably more powerful to her because of that chemistry thing going on between them.

But he scared her. The power he had over her….yes, that’s what scared her the most.

She had to admit that it had nothing to do with him being unconventional or not following any rules. It might have been like that at first, but as she’d gotten to know him over the past week, she’d learned that he wasn’t really like that. Sure, he bumped up against the rules, but he didn’t break them. He challenged assumptions, but he never rammed his opinions or ideas down anyone’s throat.

She was being unfair to him.

But he scared her. No, he actually terrified her. The way she felt when he touched her, or even when he was just in the same room with her, made her….there was no other word for it. She was a coward.

She jumped when her cell phone rang again. She glanced down at the screen and saw his name and already her hand was shaking just at the thought of answering his call.

Her thumb rested on the ‘answer’ button for two whole rings, her mind telling her to ignore the call while her heart tried to convince her to answer it, to explain to him how she felt, that his power over her was frightening and she didn’t want anyone to have that kind of control. Her parents had controlled her for the first two decades of her life, mandating how she ate, sat, spoke, dressed, studied…

James was different though. The voice kept telling her to talk to him. But in the end, she waited too long and the call went to voicemail.

Taking a deep breath, she tossed her cell phone into her purse, climbed into her car and started the engine. She would not think about him tonight. She would relax, laugh with her friends, get a good night’s sleep and then go out of town this weekend. She could cancel her committee meeting on Monday and call him then. The weekend would give her a good chance to relax and think about how she could explain her feelings and fears to him.

With a nod, she drove over to her friend’s house, relieved once again that it was Friday night and she would be in a place where she wouldn’t run into James.

The party was in full swing when she arrived and Gloria, her school friend, rushed over as soon as Julianna walked in to give her a huge hug. “I’m so glad you’re here!” she gushed.

Julianna laughed, feeling better now that she was with her old friends. Two of her other roommates came up to her as well, all of them had a glass of wine in their hands and Debra handed one to her. “To old times,” the four of them said, raising their glasses into the air. Everyone took a long sip of the excellent wine, then Gloria turned to Julianna with a huge grin on her face. “I can’t wait for you to meet my fiancé,” she said and all four women walked into the large, spacious room to find several other couples already forming small groups with various drinks in their hands.

Gloria introduced her to a very nice man named Mark who was an investment banker. As soon as her friend walked up, Mark put his arm around Gloria’s waist and smiled at Julianna. “It’s very nice to meet you,” he said and extended his hand. “Gloria talks about you a great deal. But where’s your fiancé? I thought he might be coming as well.”

Julianna looked to Gloria for clarification, but at her friend’s hopeful, expectant expression, Julianna figured out what Gloria was hoping to hear. She almost laughed at her friend’s assumption, considering everything that had happened over the past week. “I think you’re referring to Edward Livingston, but we are only dating casually,” she explained quickly, not wanting anyone to get the wrong impression. “We aren’t engaged.”

“Not at all,” a deep voice said from behind her. “The woman is completely free of entanglements,” James said, his icy blue eyes watching her and Julianna immediately saw the fury in those eyes. She knew she was in trouble for avoiding his calls all day and her heart sank with trepidation.

“James, what are you doing here?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Gloria looked from Julianna and James, confused but her eyes bright with excitement and interest. “Julianna, how do you know James Cavanaugh?”

Julianna pulled her eyes away from James to face her friend. “I met him at Jessica Mallory’s house a few nights ago. James and I have done some business together.”

“Ah,” Gloria said. “Uh oh, there’s the doorbell again.” Turning to the larger man, she said, “James can you make sure Juilanna gets something to eat while I find out who else has stopped by?” She left without waiting for James to reply, moving quickly towards her front door to greet the next arrivals.

James didn’t move forward, just stared at the woman who had avoided him like the plague all day long. “So what message should I take from the fact that I’ve left three messages at your office and about five on your cell phone without a single return call from you?” he asked angrily.

Julianna knew that he was furious and she had no idea how to ease his anger. She’d been wrong and a coward and now she had to pay the consequences of her rudeness. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, lowering her eyes while her shoulders sagged in defeat.

James wasn’t sure if he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her so that she knew that this wasn’t over between the two of them, or if he should just step back and let her have her space. He’d given her space last night, time to work through whatever issues she was having with their relationship, but he’d called so many times, just wanting to check in with her today, and she’d ignored him completely. Now here she was, looking pale and beautiful, with dark circles under her eyes….

He stopped and all the anger drained out of him as he realized that she was still upset. “You didn’t sleep well last night,” he said and bent low so he could examine her features more carefully. He reached up and touched those dark circles marring her beautiful skin and almost groaned as the pain slashed through him. “What’s wrong, Jules? Talk to me,” he demanded.

He was going to pull her into his arms, but she bowed her head and sniffed. “You scare me so much, James,” she finally said. “I don’t know how to handle you and everything about you is so different from what I’m used to.” She waited a long moment, working through in her mind what she wanted to say. “And when you’re near, I….” she didn’t want to admit it, afraid that he would use this, but she wanted to be honest with him. He deserved that from her. “When you are near me, I lose control and I don’t like it.”

He didn’t hesitate this time. He took her into his arms and held her gently, resting his chin gently against the top of her head. “That’s a good thing, Jules. We’re perfect for each other.”

She allowed the comfort for a small moment, then pulled back, looking around to see if anyone else had witnessed their embrace. “We’re too different and I don’t like losing control. We won’t work, James.”

He laughed softly. “We worked pretty well last night.”

She gasped at the memory that had never been very far from her mind. Her eyes looked up at him and she couldn’t breathe for a long moment. “Don’t,” she whispered, seeing the desire pooling in his eyes.

He smiled grimly. “I can’t seem to stop it when you’re around,” he admitted grimly. His hand slid up her tiny waist, stopping just below her breasts and she reached up, intending initially to stop his hand but as soon as she touched him, her hand lost its strength, unable to push him away.

She looked up at him again, her heart racing and her breathing ragged as the pull that he always had on her started to suck her into his vortex. The rest of the world faded away and, in her mind, they were no longer at her friend’s party and the noise behind her faded out of her consciousness. All she saw, heard and smelled was James and the excitement only he could make her feel. “We can’t.”

He chuckled softly as his other hand reached up and touched her ear, sending fire racing along her ear, down her neck and spiraling out to all parts of her body. “We will.”

She took a deep breath, her body actually swaying towards his again. But one of her friends called out her name and she stopped, turned her head and jumped back from James, realizing they were too close for casual friends.

She forced a smile to her face and walked away towards Debra, her forgotten glass of wine still in her hand and she took a long sip of it, trying to cool herself down after being so close to James.

Debra pulled her into a conversation with a couple of her friends about some of their old college acquaintances but Julianna found herself glancing up, looking for James just to make sure he was still there. She didn’t want him to leave for some reason. The party had become more exciting just with his presence here.

He caught her looking his way too. Every time she looked for him, it was like he could tell that she was checking for him and he glanced up from his group of friends and their eyes met across the room. The first few times he’d caught her, she looked away quickly. But as the evening wore on, she accepted that she just wanted to be with him. It wasn’t the alcohol either since she didn’t even finish her first glass of wine before switching to seltzer water.

For the next two hours, Julianna tried to stay on the opposite side of the room from James as the other guests milled about, talking and joking. Somehow though, she kept finding herself right next to him, leaning against his muscular frame at times, other times she would find her hand in his, their fingers entwined. She thought about pulling away, not wanting others to know how she felt about James. But when his thumb ran over her knuckles so softly, instead of releasing his hand, she shivered with awareness and smiled up at him. James was not a man to be dismissed or ignored.

By the time dinner was over, Julianna could barely stand the tension any longer. She wanted to grab him by the hand and drag him out of the house. But she contained herself, at least long enough to approach Gloria to let her know that she was leaving and to thank her for the evening. “It was really wonderful and I’m so sorry I’m leaving early.”

Gloria looked at her with concern. “Is everything okay? We haven’t even had a chance to catch up yet. And Mark made dessert. He’s a great chef so you don’t want to miss anything!”

“Everything is fine, no problems,” Julianna assured her. “I just didn’t get much sleep last night so I’m pretty tired.” She turned to Mark who walked up to Gloria right at that moment and put his arm around her waist. “I’m sorry I’m going to miss your dessert. I’ll definitely catch it the next time okay?”

Her friend smiled and waved away the explanation. “Go get a good night’s sleep and call me soon. We need to have lunch and catch up. I know things are pretty crazy, but we need to talk.”

Julianna gave Gloria and her other friends a goodbye hug, then hurried out the door so she wouldn’t have to make more excuses or repeat her exhaustion line again. She wasn’t surprised when James came out the door a moment later. She’d been waiting by her car, hoping he would do the same thing and follow her out of the party. She hadn’t said anything, didn’t need to. But he’d gotten the message.