The Unexpected Choice (18 page)

 

 

The night before the custody hearing, Joey couldn't sleep. Stacey breathed heavily next to him. She wasn't having the trouble he was. He hadn't heard a peep out of Rachel, either, but her nights of waking every
few
hours were long past.

The vacation they'd taken together was certainly needed, but the second they'd arrived home, it was like there was a giant elephant in the room again. He wished he knew how to make Stacey trust him again, or at least talk things out with her. But she remained steadfast there was nothing for them to talk about. She forgave him.

But it wasn't. She still needed something from him, but he didn't have a clue what it could be. He'd already told her he would never leave her, and short of chaining himself to the house, he didn't know what else to do to make her understand his heart was with her.

He'd admitted he wanted children with her. It was a fact. To see her round with his baby inside her, all glowing and happy… Joey sighed at the thought. He loved being a father and loved Stacey being his children's mother.

He'd confessed his love over and over again. He didn't have a whole lot to compare his feelings to, mainly because he'd never felt this way. Stacey was his friend, his lover, the mother of his child. They'd been intimate long before he knew what he felt for her was love, but he'd also loved her faith in God and how she prayed at night. He loved how she looked at him like he hung the moon. And he loved the person she brought out in him. A man who wanted to shuck off the old and welcome the new life he was foraging for them.

He didn't think his love for her could go any deeper, but still she wasn't one hundred percent happy. He saw it in the expectant, hopeful gaze as he told her how much he loved her every day. But he always fell short if her looks of disappointment at the end of the day were indicators.

Maybe he was destined to be punished for his actions thus far. But he found it hard to believe anyone, let alone God, could punish Stacey for
his
actions. No, he would figure it out. He would make her completely happy and wouldn't stop until those expectations were met. Whatever they were.

Then there was the matter of his daughter. He hadn't prayed in a long time, but it was time to get on his knees and pray the judge would deem him the appropriate parent. Even if he did, he knew Cameron could try for custody again down the road, but to know he had more time to show his baby girl how much he loved her and cared for her, he'd be able to at least relax some.

So Joey did what he hadn't done in a long time. He prayed. He asked God to forgive him for all of his sins, to forgive him for hurting Stacey, to forgive him for giving Rachel a poor start to life. Joey sank to his knees, asking God for the judge to see he was a good father, trying to make the best of a bad situation and do right by his flesh and blood. And he prayed God would look into his heart and know Rachel was his joy, a true blessing no matter the circumstances with which she came to him.

When he was done, he felt immensely better. Stacey had certainly taught him to rely on God during the tough times, but she'd also shown him to stand up for what he believed. And tomorrow, in the courtroom, he'd fight tooth and nail for his little girl. The judge wouldn't know what hit him.

****

Stacey watched Cameron walk into the courtroom. Funny how different she looked when she wasn't in prison orange. Instead, she wore a black pencil skirt and a silk blouse. Very professional. Her hair was
styled
and glasses were perched on her nose. She looked ready to play the part of doting mother.

Stacey adjusted a sleeping Rachel in her arms and glanced at Joey. He was staring straight ahead, a sheen of sweat visible on his brow.

“No matter what, Joey, we'll be fine. And so will Rachel.”

“We both know that's a lie.”

His abrupt demeanor brought her up short. Perhaps it was better to keep quiet until the verdict was read.

A little while later, Joey went to sit with their lawyer and the judge entered to begin the proceedings. The defense presented their argument to the judge. Cameron had been drug-free during her prison sentence
after the guard supplying the drugs had been fired,
and
she'd
remained
drugfree
since her exit from jail. Cameron had been a model prisoner — whatever that was — and had proven she could be trusted
… when someone wasn't enabling her
.

Then came the hard part. They began attacking Joey's character. It was all she could do not to stand up and shake her finger at Cameron.

“Mr. McCrary spent many evenings at the State Prison with the defendant here, at her request. He never once told his wife and left her to take care of the infant Ms. Matheson bore. Until the day of her release from prison, Ms. Matheson hadn't seen her daughter, or even held her since the day she was born. Eight months is a long time for a mother not to be with her child. I ask for Your Honor to consider these facts and grant Ms. Matheson sole custody of her daughter.”

It was all Stacey could do not to cry as she sat there holding Rachel. Her sweet, chubby body was so relaxed, so trusting that tears threatened to burst from her eyes.
She
was Rachel's mother. Not Cameron.

“At this time, I'll give Mr. McCrary a chance to voice his objections to Ms. Matheson's custody request,” the judge said with a nod toward Joey. Slowly, Joey stood and straightened his dress coat, buttoning it as he
slowly
walked to the podium. She knew him well enough to know he was taking his time to gather his emotions and his thoughts.

With a deep breath, he began. “I'd like to stand here and say that Cameron would be a horrible mother. Or maybe even say she has no right to be a mother. But the truth is, I can't tell you anything because I don't know her. I don't know Cameron Matheson at all.

“Cameron Matheson asked me a few months ago to come to the prison to visit her so we could talk about custody for my daughter. I was happy to oblige and hoped we could work something out for supervised visitation. Even so, I hesitated. What if she used drugs again and Rachel was with her? What if she couldn't say no and drove with my helpless baby in the car with her?

Joey shook his head and frowned down at his paperwork.

What was he thinking? Stacey wondered. She held her breath.

****

“It all comes down to choice,” Joey finally said to the judge. In that moment, everything had come together
for him
like one of the last pieces of a puzzle
slipping
perfectly into place.

“We all have a choice to make. I'll be the first to admit I've made some bad choices in my life, but I've also made some really good ones.” Joey glanced back at his wife with his sleeping baby in her arms and smiled. His relationship with Stacey had begun with a choice, too. To do right by his daughter or let her go into foster care.

“I wasn't ready to be a father, but I wanted what was best for Rachel. I chose to give up late nights and
carefree living
. I chose to be
a
father. And I'm good at it.

“I chose to marry a woman who is not only my best friend, but a wife I
never
have to worry about misleading me in any way. And she has taken care of my daughter as if she'd given her life from her own body. She's the only mother Rachel knows because of Cameron's
bad choices
.

“I'm not saying Cameron can't change. I'm not saying she'll be a user forever, but I'm asking for the opportunity to make sure she doesn't slip into those bad habits again. I ask for supervised visitation until our next hearing and periodic drug tests.” He turned to Cameron and heaved a sigh.

“I'm asking you to make a choice, Cameron. I'm asking you to love her more than you love yourself. To put aside any hatred between us so we can do what's right by her. This has nothing to do with you and me, and everything to do with what's best. That's all I want.”

With a solemn nod to Cameron and then the judge, Joey took a seat. It was a waiting game now. Joey was happy with what he'd said, and it was all in the hands of the judge now. Not just the judge's hands, but God's.

A ten-minute recess was called, and Joey sprang out of his chair and rushed to Stacey. She took his hand in hers and smiled wanly. “Your speech was perfect.”

He looked at her. Another piece of the puzzle took shape. “When we're done here, we need to talk.”

Stacey's eyes went round. She took a deep breath.

“I think you'll be happy with what I have to say.”

“One thing at a time, Joey.”

He bent to kiss her.

“Joe?” he heard behind him. Cameron.

Joey turned and met Cameron's sorrowful gaze. “I've had some time to think.”

Joey stood there, not sure what to do.

“And what you said… it's true. I've made some really bad choices, like blackmailing you to come see me at the prison. I'm really sorry for that, and I'm sorry, Stacey, for any trouble it caused the two of you. He never waivered in how much he loved you.” She took a deep breath and smiled bravely. “But I like to think I can still do what's right by her though. So I'm gonna make a choice.” Cameron's face screwed up and tears fell down her cheeks. “I'm gonna choose to take myself out of the equation. Stacey, you're all she's ever known as a mother, and she loves you. She sees you as her mother. I'll never forgive myself for not making the choices I should have made long before she was ever conceived. I'm choosing to give her to you, Joe. Maybe when she's older and can protect herself a little more, we can talk again, but right now, I can't interfere.”

Joey swallowed down the lump at seeing Cameron this way. She was suddenly the woman he'd known
when he'd first fallen in love with her
. “You're making the right choice. And I'm more than happy to talk about things later on.”

When Cameron didn't leave, Joey felt the need to do more than just stare. “Come here,” he whispered, and gathered her into his arms. She went willingly, crying the whole way. “She'll be just fine. And happy as a clam,” he reassured her.

“Without me. That's what hurts so much,” she mumbled into his jacket.

Joey risked a glance back at Stacey and saw Stacey was holding Cameron's hand and squeezing it. Just as Joey let her go, he realized Rachel was awake.

Cameron lifted hopeful eyes to him. “Can I hold her? Say goodbye?”

He nodded solemnly. What else could he do? The woman was willingly giving up the fight.

Slowly, Stacey placed Rachel in Cameron's arms. Her tears returned full force. “Oh, baby,” she cried. “You're so beautiful. The absolute best part of your daddy and me. I'll never forget you, and I'll never stop trying to be a better person so we can have a relationship when the time comes. For now, you grow up happy and healthy and know you've got two mommies who love you more than life itself.”

Joey cleared his throat to rid himself of the lump forming in his throat. Stacey's eyes were bright with unshed tears. The scene was touching, knowing Stacey's heart ached for the woman despite everything.

Cameron gave Rachel back to Stacey. “Go back to Mama,” she
sobbed
. “I love you.”

Without another word, she turned and walked back to the table with her lawyer, entering into a deep discussion. Joey could tell the lawyer didn't like Cameron's backpedaling, but after a solemn nod, the lawyer stood and exited the courtroom toward the judge's chambers.

Joey looped his arm around Stacey. He couldn't say anything. He couldn't even think because of all the turmoil inside him. Cameron had surprised him, that was for sure.

“What do we do now?” Stacey asked as she bounced Rachel.

“We pray. For us and for Cameron.”

 

 

After a celebratory dinner, Stacey and Joey walked in their home together, a sense of peace stealing over them. Stacey put Rachel to bed, taking extra care to enjoy the evening's outcome, knowing for at least a little while longer, Rachel was still hers. Her thoughts were also with Cameron, who had made such a selfless decision and was no doubt in a huge amount of pain tonight without the possibility of her daughter being in her arms soon. Despite Stacey's worries about Rachel's safety, Cameron had proven she had it in her to be a good mother. She hoped one day Cameron could be a part of Rachel's life.

Which brought her mind to rest on another subject. When Rachel was older, would she feel rejected by Cameron? She saw it all the time on the television and read about it in books. Adopted children often felt abandoned, but what about kids who have two loving parents and one just didn't happen to be biological? Would Rachel ever resent Stacey as her mother or wish Cameron was the one in her life rather than her?

No doubt, it would happen. Probably during the ornery teenage years when Rachel was exploring who she was and what her life meant to her. But she resolved to herself as Rachel shoved her thumb in her mouth that she would be the best mother, no matter how angry Rachel might be one day over her circumstances. Stacey would do the right thing and love her enough to get them through the tough times.

Quietly slipping out of the room, Stacey made her way back to the living room where Joey sat on the couch, staring at his hands.

“She's sound asleep,” Stacey said, sitting next to him and taking his hand in hers.

“I keep wondering how Cameron is feeling tonight. She's gotta be having a hard time.”

“Whatever she's doing, I'm sure she feels like she did the right thing. She was brave, and she'll realize it soon enough.”

Joey looked at her, the sorrow clear in his eyes. “I just wish she would have made better choices so things were different.”

Stacey studied their hands together, watching Joey's thumb trace lazy circles against her skin. “I can't say I regret anything she did. Maybe I do for Rachel's sake, but if she had been the model mom, I wouldn't be where I am right now.”

Silence filled the room. Finally Joey shuffled on the couch until he faced her. “My speech in the courtroom… it's what you've been trying to tell me all along. Everything is about choices.”

Hope soared within Stacey. Did he finally understand?

“I was reading my Bible the other day and came across some verses that kind of summed it all up for me. It was my light bulb moment.”

“What verses?”

Joey moved and grabbed her Bible off the table in front of them and turned directly to a bookmarked page. He cleared his throat. “Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not boast. Love is not proud or rude. Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs others do. Love rejoices in truth, not evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails.”

Tears were in Stacey's eyes. It wasn't until he looked at her that she saw the brightness in his eyes.

He cleared his throat again. “There's nothing in there that says love is a feeling.”

“No, there's not.” Still she waited before launching into a speech. She wanted to see if his conclusion was the same as hers.

“When we first got married, I kept thinking the way I felt about you was so different than what I felt for Cameron. At first maybe I thought I could never get past our friendship. Then I thought I didn't love Cameron because I never knew her like I know you.” He linked their hands together, bringing her knuckles up to kiss them one at a time.

“I know you love me, Joey,” she whispered.

“No you don't. You've lived in doubt for months now. I can say it until I'm blue in the face, but the doubt will always be there until you realize I understand what love is now.”

“What is it? Tell me.”

With a grin, he said, “Keeping with the theme of the day, love is a choice. You chose to risk never having true love for the possibility of it. You loved me more than yourself. You loved our daughter more than yourself. You've stayed humble about it, too. When I needed space to think about my relationship with Cameron, you gave it to me. And when I messed up and hurt you, you forgave me. You've never once turned your back on me. You've never failed me. You love me in the truest sense of the word.”

“I do love you, Joey,” she said as a tear slipped down her cheek.

“Well, today I've made a choice. I'm going to love you, too. In every way I'm supposed to. Those feelings I thought I would never have suddenly appeared the second I realized it wasn't intended to be a feeling. Feelings are great, don't get me wrong, but I was waiting for something superficial. Something that fades with time for everyone. It's what you were trying to tell me. That one day, we won't tremble every time we touch. One day, one of us, God forbid, could be in a nursing home or a coma, or whatever… and nothing would change. Our love for each other would still be a choice, every day. And even though I enjoy seeing you naked and get a warm fuzzy every time you're holding Rachel, the love I have for you stems from something much deeper, something I can't even put words to.”

“I know how you feel, Joey.” Her heart pounded in her chest and tears had free reign on her cheeks. Tenderly, he wiped them away.

“You do. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving Rachel. And thank you for being my wife. I'm luckiest man on earth,” he whispered, kissing the last of her tears away.

“I think so, too,” Stacey said with a sniff and then giggled.

He laughed. Then his face turned serious and he leaned in, kissing her deeply. Telling her without words how much she meant. He cherished her in his kiss, worshiped her. When he pulled away slightly, he smiled.

“You know, I do enjoy feeling occasionally, too. And boy do you make me feel…”

At a loss for words, she kissed him again, making it clear she wanted more. But she pushed him away, studying his face, reveling in the moment.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, worry etched on his brow.

“I'm thinking little mousy Stacey Ingram McCrary just landed the hot next door neighbor for life.”

Joey threw his head back and let out a bark of laughter. “I'd say you're right. And I hope you choose to let me stay and love you the rest of my life.”

“We'll see what we can work out.”

In a show of flexing muscle and strength, Joey scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom, where they spent the whole night in each other arms.