The Unexpected Series (Unexpected #1-3) (87 page)

I
’m happy.

That’s all I can say about how my life has gone the past six weeks. Though Ryder and I haven’t slept together again since the “second first time”, we still continue to get to know one another all over again.

We’ve caught up on pretty much everything that we’ve missed out on the past seven years. We haven’t spoken any more about what separated us in the first place, but we’ve talked about the miscarriage a little bit. He feels terrible for not being there for me but if I wouldn’t have run away then maybe he would have. I feel guilty at times for that. He’s also told me stories about Emie and her devious ways and her quest to get in his pants. Before last month, I wouldn’t have believed him but hearing her with my own ears at the vicious things she told him I don’t put it past her.

Besides all the drama, Ryder and I are going strong. He says Braden is not bothering him at work too much, and I’ve been busy planning another wedding. After the Christmas party, Noelle has given me more responsibility, and I’m actually starting to come into my own with my job.

Sure, I’d love to work in a job where I can paint all day but right now I’m content with where I am. My work life is going well and my personal life is too. Ryder and I are dating but have yet to have the “are we exclusive” conversation. I’m not seeing anyone and I’m sure he isn’t but I know that talk has to come soon. I just feel as though we are taking things slow and finding ourselves again.

It’s Saturday, a week before Valentine’s Day and I’m standing outside of my apartment, on the curb, waiting for Ryder to pick me up. He comes into the parking lot and I can’t help but skip to his car. He jumps out, running over to my side and opens the door, before pulling me in for a deep kiss. My toes curl and all I want to do is take him back upstairs.

The “no sex” thing isn’t something one of us just decided on. We just have been trying to focus on ourselves and not the physical part of us.

I sit down in the passenger seat, adjusting my light coat for the unseasonal warmer weather, and I pull my seatbelt on.

When he gets in, he pats my knee and pulls out onto the street.

“Did you have a good morning?” I ask pulling the sun visor mirror down and applying some chapstick.

His fingers glide along my cheek. “It’s much better now.”

He drives towards the city and I look around confused. “I thought we were going to indoor skydiving?”

Ryder and I have been regulars there. We go every weekend and I’m starting to become a pro at it. I managed my first flip in the air last weekend. He keeps mentioning that he wants to take me skydiving from the actual sky in the spring and is using this to ease my mind a bit. I want to be tough and say “let’s do it” but just thinking about it makes me sick.

His fingers reach over and lace with mine. “Not today, Spark. I have a surprise.”

I don’t ask any more questions knowing that he won’t answer them anyways and enjoy the calm ride to downtown Chicago with our hands intertwined.

When he turns down a one way street I take in the environment. The buildings are close together and rise up ten stories, which isn’t much for the skyline.

His car pulls to an open space on the curb and my confusion deepens. He steps out, walking around the car to my side and opens the door, helping me out.

I lean my head back looking up as far as I can and am jolted when he tugs on my hand.

“Where are we?” I question once we step inside a building.

He turns around to face me just short of the first set of steps and lifts his fingers to secure my face–the deep ocean color of his eyes burn deep into mine. “I love you, Hadley. I never stopped, and I hope one day to hear those words said back to me when you’re ready. But right now, I want to show you how much I know you. How happy I can make you and what life would be like with me.”

“Ryder...”

“No.” He stops me. “Listen. I want to show you what it’s like to be free and how you can do that with me beside you.”

Without another word, he drops his hands and grabs a hold of me taking the steps up ten flights. His words sink in. That was the second time I’ve heard him say he loves me in as many months. My feelings for him have hit me like a freight train the past couple of weeks. I love him but I’m scared. Scared to fully let him back in even though everything I ever thought I knew about us was wrong. It’s hard to unguard your heart so quickly after finding out it didn’t need to be in the first place. I watch as he takes step after step and smile. I think I could love us again.

By the time we get there I’m almost out of breath.

The door swings open and I’m met with the February sunshine on top of the building’s roof. He motions for me to walk through the doorway first and I take steps onto the concrete. It’s empty but the view is stunning. In the distance, I can see the Chicago skyline towering over the rest of the city. Lake Michigan behind it a crystal blue. It’s an amazing view.

“This is beautiful,” I tell him.

His arms wrap around me from behind and he whispers in my ear, “Not as beautiful as you.”

I bring my hands up and lay them over his. “I love my surprise.”

He turns my body slowly one hundred eighty degrees to a bare brick wall. “No,” he says kissing my ear. “This is your surprise.”

I turn in his arms looking at him face to face. “I don’t understand.”

Nodding towards the wall he smiles wide. “A sea of blue in the middle of the concrete jungle.”

I gasp turning back to the wall. No. Not a wall. A canvas. “I get to paint this?”

His lips find the crease between my neck and shoulder. “Yes. It’s all yours for one year. Paint whatever you want but I think an ocean would be beautiful.”

A sea of blue in the middle of the concrete jungle
I think to myself and remember the night I told him I wanted to do this.

“Your skin is soft,” Ryder says caressing my arm as we lay on top of BG Hill, the high school make out spot. We’ve found a secluded place along the golf course.

On a clear night we can see the city lights all the way from here.

“I did shower today,” I joke, turning in his arms to face him. “The city is beautiful.”

His lips find mine. “Not as beautiful as you.”

I laugh, shoving at his chest. “You always say that.”

He falls flat on his back taking me with him so I end up straddling his hips.

“You know what I want to do someday?” I ask knowing that he doesn’t know the answer.

My hair is pushed back behind my ears with the gentlest of touches. “Hmm.”

I look out back over to the city. “I’d love to paint the ocean on the side of a building.”

When he doesn’t say anything I glance back at him. He’s looking at me lovingly. “Why’s that?” he finally says.

“All of those buildings and concrete. I’d love to paint a sea of blue in the middle of a concrete jungle.” I still, waiting for his response.

I know he tries to understand my passion for art and has been doing well in class over the past two weeks but for some reason it makes me nervous to tell him that.

“I think it would be amazing,” he comments looking sincere.

I smile. “Really?”

“Of course. Anything you do is amazing.”

My heart is beating rapidly underneath the hand that’s on my chest. “You did this for me?”

He pulls me into him. “I’d do anything for you if it makes you happy.”

“Ryder,” I start but pause momentarily, my emotions taking over. My heart is filled right now–beating only for him. He did this for me because he knows me. Ryder knew it would make me happy. So, I tell him how I honestly feel. “I think I’m falling in love with you again.”

Our foreheads touch and his eyes drift lower. His words coming out a whisper, “I don’t want you to think it, Hadley. I want you to know it. I want you to tell me when you do.”

I’m desperate to tell him that’s how I feel but I have to be sure that when I do I’m positive. There is no room for getting hurt again. So I do the only thing I can to show how I feel. I tell him what I’m sure of. “I know that I want you,” I say right before claiming his lips.

He doesn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss, and I know that there is no mistaking what I want. Sliding my hands over his jacket, he allows me to push it all the way down off his shoulders. His hands find my hips, and he doesn’t hesitate to unbutton my jeans. I don’t care that we’re outside. I don’t care that it’s only forty degrees. All I care about is having him inside me. I need to feel that physical connection.

He pushes me up against the wall, my wall, and drops down to his knees to slide my zipper down and my pants follow. I step out of them and reach for his jeans doing the same but taking his boxers down with them. His rough hands grip me underneath my thighs, and he lifts me up, pinning me against the harsh brick, my legs instantly wrapping around his waist. A finger delves into my panties from underneath and he pushes them aside easily slipping inside me.

I’m filled to the brim with Ryder at this moment, and I feel as though all is right in the world. My skin vibrates with each slow thrust into me.

“How’d we go a month without doing this again?” He growls quietly in my ear pushing harder inside me.

I moan. “I don’t know.”

His lips crash to mine and his tongue lashes me with heat and desire. His slow movements have turned erratic like he can’t get enough of me. I know I can’t get enough of him. I hold onto his shoulders with all my strength as he pounds into me, my ass scraping against the rough surface.

The sound of a door opening and closing startles me and Ryder slows his pace but doesn’t stop. “They can’t see us, Spark, and if they could I wouldn’t fucking stop.”

My head falls back, hitting the wall behind me, and I allow him to continue giving me the pleasure my body craves from him. I wouldn’t care if they saw us either. I feel the buildup start at my toes and allow myself to relax and let it wash all over me.

“I can feel you tightening, Had. Are you going to come?” He pulls away and I look as he stares deep into my eyes–my soul.

I bite my lip to keep from screaming out and nod. Leaning in, his teeth clamp down on my bottom lip and pull so that it frees it from my grasp. “I want to hear you, Hadley. Don’t hold back.”

His words fuel me and I whimper. His pounding is relentless now and all I can feel is the start of an intense orgasm. I constrict around his hard as steel dick and a wave of ecstasy rolls over me. I lose control, digging my fingernails into his t-shirt clad back, positive I’m drawing blood.

“Fuck,” he yells as he gets harder inside me and stills allowing himself to come.

His head falls to my shoulders, our breathing rapidly calming. I finally lift my head to glance around the rooftop finding that no one is around.

Maybe we scared them off.

Ever so slowly he pulls out of me and lowers me to the ground. “How did that feel, Spark?”

The sun shines brightly on my face. “Free,” I tell him, smiling.

He smiles back. “That’s how I always want to make you feel.”

When we are finally decent we turn around to face my wall again. “Hadley, I have to tell you something.”

Dread consumes me. After the blissful moment we just had I feel like he is about to shatter my world. I face him, bracing myself for a blow. “I don’t like those words.”

He pulls his hands down over his face and when they drop to his side he says, “I didn’t use a condom.”

I just stare at him as he waits for my response.

When I don’t answer he continues. “I lost myself and I’m sorry.”

I step up to him, grabbing him behind his neck and pull his mouth to mine. “It’s okay. I’m on the pill.”

His words blow over my lips. “It was irresponsible regardless. I should have been more careful.”

This is a side of Ryder I have never seen before. The side that isn’t confident and cocky.

“It’s fine.” I promise, kissing him. “I take it daily at the same time. It’s ninety nine percent effective.”

He sighs. “What about the other one percent?”

“Well,” I step back from him, grabbing onto both of his hands, “let’s not worry about it unless we have to.”

I start to walk to the door but he pulls back on me. When I turn I find his expression serious yet sad. “I may be naïve to how it all works but I do know that I don’t want you to go through what you did back in high school without us being on solid ground. I know we still have a lot of work to do.”

I think about it for a moment as he pulls me in for a hug. His words are caring. He wants us to be strong before we have to deal with such a major situation like that. “I understand,” I tell him. “Relationships aren’t easy and we don’t need anything big happening to put us under stress.”

I can feel his head shake above me. “That’s not it, Hadley. I wouldn’t mind if you got pregnant but I would hate if we had to go through something like that again. I don’t ever want to see you hurt. Never again.”

At this moment I realize that I know. He wants nothing more in this world than to make me happy. It’s always been that way. If I were to erase the day under the bleachers and think about how he treated me I would have seen it before. Ryder lives to make me happy and he doesn’t want me hurt. I feel the same for him. I know now that I love him.