The Unloved (10 page)

“You could say that,” she whispered, moving to sit beside me on the rusted metal floor.

“Me, too,” I said, gesturing to my face, which I knew probably looked even worse than it felt.

“Your dad came back,” she said. It wasn’t a question, but more of a statement.

I nodded and a slight smirk came to my lips. “Yep, but I got in a few swings this time. Mom finally pressed charges and filed for a fucking restraining order, too.”

“He hit your mom, too?” she asked.

I clinched my fists in my lap at the memory of her lying on the floor with blood dribbling from her nose and redness splotched across her cheek when I’d walked in the door. Her scream echoed through my mind again and I closed my eyes tight. “Yeah, he did.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, her hand moving to rest on top of mine. I parted my fingers so that she could interlace hers with mine and all of my tension and anger began to dissipate. “Think he’ll be back?”

I gritted my teeth at the thought. “I hope not.”

We sat in silence for a moment and then I remembered her teary eyes when she’d first walked in. I felt like a jackass for dumping all of my stuff on her before asking what had made her cry.

“Why was your day so horrible?” I asked.

She took her hand away from mine and I instantly missed her touch. It was soothing, comforting. My mind focused on the areas where we still touched—our legs, our arms, her shoulder against my bicep—and the sensation of her soothing comfort flowed over me again.

“It just was,” she muttered, picking at her nails.

“Don’t. I told you mine, now you tell me yours,” I said in my lowest, persuading tone. “That’s how it’s always been; don’t change it now. My H.H.L.M.s for yours, remember?”

I watched her draw her eyebrows together and I wondered if she even remembered what H.H.L.M. stood for. I hoped she wouldn’t forget that. We’d come up with it as a way of coping. We’d meet at the shed after dark—when her mom had left for work and her older brother, Logan, was most likely asleep, and my dad was passed out from alcohol and my mom had cried herself to sleep—and tell each other our H.H.L.M.s (Horrible Home Life Moments) of the day.

“It wasn’t really an H.H.L.M. but more of a H.L.M,” she said, unrelenting in the picking of what little remained of her purple nail polish. “Vincent offered me a ride home from work this afternoon and I stupidly took it, but only because it started freaking pouring while I was walking.”

My stomach tightened. If that jerk had done something to her, all I’d need was his address and a baseball bat to make sure it never happened again. I breathed in through my nose deeply, waiting for her to continue. I was afraid of what my voice would sound like if I opened my mouth to speak.

“I should have known he’d want something in return for the ride, even though it wasn’t that far. A guy like him doesn’t become one of the top drug dealers in town because he gives shit out for free.” She barely glanced at me as she spoke. I watched as she wiped her nose on the back of her hand.

“What happened? Did he do something to you?” A stupid question, of course he had, but I couldn’t just sit there and not say anything while she riffled through her thoughts, not finishing her story.

“He kissed me and attempted to feel me up.” Her face reddened as she spoke, like she was embarrassed about his actions, like I’d think less of her for them. “I fought with him and tried to push him off. I guess I just never realized how strong he was.”

“How far did he get?” I asked after another lapse of silence had overtaken us. I couldn’t say anything more. Rage shredded away at my insides like a razor. I glanced down at my hands in my lap and realized my fists were clinched so tightly my knuckles were solid white. My heart pounded in my chest as adrenaline coursed through me for the second time today.

“He didn’t actually
do
anything more than that. Cole was there and he pulled me out of the car,” she said, pushing up on the sleeves of her sweater like she was suddenly too hot.

My eyes fell to her slender arm resting in her lap and that was when I felt my blood pressure go through the freaking roof. Bruises in the shape of that asshole’s fingers discolored her skin. I carefully grabbed her arm and raised it up for her to see.

“He did enough,” I breathed, struggling to control my anger.

A gasp escaped her parted lips as she took in the bruises on her arms for the first time. “I didn’t know he’d held onto me that tight.”

I cursed myself for having been right across the fucking street, sitting here, in this shit hole of a shed while Vincent had been about to force himself on Jules in her fucking
driveway.

“Yeah, well he did,” I muttered, hearing the venom in my voice clearly.

Jules glanced at me and shifted from my grasp, her bright green eyes filling with tears again. “I think I should go.”

I felt my eyebrows scrunch together as confusion clouded my mind. Did she think that I was angry with her for what Vincent had done? Surly not. She stood and bolted out the dented green door before I could think of a single thing to say that would make her stay.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

JULIE

I hurried across the road and opened the front door to my house without hesitating. I wanted to be in my room, alone. Right now.

Nick had the same look in his eyes that everyone always got when they looked at me after something like that happened—disgust, like I’d deserved it or something, like they were sickened by me. The sight of it in his eyes directed toward me had crushed me beyond belief. I might have thought at one point that I could control whether or not I fell for Nick, whether or not I’d allow myself to cross that invisible line I’d drawn between friendship and love, but I couldn’t.

I couldn’t control it any more than I could control the weather.

And in that moment, when he’d looked up at me from the bruise Vincent had made across my skin, I’d realized I was already straddling that line. I had been for some time, leaning further and further away from friendship and toward something more, but then that look had flashed in his eyes. The look of pure, undiluted disgust.

Emotions tore me to shreds on the inside because I’d never expected to see that look directed from him to me over a situation I hadn’t been able to control. He’d had almost the same exact look as Cole had, and I hated seeing it on Nick.

I knew it was time to pull back. I
had
to pull back; there was no other option now.

I closed my bedroom door behind me and locked it. Flopping across my bed, I cried. I cried because I’d allowed Vincent to give me a ride home when I was so close already. I cried because of what Vincent had done. I cried because of the way Cole had looked at me after pulling me from Vincent’s car. I cried because of the bruises on my arms and the disgust that had pooled in Nick’s eyes.

But most of all, I cried because I hated how much seeing that reflected in Nick’s eyes hurt me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

NICK

Two weeks went by and with each day that passed I began to grow more restless. Jules hadn’t talked to me more than she had to when we were with our mutual group of friends. It was like there had never been any history between us, never any chemistry, nothing. She was emotionless and detached toward me. Something that irked me more than anything in my life ever had. I could deal with beatings and my undesirable home life, but I couldn’t deal with Jules not being my friend…not being my anything.

~

“So what’s going on with Jules?” I asked Emily at lunch on the fifteenth day of impassiveness.

“What do you mean?” she asked, taking a sip of her soda.

I wiped my hands on my jeans, nervous at having to resort to bombarding her friend with questions just to get some clarity in the situation. “She hasn’t really spoken to me lately. Is she mad at me or something?”

“I don’t know. She hasn’t said anything to me about being mad at you. Did you do something?”

I had no clue. The look she’d given me in the shed the last time I’d seen her, before she went barreling out the door, flashed through my mind for the millionth time. I still couldn’t decipher her expression. “I don’t think I did, but I’m not sure.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “God, you’re such a typical guy. You have no clue what you did to piss her off, is that what you’re telling me?”

“Well…yeah,” I admitted.

“Have you tried, I don’t know, I’m just tossing this out there, asking her what’s going on?” Emily asked, sounding both dramatic and frustrated, almost as though she were speaking to a small child.

“No.” I slouched in my seat. I knew where she was going with this. If I wanted answers I’d have to talk with Jules directly.

“Well, maybe you should,” she said matter-of-factly.

“I’m not sure she
wants
to talk to me.”

“Corner her,” Quiet Tom said with a mouth full of chicken nuggets.

“Yeah, because that doesn’t sound freaking psycho and is exactly what a girl wants from a guy she’s pissed at.” Emily snorted.

“You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do sometimes,” Blake added in Quiet Tom’s defense.

I tuned the three of them out as they argued about what level of psycho cornering someone rested at when trying to talk with someone who wasn’t willing to talk to you. Then it hit me like a punch to the gut. Tom was brilliant—getting Jules alone was the only way I’d ever get to talk with her about what was going on.

“Thanks for the idea, Tom,” I said and then smiled at Emily from across the table. “Aren’t you giving her a ride home from school today?”

“I am,” she answered hesitantly.

“Give me one, too. Please,” I begged.

She shook her head no. “Then she’ll think I set her up. If she’s mad at you for something, then you need to talk to her on your own terms because I’m not going to have her pissed at me for helping you out.”

“Okay, so don’t help either of us. Tiffany couldn’t give her a ride because she has detention, right? That’s why you offered.”

Emily smirked at the reminder of Tiffany getting detention; apparently it had been a hilarious sight to see. “Yeah, so?”

“So, make up a reason why you can’t give her a ride either. Make us both walk,” I insisted.

Emily tore off a piece of her roll and glared at me, a smile stretched onto her face. “Fine.”

“You’re good, dude. I’ve never seen her cave so easily before,” Blake said, putting his arm over Emily’s shoulder.

“Whatever,” Emily said, laughing.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

JULIE

“I can’t give you a ride home today. I’m sorry,” Emily said as we walked to our locker in the main hall.

“Oh, okay,” I said, trying to not sound disappointed.

I mulled over who I could ask next. Tiffany had already told me she had to stay after today for detention. I couldn’t ask Blake because that would just be weird and also was how rumors got started. Tom worked at the movie rental place in town after school every day during the week, so he was out, too. That left me walking because there was no way I was taking the bus.

“You’re not mad?” Emily worried.

I closed our locker after grabbing my book bag and turned to look at her. “No, I’m not mad. Why would I be?”

I hated being the one who always bummed a ride everyday because I didn’t have a car. For the millionth time I wished mom would just let me take the car during the day while she slept. Why she refused every time I asked was beyond me. Maybe it was a signal to all of her deadbeat boyfriends—and my exs—that she was home and open for business during the day. Yuck!

I didn’t want to walk home alone, not since my Vincent incident, because I was scared. But Emily didn’t know anything about that. No one did, except for Nick. God, I really needed to save up some more money so I could buy a car. This was getting ridiculous.

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure. You’ve seemed sort of on edge lately,” Emily said, turning her concern-filled brown eyes on me.

I scrunched up my face and acted like I had no clue what she was talking about. I wondered how convincing it seemed. “Really? I’m fine.”

We began walking and her eyes left me so I was free to take in a breath and chew on my bottom lip. I wasn’t fine; I was afraid to walk home alone. And staying away from Nick lately, while constantly pretending that I didn’t have any feelings for him, was exhausting. My life was hell right now.

“All right, cool. Well, I’ll see you later,” Emily said as we parted ways.

“See you,” I muttered.

I stood where I was, just outside the main building entrance, glancing around, searching for Cole. Maybe he wouldn’t mind if we walked together today. His reddish head bobbed down toward the parking lot beside two other guys, one being Luke and the other some guy I recognized from my grade. He must be getting a ride home from him, or else he wasn’t going home just yet. I didn’t blame him.