Read The Unusual Life of Tristan Smith Online
Authors: Peter Carey
Chemin Rouge, 426
Deposition given by Margaret Kram, Produkter, to the Bhurgercourt of Voorstand
It came to me disguised as one of God’s Creatures. Its true nature was monstrous, like the Hairy Man, the thing with scales that Bruder Duck saw in the woods, the little black thing that swished its tail and stamped its foot with rage.
It was charming, ingratiating, with numerous stories and songs. It walked upon the public street, moving without let or hindrance amongst the folk. It performed many tricks, some with eggs and spoons. I never saw it eat or heard it complain of hunger. It would never show its face.
It said it had no wish to come to Voorstand, that it came only to see ‘My Father’. It lived inside the skin of the Mouse. It spoke with the voice of a man. It said it lived on air. It said it was born in ‘the Shadows of the Sirkus’. It said it had drunk ‘the Light of your Dreams’ and lived ‘in the Penumbra of your Lives’.
For a brief time, to my great shame, I fell under its spell. When I saw its true nature, I asked it, what have we done to you that you should bear us such enmity?
It had no reason.
angels
to see the angels
, to have an orgasm
ASM
Assistant Stage Manager (standard English)
awert
newspaper advertisement, particularly a small or ‘classified’ advertisement
bandock
nappy or diaper. From Voorstand English
banddoek
ballot
idiot, jerk. From French
ballotter
, ‘to shake up’ – thus, one who has had his brain shaken up
baton
penis
bazooley
1. that which you are passionate about. 2. a prize, jackpot, winning bet. Also:
bazoohley
Benny bouftou
From French colloq.
beni-bouflou
, lit: ‘a blessed eater of everything’
biche-la-mar
sea cucumbers or trepang. Also:
bicho do mur.
Corruption of French
bèche-de-mer
Bride
pint of beer, so named for its foaming white ‘train’
brique bleu
unusually large molluscs (of the Gastropod class) harvested by first century
EC
Efican dyeworks. A source of ‘Efican Blue’. Lit: ‘blue bricks’
cambruce
a hick, farmer, an inhabitant of Nez Noir. Probably a corruption of French
cambroussard
cancerette
cigarette
case-latrine
poor quality red wine. From French
caisse poitrine
, lit: ‘chest-breaker’
cash parole
automatic teller machine card
casserole
a spotlight
couchette
a small bed or crib, sometimes a small bedroom
Croco cristi
untranslatable expletive with origins in first century
EC
cant.
Christi
possibly from Sacristi or Holy Cow,
Croco
from Crocodile
croix cakes
round poppy-seed cakes. The
croix
(French ‘cross’) may have its origins in the cross-hatched pattern of icing
dab
father, dad
demi-botte
gumboot, Wellington. Also:
demi, demon
dos-sack
back-pack
dreck
shit. From Yiddish
Enteralis
any tree of the predominantly Efican genus
Enteralis
facheur
thief. Corruption of French
faucher
, ‘to steal’
frere
comrade
frippes
trousers, threads. From French
frippes
, ‘wrinkles’. Also:
thrippes
ganja
dried leaves of the Indian hemp plant
Cannabis sativa.
From Hindi
gaja
, from Sanskrit
grnja
Gardiacivil
police
gazetted
to be married. From first and second centuries
EC
, when civil marriages were published in the Government gazette
gen
a man, a gent
governor
to work for the governor
is to work for the ruling class, to be a stool pigeon, to be untrustworthy
illico presto
immediately; hurry it up. From Italian
presto
jon-kay
money. From French colloq.
jonc, joncaille.
Also: John Kay
Jules
man in general
Lasto-net
synthetic bandage developed in Efica 370
EC
. Lasto-net is the registered copyright of Hellas Enterprises
Leko
an ellipsoidal reflective spotlight
lever man
a burglar specializing in forced entry
lolo
breast. Most likely from French child’s cry for milk,
‘lait, lait’
loup
mad, rabid
meccano
equestrian rig invented by Spencer Q. Stokes to train bare-back riders. A central post supports an arm like the jib of a crane from which the student is suspended
mo-ami
my friend. Corruption of French
mon ami
mobile-amor
sedan chair
mo-chou
common endearment. Corruption of French
mon chou-fleur
, ‘my cauliflower’
mollo mollo
relax, take it easy
Mongrel Day
a warm, overcast, windy day
mo-poulet
common endearment, lit: ‘my chicken’
Moosone
the wet season
mouette
a gull-like bird indigenous to the southern islands of Efica
Muddy
Member of the Efican Democratic Party
mug-wallop
untranslatable abusive term. Probably cant, from first century
EC
musico
a flatterer, a crook. Also: a musician
parsley
pubic hair.
To put the asparagus in the parsley
, to have sexual intercourse
patapoof
a fat person
pea and thimble man
a fairground con-man
penguin
policeman
perroquet
a green drink made from crushed ice, green lime cordial, seltzer. From French
perroqet
, ‘parrot’
petite tente
small tent used by family circuses in islands of Efica
petticon
little cunt (esp. vulg.). Corruption of French
petite con
pissmarie
a nurse (vulg.). From
santamarie
playing card
small fish, usually silver bream
porpoise
penis
rak-rok block
three-dimensional jigsaw invented in Efica, now manufactured under licence in Europe and Voorstand
rikiki
the little finger, an under-sized person, a 4 fl.oz. glass of beer. Corruption of French
riquiqui
ringhard
a bad actor. From colloq. French
ringard
, ‘a real zero’
riveter
a homosexual (vulg.)
roteuse
any effervescent wine, sometimes champagne. Possibly from French
roter
, ‘to burp’
santamarie
a nurse
shapoh
the boss, the person in charge. From first century
EC
, most likely from French
chapeau
shooting star
prostitute
skipjack
fish of the genus
Pomatomus
common in Efican waters
sorcier
(as in
Pin-ball sorcier)
a share trader who uses computers to make buying and selling decisions
sock
car tyre
soup server
an actor who plays small roles
spanker
backside
Sparrowgrass
common name for a tall thin person
spin drier
a woman who extracts money from men. Very strong connotation of ‘drying’ as relating to male ejaculation
Starbuck
first two rows in the Efican circus, traditionally marked with stencilled stars. These seats have backs, hence also:
starback
tarboof
nose
Teuf-teuf
onomatopoeia for sound an old car makes
tin-tin
a dyer. First century
EC
, from French
teinturier
toubib
a doctor. From Arabic
tringler
penis
valsir
backside. From French
valseur
, lit: ‘waltzer’
vedette
a celebrity
vert-walk
narrow band of mown grass between footpath and kerb-side in Efican coastal towns
violin
prison
violiniste
an ex-con
walloper
see
gardiacivil
zine
any printed journal or news sheet. From English
magazine
air-kool
air-conditioning
Beanbredie
bean stew, a dish much beloved of Bruder Mouse in the Badberg Tales. See recipe in
Bruder Mouse and the English gjent
bhalam
a string banjo favoured by many Pow-pow musicians, but not known in Voorstand until last century
bhurger
a citizen (Voorstand spelling of the standard English
burgher)
Bhurger-court
one of the two courts of Voorstand; the other, higher, court is the Guildcourt
blikk
1. a car (colloq.) 2. a tin can
bottelier
wine waiter
bullschtool
bullshit
Cyborg
see Simulacrum
deskmajoor
the concierge in a hotel or apartment building, a role often taken by retired soldiers of the Voorstand Armed Forces – hence
majoor
(‘major’) from Dutch. See also
wheelmajoor
, sparkmajoor
Dome
a specially constructed theatre for the presentation of the Voorstand Sirkus
facilitator
someone who earns their living by ‘facilitating’ the illegal entry of aliens into Voorstand
filtreeder
a water filtration tower designed to cleanse the polluted water table of Saarlim City
Folkghost
spirits in the Badberg tales who often appear in times of crisis to impart wisdom to the Bruders
footsack
to go away; (trans.) to kick away, dismiss. Originally
voertsek
from Dutch
voert
, ‘a foot’
gaaf
as in
gaaf-morning
, ‘good morning’, a usage of
gaaf that
does not seem to have existed in old Dutch
Geloof
faith
geld-band
a gold belt or band which marked the magical characters in the Badberg tales. A popular fashion accessory at the time of this history
Ghostdorp
a theme park devoted to historical re-enactments, often located on actual historical sights. From Dutch
dorp
, ‘a town’
gjent
a man. Also:
business-gjent
gjil
a woman
gondel
a water taxi. From Dutch
gondel
, ‘a gondola’
hearth
home, family. Hearth folk are those, whether related or not, who are considered kin. Also:
heart folk
Hollandse Maagd
Dutch Maid
hunning
common endearment, lit: ‘honey’
kak
shit
Kakdorp
lit: shit-town
kanal
canal
karakter
a not easily translatable code of behaviour that encompasses both table manners and moral fibre
klootsac
a disaster. From Dutch, lit: ‘testicle’
(kloot)
, ‘bag’
(sac).
(esp. vulg.)
kraker
a squatter
kraal
corral
landloper
itinerant
liefling
darling, from Dutch
loop-de-loop
an autograph or signature, particularly of a flamboyant nature
Meneer
mister
minebroo
brother
misdaad boy
a member of a gang, lit: ‘crime-boy’
odeklonje
any perfumed toilet water
ootlander
a foreigner. Corruption of Dutch
buitenlander.
Lit: ‘someone from outside our land’
platz
town square
Pow-pow
originally captured soldiers and their families (Prisoners of War) and later illegal immigrants who came to make up the low end of the labour pool.
Pow-pow music
is the distinctive music produced by a large and disparate group
prikkeled
irritated. From Dutch
prikkelen
produkter
Sirkus entrepreneur
raagbol pudding
vegetable pudding in which the thin strips of carrot visible through the dough are suggestive of a mop or a mop of hair. Also:
Pope’s head Pudding.
From Dutch
ragebol
, ‘a mop of hair’