The Urban Book of the Dead (7 page)

“That was easy!” I remarked.

There was cruel wind of terrible heat blowing off smoke from my body. I undressed the corpse of his Mac and hat, putting them on; immediately there was some relief, the garments made my body pour sweat though, something I thought I couldn’t do, since before all sweat had evaporated before it could form; now I was literally drinking it as it flowed into my mouth.

There was a wooden rowing boat at the end of the jetty. It swayed like a small boat on water would sway, but in the pulse of this evil sea it was endowed with a fast rhythmic purpose that seemed to take it closer to me rather than my approaching it. The boat looked weather worn but I did not know how this could be except that it had been designed that way as some strange aesthetic; for; if it had been made out of some perishable wood, it would indeed of perished by the intolerable heat, that no earthly body or substance could endure.

I sat carefully into the boat, causing it to rock, but not so much that the molten substance flowed in and dissolved me, I untied the boat and it floated of at a bob, before I had even set to the oars. I grabbed the oars and started rowing out in earnest, feeling that if I was damned I might as well get on with it. But the current took me out fast anyway, and glowing waves started to pitch my boat up and down, I was sliding down them then riding up, and they got mighty deep so it was like being swallowed, and the wind hit me, flapping the boat mans Mac and unsteadying the hat on my head, which I pulled down firm. I adjusted the collar of the Mac also, to give my face and neck more protection.

I slid down a steep incline of a wave, may be fifteen feet of drop. A wave came over the side of the boat, so I foolishly stood, for a moment I surfed there, looking up at the clouds of yellow as formless demented beasts that tore apart and cannibalised themselves. Then with a shock the lead axed my feet dissolving them, so at the bottom of the incline I had fallen on my knees before the Sun, which was mighty strange, I shaded my eyes with my hand, salutary. The clouds had passed over the Sun, breathing life into it, giving it the shaded and animated dimensions of a billowing angry face, from which tentacles of light, like snaky living dreads, lashed the sea. Its powerful face seemed to swear expletives, then as my boat appeared to touch it, my boat settled and straightened and took on the appearance of a crack pipe over its ‘o’ shaped mouth, the wind billowed like the entire world was nothing but a drug ember being sucked up.

I left my imagination there, for it was cementing a reality, I was in danger of giving the Sun life and obliterating this planet, my own magic strength staggered me, it was true after all, about my magic.

Skulls and hands pushed out of the water, their screams were terrible, carried off by the howls of the wind, the hands grabbed at my boat and grew flesh, I got ready to cast my net, but the boat sped off again along another wave. When it stopped again the bodies were gone and the sea relatively still, only roughly rocking the boat.

I dropped my line in the molten lead from my rod. Immediately the rod bent almost double, despite its thickness. It pulled so hard I estimated that what ever was on the end must have been over two hundred pounds. I reeled in my rod and a giant fish splashed on the end of it, it looked like some kind of gigantic roach, its tail splashing molten lead at me as its body curved in the waves trying to get away. I landed the fish in the boat and it suffocated there its mouth open and body heaving, I marvelled at the square scales on its silver body, bigger than my hands.

As I stood fascinated, the body of the fish, distorted as if something inside was trying to push its way out, a fist punched its way through, then two hands, pulled the fish apart, then before me was the crouched naked body of Jay, covered in a stinky fish slime, he held his nose and spoke nasally.

“Hello Monster!” he said smoothly.

Jay stood up tall, rocking only slightly; and threw chunks of fish in the water, now without the protection of its tough outer layers, the bits of fish flamed up as they entered the sea, with puffs of flame and billows of smoke. He held the rest of the carcass above his head, his arms at full length, and chucked that in after it; there was a huge flaming that threatened to engulf the boat, but it went out fast.

I was pleased to see Jay, I had him picked out as my right hand man, there was something about him that persuaded you to trust him at the same time as acknowledging he wasn’t entirely trust worthy, a slightly sly warmth, a look in the eyes that said he was tough and dependable, but somehow self centred. But, however he was useful, very handy; a good person to know.

I asked a searching question. “How are you here? As far as I know you’re still alive.”

Jay looked at me long and hard “Doesn’t bloody look like it does it Monster. In Hell as well. What did I do to deserve that? A few fights, drug dealing, a couple of rich burglaries, fucking a tree on LSD, underage sex and a sexual assault in McDonalds that was nothing but feeling some ones leg, and I’m in Hell.”

I gave a big sorry sigh winding it out “Argh” then I said “Eating at McDonalds then init.”

Jay said “Hmm; well I was hungry, I went to the skips round the back to get my fill of cheese burgers and chicken burgers, expecting a fine munch, and there was nothing there but rats”

Jay rummaged in his pocket and took out a crumpled spliff which he held in the air to show, between his fingers. “I’ve still got this, would you believe it! It’s a bit dry, I’m afraid my lighter exploded in my pocket, have you got a light?”

“No.” I said.

Jay put the spliff near the sea and it lit up. “ Yeh. And there was a dead woman from a heroin overdose in the toilets; I nearly got blamed for that.”

I looked at Jay amused “Died for the great God McDonalds! As the Clash said, ‘he who fucks nuns will later join the church.’ Goes for both of you.”

Good thing about Jay, he took everything in his stride, he had a moment ago, been inside a large stinking fish. Even I myself sometimes showed a little emotion, all be it the wrong ones at the wrong times. Angry when I should be afraid, finding the tragic hysterically funny, that kind of thing, Jay; he just liked to relax, I thought again what a perfect choice he was.

The Sea rocked us dementedly still, I felt like we were babies in a crib being nursed by a mad person, so relaxing was the experience at the same time. I put the net in the water and tied it off.

Jay asked “Fishing for followers?”

“Yeh” I said. How did you know?” I showed him the picture. Jane was being abused again, she got up again and danced, the clock said one thirty am. I was filled again with a sense of urgency. “I’ve got to save the girl and kill God.” I said.

“Oh dear” Said Jay looking at the picture “Is that Jane or the Scarlet Whore? I guess they’re one and the same anyway.” He looked me in the eyes searching, “Fishing for men, what else would Satan be doing here. You do know you’re Lucifer now don’t you?”

My bowls felt as unsteady as the Sea “No, I didn’t know that.”

“Monster! You should of realised that, why do you think you came here to find followers, they’re all your mates, they’re here because of you, you’re a biological reincarnation of Lucifer. And she didn’t tell you?”

“No.” I said darkly “She didn’t.”

Jay looked at me earnestly “I’d be pretty keen to follow you but it’s written you’re gonna loose mate”

My new dark destiny made me feel a sense of power, inside I was asking ‘Am I evil?’ “Don’t be stupid Jay, would you write that you were going to loose, if you wanted to keep you’re followers and not have someone more successful keep theirs. He’s ready for the fall Jay, and I’m the man to take him out.”

Jay handed the picture back and shook his head “I don’t know Monster, I really don’t know, plenty will follow you down here, they’re already in Hell, me, take it easy, live inside a few big fish, I could be out in a couple of years.” As he spoke he was splashed by some lead, eating half his face but immediately growing back “Ouch!”

“You want that for a couple of years? Or a couple of thousand?” I asked.

Jay nodded his head “Okay, I’m with you; provisionally.”

Jay looked at the Sea, and searched, “Cast your net in the other side.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

“I was down there wasn’t I.” Jay replied.

I cast the net in the other side and tied it off, immediately the net filled up with skulls and bones that grew flesh as they left the sea but then descended again and dissolved, their cries mixed with the wind and seemed to swirl in my head, like a tornado, like a record caught in that maelstrom, on the sharp stylus of my too keen mind, it grew dull into a screech and I fell off kilter. I staggered at the sound.

“We should get straight back” I cried to Jay, “I can hear them suffer.”

Jay started rowing before I could finish the sentence, Jay was strong and quite well built, though not impressively so. He fought well against the current, his muscles like cords and knots, his face distorted with effort. His face looked to me and appealed to me of the effort he was making, transmitted in a turn of the head, raised eyes and a look of consternation.

We got back to the Jetty and tied off, carefully stepping on to its jutting wood, Jay let out his breathe, almost in a whistle. I dragged the net along the jetty to the shore, all the time the howls of pain followed me, I dragged the net onto the red sands that passed as a beach.

The bones in the net started knitting, but they did not knit into single bodies. Finger joints formed with other finger joints into long claws made of all the hand bones, there were four such and they gathered flesh in a tangled red weave, wing bones knitted into giant wings that beat even before the body had been formed, threatening to shake off and unravel the new flesh, the body was thick, boiled red and course. The body had seven long necks made of human legs, so they held them naturally stiff and high, looking proud, on top of the legs were arms, on top of the arms hands, each holding it’s self a human head, the fingers worming, the middle neck and longest, had no head; the hand clenched and unclenched, weighed itself, looking for its prize.

The heads of the dragon shouted out in unison “Lucifer!” their mouths smoked but the breath looked cool in this heat, it gently circled and reminded me of moistness on a frosty morning, misting their icy eyes, and that was why, the faces were young and the souls in the faces were old and cold, unaffected by torture, there was nothing of fire in them.

I asked the burning question that I knew the answer to “Why are you missing a head?”

The reply came “The missing head is yours.”

I asked disturbed, my brow furrowing the question “Do you expect me to join with you?”

They all replied “Do what thou wilt.”

I ordered Jay “Stay here and fish for more bodies, I need to get back, I have the task of finding Jane, and although I don’t think it is necessary here, I would like to sleep on it.”

Jay flashed anger “Surely you don’t expect me to stay in this place; I need to be back with you.”

I thought about it “Okay, you could be useful, I’ll get you back.”

To the dragon I said “Spread the word and fish for our legions, your time in Hell is nearly over.”

The heads nodded, their eyes looked eager and the creases on their faces looked resolute.

“How do we get back?” asked Jay

“It’s easy” I said, now realising my powers out on the lead waves, I thought it and we were gone.

We were back at my flat and I immediately, looked for some clothes for Jay in the bedroom. The only ones big enough that would suit him was an old pair of jeans and a hoody made out of a striped Indian material, of course the material was now a sort of living second flesh, as I had found out when the dissolved trainers on my feet had reformed, I also got him a pair of shiny black shoes, he would look like an undercover cop.

Jay got dressed quickly ripping a hole in the back of the hoody for his wings. Jay asked with a broad warm smile, with something devious behind it, that was however totally offset by the strength of his grin “Shall I make us both a brew Monster”

“Yeh great” I said “But you don’t have to call me Monster, I haven’t used that name I years.”

Jay’s smile got even broader “But it’s kind of appropriate don’t you think? I think I will carry on using it, I’m not going to call you fucking Satan.”

“No, don’t do that” I said, feeling slightly queasy.

Jay went into the Kitchen, whistled, then the kettle whistled and he was back in with two cups of coffee. He handed me a cup insinuating strength in his hand and I put it to my lips. I immediately felt a bit drowsy.

Jay noticed “Here lie down Monster, I’ll watch over the fort.”

I put my feet up on the couch, almost unable to move, and my eyes rolled and my eyelids would not stay open so I let them stay shut.

I slept lightly however, drugged as I was, I heard Jays voice, then Gods, paralysed and unable to move or open my eyes, yet I dreamed perfectly what was happening around me.

Jay took a step back from God, his attempt at a smile, ending in open mouthed apprehension. “He’ll sleep for hours, why don’t you take him out now, get it all over with.”

God replied leaning and booming “I want him to suffer after what he did to me, to go through the effort of finding her only to be tricked and powerless; to see him watch the girl suffer in person.”