The Valentine's Arrangement (11 page)

“He was your friend too, Mic.”

“I renounced that title from him the second he fucked you over. He fucking destroyed you. I could never be friends with anyone who would hurt you.”

“Because I let him destroy me. He was all I ever knew. He was all I ever had. Until him, I lived with a woman who was always so drunk she could never remember my name. I didn’t have any girlfriends. They were either jealous bitches who treated me like a freak, or they succumbed to the trailer trash druggies they were destined for. And the guys, they just wanted to fuck me. I was alone. Completely fucking alone.”

She sighed and her voice lowered. “Then I met Brandon and he changed everything for me. He gave me hope for a life other than the shithole that was burying me alive. Then he gave it to me only to rip it out from under me when he fucked the first woman who would spread her legs for him.” Ronnie sagged her body against the doorframe letting it hold her weight as she focused on keeping the weak tears in the back of her eyes.

“Did you love him, Ronnie, or did you love the idea of him?”

She blinked hard and tried to pull air down her burning throat to fill her deflated lungs. She hadn’t really ever thought about it like that. She did love him, right? She did, she knew she did. He was her family. He was her future. But at the same time, she never got shivers when he touched her, and she never melted into his arms. She never burned with an ache for him that would only be alleviated by his body buried inside her. She never craved him. Not like the way Kale made her feel. But that was just physical, it wasn’t what really mattered and at least Brandon was always there for her…until now.

“You know what I think, Angel?” Mic said, cutting through her mental debate when it was obvious she wasn’t going to answer him. “I think you loved him, I really do. But I think you were wrapped up in the idea of loving him, the idea of someone loving you, the idea of a life with someone that you never really stopped to make sure he was the one you wanted that life with. And I’m gonna tell you right now, you’re fucking better than him.”

He was right. She never stopped to really think if he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She had just been with him for so long that she didn’t know anything else. She did love him, they crawled their way up from the bottom of the barrel together but if she was being fucking honest with herself, she wasn’t
in
love with him—not anymore.

His betrayal is what hurt; it’s what broke her heart, not the loss of his love but the loss of what his love represented. Safety.

“When did you get so philosophical?”

“Ah, when you are old like me you get a pretty good grasp at shit.” Mic wasn’t typically an affectionate man so when he reached out and pulled her in a hug it was awkward and uncomfortable but it was just what she needed to break that ice that formed in her chest. He pulled away from her and when their eyes met, they both started rolling with laughter.

“Come on Angel, we can finish my back another night, I think I have a bottle of Patron stashed in the design room that is calling our name.”

“I fucking love you,” she said, and she followed him to the nice liquid that would dull her mind, and to the room that would only send her mind to thoughts of Kale.

Chapter 8

The doorbell rang right at 12:00 on the dot, right on time. Kale was either punctual or eager, either way Ronnie liked it.

She opened the door and was surprised to see a grey Army sweatshirt and a worn pair of jeans on Kale. His face was scruffy, which she preferred, and a black beanie with the word Army across the front covered up his short high and tight haircut. This was the first time she had seen him in anything less than model ready, but he was flirting with the line of sexy in an I-don’t-have-to-try kind of way. He looked cozy and casual and damn it, he looked good.

“Would you like me to come in so you can undress me with your hands instead of your eyes?” Kale teased.

“Ha ha, funny. Let’s go smartass,” she said, reaching for her coat that was on the bench in the entryway.

“You look beautiful by the way.”

She looked down at her typical pants of choice, only these jeggins were a dark denim wash and her typical high heel pumps were replaced with a pair of black knee high boots, and yes, they were also high heels. Her top was a simple sheer black button up blouse with a gold studded skull and angel wings on the back.

She didn’t feel particularly beautiful today, especially after her internal emotional epiphany and the multiple shots of Patron she went through last night, but her pulse sped up at his words just the same.

“Um, thanks.”

Kale waited for Ronnie on the front patio while she locked up. She could feel him behind her and a part of her wanted to take him up on his offer and pull him in her house and undress him.

“Ready?” he asked when she slipped the keys into her purse. Was she ready for a four-hour road trip to visit his grandmother’s grave just to turn around and drive four hours back? Fuck no. But for the first time in a long time, she held her tongue. She wanted to do this for him.

“Yep.”

Kale opened the passenger side door of a huge black truck and Ronnie was sure she was going to need a step stool to get into it. She eyed Kale as he stepped aside so she could climb in. She wouldn’t have expected anything less than a gentleman from Captain America himself.

“How the fuck did I get into this damn thing the other night after I had been drinking?” She latched on to the ‘oh shit’ handle and pulled herself up into the cab.

“It was quite entertaining,” he chuckled, shutting the door and jogging around to the driver’s side and sliding in.

Ronnie looked down at the dark grey leather that stretched between them making the possibility of sliding over right next to him extremely easy. “Bench seat, huh?”

“I see where you mind is going.” Kale lifted his lips in that sexy ass smirk that drilled a dimple into his cheek. “All in good time, Sweetheart, all in good time.”

Yeah right, if he kept looking at her like that, all in good time would turn into right now.

“You never told me where exactly we were going.”

Kale started the truck, the engine roaring so loud she felt it rumble beneath her. “Montpelier.”

“We’re going to Vermont?”

“Yes ma’am. To my hometown, born and raised.” Kale fiddled with the heat dial as he pulled out on the road in front of her house. “You warm enough?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He looked over at her like he was checking to make sure there wasn’t frost on her eyelashes or something. “Just turn it up or down if you need to.”

Ronnie nodded. “It must be nice being only four hours from your family,” she said, attempting to start up small talk, which was never her strong suit. She never usually cared enough to want to know anything about anyone, why she is starting now she didn’t have a damn clue.

Kale pulled out of her neighborhood heading toward the interstate. “I don’t have any family, it’s just me.”

Dead. Silence. Ronnie knew a thing or two about not having anyone.

“Tell me about your Grandmother,” she said, trying to fill in the suffocating space of air that inhabited the cab of the truck.

“Well, she raised me. She was the only family I ever had growing up. My mom got pregnant with me when she was only seventeen; her family disowned her so she moved in with my dad and my grandmother.”

“Wow seventeen.” Ronnie knew plenty of girls who got pregnant at seventeen. Hell, her high school might as well have been a daycare.

“Yeah, my Grams said she was an amazing mom. My dad was amazing too. They died when I was two.”

More silence. Ronnie was never good at condolences. She wasn’t a compassionate person—she had enough of her own life to feel sorry for, she didn’t need nor did she want to take on the shit storm of others. But something in Kale’s firm, strong, voice tugged in her chest and she didn’t know how to decipher it. She was suddenly more curious about this man.

“How did they die?”

“Car crash. My Grams was watching me while my parents went to a movie. Some idiot ran a red light, slammed into my parent’s car. Mom died instantly, and my dad died that night in the hospital.”

“I’m sorry.” And she truly was. He was dealt a pretty shitty hand himself.

“Don’t be. I don’t remember the loss. And I had my Grams. She was tough old lady. She raised my dad by herself then got stuck raising my ass.”

“She
must
have been pretty fucking tough then,” Ronnie teased.

Kale looked over at her and his vulnerable expression made her melt. He was so put together all the time, so sure of himself. This little crack in his persona was refreshing.

He smiled at her. “She was amazing.”

“So why the Army?” Ronnie was the queen of topic changes when it came to uncomfortable conversations, and getting all family friendly was pushing her boundaries.

“I joined for college, well with the intention of going to college. My Grams couldn’t afford to send me. I played sports in high school but I wasn’t counting on getting any scholarships so I enlisted right after graduation. Grams was pissed too”—his lips quirked up in a laugh like the memory was passing through his mind at that very moment—“now I can’t imagine doing anything else. I love my job and I love my Platoon.”

“Yeah but what about all the deployments?”

“I’m not going to pretend like they’re the icing on the cake or anything, but if it’s where I’m needed I’m there. I’ve got nothing here to miss, and my soldiers need me. I’m not doing them any good back here in the States. I have an obligation to them over there.”

Ronnie couldn’t believe he wanted to get back to Iraq, but it gave her a disquieting sense of pride. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, but she knew that he was one of the good ones, and she knew they needed more men like him in the service.

She smiled at him, and she was sure that it looked every bit as cheesy as is felt. Fucking fantastic.

“What?” he asked, returning his own form of cheese, only his was flirting with seductive.

She peeled her eyes from him not wanting to give away her moment of admiration. “Nothing.” Ronnie slipped out of her boots and propped her feet up on the dash as they pulled onto US-11. “So what’s it like over there?”

“Like nothing you will see over here. It’s miserable. The weather sucks ass, the food sucks ass, and no matter where you sleep or who you sleep next to, you never truly rest.”

“What do you do?”

“Now who’s writing a book?” Kale teased, although she got the impression that he was using banter to cover up the fact that he didn’t really want to talk about it.

“Sorry, I’m just curious. You don’t have to tell me,” she said, and she was surprised by the sincerity in her words. She didn’t want him to talk about his deployments if he wasn’t up for it.

Kale sighed and his blue eyes went distant as he fixed his stare on the road ahead. Ronnie was pretty sure she was spot on with her intuition and she regretted asking.

“Na, it’s okay. I’m a combat engineer. Each deployment has been a little different though. We go on missions every day, some may be a few hours and some may be a few days. Going outside the wire could be as simple of a mission as making a presence patrol, shaking hands with local civilians and passing out candy to kids...”

Ronnie watched as Kale took in a deep breath, seemingly lost in thought. His eyes turned to hers for the briefest of moments but it was long enough for her to see the myriad of emotions swirling beneath them—anger and pride, pain and loss, honor and determination—it was like watching a funnel cloud form in clear blue skies.

“And in the blink of an eye the mission can turn into house raids and body bags.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel and the muscles in his jaw clenched as he swallowed hard.

Ronnie thought back to the beautiful poem she tattooed on his back.

And may my fallen brothers

Walk with you now, Lord.

She knew he was talking about them, the three men whose names she forever embedded into his flesh.

“Kale,” she said softly, unsure of where she was going with this but she knew she had to say something.

He shifted his eyes to her, never fully turning his head to look at her, but still letting her know he was listening.

Ronnie did something completely out of character, completely shocking the hell out of her, and something so out of line with their little arrangement that she prayed she wouldn’t regret it later. Unbuckling her seat belt, she slid across the seat until her thigh was pressed up against Kale’s. The instant her body touched his, she physically saw him relax. He exhaled a breath that she wasn’t aware he was holding and his shoulders rolled forward. She knew in that moment that even though she hated letting even a fleck of the minuscule soft side that she possessed inside her slip through, she wouldn’t regret it.

She grabbed his right hand, peeling it from his grip on the steering wheel, and kissed the inside of his palm. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and then she kissed his palm again.

She released his hand and instead of placing it back on the steering wheel, he slipped it through her hair and ran his thumb over her cheekbone. “Thank you,” he whispered and the look he was giving her had her hard interior momentarily turning to putty; and just like that she slid back on over to her side of the truck.

*****

Kale immediately missed the warmth of Ronnie sitting next to him. She wasn’t there for more the sixty seconds but the brief touch left him with phantom sensations along the places where their bodies met. He wanted to reach over and pull her back to him, but she would have stayed there if she wanted to, and she didn’t.

The rest of the drive went by in silence. What with the heavy omen of Kale’s past lingering in the air between them, there wasn’t much to be said. Before he knew it Ronnie had her head leaned against the window with her eyes shut and her feet propped back up on the dash— she was asleep.

“I can feel you staring at me,” she said as Kale took the ramp from I-89 to the Montpelier exit a few hours later.