The Vampire's Reflection (38 page)

Her boots packed the wet snow beneath her, her teeth snapping annoyingly against each other in shivering, chattering fits of nerves and frost. She knew this rather brash decision might cause her to catch her death quicker. But what was the point when she was already dying? She just needed to be alone with her thoughts for a moment. She walked until the tall evergreens began to grow up densely around her.

Hugging Valek’s coat tighter around her shoulders, she pushed on, her breath forming in blue clouds of mist in front of her face. She no longer recognized Valek. It seemed he was changing before her eyes—becoming more and more violent and guarded. Then again, she barely recognized the monster she herself was becoming. Things were beginning to seem a lot like that nightmare she’d had only a few, long weeks ago.

“I’m so sorry,” a voice murmured sadly from somewhere behind her.

She stopped, sighing, and spun to see his tall, crooked shadow looming in between two pines. The moon was out, glinting in the glacier blue of the impossible color of his eyes—the only detail on his face Charlotte could make out as she squinted through the frosty darkness.

“Here.”

The lovely velvet voice attempted to slay her right where she stood. Her eyes rolled back in her head as he moved close to her. Her blood warmed under her skin and pooled in her face. Maybe it was the fury. Maybe it was because she still so desperately needed him to be close to her. Suddenly, a hand the color and temperature of the surrounding snow reached forward, landing lightly on her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open to find Valek bent slightly in front of her as if someone had punched him in the stomach. He reminded her so perfectly of the surrounding trees. Tall, slightly crooked, beautiful and ageless, though hundreds of years old. Vampires were eerily good at blending into the background. Even as he touched her, she’d never felt so separate from him. Not when she’d found him in the library with Evangeline. Not when he’d allowed the coven to ration her as though she were nothing but food. Not ever. Again, she felt tears pool in the corners of her eyes.
Oh, don’t cry
, she thought to herself,
not now
. She squared her shoulders, blinking up at him, clenching her jaw as if to trap any emotion that might escape. She fought to remain a wall of stone in front of him.

“What?” she snapped, with her fists wound.

“Charlotte, please. I don’t know what is happening to us.” His normally solid voice was cracked and desperate. She blinked at him, not used to the desolate sound. “I am not used to you this way. It feels like you’re slipping right through my fingers. When you came back to me, Lottie, the feeling wasn’t at all the same,” he lamented. “Everything seemed…different.” Charlotte never remembered seeing him in so many pieces before. “It seemed like you didn’t want to be near me. It seemed like you’d rather be nearer to
him
.” He growled the last word, his bright blue eyes sinking a few shades darker.

“Because he didn’t
leave
me, Valek!” Charlotte wailed. Surprised by her own tenacity, as she gauged his reaction. When he didn’t speak, words continued to launch themselves like arrows. “He never hurt me!” Valek closed his eyes. “He’s neutral territory. He’s safe. You’re not safe, Valek. As far back as I can remember, you’ve never been safe for me.” Her tears were free-falling now. No matter how many of them she seemed to swallow, there was nothing she could do to dam them up. “You’ve always been a threat to my sanity, my life, or my heart. Being close to you is like surviving a battle for my life. I’m either hiding or dodging the next blade before it slashes my throat. I can’t do this anymore.” She wanted to drop to her knees, but steadily she held herself up. Her breathing was ragged as she leaned against her own exasperation. The last place she wanted to be was in his arms—no, maybe that was the first place she wanted to be. There was no deciding. Her head was spinning.

Valek stepped back, clearly reeling from her ultra-candid admission. “Please, don’t hold anything back, Charlotte,” he whispered, aggrieved. His eyes stayed slanted and guarded.

Was he actually
angry
with her for finally speaking her mind? Well, fine. She bit down hard on her bottom lip, knowing her words cut him deep, but he needed to hear it. How much longer was she supposed to keep this charade up—the charade that she was fine with being tossed around like a rag doll? Surviving one attack before coming back up for air. Surviving another, then back up for another breath. By now, she was absolutely enervated, sick of drowning. Her body was wracked with the notion that Sarah’s magic was finally failing her and that she could be dying. Done. Lamenting, she shook her head at him. “I wish I could keep holding things back from you, Valek, but I need a break,” she murmured, swatting at a fresh set of tears from her face. Her cheeks burned with the thought of looking weak in front of him. She was so tired of being the helpless damsel. She clenched her fists, trying to manifest some sort of power from them, like Aiden always had. She came up empty.

Valek’s gaze scathed her, his skin looking more ashen than usual from underneath the silken strings of his long hair. Her dark angel had fallen very far, it seemed. Her heart quickened in her chest as she melted under his smoldering, blue stare, unable to peel her eyes away from him. Where was she to go if she didn’t want to be with him? How long would she even survive if she wasn’t under his constant care? Her mind continued to swim, though she held her stance.

“May I touch you?” he asked abruptly, causing her breath to hitch in her throat.

She glanced down at his claws wavering apprehensively at his sides. She struggled with the thought of them on her again, as forgiveness seemed to be a country away. Moments of silence went by. She wasn’t sure how long she stayed staring at him as she thought about his request. Valek shifted on his feet, and she could see he was growing uncomfortable as he waited for her answer.

“Please,” he choked out.

She blinked, her voice cracking. “I’m not sure it would do any good right now.” She answered honestly, blinking back the fresh wave of tears that was forming. Guilt and bile mixed in her throat as she spoke, the taste thick and sour. How could she admonish him so brutally without wanting to throw herself at him the next moment begging for forgiveness? Strangely, however, she’d never felt stronger.

Valek straightened himself, regarding her with what she was sure was meant to be an impassive stare, though the pain that bubbled just behind his stony façade was apparent. “Allow me this one opportunity for retribution, Charlotte, and then I’ll let you make your decision. You can either stay with me,” he swallowed, wincing as he did, “or go with him.”

What?
Was he planning on going rogue, just leaving the others to fend for themselves? “What about Sarah, and the others?” Charlotte’s voice broke.

“I’ll allow them to make the same choice. As it seems I haven’t been allowing certain people to think for themselves most recently,” he murmured darkly. “We keep talking about freedom, so here it is.”

“Valek.” The muscles in her throat clenched as she said his name. “Nikolai is just a friend. I barely know him.”

“Yes, I am aware of that. But your feelings for me have altered. I can sense that, no matter how you try to conceal it. And it’s my own undoing, so I blame no one but myself. I am simply allowing you to explore other…opportunities.”

Charlotte only nodded, unsure of what else to say.

She watched motionless as he seemed to glide toward her, gracefully though the shallow hills and valleys of the fresh snow. Though his boots sank deep into the trenches of it, he failed to waver. She ground her teeth together, knowing that unless Valek ever changed his mind about making her one of them, she would never know such dexterity—such grace. A surge of envy twinged through her less-than-capable extremities. Now she felt it—the thing everyone had been trying to tell her for so many years. Predator and prey. In that moment, as he slinked toward her like some lethal, stalking predator, she finally understood. She shouldn’t have ever survived that first night when he’d found her. He should have ended it there. She couldn’t fight the thought, in this moment, that her entire existence had been a mistake.

Carefully, slowly, as if she might disintegrate under the strong, marble pads of his fingers, he lifted his hand to caress her cheek. She didn’t move as his cool contact sent shivers shooting down her back. His light graze trailed down her damp face to the line of her jaw, to the column of her throat. Blinking, he retracted his touch and waited expectantly. So did she. To her utter shock, she didn’t feel much except for the undeniable chill. Was it simply the weather, or complete emptiness? What had he thought was going to happen? She stood in front of him, feeling dead. Cocking her head to one side, her mouth went dry with the words she had for him. Her lower lip twitched with the promise of fresh tears.

Valek must have heard her mind, because he took another step back from her, his expression positively anguished. “So, this is it.” He shrugged casually, though his face carried an expression of utter panic. “I have absolutely ruined you.”

A string of red slipped from the corner of his eye. His mouth pressed into a flat, grim line. His brows furrowed as he neglected to bat the tear away. Charlotte could not bring herself to lift the weight of her arms to embrace him, for they seemed heavier than lead. The love she knew still existed was buried so deep below her surface, encased by Lusian’s control, Aiden’s jealousy, and most importantly, Valek’s carelessness. She was as numb as the winter around her. Though her heart clenched to see him this way, she just couldn’t move herself forward toward him.

“All of the awful things I’ve let happen, and this is the consequence,” he muttered disparagingly.

“It just seems to have happened that way,” Charlotte whispered, dropping her gaze to her knotted fingers. Touching her—what did he think that was going to prove? It wouldn’t undo the damage. She surprised herself, clearly taking no prisoners. Who was this girl controlling her mouth and movements? She was positively stunned by her callousness. Stunned, but not yet totally sorry for it. She needed, finally, to be strong for herself.

“Lottie, I can’t begin to explain myself. If I ever do find that mirror, I’m not even sure I’ll be able to peer into its reflection because I loathe myself so completely.”

This was news to her. He was still planning on going after the mirror? Still planning to continue his mission to the Dark City? Still planning to save her? Even after she’d refused him?

“Of course.” He answered her thought. “Charlotte, I understand your hatred toward me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let anything happen to you.” He looked positively wounded. “My feelings are unchanging. I told you that.”

“I don’t hate you.” She spoke calculatedly to the ground beneath her. She couldn’t look at him, fearing that if she did, it might cause her to fall to pieces and diminish her strength.

“Charlotte!”

She and Valek turned to see Edwin racing in on the back of Mr. Třínožka, pained and worried expressions painting both of their faces. Nikolai and Sarah quickly followed behind on the backs of Beta and Jiri. Could none of them ever give her a moment’s peace, just to process her situation? Charlotte sighed exasperatedly.

“Charlotte, come back to the cottage. Please?” Sarah wrinkled her forehead in plea, though her tone was quite demanding.

Is that what she was calling it—the cottage?
Charlotte quirked an eyebrow.

“I’m okay, guys. Valek and I were just talking,” she mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and glancing once at him. He remained stiff and tear-stained. Actually, he’d been talking while she’d torn his heart to shreds, she reminded herself. Finally, she started to let her emotions get the better of her as the impending lump hardened in her throat.

Abruptly, she heard what she was sure was Ears cawing in the distance, before sweeping down through the canopy abruptly to land on a branch just above the startled group. Charlotte flinched as the tawny falcon cawed again. She frowned at Nikolai, whose eyes were locked with a curious expression on the bird, his jaw set in a hard clench. Ears made another vicious sound before spreading his wings wide. Charlotte watched in astonishment and horror as the bird’s long feathers seemed to transform, disappearing into a pale flesh that eventually sprouted into muscular arms. The bird’s beak folded back on the sickeningly familiar face of Aiden Price as the tawny feathers became his messy, copper hair.

Leaping down from the tree branch, Aiden landed gracefully with his metal armored boots in the snow. The odd little metal vest that had protected the bird’s body was now spread out wide over Aiden’s chest, making Charlotte wonder if that armor held the key to Aiden’s new transformational power. She never remembered him having that ability before. She winced at the overpowering sight of him. His smug expression and pointy ears were all too similar, but several things about him were strange. His complexion looked gray, and similar to the tone of Valek’s. His eyes, once an emerald shade, now matched Valek’s perfectly. And there was something else—something the naked eye couldn’t see, but it was something Charlotte sensed nonetheless. It was a new, scarier, intimidating quality that seemed to make the shadow before his feet deeper and more eclipsing against the snow. It seemed to make his stance broader and the peaks and valleys of his chiseled features harsher.

“Hello,” he whispered to her, his voice frosty and somehow, completely unfamiliar.

“Aiden?” She winced, feeling her heart catch in her throat. She needed to stare for just a few more moments to be sure it was really him standing before her.

“Valek, watch it!” Sarah shrieked just in time for Charlotte to turn and see Valek dodge Nikolai as he lunged at him with a wooden stake. Nikolai fell clumsily to the snow, twisting around on his back to see Valek looming over him, eyes black, ready for the kill.

Charlotte’s heart hammered in her ears as she tried to register what was happening around her. Was Aiden really standing before her? She knew this day had been coming, but hadn’t thought it would be quite so soon. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, her heart beating so violently, it was almost painful. She could feel her own pulse all the way down in her fingertips.