The Very Thought of You (19 page)

Almost without conscious thought, she lowered herself slowly onto him, feeling his hands on her hips, guiding her, supporting her as he penetrated her inch by glorious inch until he was fully inside. Everything in her body tensed and for several heartbeats, neither moved. And then the need for friction took control. Miranda rose and then dropped downward; bringing him home again in a quick thrust.

He was giving her so much pure pleasure, so many sensations that her mind gave up trying to analyze them. She was seared by the bruising heat of his hands where they gripped her hips. The fullness of her breasts, teased into hard-tipped peaks by his tongue and teeth. The trembling in her legs and arms as she supported her own weight. But most of all, the heated friction of him sliding within, building the tension until she thought she would scream from the bliss.

To stifle her cries, she bit him again and dug her fingernails into his arms. He raked his teeth gently nipping her shoulder, careful not to break the skin. He moved to meet her downward thrusts, nearly lifting her from the mattress as the pace of their coupling increased. His finger clenched on her hips, pulling her down as he thrust upward so strongly that she shattered, crying out his name as climax took over. A heartbeat later, after Caleb enjoyed his own release, Miranda collapsed against his chest. Her breath escaped her in a long shuddering sigh. They lay like that for some time. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. She murmured his name, pleasantly exhausted, happier than she had been in years. The warmth of his breath as well as that of his body comforted her.

 

Sometime later he made love to her again, starting slowly and building to a frenzy. He knelt on the bed and turned her around, entering her while she writhed on the pillows. Her need and want of him took over her senses. Their motion fell in sync and Miranda pushed backward determined to bring him deeper and deeper into her. With each stroke, her passion increased.

“Love you,” she moaned as her entire body shook with pleasure. Her voice was hoarse with the sheer intensity of the sweet release. “Love you.”

Between one breath and the next, she started to drift into slumber. Barely able to move after making love, he had shifted, making room for her to curve into the warmth of his body, his arms wrapped around her stomach.

“How about my birthday?” he asked lazily.

They were sprawled together on the bed, the pillows were scattered on the floor and the covers were tangled.

“Hmm?” she replied. Her mind struggled to answer his question as he nuzzled her shoulder and her body began to respond.

“Your brother should be recovered from his accident, Kelly will be out of school and it'll be plenty of time for your parents to fly back.”

“Baby, what are you talking about?”

“Our wedding date.”

Pulling away, Miranda prepared to slip out from under the covers when he caught her wrist. “It's really late, Caleb. I'd better get home.”

“What just happened, Miranda? I just mentioned marriage and you're running away.”

“We can't get married.”

Frustrated with the turn of events, Caleb had to rein in the urge to shake the woman he loved. “Look, I know that your first marriage didn't turn out well but that doesn't mean that ours will be the same.”

“I can't marry you.”

“Why?”

She tugged her hand. “Don't ask, please. I just can't.”

Her pleading eyes got to him. Not wanting to upset her even further, he reined in his growing annoyance. “Then you can at least spend the night here. I'll make an effort to stay on my side of the bed.”

The sheet slipped from her chest and his eyes locked on to the sight of her erect nipples. His body reacted immediately and made a liar out of him. There was no way he'd stay on his side of the bed. He wanted her again, like a drug.

“I know that you'll keep your word, but I don't trust myself that much right now.”

“Is that all?” he asked. His tone slightly guarded.

She smiled, leaned forward and kissed him. “Making love to you was…I can't describe it, but no matter how much I want to stay with you tonight, I don't want to rush this.”

“I don't want to let you go.”

“You could make this a little easier.” She sighed.

He laughed at her sigh of regret. With a devilish grin, he gave her a hard kiss before he stood and sauntered naked into the bathroom.

T
he clock on her nightstand read 3:47 a.m With a sigh of impatience, Miranda got out of bed, pulled on her robe and headed to the kitchen. If she couldn't sleep then there was no use tossing and turning. And from her past experience, action was the best relief for insomnia.

After brewing a pot of coffee, she went into her father's office and shut the door behind her. Darren's blueprints and notes littered the desk and it took her a moment to clear off enough space for her notepad and coffee cup. It was the one room that she loved the most because she'd spent so much time in it as a child. An antique rolltop desk stood in the corner nestled between bookshelves and crammed with all of her father's favorite authors. Family photos and vacation pictures lined the walls, and her parents' wedding picture smiled at her from underneath the small brass reading lamp.

Shaking her head, she turned to the right, pulled out the chair and took a seat at the desk. Tonight, she was determined to find Lucas Blackfox. Caleb's great-uncle might never know it, but his location would be her gift to the man she loved.

Turning on the computer, she logged on using her Justice Department credentials to log onto the secured servers. Pulling up the list from the detective agencies, she added them to the lists of names generated from her earlier search. Using a precompiled cross-search program, which would query Social Security, census, state and national government and judicial records, she pushed the button and sat back. Hopefully as soon as it finished, her list would shorten to less than half a page. But then what? What if she found his uncle tonight? There was still the fact that she'd lied to him about her marriage and about Kelly. How would he ever trust her again?

Miranda sniffed as tears of self-pity pooled in her eyes.

“Burning the midnight oil?”

Startled, she looked up to see her brother enter the room. Darren deftly maneuvered to sit in one of the leather chairs across from the desk. “You're getting good at using those crutches.”

He grimaced. “I don't have much of a choice. It's the only way I can get next to Grace. She's got the catch-me-if-you-can thing going on.”

Miranda tried to laugh, but it came out as a hiccup and a tear rolled down her cheek.

“Does the fact that you're in here crying have to do with Blackfox?”

“Everything has to do with Caleb.” Miranda told him about Caleb's search for his great-uncle and the fact that he wanted to marry her. “I really don't know what to do.”

“What does your heart tell you?” Darren asked.

Miranda closed her eyes and shook her head. “I'd expect something like that from Aunt Pat or Mom. Not you.”

“Think about it. The last time I gave you advice, I told you to use your head. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice, and I think you should do the same.”

Miranda digested his words quietly. “I trust Caleb.” Just saying the words made her heart lighter. “I love him and I know that he would never do anything to endanger Kelly. But I made a promise, Darren.”

“And it's tearing you up inside. Why don't you talk to Ryan? Get his permission to tell Blackfox the truth.”

She shook her head. “I can't get in touch with him now that the trial's started. Not to mention, I don't know if Caleb will be able to forgive me for lying.”

“He says he loves you, right?”

Miranda nodded her agreement. “But will he trust me after I tell him the truth?”

Darren's face and voice softened. “The way I see it you don't have much of a choice. As soon as the trial is over Ryan's going to come for his daughter. And unless you plan on being Houdini and disappearing off the planet, the truth will get out.”

Miranda felt chilled, imagining Caleb finding out about the charade from someone else. “As soon as I find his uncle, I'll tell him.”

Just then the computer beeped. Her search was complete.

 

As the sunlight began to creep through the blinds the next morning, she placed printouts in a manila folder, sat back and rubbed her dry eyes. She'd found his missing great-uncle, but she was sure that the results would be bittersweet.

“This is going to hurt his grandfather deeply,” she whispered. Logging off the computer, she flexed her shoulders and rolled her head forward and backward to loosen the tight muscles in her neck. Her search had returned zero leads even after she'd tried numerous variations of the man's name; but in the end it hadn't been the name or the age characteristic. Miranda frowned at the file. She knew why the thousands of dollars Marius had spent on private investigators had not borne fruit.

None of the agents had taken into account cultural history of the time period during which Lucas Blackfox had run away from home. Flipping open the folder, she looked at the copy of Joshua Fox's driver's license. Her eyes skipped over his age, weight and eye color, and zeroed in on the most important data point: race. Joshua Lucas Fox was listed as Caucasian. Like others fleeing the pre-Civil Rights south, Caleb's great-uncle had chosen not only to change his name when settling in Philadelphia, he'd changed his color.

Miranda grabbed her empty coffee cup and padded into the kitchen. Looking at the digital clock above the stove, she estimated that she had a little over a half hour before Kelly awoke. Ignoring the twinge of pain in her back, she poured a cup of last night's coffee and stuck it in the microwave. She needed to talk to Caleb today.

“I
don't believe it,” Caleb repeated for the third time since she'd stepped into his office and handed over the file on Joshua Fox.

Miranda battled her misgivings and wondered if she should have told him that day. Maybe she should have waited until tomorrow.

“Everything about him matches up with the information I received from your brother.”

“No, I have no doubt that this is my great-uncle. It's just that I've had a hell of a day.”

Instantly out of her seat, Miranda walked over and stood behind Caleb. She pulled back the neck of his shirt, and with her hands above the shirt line, positioned her thumbs. Starting at the bottom of his neck and gliding up gently, she applied a bit of pressure with both thumbs. Next, she slowly massaged her hands up and down his spine.

“That feels like heaven. Don't stop.”

“I won't if you tell me what happened.”

“We had a gunshot wound come into the emergency room this morning.”

“A police officer?” she asked, surprised.

“No, teenager.” Caleb closed his eyes. Just when he thought he'd grown halfway removed from the day-to-day medical cases, life threw him a curveball. “Accidentally shot in the leg by a seventeen-year-old friend playing with his father's handgun.”

“Did he make it?”

Caleb had taken him straight into the operating room and worked alongside one of the surgeons. “He'll live, but there's a chance that we'll have to amputate his leg. Christ, Miranda. The boy's mother said he was an All-star baseball player and had a chance at an athletic scholarship.”

“It's not your fault, Caleb. You can't save the world.”

“Doesn't keep me from trying, does it?” he asked rhetorically. The combination of Miranda's scent, melodic voice and massage drained the tension out of his body.

“I know and that's what makes you who you are. And I am proud of you for it.”

He reached up and covered her hand with his own. “Thank you, baby.”

“So what happens now?” she asked.

Caleb frowned and then remembered the information about his great-uncle. “I have to tell Marius. This is his baby. I need to let him decide what to do.”

“And if he makes the decision to let it be?”

Caleb shrugged. To keep secrets from his family went against everything he believed in. But this was bigger than his conscience. “Then my grandfather will live the rest of his days without knowing what became of his older brother.”

She came around in front of him and Caleb reached up and pulled her down into his lap, and swooped down for a kiss that sent the blood flowing to his heart and south to his lower body as well. He wrapped his arms around her. “I don't know what I would do without you, Miranda.”

“Look, Caleb. There's something I have to tell you.”

He shook his head and kissed her again. He knew she was going to talk about leaving and he didn't want to hear it. Not right then.

“Sweetheart, whatever it is, why don't you tell me tonight after the movie?”

“The movie?”

“It's pizza night.”

She blinked. “I forgot.”

“I might be a little late. I'm going to drop by Marius's on the way over and give him the news.”

She nodded slowly, and then leaned in to kiss him tenderly on the lips.

“I'll see you tonight.”

He watched her backside as she exited the doorway and made a mental note. That evening he'd be making two stops. The first to deliver the file to his brother and the second would be to pick an engagement ring.

 

“I still wonder how Dad could give up his new toy for Africa,” Miranda whispered in his ear.

Caleb looked away from the fifty-six-inch wall-mounted high-definition television and toward Miranda. He pulled her closer, and then released an extravagant sigh. “What men do for love.”

“What women do for the men that they love,” she countered.

“I would sacrifice.”

“Sacrifice?”

“Being a doctor has taught me more about life than all the years of school. Before you came back into my life I only had two reasons to make any kind of sacrifice—work and family.”

“And now?” Miranda whispered.

“I have three, you, my family and Kelly.”

Her eyes dropped from his face and she leaned in close to rest her head against his chest. “I don't know what to say.”

He rested his chin atop her head. “You don't have to say anything. I'm not the same man who needed constant reassurance and reaffirmation. I'm a man who loves you, Miranda Tyler. I'm a man who wants to protect and cherish you and your daughter for the rest of our lives. And I know that right now you're not ready to accept that yet. But I'm willing to wait.”

Miranda pulled away and searched his face. Just as she was about to speak, the doorbell rang. Her brow creased. “Darren must have forgotten his keys.”

Caleb shook his head as he tensed. “That's not Darren.”

“How do you know?”

“I know.”

“Is there something you want to tell me about?” Miranda's chin notched upward.

“Look, your brother's not coming home tonight.”

“Oh.” Her eyes widened. “But he's got a broken leg.”

Caleb glanced over to the love seat and was relieved to see that Kelly continued to sleep. “You stay in here and I'll see who's at the door.”

“All right.”

He stood up and made his way to the front of the house. A quick look through the peephole confirmed it wasn't Darren or the neighbors. Caleb unlocked the door and swung it open. “Can I help you?”

“I'm here for Miranda and Kelly.”

Caleb's eyes narrowed. The stranger was tall, bald and built like a football defensive tackle. Normally, when faced with a man about two times his body weight and muscle mass, he'd have been intimidated. However, courtesy of his medical training, he knew of a few ways to bring even the biggest man to his knees.

“And who are you?” Caleb demanded.

“Daddy!” Kelly screamed.

Caleb frowned as, out of nowhere, Kelly barreled past him and into the man's waiting arms.

“My baby. God, I've missed you.”

Caleb's jaw tensed. So this was Miranda's ex-husband and Kelly's adopted father. He could have gone through life hating a faceless man, but now he had come face-to-face with the man who'd married his woman, the man she'd turned to as a substitute for him. He was the man whom Kelly thought of as her father.

Caleb's jaw clenched as jealousy ripped through his guts.

“Dad, you're really here…” Kelly repeated.

Caleb stared, unable to look away from the intimate scene. And as his brain caught up with observing the happy reunion, he couldn't help but notice Kelly's uncanny resemblance to the man.

“Ryan.” Miranda's voice drifted over Caleb's shoulder. “This is an unexpected visit. Is everything okay?” Caleb turned his head to see her standing a few feet away.

“It will be,” Ryan replied.

“Why don't you and Kelly catch up in the den?”

Without waiting for an answer, Kelly took his hand and began to tug him toward the room she'd just left. “Come on, Dad, that's a keyword for ‘get out of the room so they can talk.'”

They were halfway down the hallway when Miranda's ex-husband stopped and turned toward Caleb. “Dr. Blackfox.”

Caleb met the man's eyes and the gratitude he saw took him by surprise. “I appreciate what you've done.”

Even before Ryan and Kelly were out of hearing range, Caleb focused on Miranda. “She's his daughter, isn't she?”

 

He knows.

Miranda had been dreading this moment from the day she'd sat across from Caleb in the hospital cafeteria and lied. She didn't want to lie anymore, but she didn't really have a choice. It wasn't that she didn't trust Caleb; she trusted him with her most precious possession—her heart. But she'd sworn to her friend and her boss that the only person she would tell the truth to about Kelly's origins would be her brother. She'd given her word and, no matter the cost, she would have to keep it.

“Is Kelly your ex-husband's biological child?” Caleb asked.

Her heart squeezed as a result of looking into his eyes mutely and seeing the hurt in their brown depths. She couldn't answer. Wanted to, but couldn't. The words stuck in her throat.

“She is my daughter.” Ryan's booming voice filled the hallway.

Caleb's eyes blazed and his voice was harsh. “This doesn't involve you.”

“Yes, it does. Miranda won't answer because she made a promise to me.”

“Ryan.” She shook her head. “I can handle this.”

Ryan stepped past Miranda and stood in front of Caleb. “You've already handled more than enough. Miranda and I were never married. Kelly's mother passed away from cancer two years ago and I've been raising her alone ever since. The truth is that we worked together for the Witness Protection Agency. I am…I was a Federal Marshal. Two months ago I got mixed up in an FBI sting on a Russian crime boss. Because I was an eyewitness, I had to go into protective custody until the trial. But before I agreed to do anything, I needed to know that my daughter was safe. At that same time Miranda had requested leave to help her brother. The director saw it as an opportunity and I saw it as a chance for Kelly to be safe and to have some normalcy.”

Miranda watched Caleb's expression throughout Ryan's speech and the fleeting moment of hope crashed against the impassivity of his face. Tears began to pool behind her eyes, but she blinked to hide them. Clearing her throat, she faced Ryan. “I need to talk to Caleb alone, please.”

Ryan nodded and she made sure that he was completely out of hearing distance before stating the obvious. “I lied to you, not Ryan. I didn't want to, but I gave my word.”

Feeling like the bottom of her shoes, she swallowed back tears. She should turn around and face the repercussions of her actions, but she didn't want to look,
couldn't
look at Caleb's face for fear of what she would see in his eyes.

She heard the sound of his footfalls against the hardwood floor and inhaled the sandalwood of his cologne as he stood behind her. And when he turned her around, Miranda still didn't lift her face to his. Only the slight pressure of his finger on her chin forced her to look upward. Her tongue darted out over her parched lips and she looked into Caleb's soft brown eyes.

“I know.”

Her brow creased with confusion and she stared at him with amazement.

“You're staring,” he told her.

“Why aren't you mad? Why are you still here? Why are you holding me?”

“Would it make you feel better if I were upset?”

She swallowed hard. “Yes.”

Caleb reached out and ran his fingertips over her cheeks. “Then feel better. I'm angry because you think that the love I have for you is so fragile that something like this could break it.”

She shook her head. “You hate liars.”

“I hate liver, too.” He grinned. “But I ate it when your mother put it on my plate. Miranda, what you've done to protect Kelly makes me love you more.”

Just looking up at him made the place in the center of her heart feel warm. She felt as if she'd swallowed a glass of her father's best cognac. His face. Lord, there should be a commandment against the beauty of his smile. She would never tire of seeing the chocolate brown of his skin against the white of his teeth and his midnight-black eyebrows. Miranda had never forgotten his face. She would never forget his face. Sometime in the past two months of being with Caleb, she'd unconsciously resigned herself to losing him. But she would happily go back to being alone as long as she had the memories of their time together and the image of his smile.

A tear slipped down her cheek. “I thought…”

“That I would leave?”

She nodded.

He placed two of his fingers underneath her chin and tilted her face upward. “I'm not leaving you tonight, tomorrow, next week, ever. Without a doubt we're going to fight. My family will interfere and your brother will complain. But this time I'm not letting you go.”

“I love you, Caleb Blackfox,” she declared.

He grinned and held her a little tighter. “I know.”

“What do you mean you know?” Her eyes sparkled.

“Remember the other night in the middle of my bed when your fingernails ripped up the sheets?”

“Shh.” She blushed.

“You told me
and
the neighborhood raccoons.”