The Victoria Vanishes (4 page)

'But Arthur, you were out of town when it happened,' his partner reminded him. 'How could you be expected to fully comprehend a crime that had taken place hundreds of miles away? You couldn't conduct an investigat
ion without any re
sources.'

'The point was that I thought I could,' said Bryant.
'I should have shared information inst
ead of hogging the little knowl
edge I had. I failed to observe the most fundamental rules of crime detection. I wanted to test Janice and the others, to make them come to their own conclusions.'

'Jack, leave us alone for a minute,' May told Renfield.
'I need to speak with my partner.' He pushed Bryant away from the bemused sergeant.

'Outside, you. I'm not having this argument in front of our staff.'

Seizing Bryant by the shoulders of his absurdly baggy coat, May steered him down the steep nicotine-brown stairs of the Devereux public house and into the narrow courtyard that filled with bankers and lawyers on summer evenings.

'How on earth could you do this to me, Arthur? Could you not have had the decency to discuss it with me first?'

'What, and have you try to talk me out of it?' asked Bryant. 'Just look at me, John. I'm half blind. I have to use four sets of spectacles: my reading glasses, my bifocals, my computer lenses and my distance-driving goggles. My observation skills are limited to noting whether or
not it's raining. I wear a hear
ing aid. I take tablets twice a day. I use a walking stick, but might be better off with a spirit level. I'm older than Picasso's minotaur paintings. I can't remember my e-mail address. My memory operates in an almost entirely arbitrary fashion. My sense of orientation is so poor that I'm lucky to find the front door of my house without the aid of an ordnance survey map. And on top of all that, I appear to be shrinking. How many more organs have to pack up b
efore I accidentally cause some
body's death?'

'Look, I know Raymond s
aid that your powers of observa
tion were failing, but he was talking rubbish as usual, and I am absolutely not going to have this kind of self-pitying conversation with you,' May protested, holding up his hands.
'You're as tough as an ox. Your father was a weight-lifting champion, for God's sake. You told me his neck measured the same size as Victoria Beckham's waist. Your dentist reckons you have the strongest tongue in London. He has to put you out just to clean your teeth. You know how you always exaggerate your faults. You're hurting because you weren't here to save Oswald Finch, but there's no point in blaming yourself because you couldn't have done anything. A detective is someone whose life operates on a strict binary sys
tem, Arthur; you're either work
ing flat out and fully committed or completely off the case. If you stop now, you'll really see how many parts of your body can start to fail. It's the job that keeps you supple in mind and body, can't you see that? I'm going to find Land and take that damned envelope away from him.'

'You'll do no such thing, Jo
hn, not if you value our friend
ship.' Bryant looked up at him with aqueous azure pupils. 'Don't you see? It's important to know when the time has come to stop, and Oswald's death has made me realise that I've reached that point. Back in that pub there are younger, more energetic members of the PCU who can continue our legacy.'

'Wait a minute, what about me?' said May hotly. 'You may have decided that it's time to give up the ghost, but suppose I'm not ready to go yet? I'm younger than you—'

'—only by three years—'

'—and I'm certainly not ready to retire. We've been a team as far back as I can remember. How am I supposed to survive without you? We can't just walk away from everything we've built, not now, not after all the battles we've fought to keep it.'

'We're not part of the Met anymore, remember?' Bryant rarely raised his voice, but was close to doing so now. 'There's no-one fighting for us, John. We're under the control of the Home Office, whether we like it or not. You've met that face-less little weasel Leslie Faraday. Worse, you've met his boss, the Phantom of Whitehall. They'll wear us down eventually.'

'So that's it, you just give up and walk away? What do you think you're going to do at home all day, thumb through your scrap-books of past cases, stare
vacantly out of the window jin
gling the change in your pockets?
Or worse still, phone the of
fice offering advice until nobody wants to take your calls anymore? That's what happens when people retire, you know. Their colleagues tell them to stay in touch but they don't mean it. They'll just think you're too slow and out of the loop. They'll be too busy proving themselves to bother with you. You'll be nothing more than a nuisance to them. Ageism is the last real taboo.'

May knew he had to make his partner see the truth, even if it meant being cruel. 'If you leave now, you know what we'll have wasted? All those years spent showing that we could hold our own against overpaid young hotshots, the bean-counters brought in by governmen
t ministers eager to prove them
selves. All our efforts to make Raymond understand why the unit needs to survive. Wait a minute—Raymond—' Why hadn't the chief mentioned Bryant's resignation to him? Could it be that he hadn't had a chance to read the letter yet?

'Come with me.' Seizing Bryant by the arm, May dragged him back inside the crowded pub. Land was standing near the bar, talking to his wife. A thin band of white paper protruded from his top pocket. May could not tell from this distance if it had been opened. 'You are going to get that letter back right now,' he told his partner.

'I most certainly am not.' Bryant stood his ground. And kindly take your arm off me. I
am still quite capable of peram
bulating around a room, thank you.'

'Then stay here while I get it and tear the damned thing up.' May pushed his way through the clusters of officers until he found himself standing beside Raymond Land's wife.

'Well, hello, stranger. Where have you been?' Leanne's eyes were half closed and her lipstick was smudged, but she was sending out signals to her favourite detective. For many years she had held not so much a torch for John May as a smugglers' lantern, but his ship had never been tempted to ground upon her rocks.

'Hullo, Leanne. I'm afraid Arthur was a little overcome after his speech and needed some fre
sh air.' He smiled while surrep
titiously checking Land's top pocket.

'Ha, he'll be hard-pressed to find anything fresh round here.' Leanne laughed, a tad commonly.'Tell me.' She leaned in so closely that he could smell Tia Maria on her breath. 'How do you manage to work with Mr Bryant without losing your temper? My husband wants to wring his neck most days.'

'I never said that, Leanne,' Land bristled.

'Oh, Raymond and I have our ways of dealing with Arthur, don't we?' May smiled awkwardly as he casually placed his hand on Land's shoulder. He t
ried moving it around to the en
velope in his top pocket and would have succeeded, but Leanne suddenly pulled him to one side.

'You know, John, I have a long-felt want that needs taking care of.' She made it sound like a furniture restoration project. 'You awaken something in me that Raymond can't handle. He's too busy with his golf. I've no-one to talk to. I live the life of a spinster.' In moments of desperation, Leanne's Morecambe accent surfaced.
'Can't we go out for a quiet drink one evening?'

'You're my boss's wife,' May reminded her, knowing that she never forgot.
'It's a matter of protocol.'

Staring over her shoulder,
he realised he had drawn atten
tion to the letter, and that Land was now pulling it from his pocket in curiosity.

'Raymond, don't read that,' he begged.

Land studied the envelope. 'This is Bryant's handwriting. What's he doing sending me letters?' His forefinger drifted toward the poorly adhered corner.

'Please, Raymond. Don't open that and I'll do a deal with you.' He thought fast. 'Leave it sealed until the weekend. Arthur didn't know what he was doing.'

'Another note criticising my ability to manage the unit, I suppose.'

'Something like that. Arthur wasn't thinking clearly. He'd just had one of his blue pills. If I can't get him to retract the contents, you can open it at this time on Saturday afternoon, how about that?'

'I don't understand,' said Land, who so rarely did. 'I don't like it when he insults me. Why should I hold off? What's in it for me?'

Actually it's a secret, but I'll cut you in on the deal,' said May, thinking on his feet and lyin
g through his teeth. 'Arthur in
sisted that your impatience would always get the better of you. He bet me fifty pounds that you couldn't keep your hands off that envelope until Saturday. So if you prove him wrong and leave it unopened until then, I'll split the winnings with you.'

'I don't know.' Land thought for a minute. 'Why do I feel there's something fishy going on here?' He re-examined the envelope suspiciously, but finally
returned it to his pocket undis
turbed.

I can't believe I got away with that,
thought May as he headed back in Bryant's direction.
I've bought myself a little time; now all I have to do is convince Arthur to rescind his offer, I'm such a hypocrite, telling him off about his envelope when I can't bring myself to show him the contents of mine, It's no good, I'll have to get it off my chest, My God, I need a drink,

He ordered himself a fresh pint, then prepared for the worst.

5

MORTALITY

A

rthur, I passed the statue of Edith Cavell this morning.' It was an opening gambit in his bid to explain his fears about the forthcoming operat
ion. May had just told his part
ner about the clinic's letter.

'Did you know there are memorials to her all around the world?' Bryant interrupted, sipping his London Pride bitter. 'There's even a mountain on Venus bearing her name, and of course Edith Piaf was named after her. Cavell said she was proud to die for her country. You don't hear that very often nowadays, which is probably a good thing.'

'Arthur, did you hear what I said? I'm rather afraid I'm going to die.'

'Rubbish! A blur on an X ray—they'll get you in and whip it out like a rogue tonsil. It's a bit late to be having intimations of mortality. Hatch, match, dispatch; there's no dignity in life. We wet the bed when we're born and when we leave. You'll be fine so long as they don't lea
ve a swab inside you or acciden
tally dose you with MRSA.'

'This thing growing inside me is the size of a horse chest-nut. It's going to be a dangerous operation.'

'Oh, doctors always say that. It's a way of covering themselves. Nobody likes to admit their job is easier than it looks. Patients think heart attacks are caused by stress because the first thing doctors ask them is "Have you been working hard?" Nobody in their right mind is going to say
"No, I've been winging it for quite a while now, but the boss hasn't noticed." Stop worrying so much.'

'Arthur, just for once try to take something seriously. I want you to be prepared for the worst.'

'If you go I won't stay around. It stands to reason. Wouldn't be much fun here without you.' He attempted to smooth down his fringe of unruly white hair.
Anyway, we can't bow out yet. I need a few juicy final cases with which to conclude my memoirs. There's still the matter of the Deptford Demon—'

'You're the one who just handed in his resignation.'

'Yes, but I thought I'd get a bit more work under my belt be-fore they pack me off with a pitifully
small cheque and an en
graved carriage clock. It'll take them months just to sort out the paperwork.'

'It feels like the end of times,' said May with a weary sigh. 'There are so many things to be put in order. If anything happens to me, someone has to take care of April. And who'll look after Crippen?'

'Oh, this is sheer morbidity. When are they doing it?'

'I'm booked into University College Hospital at the beginning of next week.'

'You see? They can't be worried or they'd have strapped you onto a trolley the moment they saw the X rays. I'll come with you, even though it means standing outside with all the dressing-gown people every time I want a smoke.'

'It's a quarter past ten,' said Raymond Land. 'Bryant and May are still over there in the corner conspiring about something.

What on earth have they been talking about for the last five and three quarter hours?'

'You're being paranoid, old sausage,' said Giles Kershaw, the plum-voiced forensic scientist who was taking over from their ill-fated coroner. 'They're not
talking about you, they're dis
cussing old cases.'