The Wall of Winnipeg and Me (11 page)

Two years too late. “Only because you want something.”

To give him credit, he didn’t try to argue with me otherwise. “I can be your friend. I can try,” he said in a low, earnest voice. “Friends take a lot of time and effort, but…” Aiden looked up at me again with a sigh, “I can do it. If that’s what you want.”

“I get so angry thinking about everything; I don’t know if that’s even what I really want anymore. It’s probably not what I ever wanted. I don’t know. I just wanted you to see me as a person instead of just that person you don’t ever have to tell ‘thank you’ to. So for you to tell me you can
try
to be my friend, it’s so forced.”

“I’m sorry. I know. I’m a loner. I’ve always been a loner. I can’t remember the last time I had a friend who didn’t play football, and even then, it usually never lasted. You know how much it means to me. You know how seriously I take it, maybe better than most of my teammates do,” he explained like it was taking everything in him to make that admission.

I just kind of side-eyed him.

He continued. “I know you know. I can also accept responsibility for not being very nice to you either, all right? I said I’m not good at this friendship thing, I never have been, and it’s easier not to bother trying.”

If that wasn’t the most slacker comment to ever come out of his mouth, I didn’t know what was. But I didn’t say it out loud.

“If you got on my nerves, I would have fired you the first time you flipped me off.”

I found myself not exactly feeling honored.

“You’re a good employee. I told you that. I needed an assistant, Vanessa; I didn’t want a friend. But you’re a good person. You work hard. You’re committed. That’s more than I can say about anyone else I’ve met in a long time.” That big Adam’s apple bobbed as he stared right at me. “I need a friend—I need you.”

Was he trying to bribe me with his amazing, once-in-a-lifetime friendship? Or was I just being a cynical asshole?

As I stared at his facial features trying to decide, I realized I was being dumb. This was Aiden. Maybe he’d done something shitty by not defending me, but if I really thought about it, he probably wouldn’t have defended Zac either. He’d said time and time again in interviews that he solely wanted to focus on his career while he had it. From every interview that had ever been made with one of his coaches, they all said the same thing: he was the most single-minded, hardworking player they had ever come across.

He started playing football his junior year of high school.
Junior year
. Most NFO caliber players had been on the field since they were old enough to walk. Yet Aiden had a calling, Leslie, his high school coach had said. He became a phenomenon in no time at all, and attended a university on a football scholarship. Not just any run of the mill school either, but a top one. One that he’d won a few championships with, and even graduated with a degree from.

Damn it.

God damn it.

He wouldn’t be asking me to do this if he didn’t think he had to.

And I was well aware that people didn’t change unless they wanted to, and this was a man who did whatever he put his mind to.

This pitiful, resigned sigh pulled its way out of my lungs. An answer to what he was asking of me sat at the front of my brain, at the tip of my tongue, curled in the pit of my belly. Was there any other possible response that wouldn’t lead me to being the biggest idiot on the planet?

“Let’s say we can. How long… how long would we have to stay marr—?” I couldn’t say it on the first try. “Stay married for?” I rushed out in a small voice.

He made sure to look me right in the eye when he answered. “Five years would make it seem less suspicious. I would only be given a conditional green card at first. After two years, I could get a permanent one.”

Five years? Aiden was thirty now; he’d be thirty-five. I was twenty-six for the remainder of the year. I’d be thirty-one when we’d technically get divorced. Thirty-one wasn’t old, not even close to it. The number didn’t seem as atrocious as it should have… if I was really considering agreeing.

But still. Five years. A lot could happen in that period of time. What I knew most though, was that there was no way in hell I could manage to pay off my loans in ten years, much less five, even if I sold my car, rode the bus everywhere, disconnected my cell phone, and ate ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

“Five years,” I repeated, blowing out a breath. “Okay.”

“Makes sense?”

I eyed him, reminding myself that I wasn’t saying yes to him yet. We were just talking. “Yes, it makes sense. If I were saying yes, which I’m not doing right now, so calm your horses.” I’d give myself a pat on the back later for being so ballsy and firm.

He stared at me evenly, unfazed. “What else are you worried about?”

I huffed. “Everything?”

Aiden blinked at me. “About what? I’ll pay off what you owe and buy you a house.”

Think, Van. Think
. It couldn’t go this easily. I had some honor, and I hadn’t completely forgiven him for being a jackass, despite his possibly manipulative and forced apologies earlier. My pride had a price too, and it was that idea that had me swallowing hard and meeting the gaze that for so long had forced me to look elsewhere.

“What if your career ends tomorrow?” I asked, despite how much of a gold digger it made me sound. This was a business deal, and I was going to treat it like one.

One of his eyebrows went a little funny. “You know how much money is in my bank account.”

He had a point.

“If I didn’t work the rest of my life, I would be fine. You know I don’t handle my money irresponsibly either,” he stated in an almost insulted tone. By that, he meant he could still go through with what he was offering me, and be okay in the end.

“I’m not going to be your assistant again either.” I made sure to keep my eyes on him even though I really, really didn’t want to. “I’ve worked really hard to do my design work full-time, and I’m not going to give it up.”

That wide, square jaw hardened, and I could tell his teeth were grinding, which gave me an oddly victorious sensation in my chest. “Vanessa—”

“I’m being serious. I’m not doing it. We tried it and it didn’t end well, and I won’t put myself through that again. You know I don’t even really want to do this, but you’re offering me something that’s hard to say no to,” I explained. “I’m not trying to take advantage of you, but I didn’t ask for this. You asked me. You’ve gone out of your way to get me to agree; I told you there are a million women in the world who would do this for you, and not want anything in return—” except to maybe sleep with him, but I kept that to myself. “You don’t need me. You have the world at your fingertips, big guy. I don’t know if you know that or not.”

After saying that, I realized I might be the dumbest person in the entire universe. The
dumbest
.

I half expected him to tell me to screw off then, but this was a deal breaker, and I needed him to understand that. If he told me I was out of my damn mind, then twenty years from now, I could more than likely live with myself for turning down his offer. I’d planned to quit working for him to further my dream; I wasn’t going to tie myself down for another five years with the same amount of work I’d been juggling. I just wasn’t. There was a lot I’d be willing to sacrifice, but not that.

Folding my hands on my lap, I squeezed one set of fingers tight, focusing, and keeping my breathing even.

He was frustrated. Aggravated. But he wasn’t saying yes or no. I had nothing left to lose, and I needed him to understand that yes, maybe I was being a little bit of a bitch, but it wasn’t for no reason. He did what he did for his dream, and I was going to do what I needed to do for mine. If anyone could understand that, it should have been him.

I reached up and played with one of the legs of my glasses, forcing myself not to look away. I licked my lips nervously and raised my eyebrows. I’d done it, said what I needed to say, and I could live the rest of my life with the consequences, damn it.

What seemed like a month later, The Wall of Winnipeg sighed.

I set my elbow on the counter and mirrored his position in resignation. “Are you fine with me not being your assistant or not?”

Aiden nodded gravely, forcefully.

I wasn’t sure whether to be disappointed or relieved, so I went with neither. Business mode, I needed to get into business mode. “I’m not going to go to jail for you, so we need to figure everything out. What are we going to tell Zac?” Speaking of Zac, where was he? I wondered.

“Even if I told him to find his own place, he would know something was going on. We have to tell him. We would need people to confirm we’re in a real relationship together.”

Was that the truth? I nodded, thinking of Diana, and how I had told her everything already. “Yeah. I have to tell my friend. She would know something was going on. I can get away with not telling anyone else.” I’d thought about it, and I was fairly certain I could embellish Aiden trying to win me over to come back as some sort of love story. At least, that’s what I hoped. Not being super close to anyone, including my little brother who had his own busy life, obviously helped in this situation.

Aiden nodded, practical and understanding.

But… I raised both of my shoulders. “What about everyone else?”
Everyone else.
Literally. Everyone in the world. Just thinking about it made me want to puke. Any idea or hope of possibly being able to hide a possible marriage had gotten flushed down the toilet when I remembered an article on Aiden years ago, when he’d been spotted eating dinner with a woman—a woman who turned out to be a rep for a company that was trying to endorse him. Who cared? I’d originally thought.

Then it had hit me. Some people did. And too many people cared about all things involving Aiden Graves. He couldn’t cut his hair without someone posting about it. Someone in the world would find out we’d gotten married at some point. There would be no hiding it.

And that made me feel uneasy. I hadn’t even liked the attention I’d gotten from people when they found out I worked for him. Getting hitched to him would be an entirely different ballpark.

I had to swallow the saliva in my mouth to keep from gagging.

“We could keep it quiet for a while—” the big guy started to say. I gave him a look that he just returned with a blink. “—but someone will find out eventually. We can get married without making a big deal over it, and divorce the same way. What happens on the field is for my fans, everything else isn’t their business.” The way he stated that didn’t give me room to doubt him.

I would be living the rest of my life as Aiden Graves’s ex-wife.

The thought almost made me cross my eyes at how absurd it was. Then immediately afterward, I wanted to put my head between my knees and pant.

Instead of doing any of those things, I made myself process his words, and then nod. His idea made sense. Obviously, someone in the world would eventually find out, but Aiden was intensely private with the people he knew, and so much more with folks he didn’t. It wouldn’t look strange if we kept it a secret as long as possible.

The thought had just entered my head when I asked myself, what the hell had I gotten myself into?

“We wouldn’t be able to sign an agreement that says you get a house and your loan paid off, but I hope you trust me enough to know I wouldn’t back out on you.” Those dark eyes seemed to laser a message on my forehead. “I would trust you enough not to sign a prenup.”

No prenup? Uh….

“I won’t begin a relationship while the marriage is intact,” he continued out of the blue. “You can’t either.”

That had me raising my gaze. My relationship status wasn’t going to be changing any time soon. It hadn’t in years, and I didn’t foresee it doing so any time soon, but my conversation with Diana seemed to haunt me. Even as a fake wife with a paper marriage, I wouldn’t want to look like an idiot. “Are you sure you can promise that? Because you might meet—”

“No. I won’t. I’ve only loved three people in my entire life. I don’t plan on loving anyone else in the next five,” he cut me off. “I have other things to worry about. That’s why I’m asking you to do this, and not finding somebody else.” What he wasn’t saying in that moment was that he was in the prime of his career, but I’d heard him say those exact words countless times in the past.

I wanted to cry horseshit, but I kept it to myself. I also wanted to ask who the only three people he’d ever loved were, but I figured this wasn’t the time. Leslie had to be one of them, I imagined. “If you say so.”

From the way his throat bobbed, he wanted to make a comment, but instead he kept going. “I’ll help you pay off your loan over the next three years.”

And negotiations suddenly came to a screeching halt. For a moment.

Then I made myself think about it. Taking a few years to pay off the loan would look an awful lot less sneaky than if it was done in one or two big payments. If I made a few payments here and there, that would look a lot better too, wouldn’t it? Like if we waited a few months until after we signed the papers and everything? I had to think so.

“Okay.” I nodded. “That works for me.”

“My lease on this house is ending in March. We can rent another house afterward or sign another lease here. When my residency comes through, I’ll buy one that you can keep afterward. ”

Afterward
was the second thing I paid attention to.

The main thing I didn’t miss was the beginning of his statement and the ‘we’ in the following sentence.

“I’d have to move in with you?” I asked slow, slow, slowly.

That big, handsome face went a bit squinty. “I’m not moving in with you.” I couldn’t even find it in me to be offended; I was too busy processing whether he’d made a joke or not. “You’re the one worried about making it believable. Someone is going to check our licenses.”

He had a point. Of course he had a point. But… but…

Breathe. Loans and a house. Loans and house.

“Okay. All right. That makes sense.” My stuff. What was I going to do with it? My apartment with all my things that I’d collected over the years….