The Wanton Widow - A Regency Novella (8 page)

“
Not tonight.” Willow gently pushed his head away from her. “Though I hate to disappoint you, Philip, I think I would be a very poor lover tonight.”

Grumbling, Philip covered her with her nightrail and pulled the blankets over them. “Did I say something to anger you?”

“
No.”

“
Have you tired of me?”

“
No.” Willow cradled one of the pillows against her chest. She knew the reason behind her coldness, she just didn't want to admit it to herself. And she certainly couldn't admit it to Philip. “I'm feeling under the weather.”

“
Are you ill?” Philip laid his palm against her forehead. “You aren't with child, are you?!”

“
No!” Willow used her pillow to swat him in the head. “I just want to rest, if that's quite alright with you!?”

“
Very well.” With a grunt, Philip rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “I'll just have to ignore the throbbing in my breeches, I suppose!”

* * *

The following morning, she happened upon Edward Harcourt, the very man whose visage pervaded her thoughts. She was wearing her breeches and shirtsleeves, her usual attire for a morning ride.

“
Willow!” Edward exclaimed. “You're just the woman I wanted to see!”

“
How fortuitous for you,” she answered apathetically. “Although... considering the fact that I am the only woman here, I think I win by default.”

Edward took her arm and started leading her down the hall. “I was wondering about Eddie.”

“
Eddie?!”

“
Yes!” Edward chuckled. “I had assumed he would be here, but I have not seen hide nor mangy hair of him. Did you leave him in London?”

“
Indeed. As rambunctious as he is, I did not think he could survive the ride, so I left him with Cook. She complains about him, but I believe she secretly loves him.”

“
And what about Philip?” Edward asked. “Has he warmed up to our canine friend?”

“
No. And I don't think he ever shall!” As Willow headed toward the stables, she pulled Edward along with her. “I was going to go for a ride, Edward. Would you care to join me?”

“
A-absolutely,” Edward said, his minor stutter evading her notice. “I would assume that is why you are dressed like a m-m-man?”

Willow caught him that time, and she pinched his arm.

“
You must be getting accustomed to seeing me in breeches.”

“
I am. But you are still very much a
lady
in my eyes.”

Willow flashed a smile at him as they headed into the stables, where she instructed the groom to prepare two horses. When they rode out, they stayed close to one another, fearing they might lose each other in the lattice of trees. As early as it was, Willow swore she could hear the hoot of an owl overhead. The orange sunrise seemed to set the branches ablaze.

When they were out of the forest, Edward followed Willow to a hillside, where she dismounted her horse and sat in the grass. But the dew was heavy, so she hopped up almost immediately. But it was too late. Her breeches were dampened by the dew, making them quite uncomfortable to wear.

“
It's beautiful out here,” Edward said, admiring the halo of light that surrounded the early morning sun.

Willow's horse prodded her in the back, so she gave his snout a scratch. “It
is
beautiful,” she agreed. His gaze was fixed on the sunrise, but her gaze was fixed on his profile. The longer she was in his presence, the more handsome he was. “Edward...?”

He turned in her direction. “Yes?”

“
There is something I have to say,” Willow said. “I might regret it, but I know I would regret it more if these words were left unsaid.”

“
What is it?”

“
For the past week or so, I have thoroughly enjoyed your company.”

“
As I have enjoyed yours.”

“
You're not like other men,” Willow said. As soon as she saw him frown, she added, “And I mean that in a good way. Other men might claim to be gentlemen, but you are a
true
gentleman. All along, you have treated me with kindness and respect. I enjoy our conversations so much...”

“
As do I,” he echoed. “And I believe I might have a new affinity for pinches.”

“
An affinity for pinches?!” she repeated with a giggle. “Am I going to have to come up with a new punishment for stammering, Mr. Harcourt?!”

“
You might... for when I catch myself stuttering, it's almost as if I anticipate it,” Edward said, smiling cheekily. “I wait for it. It gives me pleasure.”

“
Next time, I'll have to box your ears!” Willow wagged a finger at him as she issued her threat. “Anyway, you have taken me off course. What I mean to say is... I care for you a great deal.”

“
And I care for you,” Edward parroted. “Your friendship means so much to me, Willow.”

“
Friendship
...” Willow was crestfallen as she repeated the word. “You see... that's the thing, Edward. I don't want your friendship.”

“
P-pardon?”

As intense as the moment was, she didn't feel like pinching him
or
boxing his ears. “The fact of the matter is... I think I might be falling for you.”

There was silence for several seconds, apart from the chirping of the birds in the nearby trees. Edward blinked several times, thoroughly taken aback by the widow's admission.

“
I think about you every second of the day, but I don't know why,” Willow went on. “When I hear you talk about Jane Abrahms, it makes my heart ache, because I want so badly for you to say those things about
me
!”

“
Willow, I...”

“
Wait!” She held up a finger, so he allowed her to continue. “You've never held a woman in your arms... I want you to hold
me
in your arms. You say you have never been kissed, but I want so desperately to kiss you!” Willow coiled her arms around her body, hugging herself. “The worst of it is... I don't feel like I deserve you! And I know you could never be with me, nor would you
want
to be with me. Nevertheless, I felt it was necessary to tell you exactly how I feel.”

Edward opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He was more tongue-tied than he had ever been in his life.

“
You have no reason to lack confidence, Edward,” Willow continued. “You are handsome and kind and thoughtful and charming. What woman could possibly ask for anything more?!”

“
I... had no idea you felt this way.” When Edward blinked, he swore he could see stars in his eyes.

“
Last night, Philip tried to lay with me. But when he touched me, I was dangerously close to retching, because I wanted his hands to be
your
hands!” Willow admitted. “I can't possibly be with him when I feel this way about you...”

“
You're falling for me?” Edward had to repeat, because the words didn't sound natural to his ears. “A beautiful woman like you!? I'm awkward and p-p-plain and gangly. Why on earth would you w-waste your time?!”

“
I'm falling for you.
You
!” she cried. “The person you are!” Willow ran toward him and seized the lapels of his greatcoat. “I want you to bed me!”

Edward's jaw dropped. “B-b-b?” He couldn't even bring himself to say it, not for the longest time. “Bed you?!”

“
Yes! I want to lay with you! I want it more than I've ever wanted anything! I want to feel every inch of your body pressed against every inch of mine!”

“
B-but you know how I feel...” Edward whispered. “You know I am saving myself for marriage.”

“
I know!” Willow groaned. “And I know you could never marry me...which is why my heart is aching every single minute of every single day.” Still clutching his lapel, Willow gave him a shake. “But at the very least, will you kiss me?”

“
I...”

“
Please!” she begged him. “Please...
please
! I cannot begin to tell you how much I want your lips on mine!”

Edward reached toward her. First, his thumb brushed across her cheek. Then he used an index finger to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “You have given me much to consider.”

“
What does that mean?!” Willow shrieked. “Do you not want to kiss me?! Do you not have any feelings for me whatsoever? If that is the case, Edward, then let me down quickly... and gently, if you please.”

“
I have
much
to consider,” he repeated. “For now, I suggest we go back to the lodge.” Edward grabbed his horse's bridle and started to mount. As Willow watched him, her heart was twinging, searing. She didn't know what she expected to come of her confession, but his cold reaction had her feeling let down.

She needed to be alone, and she needed to have a good cry.

Chapter Ten

After evading another night of intimacy with Philip, Willow couldn't rest. It was as if her entire world was coming undone, and she had Edward Harcourt to thank for it. Until he came along, she knew what she wanted. Until he came along, she had control of her emotions. She did not want to be in love with him, as it was terribly inconvenient.

“
In love with him?!” Willow said aloud, putting a voice to her thought. “That's preposterous! You don't fall in love, Wilomena Worthington! You would know better than to lose your heart to some... some...”

And how would she describe him? When she first met him, Willow thought he was unremarkable in every way. But the more she got to know him, the more she realized how special he was. If only she would have him, Jane Abrahms would surely the be luckiest girl in the world.

“
If only he would have
me
,” Willow said with a sigh, turning toward the library. As she pushed open the door, she silently chided herself for letting Edward Harcourt invade her thoughts.

Unfortunately, she would not have solace from those thoughts, because the man in question was sitting in the library, hunched over a book. He was wearing spectacles, which only made him more adorable—as if he could be more adorable! Willow tiptoed into the library and quietly browsed one of the shelves. She had been avoiding him all day, so she had no reason to address him now. Maybe he wouldn't even see her? Perhaps she could come and go and never--

“
Willow.”

She winced at the sound of his voice. She plucked a random book from the shelf and slowly turned around, facing his direction. She should have known her avoidance could only last so long.

“
Good evening, Mr. Harcourt,” Willow addressed him as rigidly as her voice would allow. “It's late. Why are you still awake?”

“
I could ask you the same question.” Edward removed his spectacles and slipped them in the pocket of his greatcoat, which was laying on the table. He was in his shirtsleeves, and his cravat was untied.

Suddenly, Willow was aware of her
own
state of undress. She was wearing her nightrail.

“
What are you reading?” Willow asked, clutching her own book to her chest, whatever it was. She hadn't even bothered to read the title.

“
Rob Roy
. Have you read it?”

“
No, I don't believe I have. Are you enjoying it?”

“
Very much. You should read it when I'm finished.”

“
Perhaps I shall.” Willow eyed the door. After making a fool of herself that morning, she desperately needed to flee, to escape with her hammering heart. She wished she could see into his mind, to read his thoughts. Why did he not address his feelings? Did he really have such an aversion to her?

“
Join me,” Edward said, motioning toward the chair across from him.

“
I... should get back to my room.”

“
Nonsense.” He kept pointing at the chair. “You've only just arrived, and I would like some company.”

Willow crossed the room and sank into the suggested chair. When she was seated, she studied her book. It was old and tatty, possibly from the seventeenth century, and it appeared to be a children's book. By all accounts, it was certainly not something she would have selected to read. “About this morning...” she started.

“
What about this morning?”

“
I apologize for my nonsense,” Willow said. “I was not thinking. I was too candid, and I might have said a few things I did not mean.”

“
Oh?” Edward closed his book and leaned across the table, closer to Willow. “And what words are you rescinding, exactly?”