The Waterless Sea (34 page)

Since that morning she had not let him touch her. She could see that it hurt him, but she couldn' t help it; it was more than she could endure.

Mica could only guess at what her friend felt, but Calwyn preferred her clumsy sympathy to the bluff incomprehension of Tonno, who had never known chantment and could not understand what she had lost. She' d heard him mutter to Darrow, ‘I can' t sing. Never hurt me. Life' s simpler without it, I reckon. Nothing to break your heart over, anyway.'

‘It isn' t
your
heart, Tonno,' Darrow had retorted sharply, and Calwyn had felt a fierce stab of gratitude.

But it was painful for her to watch Darrow. He moved about the Palace so briskly, and wore his power so lightly. At every moment he was surrounded by petitioners, and beset by large and petty demands. He kept Heben always by his side, and soon Heben was swamped with supplicants, too. The first Council of the new Republic was held. Representatives of the Seven Clans and the miners of Phain and Geel were expected within days for an even greater council.

Heben had surprised everyone by insisting that women be included in the councils.

‘They' ve all agreed – for now,' Darrow told Calwyn wryly. ‘We must establish Council practice before they remember that they despise women even more than they despise sea-dwellers. Ah, well. Perhaps the generation that comes after this one will be more tolerant.'

‘The next generation!' Mica widened her eyes, and Darrow had laughed.

‘I must plan a long way ahead. An Empire might be destroyed in a day, but it will take twenty years to build the Republic to replace it.' He looked at Calwyn, and his face became serious. ‘Without you, Calwyn, none of this would be possible.You have given Merithuros the most valuable of gifts: a space of generosity, and willingness to listen.'

He put out his hand to her, but she did not take it. She said nothing. Empire or Republic, it made no difference to her. What did she care for Merithuros, and its councils, and its votes and speeches? Darrow cared passionately; Darrow belonged here. She had never seen him so full of purpose, so energetic, so cheerful. He was happy. She had never, in all the time she' d known him, seen him happy before.

Her hand went to her throat, where the little hawk hung from a silver chain. She thought of another gift Darrow had carved for her, over a year ago, the wooden globe that she kept beside her bed in the cottage on Ravamey.
At home
, she told herself. The word tasted strange on her tongue. But many words seemed strange to her now; even the gift of speech had been tainted.

Mica' s voice dragged her back from her thoughts. She was leaning over the edge of the balcony, peering through the looking-tube across the shimmering lake.

‘Look at Tonno down there! He' s teachin em how to make boats! They don' t like it one bit!' She gave a gurgle of laughter. ‘Halasaa' s there, too. Can' t see what he' s doin –' She craned her head. ‘He says he' ll plant trees, and more
arbec
, and –' She stopped. ‘What was that other thing? Pearl-grass?'

Calwyn looked up listlessly. ‘He wants to sow pearl-grass in the lake,' she said. ‘It' s a marsh plant, a grain. It grows in shallow water.'

‘He says he' ll make a garden, good as the one at home.' Mica stole a glance at Calwyn. ‘Sounds like he' s plannin to stay here a good long time. Who' d have thought it?'

Calwyn shifted restlessly on her cushion. Halasaa was happy, too. What kind of person was she, that the happiness of others only seemed to deepen her own misery?

‘The twins is stayin, too, with Heben. Shada reckons Darrow wants to make Heben his – what do you call it? Like first mate to the captain.'

Calwyn shook her head mutely.

‘His deputy, that' s it. Heben and Fenn together, if the Council agrees.' Mica slid onto a neighbouring cushion, and gave a sudden giggle. ‘Remember when Heben first come to us askin for help, and he said he never wanted to be Emperor? Looks like he might end up bein the next best thing!'

‘Marna used to say, one of the best signs of being fitted for power is a reluctance to hold it,' said Calwyn. She had been thinking of Marna more and more in the last days.

‘Cal,' said Mica suddenly. ‘What if we take some of them chanter kids home with us to Ravamey? Start that college you was talkin about last winter?'

Calwyn stared at her. ‘How can we possibly do that?' she asked sharply. ‘When I can' t even sing any more?'

‘Well, I thought . . . maybe you could still
teach
em.' Mica shrugged, and looked away, embarrassed. Then, with relief, she caught sight of someone approaching, and smiled. ‘Here comes Darrow!' She sighed. ‘I can' t never remember to call him my lord,' she said plaintively. She scrambled to her feet and waved cheerfully to Darrow, who for once was alone.

Calwyn looked up in alarm. ‘Don' t go, Mica!'

‘I' m not sittin here like a third oar in a rowboat, when you two want to talk to each other.'

‘But I don' t –' cried Calwyn desperately. But Mica had already skipped away.

At first it seemed that there had been no reason for Mica to go. Darrow settled himself beside Calwyn, and stared out at the silver lake. The ruby ring gleamed on his finger. For a moment Calwyn was seized by a vivid desire to see him hurl the stolen Ring of Lyonssar into the shining water, to throw away the Lordship of the Black Palace with all its duties and its glories, and be her Darrow once more. As she watched, Darrow twisted the Ring around his finger, and she almost believed he would do it. But then he let his hands rest on his knees, foursquare, like a king, with the Ring still in its place.

‘How are you feeling today, Calwyn?'

‘Quite well, thank you,' said Calwyn irritably. She was tired of people asking her how she felt, as if she had a fever, when what ailed her was a different kind of sickness entirely.

‘This is a pleasant spot.' Darrow spoke with exaggerated cheerfulness, ignoring her tone. ‘I wish I had more time to enjoy these splendid views.'

‘I don' t want to keep you from your duties,' said Calwyn, tight-lipped.

Darrow looked at her. ‘I wish there was something I could do.'

‘Well, there isn' t. You can' t help me. Halasaa can' t help me. No one can.'

There was a pause. From far below floated the sound of a splash, and hearty laughter. Darrow smiled. ‘ Tonno' s boating lessons are progressing well.'

Calwyn pleated the hem of her tunic between her fingers, and said nothing.

Darrow stretched his legs out in front of him. ‘Have you heard the news? Your friend, the Princess, has escaped.'

At that Calwyn looked up. ‘Keela' s escaped? How?'

‘The soldier assigned to guard her could not resist her charms. The current spirit of forgiveness was very useful to her! None of Tonno' s boats is missing, so she must have waded through the lake.' Darrow grimaced. ‘She has some courage, I will grant her that. I sent searchers after her at once, but I fear we' ve lost her.'

‘Where do you think she' s gone?'

Darrow looked at her. ‘To Gellan, I imagine,' he said drily. ‘To join her brother.'

‘You believe her, then? You think Samis is alive?'

‘Keela believes that he is. Nothing else could make her cross that water. Before this, I was not inclined to believe her. But now – I am not sure.'

‘You know, when we were in Spareth, after – when we thought he was dead –' Calwyn spoke slowly, feeling for the elusive words. ‘Do you remember Halasaa' s dance? I had such a sense of the life in everything, after that. And I did think, I did think I could still sense the flame in Samis. But I thought it must just be that the sense was so new to me, it was all jumbled up –'

She stopped abruptly. That day, the sense of becoming had been so new to her, so exhilarating. For the first time, she had been able to perceive that flicker of life in all beings, the glow, the energy that animated everything. She had been so filled with joy; she remembered how she' d laughed with delight as she caught Halasaa' s eye, sharing their gift. But now – now everything was dead to her. The light, the flame had gone. It was all dull, all disconnected. Savagely she wiped at her eyes. How she hated Darrow to see her weep!

‘I will go to Gellan,' said Darrow. ‘I must.'

Calwyn looked at him in horror. So helpless herself, the thought of Darrow going into danger clutched at her heart. ‘But . . . your work is here!' she stammered.

‘All our work will be undone if Samis lives. I must be sure.' ‘Then send someone else!' cried Calwyn. ‘Send – send Heben!'

Darrow laughed. ‘I could not send anyone to face Samis who was not armed with chantment. This is a task I must undertake myself. Heben can stay here. Since his father has disowned him, he does not owe allegiance to any of the Clans, but he understands them inside and out. He and Fenn will fill my place until I return.' He looked at Calwyn swiftly. He said, ‘I would ask you to come with me, Calwyn. But –' Calwyn laughed bitterly. ‘There' s no need to say it. I' d only be a burden to you, like
this
.'

‘It isn' t that,' said Darrow, but he couldn' t meet her eyes.

‘I wish I could go!' she cried with sudden passion. ‘I wish I could fight him! I wish I could do
something
, anything! I wish my hands had been cut off, rather than this!'

Darrow opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, and closed it again. He shifted on his cushion, folding one leg beneath him. At last he said, ‘I know this is small comfort, but there are many things you can do in the world without magic. Not one in a thousand people in Tremaris has the gift of chantment. The rest must find some way to live.'

Calwyn gestured impatiently. ‘I know. Tonno has told me how lucky I am to have my youth, to have – friends – who care for me... ' She did not look at Darrow. ‘But I' m not
whole
. I will never be whole again.' She dropped her head, and this time she didn' t bother to dash away her tears. ‘Perhaps it' s a punishment from the Goddess,' she whispered. ‘For Ched, and Amagis, and the ones who were killed when the Palace fell. Halasaa says that every healing has its price. Surely every death must have its price, too.'

Darrow frowned. ‘The Goddess would never punish you for what you have done here. Calwyn, in helping to heal this land, you have saved many more lives than you' ve had a part in ending!' He reached for her hand, but she flinched from his touch. ‘I came to ask if you would stay here, until I return from Gellan.'

‘No,' she said at once, surprising herself. She hadn' t realised that she had made up her mind already, and so firmly. ‘No. I can' t.'

In a low voice, he said, ‘I would like you to stay. I would like to think of you here – safe –'

‘Oh – Darrow.' She looked up at last. ‘I can' t stay here.'

There was a pause. ‘If you are sure,' he said carefully. ‘I will not try to persuade you. Tonno will sail with me to Gellan. We could take you and Mica home to Ravamey, and Halasaa perhaps, though he might remain here a little longer, I think. Trout will be missing you . . . ' He saw her face. ‘What is it?'

She shook her head. ‘I had – such dreams, on Ravamey. I can' t bear to go back there, not while I' m like
this
.' She gazed bleakly across the bright sheet of the lake. ‘But where else is there for me to go?'

From somewhere behind them came the sound of children' s laughter, and the patter of bare feet as they chased each other across the polished floor.

Darrow said, ‘You might go to the mountains. Back to Antaris.'

Calwyn looked up at him quickly, and he saw a light in her eyes that he had not seen for many days. ‘The mountains! Oh, I have been so homesick for the mountains!'

Slowly Darrow nodded. ‘If there' s anywhere you might be healed, that will be the place.'

The light in her eyes died, like a candle blown out, and she looked away. ‘I can' t hope for that.'

‘I understand.' His voice was quiet. ‘Calwyn. If you can wait until I return, I will come with you.'

Her breath caught in her throat.
He will come
– There was nothing she would like more in the world. To make the same journey in reverse that they had made together the previous summer, across the plains and up into the mountains, to walk day after day with Darrow at her side. And perhaps, at the end of it, to be healed – She had to speak quickly; if she waited, even for a heartbeat, she couldn' t trust herself to give the answer she must give.

‘No,' she said firmly. ‘No. I couldn' t just sit here, not knowing what was happening to you. I couldn' t bear it. And you couldn' t come back, and then leave again so soon. Your place is here. You must finish the work you have begun.'

‘The work
you
have begun,' he said, and there was such tenderness in his voice that the silver water danced and blurred before Calwyn' s eyes.

‘I want you to make me two promises,' said Darrow, with the note of steely command he had recently acquired. ‘Firstly, that you will be careful. Do not travel alone. Take someone with you, Halasaa, or Mica. Even Trout, if you can drag him from his workshop.'

Calwyn nodded mutely.

‘And secondly, if you don' t find what you are seeking –' His voice dropped. ‘Or if you do find it – whatever happens, promise me that you will come back.'

Calwyn found that she couldn' t answer. Darrow touched her cheek. His grey-green eyes were half-smiling, half-stern. ‘If you don' t make that promise, then I will have to exercise my authority as the Lord of the Black Palace, and keep you imprisoned here.'

She tried to smile. Words choked in her throat just as they did when she tried to sing chantment. She whispered, ‘I would like to promise, but –'

‘You can' t?' Darrow' s voice was suddenly harsh.