The Way Back (17 page)

“I want to tell you how amazing you are for taking care of your mother. And how proud I am of you for picking yourself up after getting fired and making a new life for yourself.”

“You might get to see that trick again real soon,” she admitted thinking about what she was going to tell Melissa. Any thoughts she had of her boss slid out of her mind when Jamie slid his leg between hers.

They were kissing now, his tongue was in her mouth and she was sucking on him, drawing him deeper and she thought about how she had never felt this way with any other man. Never once felt as cherished and as beautiful as she did in this man’s arms.

She rubbed her hands along his chest and felt the crinkle of hair under her palms and the heavy beat of his heart and knew a connection she’d never known before. It was like Paula had said, sometimes you didn’t know what you were missing until you felt the real thing for the first time.

Gabby brushed her thigh against his and loved the contrast of his rough-furred skin, against her softness. Reaching down, she pulled off her shirt so she could rub her chest against him, as well. She wanted to be covered by him. Consumed by him. She squirmed and wiggled so she could feel him completely and totally all over her body.

Suddenly he pulled back, and looked into her eyes. “I want to be ready for you, Gabby. I want to do whatever it means to make that happen.”

She could see the serious lines along his lips and eyes. He wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t teasing. He was making a vow and she believed him with her entire being.

Too bad now wasn’t the time for vows and commitments. There was so much to hash out, a future they were going to need to discuss eventually. The entire world was going to restart for them both tomorrow. Tonight she only wanted to be with him. To revel in the joy and bliss that he wanted the same thing.

To be with her. Gabby Haines. With her too soft body, her truckload of issues she didn’t even realize she hadn’t let go of and all the uncertainty about where she was headed.

In what universe did a woman get this lucky to find a man like Jamie Hunter?

He pressed his erection against her belly and she reached down to take him in her hand. He groaned a little in the back of his throat and she thought how much she liked the sound. When they first made love, things had been wild and crazy. She’d been so lost in her desire and her need. It had all felt intense and chaotic and wonderful.

This time she wanted to record everything. She wanted to learn the sound track of Jamie making love and commit it to memory. When she squeezed him harder, he groaned again. When she released him, he whispered no and brought her hand back to him.

“More,” he said as he rocked into her hand.

His mouth sucked in the tip of her breast, tonguing and teasing her nipple until she felt the tug deep in her belly, between her legs. His hand slid there and his finger pushed into her wet sex.

Together they rocked and stroked each other until the need to have him inside became overwhelming.

She felt his momentum push her onto her back and for a second she was willing to go there, to let him come on top of her and take her the way he had the last time. She would be beyond filled with him and he would control the pace and her pleasure and it would be thrilling.

But it wasn’t what they had agreed to. This was her turn to take him to bed. Gabby wanted to know what that felt like. To control, instead of be controlled.

She pushed against his shoulder. “No, me on top.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he drawled, apparently more than happy to roll over. She kicked the covers out of their way and simply stared at him. A beautiful man with a beautiful body. His erection was thick and heavy lying against his hip waiting to find a home. He reached into his nightstand for a condom and handed it to her, allowing her the honors. When it was in place, she leaned back and looked at him like he was a feast she was ready to devour.

Gabby thought about the T-shirt she’d removed. The last time she’d been fully naked with a man while making love was with Jamie, of course, but before then she’d always been partially clothed. The more weight she added the more clothes she kept on.

With Jamie, she hadn’t once thought about her body other than to register how good he made her feel.

This time as she straddled his hips and felt his hands reach up to cup her full breasts, she wondered if her old self-conscious behavior would return. She considered reaching for the T-shirt to have some security nearby.

“No,” he said watching where her eyes had strayed. “Naked and on top of me. It’s just as good as you naked and underneath me.”

Naked and underneath me.
She remembered the words and remembered how they made her feel and now it was her turn. She reached for his hard shaft and placed him at the opening to her body and let herself revel in the slow slide as she pushed down on top of him, taking him deep.

Yes, naked and underneath her was a good thing. Had she ever done this before? Had she ever let herself not worry about how she looked or what she did or more likely what she was doing wrong? None of that mattered. Instead she rocked her hips and thought about how she felt.

How good it was to twist and roll and feel his length pressing inside her body. How amazing to have him teasing her nipples, then gripping her hips to make her go faster. How marvelous it was to hear his moans mixed with harsh breaths when she took him harder and deeper.

“Yes, baby, that’s it. Ride me. Take me. Whatever you want. However you want it.”

She moved one of her hands from the thick muscle of his chest and brushed it over his lips as if to take the words from his mouth and capture them. He sucked her finger deep into his mouth even as he thrust his hips up against her. The simultaneous sensation of part of her being inside him while he was inside her was electric.

His mouth, his tongue. She wanted that, too. She wanted all of him. And she was ready to give him all of her.

She bent down and kissed him, plunging her tongue inside his mouth while she rocked her hips faster and faster. Her orgasm was overtaking her and she almost stopped moving. She didn’t want this ride to end. She wanted to be here in this moment forever. Because after the pleasure crashed over them and after they fell asleep, tomorrow would come. And she didn’t know what would happen tomorrow.

Now was perfect.

“Oh, yes!” he shouted she could feel him tighten underneath her like a wild animal in the throes of a mindless pleasure.

He thrust heavily once, then again and his pleasure pushed her over the edge. She felt the liquid heat run from the tip of her head all the way to her toes and she wondered if she had ever felt as fulfilled as a woman as she did right then.

She heard him groan again, this time a more languid satisfied sound. He reached up and cupped her head and brought it down to his chest while she disengaged their bodies and lay fully and completely on top of him.

“Don’t leave again.”

She heard the whisper, heard the almost desperation in his voice.

“No matter what happens just don’t leave.”

“I couldn’t,” she answered, kissing his chest and nuzzling more fully into him as she settled into sleep. “I couldn’t because I love you.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“I
FEEL
SO
freaking good.”

“You’re welcome.” Jamie looked entirely too smug.

Gabby let go of her foot, finishing the quad stretch on her right leg. She was prepared to make a snarky remark but she couldn’t. He was right. He was absolutely the reason she felt so good. They had made love last night in a way she’d never done before, giving herself so completely she felt merged or combined or part of something other than herself. As though the two of them had made another entity.

Whatever ridiculous line she could think of from a sappy romantic movie, it was exactly how she felt.

They woke up early to retrieve her car from the ferry and, crazily enough, still had enough energy when they returned to make love again. This time Jamie didn’t wait until they reached the bedroom. Instead they started kissing and touching in a frenzy of need as if they hadn’t made love intensely enough that they had both fallen into a heap of exhausted bodies mere hours ago.

He undressed her on the stairs and laid her out naked, only pushing down his pants as the minimum he needed to before he took her so hard and fast she had rug burns on her bottom.

She should remind him of those red marks, but she knew it would only make him more smug because she had enjoyed earning every single rug burn.

Still, she felt as though it was her duty to make an effort to keep his ego in check. Otherwise the man could become impossible to live with. If she was going to live with him. In the future. Her thoughts strayed to the future and immediately Gabby stopped herself.

Today. Now. Present. These were the only things she would let herself care about.

“I was talking about the stretching.”

He laughed. “No, you weren’t.”

“No, I wasn’t, But you know it wasn’t all you last night.” It was only fair she get her share of recognition since she’d been the one on top.

“You’re right. There was someone definitely there with me. All the way with me. Last night, this morning, on the stairs.”

His eyes started to smolder as he took a step toward her and she could feel the inside of her belly turn to jelly. For someone who had gone so long without sex, maybe she was in danger of overdosing. Because right now she wanted him again. On a public beach—even though no one was around—in the middle of the day. Even though she was still coming to grips with her body image, she wanted to get naked and roll around in the sand.

Rocky sand. Hard little pebbles of sand.

“Oh, no, you don’t. You already gave me rug burn. I can’t imagine what this rocky sand would do to my back.”

His smile contained a hint of evil. “Are you suggesting I would have relations with you outside? And on a public beach, no less?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then you would be right. But you know, I don’t have to put you on your back. If you want to hop on me and wrap your legs around my waist, I bet we can—”

Gabby held her hand up. “Stop. Just stop. We are going for a run. It’s what we said we would do. That and talk.”

“Sex is more fun than talking.”

It was. She’d never thought so before, but it totally was.

“After we run, we’ll need showers.”

“Shower. Singular,” he said.

Her eyelashes lowered. “I think you mean shower, double.”

“Whatever. Let’s run and get this over with.” He tugged on her hand and they started their slow trot down the beach.

Maybe it was the mild spring sun on her face, or that he was jogging in sync with her or the melodic lap of the water on the beach, but for the first time she was loving the feel of her body. The movement, the pounding of each foot on the beach, the slight pump of her arms. Sweat started to form on her neck and that felt good. Heat was rising under the ball cap she used to keep her hair back and that felt good, too.

She was a runner. She loved running. She wouldn’t have known it if not for him. She wouldn’t have known so many things about herself if not for him.

Like how she loved stair sex. And how she loved food and wasn’t going to be afraid to eat it. And, most of all, how she’d been burying herself in hurt and pain for so long never realizing how much love and joy she’d been missing out on.

Later, she would call her mother. She would let her mother hear her voice and then her mother would know that, for the first time in a lot of years, when Gabby said everything was all right she really meant it. Her mother would hear the voice of a happy daughter and it made Gabby even more happy to think about how good it would make her mom feel.

All because of Jamie. He ripped her open like a bag of chips and ate away until there was nothing left to hide. How was she ever going to thank him? For giving her back her life? Once more a man who knew exactly how to rescue someone.

“So…what happens next?”

Gabby whipped her head around. Jamie was still staring forward not missing a stride in his steps. She’d been too busy thinking about how happy she was and how good she felt. His question bordered on future talk. None of that for her. Not when it might spoil a second of her mood.

“We run another mile? I think I’m good for four today.”

“Gabby.”

She grimaced. It was his serious voice. She could probably guess what he wanted to know. She had the story of the year in her hands. American Hero caught in cheating scandal and banished from society returns when it’s revealed he wasn’t the one who had been caught cheating that day.

“I should tell you something,” he said unintentionally picking up speed, which made her fall behind a few paces. When he saw she was slower he deliberately eased his pace until she could catch up with him.

“I’m listening.”

“When you were gone I got a call from NASA. They’ve been contacted by the International Space Organization which controls the space station to come up with contingency plans in case the situation deteriorates any further or faster and they can’t repair the problem and will need to evacuate.”

“And they want you to help them.”

“Not to take part in any rescue efforts—I told you, those days are gone. They want me as a consultant.”

“Well, if anyone has experience saving the space station it’s you.”

“It would mean going to Houston. Meeting with officials there. There is news coverage down there as people are watching what’s happening and are growing more concerned. If NASA officially gets involved, the press coverage is bound to get more intense.”

“It’s bound to get really intense with Jamison Hunter involvement.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Gabby didn’t say anything for a few steps as she tried to put together what he was thinking and where this conversation was taking them.

“Are you afraid?”

He looked at her sharply. “Afraid of what?”

“Of it all starting again. The questions, the snide comments, the tabloids following you.”

“Look, this is a temporary gig. I go down, we spend a few days meeting, then I’m gone. I’m a civilian now. It’s not like they can hold me there. How much could any reporter say about anything?”

Gabby snorted. “You don’t know what these people are like. News people aren’t just news people anymore. They’re entertainers. We live in a world with a twenty-four-hour news cycle when, realistically, there is barely twelve hours of worthy news a day. You do the math. Jamison Hunter coming out of retirement will make a splash. Just like the old stories have been surfacing in a vague way every time they talk about the station. And every time they mention your name, the scandal is mentioned. Once you step foot in Houston, the whole story will become front and center again.”

Her speech winded her a bit as Jamie kicked up his speed a little and she was forced to do the same to keep up. He was agitated. It was obvious. Again she considered where all this was headed and finally it occurred to her.

She stopped in her tracks and bent over to catch her breath. After a few steps Jamie stopped, as well. Slowly, he walked back to her.

“What’s the matter? A stitch? Just breathe it out.”

“No,” she said, although she did try to take a few deep slow breaths. “Jamie, do you want me to do it?”

He shook his head to show he didn’t follow what she was saying.

“I could break the story. I have some friends in the industry who I could contact. I mean, forget the book for now. Why wait? We can tell everyone what happened in Florida all those years ago. Change the story of you entirely. Then when you go to Houston it won’t be ‘Here comes the villain again.’ Instead you’ll be returning as America’s Lost Hero. It could be fabulous. If we played it right—”

“Hold on. That’s not where I was going with all of this.”

“Why not?” Gabby said getting more excited by the prospect. “You’ve spoken with Paula and you know she’s ready to come out with truth. In fact, she wants to finally be free of the lie. She wants people to know who she is. Now is the perfect timing. You can redeem yourself. You can show everyone how wrong they were not to believe in you. You’ll look like even more of a hero to the world because you did everything to protect the woman who was your wife even though she was cheating on you.”

“Gabby…”

“Of course Melissa will have the exclusive on the book, which she’ll have to let me write as the person who actually broke the story,” Gabby continued. “It will be perfect! Everybody wins.”

Jamie turned away from her and started a slow walk back the way they came. Gabby hadn’t made it the four miles she’d hoped, but maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, ideas for who she wanted to bring to the island to break the story circled in her mind. Did they want a hardcore reporter, or someone softer? Maybe more of
Good Morning, America
feel than a
Nightly News
one.

“You don’t get it,” he said softly. “All I was asking was if you would be willing to go with me. To Houston.”

Gabby jogged a few steps until she caught up to him. She reached for his arm to stop him. “Of course I’ll go with you. But don’t you see this is a good idea. It’s the right time to finally tell everyone the truth when everyone will be watching you again.”

“Gabby, I don’t care about the truth! I don’t give a damn if people know what happened that day or not. I know what happened between me and Paula. I know what went down in our marriage. I don’t need to share it with the world.”

“I get that—”

“Do you? Do you really? Why did you hunt down Cheryl and Paula to begin with? I know you had it in your craw I wasn’t telling you the truth. I think I get why it was important to you to find the truth, but I don’t know if you do. I need you to say it. Why did you go find them? Did you do it because you knew you would get fired if you didn’t have something fabulous to put in this book that is never going to happen?”

He was angry and Gabby didn’t understand why. By finding Cheryl, by confronting Paula, she’d finally freed him of this awful lie. He should want to tell the world they were wrong about him.

“I did it for you—”

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit.”

“Let me finish,” Gabby snapped. “I did do it for you. It’s not fair what happened to you. Not fair your legacy is forever tarnished by something someone else did. Maybe you don’t care, but I do. And yes, I did it for me. I had to. I was falling in love with you. Don’t you get it? You, a known adulterer, and I couldn’t stop myself. My grandfather cheated on my grandmother, my father cheated on my mother, my fiancé cheated on me. Do you honestly think I could let myself love
you?”

“No. I don’t.”

Only Gabby didn’t hear him. “I wanted to love you. I wanted to so badly. I knew you weren’t the person they’d portrayed in the media. I knew you were good and kind and heroic. Not just for the cameras, but every damn day. I had to prove it.”

“Gabby. I told you, you were going to have to find a way to forgive me. I told you.” His face was tight and his eyes were imploring her to do or say something, but she didn’t know what.

“But there is nothing to forgive. Don’t you see? You were innocent. So everything is okay now.”

He swallowed and she could see a shimmering in his eyes that, if he were a normal man, might be a prelude to tears. But Jamie had nothing to cry over. She had liberated him and by doing so she cleared the path to love him. They should be celebrating. Not fighting.

Because this, whatever it was, felt a lot like fighting.

He reached out and took her hands in his, simply holding them and squeezing them for a time while he seemed to search for the right words.

“I thought I wouldn’t tell you. I thought maybe it was part of being ready for you. Letting the past go and not hurting you or pushing you away intentionally. But I can’t do that. I can’t be someone I’m not.”

“I don’t understand. Jamie, you don’t have to be anything besides who you are. You’re this amazing wonderful man and I love you.” So why did she want to cry right now? Why did she feel her breath coming faster than it had when they were jogging? Why was he looking at her as though he was about to break her heart?

“But would you forgive me? If it had been true? If I had cheated?”

“I— I don’t know. I don’t have to, so what’s the point?”

“The point is eight years ago in Florida I found my wife in bed with another woman. I was shocked and startled and mad as hell. Mad, because it explained a lot about our sex life. Mad, because of what I thought she made me become. I was twenty-two when we married. That first year, when things became clear it wasn’t going to be…easy…between us, I got restless. Bored and resentful, too. Everything else you might imagine a hotshot, hotheaded egocentric pilot might become. I started cheating on Paula not fourteen months after we were married.
Fourteen months.
I met a woman in Germany. She was a scientist from Russia working on a program with other American scientists… .”

Gabby felt her knees give out. He was still holding her hands but she was now kneeling on the beach feeling the tiny stones dig in through her spandex not really sure how she got there. She pulled her hands free and sat back on her calves.

“Zhanna,” she breathed.

Jamie sat in the sand next to her. Not touching her. Not looking at her. “I didn’t know. Elia returned to Russia and I never knew. Zhanna showed up here two years ago and told me she was my daughter and her mother was dead and I was to take care of her.” He laughed at the memory. “Just like that. She explained how she was a grown woman at twenty, and would have her own place and her own job, but ultimately I was responsible for her well-being.”