The Way It Never Was (26 page)

‘Okay, I might have told a little white lie,’ she says, not looking at me and studying her glass. ‘He finished things with me actually.’ Before I have time to respond, she then wanders off in the direction of the kitchen.

I’m shocked. All along, I thought that Anna was the one to walk away and that Stan merely resurrected our friendship, as it was the default thing to do. What’s stranger still is that she just doesn’t appear that bothered either – not even a bit – which again begs the question as to why she is here, a hundred miles from home at a dodgy fancy dress party?

Coming out of the bathroom where I’ve given myself a good talking to in the mirror – finished off with a shooting gun gesture like Claire would do – the entire party is now flocking into the kitchen, as is always the way. There is Anna again, fishing what looks like a very nice bottle of wine out of the back of the fridge while I make casual enquiries to the annoying Pocahontas girl as to where the remainder of mine is.

‘There’s no way the host is going to give me the paint stripper when I’ve brought my favourite,’ Anna says, pouring herself a glass then squirreling it away again.

‘Punch anyone?’ Wayne offers, walking past Anna who’s sipping her wine and now in search of the bathroom. Judging by the snugness of her catsuit, she may be some time.

‘You not sore Wayno, with that thing strangling you?’ I say, tugging on the professional buoyancy aid around his chest that looks really uncomfortable.

‘Yes, it chafes but Claire thinks people won’t know who I am unless I wear it,’ he says grimly, as though there is no such thing as free will.

I take one of the vile looking glow-in-the-dark drinks off him, before chucking it into a pot plant when his back is turned. Not Claire, no, she gulps back hers, a silly move seeing as Wayne’s punches are infamous for consisting of wine and spirits all uncomfortably mixed together, with an old trainer thrown in for good measure.

Anna then wanders back into the kitchen and dims the lighting. ‘We are not in a Chinese takeaway Wayne. Ambience darling,’ to which Wayne gestures us to follow him, a welcome distraction as after her little bombshell, I’m now stuck for something to say that is light-hearted and breezy and away from the subject of her failed relationship.

‘You want to see ambience? Right this way ladies,’ he says, promptly shooing us into the main bathroom.

‘What’s the green?’ I ask, not really wanting to know.

‘Vodka Jelly,’ he booms in a deep voice like a proud scientist. At the sight of a bath crammed with little pouches of slime, if Wayne truly thinks I’ll be eating anything that’s been near the vicinity of his bottom, he can think again. What with the numerous tea lights accompanying the jellies, the scene is all looking a little hazardous, like a partygoer could actually catch on fire while they were having a pee.

‘Wow,’ I say under my breath as I’m truly stuck for words.

Finally, with Wayne having got the memo about shutting off the rest of the house to create an atmosphere, the lounge is filling up with people. With Stan, Dan and Liv nowhere to be found, I make a boredom pit stop by the buffet again which is looking more than a little sad for itself.

‘Why did you get Scotch Eggs Wayne?’ I ask, before having to repeat this casual comment at least three more times due to the fact that Claire is nibbling near his ear canal.

‘It wasn’t my idea it was Claire’s. She made me them. They’re gluten and meat free.’ Heart sinking, I stuff one in my face. It actually tastes quite nice.

‘Where’s Linda?’ I say through my mouthful to Claire, just as the lady herself walks in, holding her fiancé by the wrist as though he were a naughty child. Dressed up like Bono to Linda’s Cher, a moustached Dave wearing a poncho and flairs looks like he wants to be elsewhere.

‘Dave said he loves a fancy dress party and insisted on coming,’ Scary Linda announces and I study him closely trying to imagine him uttering those words.

Looking them both up and down with a puzzled expression, Wayne sighs. ‘Who did you come as?’

A little while later, I’m back at the buffet, piling a bendy plate high with random food, only to be cornered by Scary Linda who’s decided that she must verbally give me a revised to-do list for the engagement party. Tuning in and out of her detailed breakdown and nodding at key moments so it looks like I’m fully engaged, I start working out how to extract myself. It’s official.
I
want
to
go
home
.

‘Hi Kate!’ booms a loud voice, making me swallow the last mouthful of Scotch Egg down the wrong way. It would appear that Mabel Bunce, through sheer force of will has taken the open invite on Facebook as gold and has shown up to this party, all the way from London. Having been befriended by her on social media recently, our very own resident Marilyn, who is standing next to me doesn’t bother to disguise her bemusement at her being here either.

‘Mabel, what are you doing here?’ Liv says, looking her up and down as I cough for England. ‘I hope you’ve not come to piss off Kate,’ she warns, before making some excuse about needing to check her wig.

‘Did I say something?’ Mabel looks after her, almost in admiration. ‘It’s Liv isn’t it? Apparently, she knew my brother too.’ Oh, the joys of tenuous links on Facebook.

‘How are
you
Kate?’ she says slowly, as though she were asking an elderly person if they’d like a cup of tea.

Such is her attempt to sound genuine it only serves to make me downright suspicious.

‘I’m fine, how are you?’ I say lightly, to which Mabel then proceeds to tell me that she has now quit Jam Jam and is freelancing as a virtual PA. Quite frankly, I don’t buy into any of it, as she was a lifer if ever there was one. Something doesn’t ring true.

‘Okay, what happened?’ I sigh. ‘C’mon, spill.’

‘Mabel got caught shagging her colleague on the photocopier, didn’t you sis?’

I look up and there is Joe.

CHAPTER 34 -
THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Standing in the doorway wearing the full Gladiator costume is Joe, now being thumped by a rather annoyed Mabel. My first impressions are that firstly, his outfit looks exceedingly homemade and secondly, that he doesn’t have the thunderous thighs or height to carry it off. But saying all of that, my heart still skips a beat, as though my tired autopilot is giving itself a little rev as it’s been programmed to do so for so long. The brain clearly hasn’t caught up with the heart yet but it will, it will. Walking past, Wayne stops for a minute and looks at Joe, as though mentally trying to place him.

‘Hi Wayne,’ says Joe, punching him on the arm like he’s an old friend. ‘Thanks for inviting me.’

Wayne just looks at him with a bemused expression. ‘Okay, can’t remember you but hey, yeah, welcome,’ he says, before walking off shaking his head.

From across the room I can see Anna having a one-sided conversation with my brother who, judging by his awkward body language, is clearly not interested. Catching my eye, Dan gives me that pained expression as I resume the conversation with Mabel.

‘Not the photocopier with Simon?’ I say to Mabel for extra effect as I take pleasure in watching her squirm. ‘Believe me, I was witness to the first lot of your boob photos circulating around the office. I only wish I could un-see them.’

Despite everything that has gone before, Joe and I both share a conspiratorial chuckle, me for a split second thinking that as we still have the same sense of humour, something vaguely resembling friendship might be salvaged after all.

He then looks me up and down. ‘What about you Kate? You’re not telling me you’ve not kissed anyone at work. You can’t have held a torch for me the whole time. I trust you got out there,’ he grins as his sister laughs delightedly. I just look wearily at him, berate myself for this momentary lapse of judgement and wander away from both of them.
No
Joe
,
on
second
thoughts
,
we
won’t
be
friends
. It’s not just that I have nothing to say to him, I actually don’t know him anymore.

‘I physically stuck my foot out in the hope to trip him up,’ Liv says, when I recount what Joe said to me. She then asks the obvious question. ‘Anyhow, what is he doing at a party in Broadstairs? He must have run out of people in London to brag to.’ I nod in agreement as even for Joe, the ‘King of CoogeeView’, this is a bit odd. I honestly don’t understand how my world can be that small that my ex flame is now hanging out in a seaside town with my school friends.

‘Am I the only one noticing my brother is always staring at you?’ I nudge, pointing my head in a backwards direction, as while chatting to Stan, Dan is openly looking over at Liv every sixty seconds.

‘Yeah,’ Liv grins. ‘It feels nice actually. No, make that fucking amazing!’

Over Liv’s head, I then spy Anna entering the room and walking over to Stan.

‘What do you mean it feels
amazing
?’ I say, wanting Liv to elaborate.

‘Oh you know, you meet someone and then think he’s a fucking jerk, only to then think completely differently,’ she explains. Fair enough, I think, perhaps that is worthy of the word ‘amazing’.

Grinning, Liv gives me a quick hug, before motioning to Dan to follow her into the other room, prompting Stan to wander over to me and leave Anna mid-sentence.

‘They’re a good match those two,’ Stan says, nodding in Dan and Liv’s direction.

‘I’m still getting my head round the fact they don’t hate each other anymore,’ I admit. ‘Well, whaddya know? Silly old me! Turns out they clash because it is true love.’

Stan puts his arm around my shoulders. ‘Yup, everything can change in a blink of an eye you know.’ It’s strange but I’m pretty sure Liv said the same thing to me on my birthday.

I glance over at my friend and I just can’t help myself. ‘Well, it didn’t work for us did it?’ I say, in this little strangled voice. I’m embarrassed for vocalising the
it
that hovers between us, the
it
that as it turns out has been following us for our whole friendship, and the
it
that I now realise has prevented me from getting on with the business of new relationships. For that brief moment in California when Stan and I decided to go
there
– albeit for a millisecond – I could imagine what the change in feeling could bring, where falling in love with your best friend could take you. Then Stan stuck a pin in my balloon and made it bang. ‘You didn’t tell me you were the one who ended it with Anna,’ I say quietly.

‘You never asked,’ he argues. ‘You just assumed. Like she’s this Hollywood goddess. Yes, people have been known to finish with Anna, Kate.’ I know he’s right. I did immediately presume she finished it with him as people don’t dump Anna do they? I mean she’s the girl that all the boys love. She’s the greatest – isn’t she? ‘Anyhow, having my ex here is driving me to drink, you want some?’ asks Stan waving his empty glass at me, leaving me standing there with just a cheese and pineapple hedgehog for company.

‘Hey Kate.’ It’s Joe and inwardly I groan.
Here
we
go
!

‘Steady on, two conversations in two years – we might make a habit out of it!’ I joke, but Joe just sways from the drink, now and again shaking that ponytail that I’m sure as hell they didn’t sport in gladiator times.

‘Since I’ve been back in the UK, all I’ve been hearing about is how I hurt you.’
Oh
not
this
again
.

‘Joe,’ I interrupt, gently putting my hand on his arm. ‘We’ve already covered this. I used to talk about you.’
And
I
mean
a
lot
. ‘But you know what, I’m absolutely fine now.’

Joe looks incredulous. ‘Really?’ The cheek!
He
sounds
like
just
like
Anna
!

‘Yes, really!’ Shaking his head, Joe gestures for me to sit down on the nearby sofa, but I’ve no plans to be settling in for a couch session anytime soon.

‘Look, I know I never kept in touch with you,’ he says looking up at me, stretching his flamingo pink crocs out in front of him. ‘But my career was more of a priority. I did tell you that.’
I
know
you
did
Joe
,
that’s
all
you
ever
talked
about
! We would sit on Coogee beach watching the ferocious waves suck under some poor unsuspecting tourist, while he’d strum those same two chords on his guitar and declare how he’d never settle for any old job and his career was going to go stratospheric.

‘Thing is Kate, my destiny was set. I did exactly what I said I was going to do,’ he states proudly, with a note of reconciliation in his voice, like we are tying up loose ends. ‘I just never thought for a minute you’d never bother doing anything constructive yourself.’

Looking at those wrinkles born from too much partying under the hole in the Ozone layer, two years have flown by but I still know that face as well as I did when we were together. Like Stan, I’ve stared at him for so long that he is branded on my brain forever.

‘Look, I admit I invested a lot of valuable time liking you Joe,’ I say, putting another cheese and pineapple stick in my mouth, my tenth of the night.
A
lot
. ‘But I’m okay now, just a little sad at wasting so much time on you – the same way as you would be if you had to get rid of a stray animal that you got used to feeding.’ Joe looks seriously underwhelmed at my analogy, which I concede is not the most flattering one from my repertoire. ‘What I mean is that I took a bit longer to get over you than I planned.’ I say, attempting to articulate how I feel. ‘But let’s face it, it turns out there wasn’t really anything to get over was there?’ It’s true: When you’re told it’s distance that is thwarting your romance, it just doesn’t seem like a proper reason and so it elevates whatever it is you thought you had. Add into the equation the fact there was nothing really to end in the first place, no wonder I found it twice as hard to find closure.

‘But you know something, I take full responsibility as I used you as an excuse, for not accomplishing all the things I could have done,’ I say chewing on a cocktail stick. ‘That was my own stupid fault. You see, you never for one second waivered from your ambitions – and full respect to you – whereas me, I spent too much time avoiding decisions in preference for pining for something that didn’t even exist.’

Staring at the cheese and pineapple hedgehog that’s now looking like it’s got alopecia, Joe looks thoughtful for a moment. ‘You know something Kate, everyone just thinks I sat out in the sun all day with a beer, pulling all the girls,’ he says.

‘Joe, you know that’s all you did!’ I laugh. ‘I’ve never seen anyone’s feed so active on Facebook. My God, I’m surprised you had time to actually do any work, you were so busy with your selfie stick,’ I say, smiling at him.
What
a
cathartic
little
exercise
this
whole
experience
is
turning
out
to
be
!

From out the corner of my eye, I can see Stan coming back into the room with my drink and looking in my direction. I shake my head as though to say, ‘It’s okay I have got this covered’.

‘Anyhow, never mind me,’ says Joe, ignoring my previous comment, as he damn well knows it’s true. ‘What are we going to do about you! Arsing about in shitty secretarial jobs?’

Annoyed at his over-familiar and critical stance that has dashed any hope I had of a meaningful exchange, I interrupt. ‘Excuse me! My jobs weren’t shit! They just weren’t
me
!’ Why I’m feeling the need to explain myself to him, I have no idea but he’s touched a nerve that’s been touched one too many times.

‘And now I hear you’re now working in a café again,’ he shakes his head. ‘Not exactly high flying stuff is it?’

‘You know something Joe?’ I say, my heart pounding. ‘You really don’t know me anymore. In fact, I don’t think you ever did. You see. I never really got a word in edgeways the whole time we were in Sydney. ‘Cause you never stopped talking long enough to ask did you? And just because I happen to be doing something that I stumbled upon doesn’t make it a wrong choice!’

Taking a sip of his snakebite and black, Joe rolls his eyes and swishes his ponytail. ‘Don’t make it sound like a proper job Kate. You’re kidding yourself. You’re just taking the lazy way out.’

Swooping in just in time, Batman Dan swishes his cape around me and checks I’m okay.

I nod, openly flushed, the way you get when you’re hopping mad and ready to hack someone’s beloved ponytail off with nail scissors. ‘Joe, I really don’t care what you think. It has absolutely nothing to do with you,’ I say, to which Dan stifles a snigger and looks down at his bat sign, which is still flashing intermittently. ‘And you want to know something else?’ I say a little shriller than anticipated, looking at this frankly, rather obnoxious man that has occupied far too many of my thoughts to date. ‘And while we’re all about honesty, has anyone ever told you that no-one with any sense gets a tattoo that says Y.O.L.O. No-one! Oh and you are also a terrible kisser. Awful! I pity the girl you end up with!’

As Joe sits there pursing his lips looking flabbergasted at my fighting talk, Anna, who appears to have been listening to the whole exchange slowly walks over and sits down straight onto his lap. In complete slow motion, he then puts his arm around her and kisses her full on the lips – the kind of kiss that smacks of something more.

‘Err, you two seem cosy,’ I say and Dan squeezes my hand protectively. Joe whispers something to Anna, who then shrieks with laughter and rubs her hand up and down that little thigh of his. With the chorus of a Taio Cruz song playing in the background, Anna then looks right at me without blinking. ‘Kate, thing is, sorry to break it to you but I’m the one kissing Joe. You see, we’re actually dating.’