The Way of Grace (Miller's Creek Novels) (61 page)

“Well, t
hat much I remember.”

A tired smile touched his lips. “Oh, so the sarcastic Gracie is also awake?”

“To know me is to love me.”

Now his face grew solemn.
He probed her eyes
for a moment, like he wanted to say something, but
couldn’t bring himself to form the words
. “Anyway, Ernie came and carted Jason
and Elena
away. Based on what I’ve read in the papers,
Elena has agreed to cooperate with the authorities and testify against him.”

“And Jason?”

His face hardened. “He’
ll
most likely be
out of commission
for a very long time.”

Sorrow flooded her heart and made its way to her face.

Matt’s expression fell
, the tired lines around his eyes deepening
.
“You still love him?”

“It’s not like that, Matt
, and it really never has been
.
” She glanced behind his head to the brightening light beginning to stream around the edges of the curtain.
“
I care about him and
wish things could have turned out differently.”

Disappointmen
t joined the fatigue on his face. “Still wishing for Mr. Perfect
, huh
?”

“No.” Graci
e gave her head a
vehement
shake
to re-emphasize the word. “
If I’ve learned anything from this experience it
’s that the old saying is true.
All that glitters isn’t gold.” She paused to catch a breath
and stave off her dry throat and the bad taste on her tongue
. “In fact, if it glitters at all, that’
s a pretty good sign
I need to run fast and furious in the opposite direction.”

The smile returned to Matt’
s face
,
only bigger.

Her heart
thumped furiously
. She needed to let him know how much she lo
ved him, but surely he’
d find her words insincere after the many times she’d made him think she didn’t care for him at all.

Just as she gathered the courage to express her love, the door
swung open. A
woman in a white coat entered,
a man in scrubs right behind
. “
Good. You’re awake.” The
kind-eyed
woman
poked the button on a container of sanitizer on the wall, rubbed her hands together, and then leaned forward to shake
Grac
i
e’s hand
, the smell of rubbing alcohol heavy in the air
. “I’m Dr. Jackson. You ga
ve us quite
a scare. We didn’t think you were going to make it there for a while.”
The woman straddled a nearby stool.

Grac
i
e glanced
at Matt, who had closed his eyes,
like the memory was more than he could bear.
What she wouldn’t give to erase his
sorrow. Getting well was the first step, but then w
ould her words of love be enough?

Papa joined them, his
eyes
still bleary with sleep.

She
sent him a smile
and
turned her gaze back to Dr. Jackson. “Well, I’m tougher than I look.”

“Glad to hear i
t, because you’ve still got some hurdles to overcome.”
Her
words were
hushed,
but
sincere
, giving them greater weight.

A slow shudder raised goose-bumps on the flesh of her forearms.
“Sorry, but
I’m not following.
Other than be
ing weak and thirsty,
I feel
just
fine.”

Matt now hung his head
between his shoulders, and without raising his eyes, he reached over and took her hand in his
, caressing her fingertips
.
Papa also st
ood with his head down, but
one hand
rose
to wipe away tears
.

A heavy sigh escaped from the woman beside her.
“T
he bullet lodged near your spine,
Gracie. It
caused
pretty
extensive
damage.” Dr. Jackson
paused and
swallowed
,
her kind eyes
full of compassion
. “There’s a pretty good chance you’ll be paralyzed
for the rest of your life
.”

The new
s seeped
into her spirit in clumps
. At first she wanted to laugh
and shake her head, t
o tell the doctor
there must be som
e mistake. Instead she decided to prove them all wrong.
Sh
e
threw off the covers and
tried to move her legs
and toes.
N
othing.

The ro
om began to spin and
grew distorted, like she viewed
them
all
through a long
, dark
tunnel.
“Any other great news you care
to share?”
She knew t
he bitter acid words she spoke
sounded harsh, but at the
moment
she didn’t care.

Dr. Jackson
nodded. “The bullet
destroyed your uterus.”

A feral sob that seemed to come from
a place outside
her pierced the dark silence. Her act of grace had been more costly than she’d ever imagined possible.

She made the mistake of glanc
ing at Matt. Though his form was blurred by her tears, his head still hung low, like he couldn’t bring himself to even look at her.
Why would he want to?

Who would want a future with
a crippled woman who could no longer bear children?

2
6

M
att stood in the waiting area
at
Baylor Medical
hospital
in Dallas
,
a sleepy island in the midst of a sea of noise and hubbub
,
trying to summon strength
to help Grac
i
e
through the challenges of
another day. The hours had stretched into days and the days into weeks.
C
hristmas and New Year’s had
come and
gone, and n
ow the doldru
ms of February had set in. T
he weather seemed to mirror how
he
felt—
completely
iced over.
And
to make matters worse,
today was Valentine’s, a day for couples to celebrate their love
.

Another piece of his heart crumbled to ashes and fell to his feet, but he couldn’t give in to despair. Not when Gracie needed him.

A
few
nurses smiled as h
e wandered
past
their
station
to the coffee machine
to pour
another
large cup.
The smell drifted to his nose,
bring
ing
a small measure of comfort.
Where had the past few months gone?
Sometimes he found himself wondering which day
of the week it was. At other times,
he could think of nothing he’d like to do more than just run away
from it all
.
A shuddering sigh escaped. H
e couldn’t. He loved her too much.

Gracie’s
depression
was a giant wall
yet
to
be
scale
d
.
Most of the time
she merely toyed w
ith her food, and though
confi
ned to bed
with absolutely no exercise
, weight
continued to drop
from her petite frame.
S
he hadn’t shed one tear since that fateful day when Dr. Jackson had given her the news.

Matt plopped into a blue chair in the waiting room,
not quite ready to face her
, and sipped his coffee. Gracie’s
surgery had
been
eight
grueling hours
of praying like he’d never prayed before
. At
least the surgeons now held
some
hope of her
walking again, but it
grew increasingly obvious
that
if it happened, it
wou
ld be later rather than sooner.

The news that she might
walk again
seemed to help Gracie
, but not
near
as much as they’
d hoped. It was
as
if she’
d closed herself away in a dungeon of her own making, only allowing brief glimpses of the person she once was.

Matt rubbed his forehead
as
yesterday’s painful ordeal
joined his thoughts
.
She’
d started rehab
with great exuberance, but
it hadn’t gone well. If anything
,
the day
left her more defeated than ever, with depression once again rearing its ugly head.

Was there no end in sight? He
stood
,
chunked
his cup in the trash can
,
and
a
mbled to the window. Below him, people scurried like ants
into
surrounding
buildings to
escape
the
bitter
cold
, and he couldn’t help but wish he were one of them.

The worst part of
this time
was
Gracie’s
constant
rejection. She completely dismiss
ed him anytime he tried to hold her hand or converse with her. No matter what he said or did,
each incident
dro
ve the wedge
between them
even deeper, and he had no idea how to
make it stop
.

The night of the acci
dent
he’d regained some
confidence
that she cared about him. The way she’d reacted when he pulled into Elena’s driveway
had renewed his hope, b
ut that hope had long since departed.

Lord,
I don’t know how much
more of this I can take. Please
send answers and help. Show me how to reach her.
Inner groans that words couldn’t express continued in his spirit for several minutes.

Finally
he shoved his hands deeper in the pockets of the old jacket
he
remembered to bring back from
a recent trip to
Miller’s Creek. His hand hit
something hard. He fished
it out of his picket
, angst turning the coffee in his stomach
to acid
. The promise ring he’d bough
t to give Gracie for Christmas.

A sudden desire to chunk it across the room skittered through him, but he stilled
it
with a deep breath.

Give it to her.

The quiet voice in his head brought a frown to Matt’s face. That had to be the stupidest idea he’d ever
heard
.
Give a ring to her when she usually refused even eye contact?

Give it to her.

The voice was still soft and low, but pressing.

Lord
, I don’t know how to do this. She bites my head off if I look at her the wron
g way. How can I risk it
?

The answer came immediately. If this one simple act made a difference
in her outlook and progress the
n it would be more than worth it in the end.
If she got upset with him,
he’d just have to deal with it until she got past it.