Authors: Ilya Boyashov
Herr Helmke fell from his cliff after all, from a height of twenty-five feet. At the end of the day, no amount of rope or ingenious pulley systems could help him achieve his goal, but he was lucky: Frau Hosspield called an ambulance, and the Viennese doctors managed to put him back together again.
Else Miller still visits the Catholic church and the old people’s home in Sonnenberg every single day. She bakes pies for the homeless and prays for all of humanity. She completes her tasks come rain or shine, resembling Kant in the rigorous precision of her walks. Whenever the mayor meets her in the narrow streets of the town, he respectfully raises his hat.
What about Muri? The cat witnessed an unprecedented sight in Belorussia, as swarms of demons that had gathered over Vitebsk, noisily flapping their wings and embracing mid-air, like Chagall’s lovers, simultaneously turned and began heading south. It was an unforgettable spectacle, certainly not for the faint-hearted. Before departing for the new war, these evil spirits flew exultantly over the houses and the hushed trees, scaring the local
spirits into hiding. To the bewilderment of the local peasants, the cows for 100 miles around stopped giving milk, and the pigs began squealing as never before. Dogs, horses, goats, lambs and sheep jumped and kicked in their stables and pens. The sound of bleating, barking, wheezing and neighing carried from far and wide… But the demons didn’t bother Muri in the slightest. The cat turned north again, crossed Estonia and pressed on across the Narva River.
On the other side of this river was the Russian town of Ivangorod. There, on a deserted beach, with his head in his hands, sat an inconsolable schoolboy. After reading a number of books on astronomy, the impressionable teenager had suddenly been struck by the sheer enormity of the universe and felt as though he were losing his mind. It was a moment of insight, a revelation. Physically and mentally, the poor boy suddenly became aware of the inconceivable abyss that surrounded him, and this awareness aroused in him an indescribable fear. He imagined a never-ending phantasmagoria of countless constellations and black holes. The young man’s own existence, already pitiful enough, immediately dissolved without trace into this overwhelming reality.
An abyss full of stars unfolded –
Innumerable stars, an infinite abyss!
The clever, quiet boy suddenly understood the path that separated Earth from Alpha Centauri. He had come to realize the indisputable fact that it would take two million years to reach the nearest neighbouring galaxy, and even more distant galaxies had been observed beyond Andromeda! The teenager broke into a sweat at the idea that there was no ceiling, no floor, just a staggering emptiness, which was impossible to grasp with either your hands or your head. It was populated by floating specks known as moons and plutoids, asteroids and other cosmic dust. Earth, with its cemeteries and cities, was but a microscopic
insignificance at this feast of giants. Whenever the unfortunate youth contemplated the reality of his situation, his teeth began to chatter and nothing could reassure him. He got out of bed and left the house at 2.00 a.m. The sky had clouded over and the ‘abyss full of stars’ was hidden from view, but this did nothing to alleviate his terror. An infinite abundance of universes, galaxies, constellations and other interstellar accumulations pressed down on him from all sides. Squeezing his spinning head in his hands, he wished with all his heart for a point of rest, but at the same time he realized with horror that he would never be able to find one again in this terrifying chaos of parsecs and light speeds.
Without even noticing, the young man had ended up on the beach. Muri sprang towards him and rubbed against his feet. The schoolboy grabbed the cat before he managed to slip away and held him tight, as though this living creature were the only anchor within the madness that was unfolding around him. The boy exuded bewilderment, despair and a deep sense of despondency. Muri’s instincts told him not to get his claws out this time. Meanwhile the youth’s head continued to spin with calculations and conclusions. What staggered him most of all was Galaxy 3467. According to the approximate calculations of the astrophysicist Bogert, this galaxy contained a myriad of luminaries, the smallest of which was sixty times greater than the Sun. Furthermore, it would take no less than two billion years to travel between one star and the next. That was unquestionably enough to set your teeth chattering!
Muri, however, did not let such trifling matters detain him. He continued on past St Petersburg – a depressing, fetid swamp in spring. Then he crossed Russia’s north-western border and found himself in rocky Finland, where he experienced his first northern summer. A solitary and taciturn Finnish fisherman fed him generously with fish by one of the remote lakes. By the middle of August the cat had passed Helsinki, drawing ever nearer
to his modest goal. He spent the autumn skirting the Gulf of Bothnia and arrived in Stockholm in December. In May 1996 he finally came to rest on the doorstep of a modest wooden shack outside Gothenburg – the kind used to house asylum-seekers.
In his snug office on the first floor of his country house just outside Hannover, François Belanger completed his work. With the verbosity typical of European scientists he had filled three volumes, essentially reaffirming Lin Peng’s postulate concerning the path of ‘a hundred discoveries’. With his usual passion, he concluded thus: ‘Continual motion contains within itself the true Meaning of Life. None of us with the capacity to reason has the right to stop moving, regardless of whatever bourgeois little notions may occur to us. ‘Keep moving
ad infinitum
28
’ – this is God’s exhortation to his children, because He is preparing infinity for each and every one of us.’
On 5 May 1996, Belanger sat in his office drinking a strong cup of coffee. He was looking out of his window at the red-tinged clouds, which were few and far between, and waiting for the stars to appear. It was almost evening, and his armchair creaked gratefully beneath him. He didn’t have the faintest idea what was happening elsewhere in the world.
At that moment in time, Stout was on his way to a colloquium in Tokyo, the sperm whale was beginning a new circle and Muri had just found his blanket. The shock of the cat’s reappearance affected the family in different ways. The mother began to tremble and kept repeating, ‘Jesus Christ!’, and the father fell into a reverential stupor. But for Muri, everything fell into place – he went straight over to his armchair and lay down next to it. The adults were terror-stricken by what had happened, unable to believe their eyes. The children, on the other hand, were not at all surprised. They simply hugged and stroked their long-lost cat and were delighted to see him.
Muri wasn’t one for nostalgic reflection. He decided to wait until the following day to explore the house and define the boundary of his new kingdom. As for today – he was content to occupy his place by the armchair and lap up his milk. There was no fidgeting or fussing, just a calm and stately composure. While his human family trembled as though in the grip of a violent fever, Muri slept. The king awoke utterly at peace.
THE END
1
To the point of absurdity
2
From the cradle
3
Sincerely
4
Do not presume to address matters beyond your competence
5
The sun shines upon us all
6
The tree may be recognized by its fruit
7
Light (enlightenment) comes from the East!
8
The truth is mighty and will prevail!
9
I’m hoping for the best!
10
Blessed stupidity!
11
A sorry tale!
12
Any man can make a mistake; only a fool keeps making the same one!
13
Other people’s faults are before our eyes; our own are behind us!
14
Trifles (lit. ‘goat’s wool’)
15
The wise man understands things that the fool cannot!
16
Public Law
17
It is worth noting
18
To err is human!
19
A sorry tale
20
Few words
21
Excellent! Excellent!
22
Long live
23
The truth is mighty and will prevail!
24
A reason to go to war
25
The spirit lives where it will
26
Man is born for thought and action
27
I’ve said everything!
28
To infinity; without limits
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Author | | Title | | Foreword writer |
Pietro Aretino | | The School of Whoredom | | Paul Bailey |
Pietro Aretino | | The Secret Life of Nuns | | |
Jane Austen | | Lesley Castle | | Zoë Heller |
Jane Austen | | Love and Friendship | | Fay Weldon |
Honoré de Balzac | | Colonel Chabert | | A.N.Wilson |
Charles Baudelaire | | On Wine and Hashish | | Margaret Drabble |
Giovanni Boccaccio | | Life of Dante | | A.N.Wilson |
Charlotte Brontë | | The Spell | | |
Emily Brontë | | Poems of Solitude | | Helen Dunmore |
Mikhail Bulgakov | | Fatal Egg | | Doris Lessing |
Mikhail Bulgakov | | The Heart of a Dog | | A.S.Byatt |
Giacomo Casanova | | The Duel | | Tim Parks |
Miguel de Cervantes | | The Dialogue of the Dogs | | Ben Okri |
Geoffrey Chaucer | | The Parliament of Birds | | |
Anton Chekhov | | The Story of a Nobody | | Louis de Bernières |
Anton Chekhov | | Three Years | | William Fiennes |
Wilkie Collins | | The Frozen Deep | | |
Joseph Conrad | | Heart of Darkness | | A.N.Wilson |
Joseph Conrad | | The Return | | Colm Tóibín |
Gabriele D’Annunzio | | The Book of the Virgins | | Tim Parks |
Dante Alighieri | | The Divine Comedy: Inferno | | |
Dante Alighieri | | New Life | | Louis de Bernières |
Daniel Defoe | | The King of Pirates | | Peter Ackroyd |
Marquis de Sade | | Incest | | Janet Street-Porter |
Charles Dickens | | The Haunted House | | Peter Ackroyd |
Charles Dickens | | A House to Let | | |
Fyodor Dostoevsky | | The Double | | Jeremy Dyson |
Fyodor Dostoevsky | | Poor People | | Charlotte Hobson |
Alexandre Dumas | | One Thousand and One Ghosts | | |
George Eliot | | Amos Barton | | Matthew Sweet |
Henry Fielding | | Jonathan Wild the Great | | Peter Ackroyd |
F. Scott Fitzgerald | | The Popular Girl | | Helen Dunmore |
Gustave Flaubert | | Memoirs of a Madman | | Germaine Greer |
Ugo Foscolo | | Last Letters of Jacopo Ortis | | Valerio Massimo Manfredi |
Elizabeth Gaskell | | Lois the Witch | | Jenny Uglow |
Théophile Gautier | | The Jinx | | Gilbert Adair |
André Gide | | Theseus | | |
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe | | The Man of Fifty | | A.S.Byatt |
Nikolai Gogol | | The Squabble | | Patrick McCabe |
E.T.A. Hoffmann | | Mademoiselle de Scudéri | | Gilbert Adair |
Victor Hugo | | The Last Day of a Condemned Man | | Libby Purves |
Joris-Karl Huysmans | | With the Flow | | Simon Callow |
Henry James | | In the Cage | | Libby Purves |
Franz Kafka | | Metamorphosis | | Martin Jarvis |
Franz Kafka | | The Trial | | Zadie Smith |
John Keats | | Fugitive Poems | | Andrew Motion |
Heinrich von Kleist | | The Marquise of O– | | Andrew Miller |
Mikhail Lermontov | | A Hero of Our Time | | Doris Lessing |
Nikolai Leskov | | Lady Macbeth of Mtsensk | | Gilbert Adair |
Carlo Levi | | Words are Stones | | Anita Desai |
Xavier de Maistre | | A Journey Aroundmy Room | | Alain de Botton |
André Malraux | | The Way of the Kings | | Rachel Seiffert |
Katherine Mansfield | | Prelude | | William Boyd |
Edgar Lee Masters | | Spoon River Anthology | | Shena Mackay |
Guy de Maupassant | | Butterball | | Germaine Greer |
Prosper Mérimée | | Carmen | | Philip Pullman |
Sir Thomas More | | The History of King Richard III | | Sister Wendy Beckett |
Sándor Petöfi | | John the Valiant | | George Szirtes |
Francis Petrarch | | My Secret Book | | Germaine Greer |
Luigi Pirandello | | Loveless Love | | |
Edgar Allan Poe | | Eureka | | Sir Patrick Moore |
Alexander Pope | | The Rape of the Lock and A Key to the Lock | | Peter Ackroyd |
Antoine-François Prévost | | Manon Lescaut | | Germaine Greer |
Marcel Proust | | Pleasures and Days | | A.N.Wilson |
Alexander Pushkin | | Dubrovsky | | Patrick Neate |
Alexander Pushkin | | Ruslan and Lyudmila | | Colm Tóibín |
François Rabelais | | Pantagruel | | Paul Bailey |
François Rabelais | | Gargantua | | Paul Bailey |
Christina Rossetti | | Commonplace | | Andrew Motion |
George Sand | | The Devil’s Pool | | Victoria Glendinning |
Jean-Paul Sartre | | The Wall | | Justin Cartwright |
Friedrich von Schiller | | The Ghost-seer | | Martin Jarvis |
Mary Shelley | | Transformation | | |
Percy Bysshe Shelley | | Zastrozzi | | Germaine Greer |
Stendhal | | Memoirs of an Egotist | | Doris Lessing |
Stendhal | | On Love | | A.C.Grayling |
Robert Louis Stevenson | | Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde | | Helen Dunmore |
Theodor Storm | | The Lake of the Bees | | Alan Sillitoe |
Leo Tolstoy | | The Death of Ivan Ilych | | |
Leo Tolstoy | | Hadji Murat | | Colm Tóibín |
Ivan Turgenev | | Faust | | Simon Callow |
Mark Twain | | The Diary of Adam and Eve | | John Updike |
Mark Twain | | Tom Sawyer, Detective | | |
Oscar Wilde | | The Portrait of Mr W.H. | | Peter Ackroyd |
Virginia Woolf | | Carlyle’s House and Other Sketches | | Doris Lessing |
Virginia Woolf | | Monday or Tuesday | | Scarlett Thomas |
Emile Zola | | For a Night of Love | | A.N.Wilson |