The Way to a Woman's Heart (45 page)

Ash, agitated, simply stared.

Tom crumbled one of Billy’s biscuits and dipped it into the soup. ‘Oh, you must try this, Gabby, it’s absolutely wonderful. These biscuits simply dissolve into deliciousness and you get a fusion of the cheeses and…’

Billy beamed along the table at Poll.

Gabby and Tom moved on to Poll’s bread and cheese pudding. There were more fulsome exclamations of divine flavours, sumptuous blends of herbs, gorgeous textures…

‘Now the pud,’ Tom said greedily, licking his lips. ‘Let’s just pour some custard on, shall we.’

Ella held her breath. Not that cold-ish custard was her main concern. Neither, right at this moment, was her broken heart. Or even a very inebriated and fairy-mad Trixie. Her real worry was where on earth, in a house the
size of Hideaway, were they ever going to find a stray python?

‘Oh, fabulous!’ Tom groaned. ‘The sharpness of the currants, the melt-in-the-mouth sponge, the sweetness of the custard with just a little kick of lemon and the warmth of nutmeg… oh, yes, Ella, this is a triumph.’

Gabby followed suit.

Ella, relieved, swallowed and tried to smile.

Gabby suddenly clapped her hands to her mouth in a very theatrical manner. ‘Oh, dear, what a silly woman I am! Aren’t I, Tom?’

‘You are, Gabby.’

‘What have I forgotten, Tom?’

Tom clearly delighted at being allowed to insult Gabby on air, didn’t have a clue. ‘What have you forgotten? Is it old age creeping in?’

He got a Look. ‘I’ve forgotten Gabby’s Secret Ingredient!’

‘Oh, yes, silly old you!’

Gabby shot him a Further Look. ‘I think we can take that one as read, Tom, no need to over-egg the pudding, is there?’

Ella looked at Ash. He was very pale, his eyes were anxious. Oh, bless him. She knew all he wanted to do was belt out of the kitchen and find his beloved Roy before any harm came to him.

But obviously he also knew that this was his only chance of having his own restaurant.

Oh, bugger stupid Trixie and Ruby Larkspur Day and the rest of her damn silly fairykins rubbish, Ella thought fiercely.

‘Never mind!’ Gabby clapped her little hands together again and started tiptoeing exaggeratedly round the kitchen on her shiny red Louboutins. ‘It’s not too late. Let me see what I can find…’

Knowing that Poll had left a very obvious bunch of fresh herbs in the fridge, and that Ash had made sure every single one of Roy’s frozen dinners was well out of reach, Ella didn’t panic too much. Just let Gabby find the bloody herbs, go through her Secret Ingredient rigmarole, and get it over.

They let out a collective breath as, on cue, Gabby opened the fridge and brandished the herbs.

‘Oooh, aren’t these just d-a-r-l-i-n-g!’ Gabby purred to camera. ‘Sooo fresh! Sooo pretty! And won’t they look just p-e-r-f-e-c-t on gorgeous Ash’s gorgeous soup, ladies and gentlemen?’

Still wildly overacting, she plucked tiny leaves at random and, sashaying up to Ash and snuggling in closely, she scattered them like confetti over his soup.

‘There! Perfect! Now I must taste the soup with Gabby’s Secret Ingredient. Maybe Ash will feed me?’

Dear God, Ella thought, as Tom turned his head away in disgust.

Ash, obviously just wanting to get the pantomime over, dipped a spoon into the now herb-covered soup and held it up to Gabby’s lips.

‘Oooh, yes! Yes! Yes, and oooh, Ash, you are a
naughty
boy. Playing footsie with me! And I’m almost old enough to be your, um, older sister, but oooh, that’s rather, oooh, yes, l-o-v-e-l-y…’ Gabby’s eyes closed with ecstasy.

Ella tutted in revulsion. Bloody men! Had he no shame at all?

Then she looked at Ash. He was staring, wide-eyed, down beneath the table. Weird or what? Did he actually
like
Gabby oozing all over him? Was he
watching
? Was he going to add Gabby to his bedpost notches? Maybe he already had?

Ella leaned back and glanced downwards too. And nearly choked.

Roy was gently curling his huge coils round Gabby’s slender ankle.

Ohmigod!

Now what did they do? Ignore it? Ash had said Roy had been fed today, so presumably he didn’t want to eat Gabby – or did he? Ella swallowed. Having your Michelin-starred hostess eaten alive by a ball python on air would definitely put paid to any chance of them winning
Dewberrys’ Dinners
, wouldn’t it?

Billy and Poll hadn’t noticed. They were doing a mutual self-congratulatory, billing-and-cooing, soppy, aren’t-we-clever-and-madly-in-love thing.

OK, Ella thought. Stay calm. Presumably there were only a few more minutes of the programme to go. As long as Gabby stayed put and closed the show from that end of the table and didn’t look down…

And as long as Roy didn’t
squeeze
…

What had Ash said all those weeks ago? That if – big joke – Roy ever escaped he’d only be looking for warmth and company. Well, it looked like he’d found it.

The producer was making wrap-up motions.

Tom cleared his throat. ‘Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was another spectacularly perfect old-fashioned three-course meal from the lovely and exceptionally talented cooks here at Hideaway Farm. And as we leave our first delicious feast in finals week in Berkshire to travel on to, um, –’

‘Norfolk.’ Gabby giggled. ‘Oooh – I mean, yes, tomorrow it’s the turn of our eastern area heat winners, so don’t forget to tune in, and, oooh, Ash, stop it, er… and now Tom has a really important message for you all.’

Tom looked blank. ‘The voting details. Oooh, Ash, don’t!’

‘Ah, yes.’ Tom nodded, his eyes bleak. ‘This week, of course, it’s down to you, the viewers, to choose the two finalists who will be cooking live in the television studio on Friday. You can ring or text your votes for your favourites on the numbers showing on your screen now.’

‘The lines will be open every evening this week from nine until midnight.’ Gabby sniggered, casting coy girlie glances at Ash. ‘So to vote for tonight’s contestants you need to add zero one and so on… and –’ she giggled ‘– oooh, that’s sooo lovely.’

Tom looked shell-shocked. ‘Er, yes, and all the usual restrictions apply. You can find all the details on our pages in the listings magazines or on our website. And remember, this is down to you, the viewers – Gabby and I have no say in who you choose to be this year’s
Dewberrys’ Dinners
finalists – so vote for your favourites, and you’ll see them cooking again on Friday.’

‘But – ooh, yes, Ash! – the results will be announced early
on Friday morning when we’ve seen all four semi-finalists and you’ve had a chance to vote – but do remember, oooh,’ Gabby said breathily, ‘just what’s at stake for the lucky winner. A lovely cheque, a
Dewberrys’ Dinners
trophy, and joining forces with Tom and me to open their very own – oooh-I-say-yesss! – restaurant –’

‘So,’ Tom butted in, white-lipped, looking like he wanted to kill everyone, ‘let’s say goodbye to everyone here in Berkshire, and, please, start dialling now! Goodbye! Goodbye!’

Gabby waved. So did everyone else.

‘Pickin’ a Chicken’ indicated that the ordeal was over.

The crew were clearing up even before the last notes had faded away.

‘Wasn’t that fab?’ Poll breathed happily as she allowed herself to be de-mic’d. ‘Didn’t everything go well? Apart from Trixie, of course, but no one would have seen her, would they? The viewers, I mean?’

The director sniggered and said unfortunately not – she was off camera for the entire mind-blowing performance – but probably no one would have minded because didn’t everyone have a mad old bat relative tucked away somewhere?

‘And no one noticed Ella had gone, did they, duck?’ Billy grinned.

The runner boy said he doubted it. The cameramen were very good at covering up disasters of all sorts.

Gabby, Ella noticed, had her eyes closed and was rubbing up and down against Ash.

Oh Lordy – time to act… Ah, too late.

Gabby screamed.

And carried on screaming. And jumped up and down. And flapped her hands.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her.

‘Gabby.’ Tom frowned. ‘Whatever’s the matter? Do stop it, there’s a good girl.’

Pretty damn ineffectual, Tom, Ella thought, walking slowly behind the table. Gabby’s hysteria really was becoming a little bit annoying.

‘Shut up!’ Ella hissed at her. ‘You’ll scare him!’

‘Scare Ash?’ Poll queried. ‘Why would Gabby want to scare Ash? And why’s Ash bending down? What’s he doing down there under the table?’

‘What’s he done to you?’ Billy frowned. ‘Ah, he’s a lad and a half is our Ash.’

‘Shut up!’ Ella hissed at all of them. ‘Just keep quiet. Please. Roy’s under the table. He’s, um, hugging Gabby’s leg.’

‘Who’s Roy?’ Tom looked perplexed. ‘Is he one of the crew?’

‘Roy? Oooh nooo!’ Poll howled. ‘How on earth did he get down here? Oh, this is terrible! That’s our chance of winning gone out of the window.’

‘Sod our chances of winning,’ Ash muttered from under the table. ‘Right now, I’m just worried about Roy. Gabby, stand still and do
not
kick!’

Gabby, gibbering and whimpering, stood still at last.

Ella stooped down under the table. Ash was gently trying to coax Roy away from the slender ankle by stroking his head and making reassuring cooing noises.

‘Shall I find him something to eat?’ Ella whispered, kneeling beside Ash. ‘And try to tempt him out?’

‘No point. He’s full up. I just don’t understand how he got all the way down here without someone spotting him, and I’m sure I locked the vivarium. Mind you, I was thinking about other things when I fed him this morning. I was pretty distracted, so I suppose I could have just clicked the hinges into place and forgotten to do the locks. And he’s very inquisitive, and I suppose with all the fuss today, no one would have noticed him.’

‘Not with all these huge bundles of cables around, no,’ Ella said, wondering if it was the imminent
Dewberrys’ Dinners
or the imminent Onyx moving in that had distracted Ash and opting for the latter. ‘He’d have been really well camouflaged.’

Ash sat back on his heels. ‘I think we’ll just have to play a waiting game.’

‘Mmmm.’ Ella pulled a face. ‘He’s anchored very firmly.’

‘I do not want to hear that.’ Gabby’s voice wavered from above them.

Ella giggled. Ash suddenly grinned at her. Ella sighed. It meant nothing. Under different circumstances it would be really, really nice to be up close and personal with Ash under the kitchen table. But now…

‘Seriously, we’ll just have to wait until he’s decided he’s had enough cuddling,’ Ash said. ‘And that could take hours. There’s no point in – Christ! What the hell is that?’

Ella blinked as a cascade of small red and blue stars swooshed under the table like a miniature whirlwind. The
red and blue glistened and glimmered, danced together, and finally sparkled into a sort of shimmering purple mist. For a second she could see nothing at all, then the air cleared and the swoop of glittering coloured stars was gone as quickly as it had arrived.

And Roy and Gabby had parted company.

‘What happened? Did I just dream that?’ Ash frowned.

‘Was that some sort of optical illusion?’

Bemused, Ella shook her head. ‘Nooo, actually, call me completely mental if you like, but I think that was Ruby and Larkspur doing their stuff.’

‘OK.’ Ash frowned a bit more. ‘You’re completely mental. Who the hell are Ruby and Larkspur?’

‘Oh, you’ll have to ask Trixie about them.’

‘What?
Fairies
? You’re telling me you honestly believe in Trixie’s
fairies
? You think that… that… well, whatever that was just now was
fairies
?’

‘I’ve got no idea what it was or what I believe in any more, but if it was Larkspur and Ruby –’

‘
Who
?’

‘Larkspur and Ruby – it’s what Trixie was singing about – and they’re the names of today’s fairies and –’

Ash shook his head. ‘Stop right there, Ella, please. Now you’re scaring me.’

She shrugged. ‘It’s OK, I scare myself sometimes, too. But if it
was
Ruby and Larkspur, they seem to have done the trick, don’t they?’

‘Um, yes… I’ll admit that. Whatever or whoever they are or that was, it’s nothing short of miraculous.’ Ash hauled
most of Roy gently into his arms and stood up. ‘I’ve known Roy do his cling-on act for days before now.’

Gabby, seeing Roy in all his massive glory for the first time, screamed again.

‘Sshhh.’ Ash shook his head. ‘He’s fine now. And so are you. You won’t even be slightly bruised. He only did it because he loves you.’

Gabby, white-faced, was shaking from head to Louboutin’d toe. Ella, pulling herself to her feet, felt momentarily sorry for her. She’d probably have reacted in much the same way – only probably without quite so much screaming. A girl has her pride.

‘Oh, blimey O’Reilly!’ Tom’s mouth dropped open at his first sight of Roy. ‘No wonder old Gabby was upset. Where the heck did he come from?’