The Wedding Day (12 page)

"We gathered that, darling," Imelda gently patted her daughter's arm.

"I tried calling you on numerous occasions but you never returned any of them. I was about to telephone the police and send out a search party for you when Evie called to let us know that you were staying with her for the foreseeable future. She said it was best to give you some space and that you'd be in touch when you'd recovered."

"I'm sorry, mom. I've been very thoughtless. I should have called you, I know."

"We understand, dear," her father interjected. "It's been a very difficult time for everyone."

Nicole bristled at his tone.

"What do you mean by "everyone", dad?" she asked.

Ev glared meaningfully at her to let it go, but Nicole couldn't, not this time. Their father always spoke his mind, regardless of the consequences or the hurt he might cause to other people's feelings.

She decided then and there that it was about time that she spoke her mind too.

"Pardon?" her father looked at her in surprise. He was taken aback by her temerity at questioning him so forcefully and he didn't appreciate her challenging tone.

"Come along, John, darling. Let's have some sushi. I've never tried it and it looks delicious."

Imelda tried valiantly to distract her husband. She could feel his temper rising and she didn't want her daugher's birthday to be ruined by a heated exchange of words with her father.

"No, mom. I want to know what dad means," Nicole insisted.

"You're not the only one who's been affected by your wedding disaster. Your mother and I are heartbroken that you and Paul broke up," John continued.

His soft, lilting Kerry accent broke for a moment as if he was overcome with emotion.

"I mean, we've lost a son-in-law and we never see you anymore. We miss you. I miss you."

Nicole relented when she saw the sadness and loneliness in her father's eyes.

"Dad, you do know that he cheated on me, don't you? How could I possibly forgive him for that?"

"Oh, darling, how very young you are," her father looked at her kindly.

Nicole felt her temper beginning to rise at what she perceived to be his patronising tone, but she took a deep breath and decided to listen to what he had to say.

"I think that Paul not marrying you and revealing his indiscretions at the altar, on your wedding day, was absolutely despicable, but not unforgiveable," he explained slowly, as if he was measuring his words.

Evette and her mother groaned and decided to retreat further into the kitchen to avoid the impending argument which they were sure was about to erupt at any minute.

"How can you say that, dad?" Nicole cried. "Are you on Paul's side?"

"Of course I'm not on Paul's side," her father insisted. "I'm not on anyone's side. There are no sides in this whole sorry affair."

"No pun intended," Nicole interrupted sarcastically.

John chose to ingnore her sarcasm and continued.

"You two built a wonderful life together," he continued.

"You had your entire lives ahead of you and your relationship is finished because of one silly indiscretion." "I'd had hardly describe it as an indiscretion, dad. He ruined my life."

"I know he's sorry and I know for an absolute fact that he still loves you and would do anything to turn back time."

"How the hell do you know what Paul is thinking or feeling?" Nicole asked.

Her father looked uncomfortable.

"I have to confess that he's been spending rather a lot of time with your mother and me since the wedding." "Hmm, I always thought you preferred him to me. Even now, you're making me feel like I'm the one who did something wrong!"

"Nicole, you're being ridiculous!"

"I'm not being remotely ridiculous! Have you spared a second to think about how I'm feeling? Paul completely humiliated me. It was supposed to be the best day of my life and instead it's the worst. You can't even imagine what I went through, what I'm still going through!"

"Nicole, can you stop being so melodramatic for just a moment and try to listen to what I'm trying to say to you."

"Fine."

Nicole looked like a petulant child and it was all that her father could do to restrain a smile.

John took his daughter's hand in his his.

"Darling, you must believe that I have your best interests at heart. I understand that this is a very personal issue between you and Paul. Nobody knows what goes on between two people behind closed doors, but I truly believe that you and Paul are perfect for each. You're my daughter and I love you, darling. I want you to be happy."

Nicole relented slightly at the evident kindness and love in her father's voice.

"I know dad, I love you too."

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Always."

"I don't want you to look back at this time in years to come and regret not having tried to salvage your relationship. Is there truly no hope left for you and Paul?"

"I don't know, dad," Nicole said uncertainly.

An unexpected tear rolled down her cheek and her father gently wiped it away.

"Does any part of you still love him?"

Nicole didn't want to answer the question. She didn't want to face the reality of her feelings for Paul. She wasn't ready yet. She was still numb to the true extent of what had happened to her. She missed him and was scared to face the full reality of life without him.

"Nicole?" he prompted. "It's a yes or no answer, sweetheart."

She hesitated for a moment before responding. John studied his daughter's worried face and sincerely wished that he could take away the pain he saw etched there.

She usually had such a sunny personality that he couldn't help a pang of worry at her more demure demeanour now. Her mouth was uncharacteristically turned down at the corners and she had dark circles under her eyes which she'd tried to conceal with makeup, but her father could still see the hurt and pain in her face.

He'd done a lot of soul-searching before he came to the decision to tell his daughter about Paul. He'd been as shocked as everyone else at Paul's uncharacteristic behaviour.

John had welcomed Paul into the bosom of his family and had very much been looking forward to him becoming his son-in-law. He saw him as the son he'd never had and had been overjoyed when he and Nicole had become engaged.

He was devastated at what had been revealed at the church on that fateful September day and it had taken numerous efforts on Paul's part before John would even consider speaking to him.

Eventually, he'd relented, more because of his wife's persistent nagging than anything else but now he truly believed in his heart of hearts that Paul deeply regretted what he'd done to Nicole.

John Baxter was a very traditional man. He knew he'd been blessed in his marriage and had never wanted or loved any other woman except his beloved wife.

He'd listened to Paul's pleas for forgiveness and as much as he hadn't wanted to accept his apologies, part of him could understand what he'd done.

John didn't believe in easily throwing away relationships. He and Imelda had had their ups and downs throughout the many happy years of their lives together, but they'd worked out their problems together.

He believed with all his heart and soul that Nicole and Paul were perfect for each other.

He truly hoped and prayed that his daughter could find it in her heart to forgive Paul as he knew that their relationship could still be salvaged.

"Nicole, darling, do you still love Paul? Yes or no," he earnestly asked his daughter.

"Yes," Nicole whispered.

"Then I think you should try to work things out with him."

"Oh, dad, do you really think so?"

John was surprised to see a faint glimmer of hope in his daughter's eyes. Some part of her was relieved that her father had voiced aloud the thoughts that had been turning over in her head. She hadn't dared to admit her feelings, not even to herself.

Part of her had wondered if she and Paul could work things out, if there still might be a chance for them, but the other part of her felt that she would be letting herself down if she dared to try again with her fiance.

"Yes, darling, I really think so. I swear to you that Paul loves you and is deeply sorry for what he's done to you. I can arrange for you two to meet, if you'd like?" he suggested hopefully.

"I don't know, dad. What am I supposed to do; pretend that none of this ever happened? I feel scared. I'm nervous about opening my heart to him again. He hurt me so much. I don't know if I can ever forgive him. I want to forgive him, but I don't know if I can."

"Your mother and I will help you to get through this, darling, in whatever way we can. All you have to do is ask. I'm not denying that you two don't have a tough road ahead of you. You'll both have a lot of soul-searching to do and it won't be easy, but I know you have a strong spirit and you'll get through this."

Nicole clenched her jaw. She'd spent so long being angry that it was difficult to readjust her thinking and her feelings.

"I appreciate everything you're saying, dad, I really do. Part of me wants to try to work it out with Paul but there's still a huge part of me that is very hurt and raw. How could Paul truly love me if he was capable of hurting me like this? How do I know that he won't hurt me again?"

"You don't know darling, nobody knows. There are no guarantees in this life but isn't it worth trying anyway? Isn't it worth fighting for?"

"I'm afraid, dad, for the first time in a very long time, I'm truly afraid."

"Will you at least try, darling? If there's even a glimmer of hope for you two to salvage your relationship then I truly believe that you should try."

"Maybe," Nicole replied in a small voice.

The bright late autumn sunshine woke Nicole from her deep sleep. She yawned and snuggled further under the covers for a few more minutes.

A quick glance at her bedside clock told her that it was half past eleven. She didn't care how late it was. This was the best night's sleep she'd had in months. She'd slept straight through the night for the first time in a very long time.

It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

She replayed the conversation with her father in her mind and was grateful that he had allowed her to see that it was ok to want to try again with Paul. She hadn't realised how much she'd wanted to at least give their relationship one more try. She'd been so angry and hurt that she hadn't been able to think clearly.

She believed her father when he'd told her that Paul was truly sorry for what he'd done to her. She recalled how he'd looked that day in their apartment when she'd gone to collect her possessions. He'd seemed broken; like his usual bravado and self-confidence had been completely eroded.

Even then, there was a part of her that had wanted to run to him and tell him that everything would be fine, but the hurt and angry part of her hadn't allowed her.

She knew that if there was any hope of rescuing their relationship that there had to be changes. She couldn't just tell him that all was forgiven and let everything carry on as normal, like she usually did when they'd had an argument. Their relationship could never be what it had once been before. He had broken her trust but she wanted to try to find some way to forgive him.

She hoped that in time they would be able to rebuild their relationship and start again. She knew that she had to be more assertive, less passive and less eager to please him.

He had to make more of an effort now. It was up to him to prove himself to her, to show her how much he loved her and that he truly wanted them to be together forever.

She felt like she was slowly coming out of mourning the death of her old relationship with Paul. Many of her old ideals and beliefs were dead, along with the trust that she had so implicitly assumed they'd shared.

She'd had time to process her emotions, to grieve, even to recover a little. Her rage and anger had dissipated. She felt raw and exposed which were alien concepts to her. She'd always been so controlled, so black and white, and it had been a serious shock to her system to have her entire world annihilated.

"Good afternoon, sleepy head," Evette teased her sister.

It was lunch time before Nicole had finally decided to force herself out of her cosy cocoon. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched luxuriously.

"That was the best sleep I've had in a long time."

"Good. I'm glad. Would you like some lunch, or should I say brunch, before I love you and leave you?" "Brunch would be lovely, thanks sis and thank you so much for the wonderful surprise party last night."

"Did you really enjoy yourself? You looked like you were about to collapse when everyone pounced on you!"

"Of course I did. I got a shock, initially, that's all. It was very thoughtful of you."

"I thought you and dad were going to have a shouting match at one point," Evette said.

"You know what he's like," Nicole replied vaguely. "He doesn't exactly hold back with his opinions."

"Yeah, mom and I retreated to the kitchen, but you two seemed to be getting on very well for the rest of the evening. You spent ages talking to each other. What you were discussing?"

"Oh, I was telling him about our new business and the plans we had for it. I told him about our clients and our first meeting. He said he'd be happy to help us with the accounting side of the business if we need him."

Nicole quickly diverted the subject away from what they'd mostly been talking about. She didn't want to tell her sister that she wanted to give Paul another chance. She knew Evette would be absolutely against the idea and would think her weak for even considering trying again.

She needed to work things out in her own time, without anyone else's thoughts or opinions. After all, this was about Nicole and Paul, nobody else. She didn't want anyone else to influence her decisions and she knew that she would tell her sister as soon she got her head straight, but not yet.