The Wedding Dress (21 page)

“Where is your home?”

“I have a house in Harmony, but I don't spend much time there. Brother Brigham gave me the job of looking out for all these little towns between here and Great Salt Lake City.”

“Why?”

“Because some men are sent as missionaries. I'm sent as Brigham's eyes.”

“Don't you kind of yearn to settle down, or do you like living in the saddle?”

The silence lasted long enough for Rebecca to become aware of the crickets in the woodpile and the frogs by the creek.

“I suppose,” he said softly, “I've given it a thought or I wouldn't be here tonight.” Now he squatted beside her and lifted his face to the moonlight.

She watched him, liking the open honesty she was seeing. Now a subtle change moved across his features. The strength was changing to indecision. He dropped his head. She studied the bowed shoulders, feeling loneliness reaching to her.

“Rebecca. Often I've remembered meeting you in Nauvoo. But it was an impossible dream to think I'd ever find you again. Now—” He paused and his eyes searched her face. “Life is unrolling at a pace that doesn't seem to leave much time for long courtships. You know I'm serious about this, don't you?”

She could only nod. Her heart was pounding, and she pushed her hand against the silly thing. He stood to his feet and reached for her.

She remembered the strength of him and lifted eager lips.

Later when their shoes clinked against the stones outside the Morgan cabin, she murmured, “I can't believe how far the moon has traveled.”

She saw his grin as he pulled her close again. “I'm leaving before sunup and I don't know when I'll see you again, but I'll be back as soon as possible.”

The summer had ended and school was in session before she saw him again. And when he left, the pain of farewell was almost sharper than the joy of seeing him. But this time there were words that offered hope. “Brother Brigham won't be keeping me on the road so much this winter. I'll be back soon.”

Several of the families did leave the fort and move north for the winter. Rebecca was bereft of some of her prize students. The handful of pupils who gathered each day were lonesome and unhappy without their friends. Rebecca tried to find inspiration in the few books she had, but she was guessing it would be a poor year.

Unexpectedly, Andrew was there again. He was feeling the strain of separation as much as she. It was clear on his face. “Rebecca,” he pleaded between kisses, “come away with me, and let's be married now.”

She clung to him and replied, “The children. I've promised to stay the year.”

“You can stay right here and keep on teaching. But let's not wait longer to be married.” She leaned back to study his face. “I'm still traveling most of the time, and I don't want to wait for you. Marry me now, and put up with a part-time husband.” Words weren't necessary. He left, promising to be back with a bishop.

“How do you plan a wedding in a week?” Rebecca cried, standing in the middle of the Morgans' cabin. But she did. She was moved into a tiny cubicle next to the Morgans' cabin, and household furnishings came in from people whom she knew to be as poor as she. Anthony's mother carried over a beautifully pieced quilt.

She explained, “We've not been able to pay for school like we should, so maybe this'll help make up the lack.”

The wife of Nathaniel Thackett lent Rebecca a dress. It was a flower-sprigged calico, as near bride-colored as anything in the community. Rebecca closed off her yearning for her mother's dress and accepted the calico.

Flour and eggs were garnered from the community, along with a precious hoard of white sugar. A troop of women produced Rebecca's wedding cake. On that November day, only winter-weary sumac and aspen decorated the schoolhouse as Rebecca and her groom exchanged their vows. But looking around the packed building, seeing the beaming faces and the heap of wedding gifts, Rebecca felt the warmth that circled them. Was it a good omen for their marriage?

After the wedding, the party moved to the clearing in the middle of the fort. There was square dancing to fiddler Charlie's music tucked between eating the roast pig and fried chicken, and the nipping bottle was passed with the wedding cake.

When the sun disappeared and the embers of the bonfire were scattered to the wind, babies were carried off to bed, and the party seemed to be over. Rebecca and Andrew slipped away to their cabin. In the tiny intimate enclosure, Rebecca wondered how the awkwardness would be bridged.

Andrew sailed his hat across the room, and she watched it rock precariously atop the new butter churn. His arms were reaching for her, blocking out the sight of the trembling churn. With a sigh she raised her lips to him. The night outside suddenly erupted into one giant clanging cymbal.

“Oh, every washtub in the fort and there's someone behind each one,” Andrew groaned. With a shrug of resignation, he reached for the door just as it burst open.

The last of the cake disappeared and then the new-baked bread and the jar of wild current jelly. Every inch of the cabin was filled with people, but still more came. Charlie the fiddler came, bringing his instrument and a new jug.

When a bar of light appeared across the eastern horizon, the last guest left the cabin. “Teacher,” called a voice from across the fort, “will there be school tomorrow—er, today?” Andrew banged the door shut, and the laughter faded.

In 1855, the Endowment House in Great Salt Lake City was completed, and the Saints whose marriages hadn't been previously solemnized at the Nauvoo Temple began to flock to Great Salt Lake City.

On the last day of school, Andrew appeared at the schoolhouse while Rebecca was tidying the room for the final time. He was wearing a happy grin and saying, “Pack your valise, Sister Jacobson, we're going to the city to say our vows right before God, for time and eternity.”

“Oh, Andrew!” She clapped her hands and pushed away tears. Already her mind was running away with the thoughts of all those she would see. “I'm sure we can stay with the Samuels. They'll be so happy for us.”

“And we'll find a pretty new dress for you, a wedding dress.” For just a second her heart leaped.

“Yes, a dress.” She tried to sound enthusiastic. But then, “It's just possible they've sent my mother's wedding dress. It was over a year ago that I wrote for it again. It would be so wonderful—somehow I would feel more married.”

He grinned down at her, “Well, now, I'd think that even without the dress you'd manage to feel married.”

She blushed, and he pinched her pink cheeks. “I'd like to have this over and have you moved south before we start having little ones.” There was a question in his eyes, and she shook her head.

They traveled to Great Salt Lake City in a light buggy. It was a pleasant trip with balmy days and mild nights. Rebecca was discovering the many changes that had occurred since she had moved south. New communities had been established, each with its adobe or log fort and its circle of green fields. This year the crops were doing well. Andrew remarked, “They'll have corn soon.”

“The thing I like most is the feeling,” Rebecca said. “It's different. People are more relaxed and friendly. There's not the worry strain on their faces.”

The Samuels weren't as happy to see Rebecca and her new husband as she had expected. Almost immediately Rebecca sensed the tension in the household, and she was grateful that the ceremony in the Endowment House required only a brief stay in the city.

The day before the ceremony, Ann and Rebecca went shopping for a suitable wedding dress. The only one Rebecca could find was black watered silk. Shaking out the heavy folds, she held it against herself and exclaimed, “This is not right at all, but Andrew will be disappointed if I don't manage to come up with something! At least it will do me for years as a Sabbath best.”

After paying for the dress, Rebecca joined Ann at the front of the store. With a bright smile Ann said, “I expect I'll have to be getting a new dress.”

“That sounds exciting. What's the event?”

“Brother Samuels will be taking another wife before the first snow. There's all the signs.” Rebecca searched Ann's face, but the serene features revealed nothing.

After the ceremony at the Endowment House; Rebecca and Andrew stopped at the Samuels' before starting south. Ann had prepared dinner for them. There was even a small cake baked in her new cookstove.

Just before they climbed back into the buggy, Ann handed Rebecca a package and a note. “I'm ashamed of myself and I need to clear my conscience. Don't hold it against me.”

Guessing that Ann was referring to her cool welcome and that it was because of Brother Samuels' rejected proposal, Rebecca hastily kissed Ann and said, “Of course I forgive you, always. And thank you again for this lovely dinner.”

Rebecca snuggled against Andrew's arm and watched the changing countryside. It was the going-home time of evening and it always filled her with great contentment. The sun's deep red glow added warmth and serenity to the scene. Even the log cabins seemed cozy. She could hear the lowing of the cattle and the clink of milk pails. She sighed softly.

“What's that for?”

“It's the family feeling. I'm so content just being with you.”

“Little Rebecca, I'll be so glad to get us settled in as a real family. This running around the country has about made an old man out of me.” He wrapped his arm around her, and she lifted her face. His eyes were watchful, questioning. “What did you think of the ceremony?”

Rebecca rested her head against his arm and thought. It would be well to say everything that was on her heart, but there were so many untried areas of their relationship. How would he react to her forthrightness?

She began slowly, “I kept wondering if it were all necessary. I don't like these terrible garments. Is it true that we're to wear them always?”

“Yes. Not only do they protect you, but to fail to do so is to incur God's wrath. This is His ordinance. You know that they say the reason Joseph Smith was killed was because he failed to have on his holy garments.” Rebecca sighed and waited. “What about the rest? Did the ceremony seem to have a deep significance to you?”

“The oaths,” she said slowly; “was that necessary? Why must we swear to avenge the deaths of Joseph Smith and to teach our children to do the same? I don't want my children to murder. I would rather never have children. And to obey the priesthood in everything…” She shook her head slowly. “How do I know what they'll ask? And the penalty of not keeping the vows: bowels torn from us while we are alive and our throats slit and our heart and tongue to be cut out, plus damnation in the world to come.” She shivered, pressing close to him.

“But why should that bother you? Surely you intend to keep those vows.”

“It's just that I don't like being under such a terrible oath.”

“Look at the other side of it,” he insisted, lifting her chin to see her eyes. “Now you have eternal life promised to you. You will be my wife for all eternity. We will fill the heavens with our children, and you shall be my queen.”

“And you will be a god, ruling over your own kingdom,” she said slowly, knowing the words were hitting the bottom of her heart like stones. There was no circling spread of belief in her. Could she hide from him the doubt she was feeling? Could she ever believe her salvation was only through him? She looked up at him, and her heart melted. Accept that he was as god to her? This she could and did. Her eyes caressed his dark wavy hair. She moved her hand across his square shoulders, loving the hard muscle of him.

At Cedar, they gathered her belongings and took the road through the mountains. They passed the ironworks and Pinto before cutting south to Fort Harmony.

At Pinto there was a brief visit with Cora. Her children were growing and she was again pregnant. Back in the buggy, Rebecca became aware of Andrew's silence. Studying his profile in the fading light, she decided that already his thoughts were leaving the trip behind and pressing to life ahead.

In the midst of her musings, he hauled on the reins. “Whoa. Let's spend the night here.” He waved toward the snug shelf of rock and clump of piñon.

“But you said it was only a few more miles.” Rebecca was thinking of a soft bed.

“It's not much more than that, but I'd rather reach there in good daylight.”

They dined on bread and milk with fresh berries and then settled to sleep. Andrew was still remote, and Rebecca went to sleep troubled by his separateness.

It was nearly midmorning when they broke through the trees into the little cup of a valley that held Fort Harmony. Andrew halted the team on the hilltop and pointed. “There's the ward. They hold school there, too.” As she listened to him name the buildings clustered around the fort, Rebecca's impatience grew. “That's the general store.” He grinned at her, “Our place is behind the fort, back in the trees.”