The Wedding Dress (27 page)

When he returned with the books, he asked, “When are you going to see Ann? She's asked after you and reminded me that she has the dress.”

“There's something fearful and jittery inside,” she admitted, “I feel I must know more before I claim the dress.”

“What does the dress have to do with you living your religion?”

She faced him squarely and said, “I keep feeling I'll never be married until I'm wearing that dress in front of the altar.”

“Rebecca, we've married and we've had our endowments. Isn't that enough?”

She shook her head slowly, and the twist of bright hair on the top of her head tangled in the branch overhead. “Here, you're caught. Let me help you.”

As he freed her hair, it tumbled down her back. “You're like a little girl with it hanging like that.” His voice was husky as he caressed her throat. His hands slid around her and he held her close. “Tonight is the ball, and I'm glad I'll not have divided loyalties. I'll be proud to show you off at the ball. Get the dress; you can wear it tonight.”

She pulled back. “A wedding dress to a common old ball? Andrew, it's wrong!”

“I think you're carrying this holy idea too far. I'm sure your mother never intended for you to place such store by the dress.”

Rebecca moved away from his arms, shaking her head. “Andrew, I'll never forget her voice, the urgency—” she turned and walked away.

As late afternoon shadows spattered their campsite, Rebecca hurried back. “It's close to suppertime and I haven't a thing started.”

“I'll get my supper!” he teased. “I gave up hope when you got the books.”

She glanced toward the stack, “Somehow I'm almost afraid to start reading.”

“Shall I fetch the dress?”

She faced him, “No, I've brought the black silk. I'll wear that.” She knew he was displeased as he turned away. Why should the dress nag at him too?

The ballroom was packed with people, but almost immediately Rebecca saw Ann. In her eagerness to greet her friend, she didn't notice how quickly Andrew left her side.

The women fell into each other's arms. Old differences were forgotten and excited words tumbled from their lips. Ann's girls were grown tall. Both were married. Across the room were Brother Samuels' other wives. Ann pointed them out. Her graying husband was beside them.

Soon other women joined them. While the chatter was interrupted as a wife was claimed for her turn on the floor, Rebecca looked around. It was easy to spot the social groupings. She was standing with the older women, while across the room a younger group clustered. She guessed they were the second wives. Another group was visible, and clearly this was the most attractive group. It was also the group receiving the most attention.

“Just look at them,” Letty March snapped, “absolutely shameless!”

Rebecca looked. “They don't look shameless. Most of them look terribly young.”

“That's what I mean—no, no, not the girls. I mean the men. It's shameless to see a bunch of paunchy men old enough to be grandfathers out there strutting like young cocks. And those girls are lapping it up. I'll bet they're being treated to stories about the wonderful farm he has down south. She'll be flattered with a pretty trinket, and he'll march off with another wife on his arm.”

“Well, Letty, what do you expect?” Bessy Lang's nose quivered. “It's the principle. No young girl'd marry a sapling when she can get an oak. If you have to take your chances nowadays, better make them good.”

“What do you mean?” Rebecca asked.

“Might as well jump on the boat midstream. You could take your chances with a young one, but you might not like one of the wives who comes home with him later.”

“Now take Brigham and Pratt and Kimball—”

The newcomer snorted, “Just try; they've about been taken for all they're worth. But I'd choose someone with a little money even if he has a hundred wives.”

“Then you don't mind being a plural wife?” Rebecca asked.

“Of course I mind. But you heard Brigham. Like it or leave it. Where does a lone woman go with a flock of little kids? Think of the folks back home. Would they welcome her with open arms? Don't forget, these marriages aren't legal any place except Utah Territory. Far as they're concerned, we're living in sin. Far as the kids are concerned, they're bastards. What kind of a future is that?”

Now Rebecca realized the crowd around the talkative newcomer was thinning. From the sidelines Ann was beckoning, and Rebecca excused herself.

“Andrew has been glaring at you,” Ann whispered. “I'd avoid that woman. Everyone knows she's a troublemaker. I have an idea that if she doesn't volunteer to apostatize pretty soon, she's going to have some help.”

The next morning Rebecca carried the stack of books to the middle of the makeshift bed in their tent. Pushing the straw tick into a comfortable heap, she settled herself to read. As she thumbed through the books and stroked their covers, she was thinking of the one time she had determined to study the second covenant; yet, despite her hunger for reading, that resolve had never been carried out.

Andrew had included a Book of Mormon in the stack. “Now, he knows I have that,” she muttered. Putting it aside, she picked up the next book. It was more of Joseph Smith's writings and, curiously, she turned the pages. There was the Book of Abraham and the Book of Moses. It was a full account of the Genesis story. The Book of Abraham, she knew, was a translation from papyrus given to Joseph Smith. She studied it and then went back to the Book of Moses. When she had finished reading it, she admitted, “It's like the Bible, but somehow everything's turned upside down and inside out.” She did acknowledge that it clarified the sermons she had heard about the preexistence of souls and the beginnings of life on the earth, as the church taught it.

She picked up the next book. It was the Doctrine and Covenants. She knew parts of this book were originally called the Book of Commandments. “It is certain,” she advised herself, “when I am finished with this book, I'll know what I must know. No longer will I have a need to question.” She stared at the book, appalled by her statement. Would she really dare read it?

Words caught her attention. “This is saying,” she whispered, “God revokes not judgment. He has woes, weeping and gnashing of teeth for those who are not keeping the commandments that He gave to Joseph Smith.”

Throughout the day, Rebecca read—sometimes with keen interest, sometimes smothering a yawn, and sometimes trembling. When Rebecca realized it was getting late and again nearly time to prepare their evening meal, she turned to the end of the book. She must read that revelation, see with her own eyes just what the Prophet had heard from God. Rebecca glanced down at the book. A finger of light had found a tiny hole in the tent and there was a puddle of brightness on the page before her. Was it an omen? Was God telling her how important this revelation was?

Already she knew it was the culmination of the doctrine of the priesthood, the high and holy order revealed to the Prophet. Since it had been revealed to the world in 1852, Rebecca had heard countless sermons on its contents, but never before had she seen the revelation in print.

She found she was holding her breath as she began to read. The beginning words dropped into her mind: “Prepare your heart.” “Rebecca,” she whispered, “prepare your heart. It says here that all who have this law must obey it.” She glanced down at the next words. She must believe them. They said that if she didn't abide by the covenant, she would be damned.

“Of course,” she murmured, “this is the new covenant—this covenant makes the other two of no effect. Damnation is the result when it is rejected.”

She was nagged by a feeling that something was escaping her attention. She went back to her reading, and the words lined up. Each word seemed to strike her with a greater impact. She argued with herself and then admitted, “If this is the final covenant, it's got to be strong medicine. Rebecca, listen to the words!”

There, “No one can reject—and be permitted to enter my glory.”

She quickly skimmed the section that talked about the power of the anointed, the one who held the keys of the priesthood. She knew this referred to the president of the church—first the Prophet and now President Young.

The following paragraphs told Rebecca that Jesus had said that no man could come to the Father except by the word of Jesus which was His law. And nothing would exist in eternity unless it was ordained by Him. This was the heart of the covenant. Marriage, instituted by the word of the Lord, this new and everlasting covenant administered through the church, would last for all eternity.

Now she read that if a man or woman sinned against the new and everlasting covenant, providing they didn't commit murder, they would still make it in the resurrection. Her heart chilled. She must read and go back to read again before the words became real. “This says that they will make it if they shall be destroyed in the flesh,” she said slowly. “Why, that means they must be killed!”

Now she was reading that the Lord promised Joseph Smith that whoever the Prophet blessed, God would bless and that whoever the Prophet cursed, He would curse. Further on she read that any man endowed with the power of the priesthood could do anything in the name of Jesus, according to His law, by His word, and he wouldn't commit sin; Jesus would justify him.

The word
destroy
caught her attention, and she read that if a man in the priesthood had a wife who refused to believe in the new way, she was to be destroyed. She would be a transgressor. “So that's what we'll be if we follow through on Brother Brigham's offer,” she murmured. “Transgressors, with no hope of heaven.”

She heard Andrew's step. He was whistling a silly tune in the dusk. Sticking his head through the tent flap he asked, “Well, where's my supper?”

She looked at the grin on his face and saw the bemused expression in his eyes. The words of the covenant echoed through her, and silently she got to her feet.

The following morning Andrew pointed to the pile of books and asked, “Have you read all you want?” She nodded, not slowing her task of straightening the tent. After pausing, he asked, “Do you have any questions about what you've read?”

“I'm not certain,” she answered as she folded a quilt. “Seems like I need to do some thinking on my own.”

“Oh, come, it wasn't that hard to understand.”

“It's in knowing how far to take it all.” She faced him, and her eyes were searching his. His dreamy expression was gone. She was grateful she had been able to chase those dreams, but she knew he was determined to live his religion. There would be more marriages.

“Do you understand,” Andrew asked, “that the new and everlasting covenant is saying women will be saved through their husbands, if indeed that husband is living up to the priesthood and is following all the rules and ordinances of the gospel?”

“Is that what you are wanting me to see?”

“Yes. According to the revelation, there is no way a man will make it to the highest order of heaven unless he has entered into the new and everlasting covenant.”

“And it doesn't even mention women.”

He reached for her. “Rebecca, I know life is hard and disappointing, but you mustn't focus on the present. Think of all that has been promised us for eternity.”

Rebecca was thinking about errant wives, and the heaviness in her heart kept her from answering.

It was past noon when Rebecca finally pinpointed the burden lying like a brick on her chest. She was sitting on the ground, picking over beans for soaking, when the thoughts broke through the darkness of her mind. She straightened and dumped the last of the beans into the pot.

“Of course,” she exclaimed, “that's it! I needn't fear or even try to understand it all. That's what they've been telling me all along. I need only to trust, have faith. Remember you've learned that faith is the important thing, the one that makes the difference.” And then she thought of obedience. “Oh, it's true. I need only make up my mind that I'll follow through on my vows. I'll let my husband lead our family, and I'll be an obedient wife.”

She recalled the episode over Priscilla. Would she really be able to share him and live her life without complaining? She hesitated only a moment before she said, “There's no other way. If I'm to follow the Lord and make my home in heaven, I'll have to trust my church and allow my husband to take me to heaven.”

She stood up, “I do believe I'm ready to see Ann and claim the dress.”