Authors: Robyn Carr
“That's what Mom likes people to think. That's what she even told meââYour grandpa was in a traveling band and we learned to get along without a man around all the time.' But if you ask Peaches, my grandpa was a real flimflam man. He probably only spent a year in total with Mom and Peaches her whole life.”
Jake gave Stephanie his full attention, and he looked more than a little bit surprised.
“Peaches took the bus to work until I was in junior high. Mom had a car before Peaches did.”
He sat up a little straighter. “Your mom's father wasn't around at all when she was growing up?”
“Hardly at all. Peaches said Mom adored him. She used to sit on the front step and wait for him, used to haunt the mailbox for letters that never came. It broke Peaches's heart, but there wasn't much she could do. She didn't think it would be better to refuse to let Charlene see her father at all.”
“No, I don't suppose. It's so funny I never knew any of this.”
“Well, since you and Mom didn't stay married for even a year⦔
“I remember when your granddaddy died. You were about to be born. I wanted to go with your mom to where he was buried, but she didn't want me with her. I was worried about her, what with her being so pregnant with you. But Peaches said she'd be all right, that I should let her have her way. I think you were born about a month later, if that.”
“I
know,
Dad. He died in Los Angeles, where he'd been living for a few years. Turns out he was actually shot by a jealous husband. Peaches said shooting was too good for him.”
His mouth hung open. He was sure Lois and Charlene had said it was a heart attack. “Wow!”
“She didn't tell you anything about him, did she?”
He laughed in embarrassment. “Okay, we haven't always been real honest with each other, but at the time he died we were
married!
”
“It's definitely not your fault, Daddy. She didn't tell me, either. Peaches said she refused to talk about her father. He must've hurt her too much when she was growing up by being so absent all the time. That's what Peaches said.”
“But Peaches told
you,
” he said.
“Well, I asked a lot of questions about my grandpa. And remember, when I was little and curious and full of questions, Mom was in college and law school. That left me and Peaches together all the time. She showed
me some old pictures, told me he had been a musician. He was pretty unreliable and didn't live with them much when Mom was growing up, but when he did come around he was great fun. But then he'd up and leave with no warning. It would make Peaches furious, but in those days you didn't get divorced unless there was some horrendous reason.” She laughed ruefully. “I guess it wasn't horrendous enough that he was a no-good, cheating bum who never made a single rent payment in his life.”
Jake whistled low and checked out the coffee-shop ceiling for insight. “You ever ask your mom about this stuff?” he asked.
“I asked her a few times. She wasn't very forthcoming, just answered my questions yes and no. âYes, he died before you were born. No, he wasn't around much when I was growing up. Yes, I suppose I missed him, but you can't really miss what you don't have. No, I wasn't that sad when he died because he hadn't been a big part of my life.' We might as well have been talking about the postman.”
“Shew.” He rubbed his head.
“Surprised?” she asked.
“Why didn't anyone tell me about this before?” he wanted to know.
“Who knew you didn't know? Who knew you wanted to know? What difference could it make to you? We still have Grandma and Grandpa Dugan up north. It's not like I was traumatizedâ¦or even deprived. Three grandparents is actually pretty good.”
He just nodded, then he reached across the little
table and held her hands. “Growing up with Peaches was a good life for you, wasn't it, honey?” He saw her eyes mist over again. “I suspect you went into education because of your grandma, didn't you, punkin?”
“Sort of. Literature was probably because of her. And education was a way to get paid for studying great books. Mom and I both grew up at the library.”
“Yeah, I'll bet.” He drained his paper coffee cup. “Don't worry about Peaches, honey. Everyone will pitch in, make sure she's okay. I don't think you have to start counting her last days just yet.”
“I guess.”
“And honey? Maybe you shouldn't mention to His Denniship that your mom was slightly out of touch at my place. Hmm?”
She got a sly smile. “Oh?”
“I know they're all way liberated, but if it was me I'd be bothered. So, if she wants him to know, she'll tell him.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“You like him, right?”
“Sure. He's a great guy. I think he's what you would call steady.” She shrugged. “Whatever makes her happy, y'know?”
“I know,” he said. “Want me to follow you home? Make sure you get in all right?”
“Dad!” She laughed. “When I first moved out on my own I could get home at 2:00 a.m. without anyone sitting up, tapping a foot, waiting. So, lighten up.”
“Lighten up, lighten up,” he mimicked. “Would
you like company to your car in the hospital parking lot?”
“Now,
that
I'll take!”
However, when she got home, she deeply regretted her cavalier attitude. On the welcome mat in front of her apartment door was a bud vase and single red rose. There was a note attached, but it was unsigned:
Â
Should a nice girl like you be out so late?
Â
The hair on the back of her neck prickled and a chill ran through her. She knew it had to be him. He'd grown tired of just calling and calling and had come to her door.
She had not yet mentioned any of this to Grant, or to anyone else. It was her misjudgment and she was embarrassed. She wanted it to go away before she owned up to doing the very thing she criticized other, stupid young women of doing.
She let herself into her apartment warily. She bolted the door behind her, checked every nook and cranny and made sure the windows were locked. Sometimes you just know what you know, and she knew he was out there, nearby.
She heard the key in the lock and her heart hammered. She pushed her hand against her chest as if to slow it. When Grant walked into the apartment, she let out a huge sigh.
“Oh, Grant! I'm so glad you're home! I've done the dumbest thing. I should've told you before, but I felt too stupid.”
“What?” he asked, tossing his keys on the counter.
“The rose? Did you leave it outside?”
“What rose?”
She went to the door, opened it and looked out. It was gone.
“What rose?” he asked again.
“This is all your fault!” she accused Grant. And then she started to cry.
Â
By the time Charlene was done remembering her childhood it was nearly dawn. She probably should have come to some huge conclusions about where she was coming from, where she was going. Instead, she stumbled upon a partial answer and finally admitted to herself how much losing her father had hurt.
The sound of a metal chart being flipped open brought her out of her hypnotic state and she turned to see a young doctor enter the room. She stood and faced him.
“I'm Dr. Moore,” he said, extending his hand.
“Charlene Dugan, Mrs. Pomeroy's daughter.”
“Good to meet you. Well, we're going to take out the tube, turn off the respirator. I'm going to schedule a brain scan and MRI, some routine blood work. It could be anything from a series of what we call silent strokes that, over time, cause memory problems and confusion, or late-onset dementia, maybe even Alzheimer's, that contributed to her mishap last night.”
“Could a stroke have made her lose consciousness?”
“We know what made her lose consciousness, Mrs.
Dugan. She fell asleep. She had a blood-alcohol level of .06 percent.”
“What? She doesn't drink much. A little wine, a little toddy⦔
“She most probably forgot she'd had a drink and had another, and maybe one more,” he said, scribbling in the chart all the while. “It happens. Sometimes with medication, patients forget they've taken their pills, and take more. Same with meals,” he added, looking up. “I had a patient whose spouse was wasting away because his wife kept insisting they'd eaten alreadyâ¦when they hadn't.”
“I'm sorry,” Charlene said, getting back to the original point. “Are you really saying that my mother was drunk?”
“Well, not drunk as a sailor, but certainly relaxed enough to fall asleep.” He flipped the chart closed. “I'm going to complete her tests by noon, discharge her into your care and have you schedule out-patient visits to do some testing for Alzheimer's. I know this is going to take some enormous adjustments on your part, but given the circumstances of last night, you're going to want to check into some companion care. We have some informational brochures for youâ¦.”
“Dear God,” she said in a breath.
She heard him before she saw him. Someone was running down the hall and suddenly there he was, skidding to a stop by grabbing the door frame, his silver hair mussed, unshaven, but wearing the scrubs he would be working in. “Char!” he said.
“Oh, Dennis,” she returned with relief.
“God, I'm so sorry!” He walked into the room and took her immediately into his embrace. “I turned my phone off because I had an early start. Jesus, I'll never do that again.”
“It's all right, Dennis. My phone wasn't working last night and they had to call Stephanie to the hospital. Everything that could have gone wrong⦔
He turned directly to Dr. Moore. “Pete? Everything under control?”
He extended his hand, and the sight of them shaking, knowing each other, made Charlene feel safe and secure for the first time. This was how she had felt when she met Dennis, that he could keep her safe. With him, she would be taken care of. He wouldn't let her down, disappear, drift away or forget he'd made promises. This business of his phone being turned off was more than rareâit was almost nonexistent.
“I think we've got everything covered,” the doctor told Dennis. “Not too serious this time. I'll let Mrsâ¦. um, Charlene can fill you in, and if you want to call me later, I'd be glad to talk to you about nursing care, support groups, extended-care homes.”
“We'll take care of her for now,” Dennis said. “Can I go ahead and turn off that respirator?”
“Sure, that would be great. Be sure and stop at the station and make a chart notation. Let the IV run out. We sedated her on top of the alcohol, so she's sleeping very soundly, but pretty soonâ”
“She'll be up and growling. Let's get that tube out before her eyes even open.”
“Good idea.”
Yes, Charlene thought. This is what I need most. Someone stable, mature, calm. Willing. I don't need to be chasing some hothead off to a perp's house and holding him off a bad guy. I've got bigger things on my plate. I need someone stable and consistent and predictable.
God, she thought, did I almost lose my mind?
Never again.
C
harlene took a cab to Jake's house to fetch her car. She did this on the sly, without Dennis knowing, although she expected the whole scenario might eventually come up for discussion. Maybe Stephanie would make some innocent remark about where Charlene was found, or perhaps Charlene herself would bring up the subject, just to make it appear less forbidden. For the moment, she was opting for discretion, though the word that should probably have come to her lawyer's mind was
indiscretion.
The cabdriver was singing along with Smokey Robinson. “I did you wrong, my heart went out to playâ¦.”
“Would you mind turning that off, please?” she asked.
“Whatsa matter, lady? You don't like Smokey?”
“It's getting on my nerves.”
“Hey, you're the fare,” he obliged, clicking off the music.
Heart went out to play, indeed.
It wasn't Dennis she was worried about. He was as solid as a rock, without a jealous bone in his body. She did this for herself, knowing she could only con
front one issue at a time. So, when Dennis went to work in the E.R., she walked out the hospital door, through the parking lot and down to the convenience store on the corner. From there, she phoned for a cabâ¦and waited forty minutes.
It was almost 8:00 a.m. by the time she got to Jake's, and it was immediately obvious he wasn't letting her get away with anything. He had his garage door open and he was sitting on a lawn chair on the driveway. He wore his sweatsâold onesâand held a steaming cup of coffee. Beside him was an empty lawn chair, he was that sure she'd come alone.
She approached him with caution. He watched her walk toward him and didn't move. Nothing moved. His eyebrows didn't lift, his lashes didn't flutter, his lips didn't twitch. She stood before him, contrite. “Sometimes I don't think,” she said.
Silence hung between them. He watched her face, but couldn't look into her eyes because they were downcast. He let the silence stretch out; he had a lot of experience with this sort of thing from interrogations. It was especially tantalizing when you knew more about the situation than the suspect, but the suspect didn't know how much you knew. His favorite opener had always been,
Why not go ahead and try the truth first, because you don't know how much I know.
“Coffee?” he finally asked the suspect.
She raised her eyes. “Jake, I came to say I was sorry.”
“You came to get your car,” he said, standing up. “And you promised you'd talk to me about ourâ¦what
should we call it, Charlie? Our relationship?” He walked into the garage, toward the door. She didn't want to notice the way his sweats fit so keenly over his muscled butt. He stayed in shape, that was for sure. He had chopped off the sleeves of his sweatshirt and she
hated
noticing his biceps.
“That was before Peaches got hurt,” she said to his back.
He made a half turn. “Cream and sugar?”
She sighed. “Black,” she said. She had no intention of drinking another cup of coffee.
She tapped her foot nervously while she waited for him. She wanted to get home, shower, clean up, make a few calls, go over to Peaches's house to see how bad it was. There were clients who were not going to be pleased to have their cases delayed or pushed off on an associate, but there wasn't much she could do about that right now. She had a million things on her mind, making it difficult to sort out priorities. But that was what she was best atâprioritizing. Right now her number-one priority was getting the hell out of here. Where
was
he? How long was he going to drag this out?
He finally reappeared, carrying two mugs. “Here,” he said. “You can't drink it black.”
She looked into the mug; it was milky. Cream and sugar.
“Sit down, Charlie. Tell me about Peaches.”
For that she could sit. She told him what the doctor had said, that Peaches would be discharged by noon, that she was awake, alert and stable before Charlene
left her, and that the days, months and perhaps years ahead were probably going to be very challenging. “Do you want to hear something astonishing? The doctor said that people who read a lot are less likely to get Alzheimer's. And he hopes that means that if Peaches does indeed have Alzheimer's, it will be less severe. And also, that the later the onset, the slower the progression. Surprising. So, there will be several doctor's appointments in the coming days and weeks, I suppose. More tests, et cetera.”
“Are you scared?” he asked her.
“Scared? No. I'm concerned.”
“Ah. And sorry.”
“Of course I'm sorry! I wouldn't wish this on anyone, least of all my ownâ” She stopped. That wasn't what he meant.
Jake watched her face, her eyes, her grip on the mug. By now he had pieced together her childhood from a combination of his own remembering and what Stephanie had told him last nightâ¦or rather, early this morning. How had he gone twenty-five years without knowing the accurate details of Charlie's childhood? And why had she kept these details from him? Was she ashamed of her father? Her childhood?
Charlene had been raised in a household of confusion, with a father who was in and out like their house was a train station. And not even the fact that her mother was always there, a constant source of love and support, was enough to eliminate Charlie's abandonment and control issues.
In the few short hours since Stephanie had filled him
in, he'd realized a few critical things. One, when he married Charlie twenty-six years ago, though he loved her madly, he'd been twenty-four and stupid and hadn't paid attention to what was going on around him. Some of that couldn't have been helped; twenty-four-year-old men tend to think with their peckers and have the maturity of rock stars. He hadn't realized that, when he acted like an undependable jerk, Charlene was naturally afraid that she'd married a man like her father. Second, when her father actually died, and she conveniently never told him the truth about the man or his death, she went into a serious tailspinâ¦and incredible denial.
She
wasn't going to have the kind of life her mother had;
she
wasn't going to put up with that irresponsible crap from anybody, especially not a man.
Third, she hadn't fallen out of love with Jake when she divorced him twenty-five years ago. She'd merely run out of courage. And faith. She wasn't brave enough to chance that theirs could be a marriage more successful than her parents', and she had utterly no faith in Jake. Or herself.
Jake had thought through the whole thingâincluding the many times he and Charlene ended up in bed together over the years, and then she tried to pretend it hadn't happened when he tried to discuss it. Probably the most important conclusion was this: Charlene was headed for a meltdown. Mega.
“So. Tell me what you think we should do now, Charlie.”
“Nothing. We do nothing at all. I'm sorry, I know better.
I knew
better. I think it was stress.”
Stress?
his lips silently questioned. He didn't laugh, but his mouth might have quivered with the desire.
“Don't laugh at me, you bonehead.”
He leaned his elbows on his knees and held the coffee cup with both hands. He allowed himself a chuckle. “Look, there's a lot more going on here than we can untangle right now, or even over breakfast. But there's one thing you should look at, Charlie. This is a bad time to be getting married. Give yourself a break.”
“How would
you
know?” she asked angrily.
“Oh, man, I am an expert on that, okay?”
“If I don't know after five years that I love Dennis, when am I going to know? Huh?”
“Maybe when you stop crawling into your ex-husband's bed.”
She shot to her feet, indignant. Her coffee slopped onto her suit. “You jerk. Now look what you did!” She brushed impatiently at the stain.
Jake didn't stand. In fact, he leaned back and stretched his legs out lazily. “Somehow I knew that was going to be my fault.”
“It was an
accident!
And I'm not talking about the coffee. It was an emotional night. I was tired, stressed out, very grateful to you for the way youâ¦youâ¦. I don't know. I admire your compassionâ¦I told you that. We're not meant to be together, we've proven that. But not everything about our relationship was
terrible. It's a
curse
that we always had it good in bed! A goddamn curse!”
“That kinda depends on your perspective,” he said.
“I made a mistake, and I'm embarrassed. Leave me alone about it.”
“You've made that mistake a lot over the years. Have you been embarrassed every time?” he asked, knowing the answer already.
“This was the first time I was planning a wedding.”
“That's what I'm saying, Charlie. Red flag.”
“But he's good for me,” she said, and her voice had grown whiny. Wheedling. “He's very stableâ”
“Steady.”
“Yes. Steady. Like a rock. He doesn't have a whole trunkful of character flaws, he delivers on all his promises and he doesn't mind that having things tidy and well organized is important to me. We don't fight. We don't even argue. I don't ever have to wonder where he is, when he'll return, whether he's faithful.”
“No,” Jake said, slowly coming to his feet. “You have to wonder those things about you.”
“Jake, I'm warning you. You're really making me mad.”
Making you, period, he thought. Got you figured. Know your number. Have you in my sights. But he said nothing.
She, on the other hand, put her almost empty mug on the driveway and started digging in her purse for her keys.
“You have a song?” he asked her.
“What?” she asked, totally confused.
“You and His Denniship, you have a special song?”
“For God'sâ”
“We had a song.”
“We were children!”
“I still hum it. âI may not always love you. As long as there are stars above you.”'
“Listen,
drop
it. I should have my head examined for even letting you bait me for this long.” She resumed digging. Keys were even harder to find when you were pissed off. “Now that I think about it, every time we've had this littleâ¦indiscretionâ¦you won't let it go. You always want to talk about itâ”
“âGod only knows what I'd do without you,”' he sang, off tune. “You gonna tell him? Cleanse yourself?”
Her head snapped up and tears came to her eyes. “God⦔
“What if I tell him?” he asked.
She stared at him for a long moment, her eyes filling. “You hate me that much?” she asked him.
He stepped toward her and he lifted her chin with a finger. “Hate you? Charlie, I've been in love with you since the minute I saw you, all those years ago. You left me with our baby and I was devastated. Hate you?” His finger dropped. He slid his hand into the pocket of his sweats and pulled out her keys. “You left them on the counter last night.” She snatched them out of his hand. “You okay to drive?”
“Damn you!” she snapped, and stomped to her car.
“Postpone the wedding, Charlie,” he said to her back. “Do yourself a favor.”
She reached the end of the driveway and whirled back to face him. “This is none of your business!”
He waited till she got into her car and couldn't hear him when he said, “I wish that were true.”
Â
Agatha moved with ease through a morning of challenges. She began with an emergency fashion alteration as a pregnant maid of honor blossomed out of control with triplets. Next, a photographer had absconded with his deposit and the film from a wedding, so she was working with the videographer to create stills out of movie film to give the bride and groom captured memories of their special day. A florist had made a critical mistake on an order and all the flowers were the wrong color, clashing with the dresses. Agatha had driven to a flower warehouse north of town and filled her trunk with peach roses, carnations and miniature daisies, then delivered them to the church and hired two young women from a competing florist to re-create all the arrangements on the spot. Plus, she managed a substantial refund. But her coup was achieved when she convinced a hotel that had mistakenly double-booked their reception facilities to keep her party in the room they were scheduled to have and move the other wedding party to a smaller and less convenient site. People liked to please Agatha, and promises of future business didn't hurt.
All this was done with her usual poise and grace, despite the fact that she hadn't gotten much rest the
night before. She and Dennis had sat up and talked in her tiny living room until almost 4:00 a.m. She knew almost everything about him now, from the details of his first marriage and Sarah's death, through the years that led up to when he met Charlene. She had told almost everything about herself, for there was so much more to her than just the sad tragedy that had robbed her of her children and made her a widow. It had been such a long time since she'd felt such intimacy, such trust. It was as though they'd known each other for years, when it hadn't yet been a month.