The Whitney I Knew (18 page)

It pains me to discuss the topic of drugs. Think about how hard it would be to talk about one of your close friends or siblings in the context of substance abuse.

I don't have to look far to read or hear about drugs and Whitney. Those headlines come at me while I'm sitting at home watching TV or even picking up groceries.
Why?
I ask myself. I guess because people love to know the inside scoop. Yet I strongly believe there are things that should really remain among family. I also believe that there is more to the substance abuse problem in the entertainment
industry than just naked addiction brought on by the partying lifestyle.

Does that contribute to it? Yes. But such deeper issues persist, that we'd be fools to think people don't turn to drugs to cope with a world they had no idea they'd be living in. My hope here is that we'd reflect on the
need
underlying the addiction and that we'd also look in the mirror. Does condemning those we don't know look good on us? Is it for us to cast judgment on someone who's no longer with us? I think if we're honest with ourselves, our answers to those questions will guide the way we treat and remember our fellow man—and in this case, Whitney.

You hear plenty about the rock ‘n' roll lifestyle—it means fast living and hard partying. And I think we all know what that includes: drugs. They're like the ugly stepsisters in
Cinderella
. They're annoying and diabolical, but no one does anything about them. Because they've somehow found their way into the elite circles in our society, we let them into the palace ball along with all the other invited guests. But they also cause us to leave the innocent, the Cinderellas, at home washing the floor.

Sadly, in the celebrity world, family is usually only mentioned if yours is disintegrating: if an artist has a falling out with an overbearing parent; if a superstar couple gets divorced after mere hours together. Ironically, even though family is the one element of celebrity life to fall apart, it's the one thing that, deep down, every celebrity desires.

As I've shared, Whitney grew up with strong family ties: her aunts and cousins who were also in the music business influenced her
immensely, and her eventual marriage to Bobby Brown meant the world to her. Whitney clung to the people she knew she could trust. She realized the need and importance of family. And not just blood relatives, but the family she chose. The people who she trusted—and who I believe she would've died for—they were her family too.

So then, why the breakdown? Why did substance abuse and the rock ‘n' roll lifestyle find its way into Whitney's life—a life with so much family protection? Why does it happen to so many celebrities? It's the thing we keep touching on: that celebrities are real people with real struggles and weaknesses, not these gods that the media portrays them to be.

I think Whitney would want those who cared about her to know that when the lights went off, she was just a normal girl with all the temptations and struggles that everybody faces. But that girl wasn't seen too much. Most people only saw the
other
Whitney—the one who wore the gowns and catsuits and crazy stage outfits, the one plastered all over the magazines.

I also think most celebrity meltdowns happen because of the nature of the industry. And I mean that in two ways.

One, the industry's values don't align with family values. The entertainment business is predicated on making money, creating buzz, and feeding the publicity machine. That kind of environment can chew up a person quickly and have disastrous effects on a family.

The second way, however, falls on us—the fans. We're buying. And demand drives the machine. The fan completes the circle that keeps the celebrity in and that keeps out everything else that really matters. Think about the celebrity families who go to extreme lengths to maintain their private lives. It's a battle. If you don't have a tight group of people around you who you can lean on and trust, then
you're doomed. But even then, if you're not setting up boundaries in your world, things will spiral downward.

Whitney spiraled, and the world watched her do it. Then they read about it and talked about it at work. Meanwhile, a real person was left to deal with the machine, alone and lost, while people gossiped and pronounced her guilty. Yet the truth is, everybody else is guilty to some degree too. Our need to know and our swiftness to judge is where we betray ourselves. Isn't it hypocritical of us to drag others down for their weaknesses, just because they're not ours?

I have never taken hard drugs like heroin, cocaine, or speed. I've never smoked weed or puffed a cigarette. And alcohol? Well, I just can't understand the acquired taste. But do I judge those who do? No. Because I don't know their stories. What was their family life like? Did they suffer brutal loss? Were they abused? Were they pressured? Were they extremely powerful and wealthy with no accountability? Did we ask those things about Whitney's story before we passed along our judgment?

My story is simple. I never introduced my inner man to these substances, so their temptation does not exist for me. But I have another story—a story of struggle and failure and constant temptation. My struggles and temptations may not be yours, and yours may not be mine. Regardless, neither of us has a right to boast or to look down on the other.

It's easy to pass judgment before we know someone's backstory. It's much harder to take the time to discover the reason behind their struggle. That's the only way we can truly help someone.

It seemed like the world was having a feast waiting for the coroner's report on Whitney, just like they did with Michael Jackson. As if what the authorities told us or didn't tell us was going to make a difference. We're not patient enough to understand the whole story. We're a bumper-sticker, sound-bite world. Just give us the headlines in 140 characters or less and we'll be good.

That's not fair and that's not human.

We all need trustworthy, loyal people surrounding us—people who will keep our confidences safe and be a sanctuary, providing a place where we can go and find truth. Answers to tough questions. Peace. And most importantly, unconditional love.

I try very hard to be that type of person, because to me, trust and loyalty are bedrock characteristics of any relationship. Whitney needed trustworthy and loyal people surrounding her. But most of all, I believe she knew she could go to God. And she did.

The wonderful Dottie Rambo wrote one of the songs Whitney sang on
The Preacher's Wife
soundtrack, “I Go to the Rock.”
GO TO TheWhitneyIKnewVideos.com TO VIEW THIS AND OTHER BONUS MATERIAL.
Now I must admit, my favorite one who sang it was the incredible gospel singer Danniebelle Hall. But it's the lyrics I want to focus on. They ask us to consider where we turn when life's difficulties arise. Then the words celebrate that we indeed have a place to rest—the Rock of our salvation: “When the earth all around me is sinking sand, on Christ the solid rock I stand.”

Like Whitney, we may grow up knowing that Jesus is our Sanctuary, our Rock, our Deliverer, our Safe Place. But somewhere early in life, most of us find little substitutes that provide us temporary relief when we feel like God isn't answering our prayers quickly enough. For some, it's drugs or relationships. For others, it's food or
shopping. It doesn't take much to become like Linus, the character in the Charlie Brown cartoon who couldn't do without his blanket. Everywhere he went, he carried that blanket.

Sometimes we go a bit crazy when we don't have our security blanket. We can't wait on God, so we make do on our own. We can't make it through a tough time? We pour a glass. We're stressed beyond our capacity to cope? We take a hit. We want to be liked and accepted—because being loved by God isn't enough? We pop the pill.

This is the world in which Whitney lived. She made decisions early in her career that very much affected her later in life.

We can't remember Whitney without the sad reality of her substance abuse. I guess that's fair—though it's hard for me to admit because I want everyone to see the woman I knew in a positive and wonderful light. I only wish you and I could extend to Whitney the grace that we would want from our friends and family and our fellow man in our hour of need.

I just wanted people to know that I was his wife.
I was in love. I was crazy in love.
Whitney

Whitney never blamed Bobby for her troubles. Neither should we.

I know Bobby. I knew him even before he and Whitney began seeing each other. Like any big brother, I had my concerns about the two of them together. You don't want just anyone to take your sister in marriage. You set high, high, high expectations. The bar sits in the stratosphere regarding who you're willing to let through the gate.