The Winter Love (15 page)

When they came across a Dominican friar preaching at a crossroads, Eleanor stopped for a moment to listen to him. A small crowd had gathered round him and were listening attentively. His words rang true to her and she would have stayed longer, but Isabelle
drew her away gently to yet another shop.

Eleanor
knew that she was not behaving normally, but she did not want to miss this opportunity of finding out as much as possible so that she could understand this new world. Whenever they passed a finely dressed woman Isabelle would explain what made her clothing fashionable or unfashionable. Eleanor thought only how ugly some of them looked in their finery. Sometimes the clothes even made her laugh, glad that she herself could never be as ridiculous. She began to worry that Isabelle might think of persuading her to wear such clothes, but Isabelle said that they would not suit a nun and were far too immodest. She laughed at Eleanor’s relief, but then she spoke seriously, “Eleanor, I believe that my brother hopes to persuade you not to return to the convent, but until that day you are a nun and I will not see you do anything contrary to your vocation.”

Eleanor was confused.
Henry had always made it clear that he would return her to the convent. The only uncertainty was when that might be. He had never spoken to her about remaining here.

Is
abelle saw her confusion. “You have not noticed how much effort he makes to please you? He does not sail to Yarmouth for my sake.”

Eleanor shook her head. Edward?
Isabelle thought that Edward wanted to keep her with him? Although she was now fairly certain she had misjudged him at first, she looked back at his behaviour over the last few days and it did appear that he had been a man anxious to please her.

“I had not
noticed,” she admitted, “but now I do. You must believe that I have not encouraged this.”

“No, you have made your preference for Henry clear.”

Eleanor blushed.

“Do not waste your time with Henry.”
There was something in Isabelle’s tone that Eleanor could not identify. She waited for an explanation, but Isabelle said no more.

“Henry is gone; I could not waste my time with him even if I wanted to.”
Her voice was sharper than she had intended. Once again she reminded herself that she had no reason to hold it against Henry that he had left her here. He had told her, and she believed him, that she was safer in Sir John’s house than she would have been have been in his, but she missed him more than she had expected. And now Edward was paying her court, the last thing she would have expected of him.

“If you do not wish to return to your convent, you could do worse than marry Edward.”

“But I do want to go back, to go home.” Eleanor said the words, but knew the convent was not her home. She really had no idea what ‘home’ meant, although she was beginning to understand and she was certain it was not something Edward could give her.

She spoke to Edward that evening before his guests arrived, since she saw no reason not to confront him.

“Isabelle says you intend to
marry me.”

Edward laughed. “Does she?
What gave her that idea?”

“You have been very attentive to me.”

“I learned the lesson that my brother taught me with his fist.” He became serious. “Do not pretend that you didn’t hear us.”

“I heard
,” she admitted. “You have decided to pay me attentions because Henry hit you?”

“No. I have decided to pay you the respect due to you. You have been out of the world for a long time, Sister Margaret. I have merely been showing you
respect, nothing more.”

“Why does Isabelle think it is more than that?”

“I don’t know. She has a good imagination. Because she is looking for a husband, she thinks that I am looking for a wife.” Edward smiled. “If you, on the other hand, are the one who wishes to marry me...”

Eleanor shook her head and smiled. “I shall return to my nunnery. Henry will take me back.”

Edward opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. Eleanor waited and Edward reconsidered.

“If that is
what he told you, he will do so. He is a man of his word.” His tone implied the opposite of his words and she wondered what Henry had done to lose his honour in his brother’s eyes. Her short experience of the brothers had shown her that Henry was the more truthful of the two and she would continue to believe what he had told her until something happened to show her that she was wrong. Doubt, real or pretended, on Edward’s part would not convince her.

There was
some noise in the passage outside.

“My guests,” said Edward. “
Wait here and I will bring them to you.”

Edward brought five people
with him, two couples and a lone man. All three men were merchants like Edward. Robert traded in wool, Alonso in spices and John in furs. Robert was the unmarried man and was the youngest and best dressed of the three. Eleanor suspected that he was also the richest. Isabelle came down and was introduced to the guests. She smiled at them and talked easily with them. Eleanor was surprised and pleased; it meant that there would be less for her to say. She had dreaded this meal; although they all ate together at the convent, she never had to eat with strangers and had certainly never had to talk to so many at one time.

Isabelle knew exactly how to behave and Eleanor followed her lead, although she was
quieter. The women showed some interest in her life in the convent and she told them some of things that had happened there, but she preferred to sit and listen to the men discussing the war with France, the politics of the town and trade. Both Edward and his sister encouraged Robert to speak and Eleanor was not sorry. He had a pleasant voice and knew how to put forward his argument. He had travelled a great deal and seen much and Eleanor found herself caught up in his stories. Some were amusing and some frightening, but all were entertaining and well-told. He seemed to realise that he was there for Isabelle’s sake and directed his stories to her. She appreciated it and smiled at him encouragingly.

Eleanor was
surprised to find that she was sorry when the evening ended and the guests left. She was still excited by their tales of distant places and strange people. Her journey with Henry had shown her how isolated she had been in the convent, but now she knew that there was so much more about which she knew nothing.

Isabelle was tired and went to bed
as soon as they were alone, but Eleanor stayed talking with Edward in the hall. She had not forgotten her wariness of him, but neither had she forgotten Henry’s threat. She did not doubt that he would carry it out if given cause and thought that Edward must also understand the threat to his life.

“You enjoyed th
e stories this evening, Sister Margaret?”

“A great deal. There is much about the world that I do not know
and I want to know more.”

Edward smiled. “I believe you are wasted in a convent. You should be out sailing the seas
by the side of your husband or managing a business with him.”

“I have no wish for those things. I have a vocation.”

“Really?” Edward raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you say that you have lived in the convent since you were a child? You didn’t live long enough in the world to know what you were giving up.”

“I don’t need to know what I’m
giving up.”

“Why not?” Edward was curious.

“I have a vocation. In many ways I have no choice.”

“So if I kissed you now, it would make no difference?”

So now we have come to it, thought Eleanor, Edward the seducer of women has revealed himself at last. She was no longer so sure of the protection offered by Henry’s threat, but drew herself up, ready to defend herself as Edward leaned towards her.

“Do not worry, I do not mean to fo
rce myself on you, only that I should like to kiss you if it is agreeable to you.” He was so close that she felt his breath on her face.

Eleanor thought for a moment
. “And if it is not agreeable?”

“Then we will speak no more of it and I will not kiss you.”
Edward moved no further forward, but neither did he draw back.

Eleanor thought hard.
The day had been so full of new experiences, would a kiss just be another one or would it be something more important? Should it be? She had no idea; such things were not spoken of at the convent and she had had no need to learn. She made her decision.

“Very well,” she said, “
you can kiss me.”

Edward smiled and
Eleanor was frightened again. It was a predatory smile and reminded her again to be afraid of him.

“Stand up,” Edward said
. “It will be easier for you.”

She stood and
Edward stood in front of her. He ran the back of his fingers down her face. “You are a beautiful woman, Sister Margaret.” He ran a thumb over her lips and she almost backed away at the shock of it, but she was determined to see it through. His thumb was followed swiftly by his lips. He pressed them gently against hers and increased the pressure, then he did something clever with his tongue and her mouth opened to let him in. Eleanor had no idea what she should do, but Edward seemed to expect little of her. His tongue explored her mouth and she found that she enjoyed the sensations that he was creating. Gradually she responded in kind and felt, rather than heard Edward’s moan of satisfaction and need. Afraid once more she pulled away from him.

“Tell me you didn’t enjoy that,” demanded Edward
, defiantly looking into her eyes. One hand still cradled her cheek and he stroked it lazily with his thumb.

Despite herself
Eleanor said, “I did enjoy it.” She was surprised at how breathless she was and how unsteady on her feet.

“See, I
told you it would be like this.” He kissed her forehead. Eleanor started to cry and her body shook. Edward took her into his arms and stroked her hair.

“Do not grieve so. It’s not as if I took your virginity. It was only a kiss.”

Still, Eleanor did grieve. Edward’s gentle kiss on her forehead had been tender enough, but it had reminded her of Henry and she knew deep within herself that she had done something wrong.

Edward held her until she stopped crying. “I did not mean to make you cry,” he said as he wiped away her tears. “That’s not the
effect I normally have on women.”

“It was not your fault,” said Eleanor, wishing she were anywhere but in Edward’s arms. “I had not expected to enjoy it so much.”
She could not understand how she had lost control of herself so much as to cry in the arms of a man who was little more than a stranger and a stranger she didn’t trust.

Edward grinned again, this time like a small boy who had been given his
greatest desire. Too late, Eleanor realised she should not have encouraged him. She had no idea how to behave with a man and no one she could ask. Isabelle could hardly be expected to give impartial advice and Eleanor feared that she would be shocked that the quiet little nun had allowed the merchant to kiss her.

“May I kiss you again, not
now, you are too upset, but later?”

“Yes, I think you might.”
This was not the answer she had intended to give, but the thought of not being kissed again was terrible. Was the path to sin really this easy and this pleasurable?

Eleanor lay awake a long time in bed. After Edward had escorted her the short distance from the hall to the bedchamber, they had said goodnight in the gallery. Isabelle had already been asleep when Eleanor had got into their bed. It was thoughts about Henry and Edward that were keeping her awake. Eleanor had felt safe with Henry and he had left her in Edward’s care. No, that wasn’t true. He had left her in his father’s care and she had chosen to come here, but Henry had abandoned her. He had become the centre of her new life and then he had left her. She had been safe at the convent and he had taken her away and then he had abandoned her. He, of all people, knew that she had no one else now that Philip was dead. She had come to rely on him and now he was gone. She was alone here to be tempted by Edward and Edward was so tempting. She had never been kissed before. Now she had been and she knew that she liked it. If Edward wanted her to stay here it might not be so bad to stay with him. She might have misjudged his character, but for the memory that his own brother had thought it necessary to threaten his life to keep her safe from him.

Now she didn’t know what to think.
The only thing she really knew was that she wanted to be kissed again. She wanted to feel again the excitement that she had known when Edward had touched her.

Eleanor
crawled out of the bed and knelt on the floor and prayed again for forgiveness and guidance. What should she do? How could she avoid Edward? Did she really want to avoid him? She wanted to be kissed again, but she knew it was wrong. She was a nun; she had a vocation and she had to go back to the convent. Henry had promised to take her back when it was safe, but he was gone and had forgotten her.