The Woman Inside (27 page)

“You wished him dead?” he asked, shocked.

Remembered pain made her voice hard. “No, but I didn’t wish him alive,
either.”

Silence ticked by. “What happened that day?”

Her hands were shaking. She laced them together to make them still. “She went
into early labor--that you know. I was scared. A girl my age knew nothing of
birthing babies. Nobody spoke of it. I’d never even seen an animal give birth. I
did what mama told me, but she was in such pain she could hardly talk.” She
closed her eyes, still able to hear the screaming. Screaming that had echoed all
over the village. “I tried to get help. I ran to all the neighbors with blood on
my hands, but no one would come. No one would help the village whore. A slut who
shamed her husband as she did didn’t deserve to be helped, they told me.”

Eyes open now, but focused inward, she went on, “The babe came, but he was
blue. The cord had wrapped around his neck. I didn’t know what to do. Mama
wouldn’t stop bleeding ... I lost them both.” She bowed her head. To this day
the sight of someone’s blood made her want to be sick as she had been then.

It wasn’t just the deaths that had made her ill, but the utter lack of
compassion from the others that had rattled her, and still did. That day she’d
vowed never to turn away anyone, no matter who they were, who needed her help.
It was her reason for living, or had been, until Uric entered her life and gave
her a better one.

Tennyson’s face was white. “I didn’t know,” he whispered. “God forgive me, I
didn’t know.” He closed his eyes, his breathing harsh. Moments dragged by until
he opened his eyes and knelt by her side. Pleading in his gaze, he took her
hand. “Please. I’ve failed you. Failed you worse than even I knew. Forgive me,
daughter.” He swallowed. A single tear tracked down his face. “Forgive me.”

How could she? It still hurt so badly. Every hurt, every pain she’d ever laid
at his feet was there behind her eyes. She had only to close them to see things
she’d rather forget. Things he’d made her remember.

No! a tearful part of her shouted. No! He didn’t deserve it. Hadn’t she
suffered? He should suffer, too. Never, never would she acknowledge him!

Oh, but he’s your father, the other half argued. Look at him. Can’t you see
he’s hurting, too?

He deserves it!

Maybe, but do you deserve to carry around this hurt for the rest of your
life? You’re a healer. You know the arrow has to come out before the wound can
be cleansed and closed.

She gritted her teeth. It was one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do.
Every fiber of her being save for one frayed thread, the heart of little girl,
wanted to reject this, to denounce him, but she couldn’t. That little girl still
cried for a father, still wanted to wake every night and know that she was
loved.

The girl of yesterday was stronger than the woman of now.

Slowly, Ceylon covered his hand with her own. “I will forgive you.” The words
ached, but she couldn’t regret them. Even if it made her heart raw now, it was
better than the pain she’d held contained all these years. It had to be.

Tennyson--her father--released a shaky breath. “I’m thankful. I wasn’t sure I
would see this day, Ceylon. You don’t know how often I dreamed ... how many
tears I shed ... How I wish I could change the past.” He smiled crookedly. “Odd,
it was only when I realized I couldn’t that I fought to change our future.
Strange how much energy we can waste on regrets. Now I prefer action.”

That made her smile a little. “You sound like Uric.”

Joints popped as he shook his head and rose. “I’m little like him. I can’t
envision him making the same mistakes I’ve made. You’ve chosen well. I’ve always
thought so.”

The smile got misty. “You’ll make me cry.” It was too late; the tears began
to fall in earnest. She wasn’t sure why this moment should turn her into a
little rain cloud, but the smallest things made her weep these days.

Maybe, if she were lucky, there would be fewer tears in her future.

* * * *

Raven looked awful. One eye was swollen shut and he had a bandage over his
head. Underneath the bandage the hair had been clipped to allow for stitching.
Just cleaning it made her grimace.

“It’s not that bad,” he muttered.

“I have seen worse,” she allowed. Uric was right; she made a better herbalist
than a surgeon. One hand rested lightly on his chest to keep her balanced. She
was surprised when Raven gently gripped her free wrist.

“I never did thank you.” His tone was softer than she’d ever heard it.
Fonder. “Uric would never have taken me for his squire if not for you. I
would’ve rotted in Marksheath.”

“You make a good squire--and you’re welcome.” She smiled. “I have to admit I
felt safer traveling with someone familiar, so I can honestly say you did me a
favor.”

A gentle squeeze was his reply. He let go and she finished her task.

“Lady Ceylon,” he said as she turned to go.

She paused. “Yes?”

The look in his eyes should have been worn by a much older man. Suddenly she
was aware that Raven was more man than boy now. Had she been blind?

“Uric is good man,” he said fiercely. “I’m glad it was him.”

Ceylon lowered her eyes and nodded. It was a good thing she’d met Uric before
she’d been forced to break Raven’s heart.

* * * *

Allyson kept her head low and sipped her beer. The ragged hat she wore
disguised her bearded face. The fake hair itched, and she scratched at it.

No one in the smoky, noisy tavern looked twice at the ragged young laborer.
Not even Maude.

It still amused Allyson that the woman chose to hide in plain sight. Not once
had the man she knew was a spy from Uric looked at the tavern keeper’s “sister”.
Allyson herself hardly recognized the woman. Her hair was tucked out of sight
under a kerchief, she’d bleached her brows white and done something to her face
to make her look thirty years older.

Or maybe it was lack of make up, Allyson mussed. Even she wasn’t talented
enough with cosmetics to look that ancient and ugly. Probably Uric wouldn’t
recognize her, either.

No wonder the hag had been so upset when Anne had decamped. It took true
talent to make a woman who looked that ugly presentable.

The woman must be desperate if she were willing to pose as a peasant. From
all she’d heard of Maude, the woman thought herself royalty. Allyson couldn’t
imagine how Ceylon had tolerated the woman for so long.

Thoughts of what Maude planned for Ceylon made Allyson’s eyes narrow. Time
for her Majesty to get her comeuppance.

Mischief was riding on her shoulder that night. Allyson leered as the older
woman came near to take her empty tankard. As she bent, Allyson gave her a
hearty slap on the backside.

Maude stiffened and shot her a poisoned glare.

Affecting a drunk’s smirk, Allyson lowered her voice and slurred, “Evenin’
beautiful. How about you and me getting’ friendly?” For a moment she thought
Maude would clobber her.

Apparently Maude was made of sterner stuff. To Allyson’s shock, Maude smiled
and looked Allyson over with a predator’s eye.

She chucked Allyson under the chin. “Why not? You look manly enough to
distract me for a few minutes. Why not out back, against the stable wall?”

Allyson’s jaw dropped. She quickly swallowed, gave a quick grin. Inside she
groaned. Neat. She’d had no idea Maude was so ... adventurous. Who knew Uric’s
frozen mother was a ... well, less than virtuous? And now she wanted a
rendezvous against a wall, for pity’s sake! Well, it would make it easier to
capture her.

Allyson followed Maude’s wide behind out the back door. It wasn’t easy to
adopt a male swagger with that daunting view in sight, but she was nothing if
not talented.

The night was dark. There was barely enough light spilling from the greased
paper windows to illuminate Maude as she turned, her back to the wall. She bent
and lifted her skirts. There was a soft snick.

Luck was with Allyson, for she was faster than Maude expected. A feint
sideways took her out of Maude’s knife’s reach, another brought her in close.
Her hand closed around Maude’s wrist, twisted. In a few moves she had the older
woman helpless on the ground. It was almost too easy to bind her wrists, then
wind the cord around her elbows, locking her arms together behind her back.

Allyson hadn’t studied with the sneakiest fighters in the kingdom for
nothing. She knew every rotten trick that money could buy.

It was a difficult thing stuffing a cloth in Maude’s mouth without getting
bitten. Using a twisted handkerchief, she secured the gag. Success!

Without warning a boot emerged from the darkness and kicked her in the ribs,
sending her sprawling. Pain made her gasp even as she rolled aside. The buzzard
had kicked her in the smallest rib, no doubt breaking it.

He laughed and drew his sword, ready to finish her.

There was no way she could fight sword-to-sword, not when she couldn’t
breath. Unafraid to fight dirty, Allyson drew a throwing knife from her sleeve
sheath and flicked it at him. It sank deep into his thigh.

The shadow howled and gripped his leg. Then he snarled at her and raised his
sword.

“What’s going on there?” someone yelled. Other voices joined him. There came
the sound of running boots.

The stranger swore and yanked the knife from his leg. They were but a few
steps from the river, and he ran and jumped into it.

“Who are you?” A man asked as he roughly hauled Allyson to her feet. The
other men who’d come with him had lanterns, and they searched the river as the
escaping man splashed away.

“I’m here for this woman,” Allyson said in her best male voice. She toed the
bound Maude. “Duke Uric has a bounty out for her.”

The men with lanterns came near and peered at her. They looked unsure what to
believe.

Allyson wasn’t worried. She knew just what to say to win them to her side.
“Come with me to his house. We can split the bounty.”

The men looked at Maude with greed in their eyes. She’d suddenly sprouted
money signs.

The man who’d spoken first must have had a shred more moral fiber than his
eagerly murmuring companions, for he asked gruffly, “What of that man in the
river? Who’s he?”

“Her accomplice,” she told him promptly. “And it’s a pity you didn’t catch
him. The man is worth a fortune to the duke, dead or alive.”

“Ah, blast the luck,” groaned one of his friends. “If only I’d learned to
swim!”

Another man nudged his companion roughly. “Say, Bern, you know how to swim.
Why didn’t you go after him?”

“If I’d of known--”

“Time’s wasting,” Allyson reminded them impatiently. “What say we get this
one delivered? You can always hunt up the other one later.”

Hot on the scent of reward, the men dragged Maude to her feet and followed
Allyson, who kept a sharp eye on them. One never knew what a money hungry man
would do. Some of them would be only too happy to slit a stranger’s throat to
avoid sharing his reward money.

Fortunately it didn’t seem to occur to her bunch, for they made it to Uric’s
without mishap. The guards there took Maude into custody while the men were
paid.

The leader grinned and winked at Allyson. “Any time you need a hand catching
a crook, you let me know, boy.” They left, happy with their unexpected good
fortune.

“I’m going to walk along the river and see if I can’t scare up that other
one,” the man called Bern said.

“I’ll help,” the one who’d nudged him earlier said quickly. There was a
chorus of assent.

Allyson silently wished them luck. She’d had enough hunting for one
night.

* * * *

“Ouch!”

Anne grunted softly and stopped probing Allyson’s ribs. “It’s broken for
certain,” she said as she placed a damp herbal packet over the huge bruise and
gently bound it. “You’ll have to be careful of it for a while.”

Ceylon clutched her robe shut as she stood before the fire in her bedroom.
Allyson’s adventure had been a wild success, but ... “I never meant for you to
get hurt.”

Allyson shrugged her good shoulder. “It’s nothing. I deserve worse for not
keeping an eye out for Eville. It must have been him who kicked me.”

Uric was seeing to Maude, so the room was private as Anne finished wrapping
the bandage. “There! You’ll be healthy before you know it.”

“Thank you. What are you going to do with Maude?” Allyson jumped as Roland’s
voice answered from the door.

“Lady Riverdell ought to be concerned about what should be done with her.”
Anger snapped in air around him. The black patch and queued hair made him look
like a menacing pirate.

Energized, Allyson sat up straight and smiled darkly. “Jealous, Ducks? Face
it, you needed a wench to catch a witch. No doubt I’ll be the one to root out
Eville, too.”

“You’ll not go!”

“You’ve had no success. I’ve been the best you’ve had.”

Roland’s look sizzled. Sparks snapped in the charged atmosphere.

Where they lovers? Ceylon didn’t know. She’d never heard of anything between
the two, but neither had she asked. Perhaps they were discreet ... or perhaps
she was completely misreading the tension here. It could be a simple case of
jealousy, of a man feeling upstaged by a woman. Heaven knew they were a touchy
sort. “Where is Uric?

Still tense, Roland broke off his silent battle. “He took Maude to the castle
dungeon. Under the circumstances he felt justice would be better served by
allowing the queen to sentence Maude.” He sent a dark look Allyson’s way. It was
clear their battle wasn’t over.

Dread pooled in Ceylon’s heart. Not more delays! As long as Maude lived she
would do her best to hurt them. It was inconceivable that the queen would order
anything less than Maude’s death, but how long would it take for justice to be
done? She wasn’t bloodthirsty so much as concerned. Maude had been locked away
before.