The Wooden Chair (13 page)

Leini nodded, leaning her cheek against his shoulder. Relief flooded her; Karl understood her battle with anxiety, but also her want to please Mira. So did Papi. She didn’t think she ever wanted the operation, and Karl said it was all right.

* * *

In bed, Leini read herself sleepy. She wasn’t supposed to read in bed; it was bad for her eyes, Mira said. After she switched off the light, she was about to fall asleep when her parents’ angry voices reached her through the closed door. Awake now, she couldn’t help but hear them.

Mira’s voice carried as it shook with anger. “You keep babying the girl.”

Papi’s voice was lower, but he snapped off every word. “If you considered Leini even a little bit, showed her some warmth and affection, I wouldn’t need to baby her.”

Papi seldom sounded so angry.

“Somebody has to teach her discipline. She has to learn to obey her parents…”

“I take it that ‘obey’ to you means you can manipulate her the way you try to manipulate everybody.” As Papi’s voice dwindled to a murmur, Leini didn’t hear the rest, only: “Don’t force her to have this operation. If she’ll have it, it’s going to be because she wants it, not because you’re on a mission to prove a point.”

“What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you want what’s best for the girl?”

“The doctor made it clear he’ll operate if she consents. Her consent, that’s what’s best for her, not what you want.”

Mira was shouting, voice shrill before a fat cough cut it off. “Your daughter! You’re too blinded by her to see what a spoiled brat she is.”

“I insist you show some consideration for Leini. She’s very vulnerable about her eyes. Try to be a little understanding of her for once.”

“She shouldn’t be so vulnerable, and I show her as much understanding as she deserves. You cosset her and it’s not healthy.”

“I love Leini, and you can’t stand it. You’re jealous of your own daughter. You cannot stand to see anything good and beautiful without trying to destroy it.”

“Hah! You’re sick, Robert. You forget she’s my daughter, too. If I didn’t hold the reins, you would spoil her rotten.”

“And I tell you to stop tormenting her.”

In her bedroom, Leini heard Papi’s voice shake. As she wondered what they were doing, she wished they would stop arguing about her. Her mouth was dry, and she couldn’t stop shaking.

Then Mira’s voice, loud and tremulous. “Don’t you dare hit me, Robert. Don’t you dare.”

“Just go to sleep. Shut your mouth for once and go to sleep.”

Leini held her breath, fear blossoming inside till she was sweaty all over. The voices quieted. Leini pulled the covers over her head. Her stomach cramped with pain that Mira would force her to have the operation.
She only wants me to have it so people will feel sorry for her because she’s the mother to this miserable girl with the ugly eyes. I think it would make her feel important.

Grandpa said she should pray when she was worried and afraid. Any prayer would do, he said. She recited “The Lord’s Prayer,” finding comfort in the passage about forgiving and being forgiven. Several times she recited the prayer until she found calm. Her limbs went slack, her eyes closed.

In her sleep, Leini heard a faint little voice tell her she could get a perfect pair of eyes. Soft as it was, the voice was so close, Leini heard every word.

“You want to have good eyes? Be a brave girl. Follow the little white bunny rabbit. It will take you to where you’ll find good eyes.”

The voice was so persuasive, Leini left her bed. By the front door she saw the white bunny on its way to leave the flat. Leini followed it down the stairs and into the street. Then she understood—the bunny was Whitey come all the way from Veteli to help find her eyes so she could see well.

“Oh, Whitey! I’m so happy you’ve come. You’re very good to help me see.”

She followed Whitey to the bright sunlit street, empty of people. On its short bunny feet Whitey galloped so fast Leini was breathless from trying to keep up with him. They came to a little park. There on a shiny flat stone a pair of black eyes sat blinking at her. It was so quiet, her breathing sounded loud. As she gazed at the pair of eyes on the stone, they beckoned and winked at her. Leini panted from excitement. In just a few minutes she would have good eyes. Very soon she would be like everybody else.

“Thank you for giving me new eyes, Whitey. I’ll never forget you did this for me. I’ll see without glasses or double vision.”

Then something went very wrong. Whitey disappeared. Leini turned her head this way and that, clawing with her hands to get free from the strong arms holding her. It was dark, so very dark. Soon she no longer could see her eyes on the stone.

Tears streamed down her cheeks; she could hardly catch her breath from racking sobs. “Whitey, come back. Please come back. Show me where my eyes are. Let me have my eyes.”

* * *

Alerted by the slam of the front door in the middle of the night, Papi followed Leini into the street. He found her wearing only her nightie soaked from the swirling snowfall, teeth clattering from cold. Her bare feet were bleeding where she’d cut them on the gravel on the slushy streets. He wrapped her in his arms to keep her from further hurting herself.

The next day, Papi bolted the front door at night with a lock so high Leini couldn’t reach it.

Chapter 13

Helsinki, Fall 1947

Leini enjoyed school and was a good student, but the constant effort to focus tired her eyes. The double vision often brought on a numbing headache.

Glad to be home, she hurried to her room, taking cautious steps not to make the pounding in her head worse. She tugged the curtains closed. Even the faint winter light burned her eyes, making them water. Intending to rest on the bed, she was about to pull off her dress when Mira opened the door.

“Why is it so dark in here?”

“My eyes hurt. I need to lie down.”

“Get dressed and comb your hair. We’re going to pay a visit to Mrs. Miller. Hurry up, she’s expecting us.” At the door she turned to face Leini. “And open those curtains.”

What’s this?
Puzzled, Leini pulled on a skirt and warm pullover. Mira usually never took her anywhere. In the living room, she found Mira wearing in a severe black dress, a dramatic contrast to her pale face, her scarlet mouth like an open wound. Pointing at a dish covered in wax paper, she took a puff on her cigarette.

“I made a cheesecake to take to Mrs. Miller. She’ll be pleased, not that she should have it.”

Leini glanced at her. “Why shouldn’t she have it if she likes cheesecake?”

Like a content cat, Mira smiled as she patted her flat belly. “Mrs. Miller’s way too fat.”

Leini didn’t answer, only shook her head in disbelief.
Mira thinks everybody’s too fat.

Adjusting the collar of her dress, Mira patted her hair in place before she pressed the doorbell. Mrs. Miller opened the door, a warm smile adorning her lips, her dark hair shoulder length and shiny as if she spent a lot of time brushing it. She took the cake Mira handed her and lifted a corner of the paper to peek under it.

“
Ahh
, I love your cheesecake. How kind of you.”
She motioned with her free hand.
“Have a seat. Make yourselves comfortable. Anne and her classmate, Debbie, should be through with their homework any minute. They’re cramming for exams.”

Mira smiled and took a chair at a round table, set with a table cloth embroidered with shepherds and maidens holding a picnic basket between them. The china was fine Bohemian with gold rim, the cups almost too delicate to use. Leini remained standing by Mira’s side. The sight of the finger sandwiches and the colorful pastries made her stomach churn, and the pounding in her temple was growing worse. Something about this situation didn’t feel right. Mira usually never took her along on visits.
Why did she drag me along?

“There you are, girls. Come, say hello.” Mrs. Miller swept her hand in the direction of the two girls. “You already know Anne.” Mrs. Miller pushed a strand of dark hair from her teenage daughter’s smiling face, caressing her cheek. Anne curtsied for Mira and nodded at Leini.

Mrs. Miller took the other young girl by the hand. “Mira, Leini, meet Debbie.”

Mira shook her hand; Debbie curtsied. “You’re kind to take the time to tell us about your experience,” Mira said. “I hope we won’t make the same mistake you did.”

Leini listened with renewed attention. Something was going on. She glanced at Mira, who kept her eyes averted as she lit a yet another cigarette.
What is she up to?

A tap on Leini’s shoulder interrupted her suspicious questioning. As she turned, she came face to face with Debbie.

“Hi. Pleased to meet you.”

Leini was struck speechless when she saw Debbie’s face. Debbie was by far the most beautiful girl she’d seen. Her glossy auburn hair was parted on the left. It fell in a wave over the right side of her face. Leini had never seen alabaster, only read about it in books, but it must be like Debbie’s flawless skin. She had a dimple in a softly rounded chin.

“Hi. I haven’t seen you before, although I know Anne. We often take the lift at the same time.”

Debbie smiled, showing white teeth, like pearls, glimmering between naturally red lips. “I haven’t been around much. For the past year I’ve been in and out of hospitals or stayed at home.” Occasionally, she touched her right eye—the one the cascade of hair covered—with a handkerchief.

“Oh? Have you been sick?” Leini asked.

“No, but I have problems with my eyes.”

Glancing at her, Leini’s breath caught in her throat. “You do? Are they better now? You don’t wear glasses.”

“I wear them only for reading. I would have needed an operation to correct the strabismus, but when I was younger, about your age, there wasn’t the technology there is now. It’s too late now, I’m too old.” She made quotations marks with her forefingers to emphasize “too old.” With a sweeping movement of her hand, she brushed the hair off her face and exposed the right side.

Leini stared. Shock mingled with fascination. Debbie’s exotic beauty, the perfection of her face was marred by her right eye. It escaped to the far outside corner. Tears ran from it in a constant rivulet, which Debbie kept dabbing at with a tissue. To focus, Debbie bent her head forward, turning it somewhat to the right. The effect was confusing, uncanny. It was also ugly. The left side of Debbie’s face was beautiful—the right was almost grotesque.

Mira’s voice broke in over Leini’s thoughts, startling her. “This is the way you’ll look if you don’t have the operation. Debbie is living proof.” She spoke in a loud voice, a bit shrill, the way she did when she’d had a drink.

Leini took in the table. Sure enough, by Mira’s coffee cup sat a tumbler with an amber-colored liquid at the bottom. Scotch, Leini guessed, served while she herself was busy talking to Debbie. The icy-cold fist of fear clutched at her insides—she hoped Mira wouldn’t become mean, like she often did when she had a drink or two.

Anger at Mira’s manipulation ricocheted in Leini’s entire body. She bit back words of accusations that Mira took her along to show her what she might look like without surgery. She was embarrassed on Debbie’s behalf, that Mira put her on display to impress on Leini the horrors of her future if she didn’t agree to the operation. Everything about this situation made her cringe with rage and shame.

“You’re lucky if you can have the operation,” Debbie said. “You should do it. I wish I’d had the chance when I was younger.” When Leini didn’t answer, she added, “I see well, but I know I look horrible. Think about it.”

“That’s all I
can
think about,” Leini said.

* * *

Night after night after she met Debbie, terrifying dreams woke Leini. In one, she resembled an ogre, the right side of her face deformed, the eye dangling on her cheek. In another, her eyes were ghostly white balls, the irises having disappeared. The dreams were so real, as soon as she awoke, she hurried to look in the mirror to make sure her eyes were still there.

Her grades plunged. Papi took a look at the report card and pulled her closer. He held the card aloft, shook it. “This isn’t like you. Your grades are usually excellent. What’s wrong, my girl?”

Leini kept her eyes downcast, ashamed to show him such a poor result. She blinked against the tears.

Papi hugged her to him. “I know something’s bothering you. Care to tell me?”

“The operation. I’m afraid. And if I don’t have it I’ll be a monster.” Her voice broke. “What if I lose my eyes?”

“Leini, honey, didn’t the doctor tell you that nothing…”

She tore free of his embrace and rushed from the room, careened along the corridor and slammed the door to her bedroom, relieved Papi didn’t follow her. She also regretted her bad behavior toward him.
I should be nice to Papi; he’s the only one here who gives one hoot about me.

After the visit with Debbie, Mira often took stabs at her, darts she spewed, sure they would hit their mark and hurt. She didn’t miss an opportunity to remind Leini about her eyes.

“Just think,” she said on one occasion. “After the operation you won’t need those unbecoming glasses. You’ll be pretty, even beautiful.” Hurtful, throwaway sentences that never failed to cause Leini pain.

As well as she could, Leini tried to avoid her, but one day Mira stood by the front door waiting for Leini when she returned from school. She guessed Mira was going to put pressure on her when Papi wasn’t around.

“I’ll be in the living room when you’re ready,” Mira said. “I want to talk to you.”

Can’t mean anything good.
Leini’s heart beat with heavy, painful throbs. Her mouth was so dry the lips stuck to her teeth. She washed her hands, ran a comb through her hair, opened the history book on tomorrow’s lesson. When she didn’t dare dilly-dally any longer she joined Mira, taking a seat across the coffee table from her, avoiding eye contact.

“You’re unbelievably stubborn,” Mira said. “Any other girl would be grateful to have this operation.”