The Woolworths Girls (42 page)

Sarah nodded. ‘There will always be a place for Alan in my heart, but we married too quickly. We should have enjoyed falling in love with each other, rather than rushing into marriage. I know that now. “Marry in haste and repent at leisure” is what Nan would say. We should have waited and had a long courtship instead. That would have been best.’ Then I’d have learnt that he didn’t really love me, she thought to herself.

‘But then you wouldn’t have Georgina. Think how bleak our lives would be without yer beautiful daughter and how happy she has made Maureen.’

Sarah had to agree. ‘It’s lovely to see Maureen home again, even if it is only for a few weeks until someone else rents her house. She was almost back to her old self. Did you know that Betty asked her to consider moving back to Erith and working at Woolworths again?’

‘Good for Betty. It would be great to have the old gang back together again.’

‘I fear it is still too soon for Maureen. There are too many reminders of Alan in Erith. I’m sure she wouldn’t be able to cope with that,’ Sarah said.

‘How about you? Doesn’t Erith and Woolworths remind you of Alan?’

Sarah thought for a moment. ‘I can live with it, but Maureen was his mum and that’s a completely different kettle of fish. I’ve come to terms with what happened, but I doubt she ever will.’

Maisie frowned as she stepped aside to let fellow staff members read the poster. ‘Does your “coming to terms” include David?’

Sarah tried to find the right words before she spoke. Since Maisie had made her feelings clear about Sarah and David courting, the subject had not been mentioned. ‘I’m extremely fond of David. He dotes on Georgina, and I’m happy in his company.’

Maisie shrugged her shoulders and walked away to the counter to collect her tea.

Perhaps Maisie does have feelings for David, after all, Sarah thought as she collected her files from the table and headed back to the office.

‘You look tired, Betty.’

Betty Billington looked up from where she was studying a staff rota. ‘I’m just trying to rearrange the part-time rota now that the Bexleyheath store has reopened. I must say I’m pleased not to have to travel back and forth to the town now we’ve got the store up and running again.’

Sarah thought that Betty was still not completely well since the previous October when she was injured. ‘A few nights when we can sleep right through without a raid would be handy.’

Betty nodded. ‘I agree, but we must think of those who have lost loved ones and their homes.’ She straightened herself in her chair. ‘We shall carry on valiantly. After all, what is sleep?’

They both laughed.

‘Now, Sarah, I was wondering if you would be able to work a few extra hours until I find more staff? Young Simon in the warehouse joined up last week, and I lost two girls who have gone off to join the Land Army. At times Woolworths seems to be like a sink, with so many of our staff vanishing down the plughole.’

Sarah thought for a moment. Of late she felt as though she was being pulled in so many different directions. As a mother, her duties lay with her young daughter, but then she needed to work and Betty relied on her support. She also liked to help out at number thirteen, as Nan was on her feet all day, not only caring for Georgina but also putting in a few hours at Woolies working in the staff canteen. Nan was doing too much and the strain was starting to show. Then there was David. He’d been a constant visitor to the house and wanted to take her out and have some time together. He had grumbled on more than one occasion that they never had enough time alone. He was good with Georgina, and when the weather was fine, they would tuck her up warmly in her pram and head out for long walks, though Sarah was always aware that there could be an air raid at any time and worried they wouldn’t reach a shelter.

Their few outings together had been to the cinema, where David would hold her hand as they sat watching the film. She enjoyed his kisses at the front door as he said goodnight, but was aware he was growing more demanding. Why was she holding back when she admired David and thought of him as a suitable replacement father for her daughter? Was she waiting for the heady magic she had felt when she was with Alan, or was that too much to wish for? Her duty to Georgina came first. She felt so muddled.

‘I’m not sure, Betty. It would mean Nan having Georgina for more hours and I don’t like to put on her too much. She’s no spring chicken, as Maisie would say.’

‘I appreciate that, Sarah. Ruby has been a saint these past months. I mustn’t take advantage of her generosity.’

‘If it’s only for a while until you find more staff, we may be able to call on Maureen Gilbert, but it would depend on how she feels, what with Alan no longer being here. I fear she wouldn’t be strong enough to cope at the moment.’

‘I know you mean well, but I don’t feel that it would be fair for her to see you walking out with David Carlisle. I’ve seen him meet you at the staff door on a few occasions and it could be upsetting for her. After all, you are still married to her son.’

Sarah took a deep breath. She was fed up with people poking their noses into her business. ‘Betty, it’s none of Maureen’s business who I am seen with. As for David, I like him and I have to think of the future. I don’t want to end up a dried-up old maid living alone after my daughter has grown up.’

As the words left her mouth, Sarah knew she had said the wrong thing. She could see the hurt on Betty’s face. ‘Betty, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. It’s just that I don’t know what to do anymore.’ Sarah sat on the chair opposite Betty and lay her head in her hands. ‘It’s all such a mess,’ she sobbed.

Betty reached into the top drawer of her desk and pulled out a clean white cotton handkerchief. She left her seat and knelt beside her friend. ‘There now, cry as much as you like. I’m not a fool. I’ve been watching you and know that you are deeply unhappy and have been since Alan last came home. Even then you seemed unsettled.’

Sarah took the handkerchief and sniffed into it but couldn’t bring herself to speak. She was deeply ashamed of what she’d said. Betty was a good friend and didn’t deserve her unkind words.

‘Sarah, did something happen for you to feel this way? I don’t mean Alan going missing, but before that?’

Sarah nodded. Taking a deep breath, she explained about the way Alan spoke to her and how she feared that being a Spitfire pilot had changed him, as he was so distant when he last came home.

‘He couldn’t have been distant all the time,’ Betty added, raising her eyebrows.

Sarah blushed before continuing. ‘But then he never replied to my letters when I wrote about the baby, so he must have hated the idea.’

Betty was silent for a while. ‘I thought you’d heard from Alan. I swear I heard Maureen talking about it when she was working in the staff canteen.’

Sarah looked shame-faced. ‘I’m sorry. I lied. I didn’t want Maureen to worry.’

Betty patted her shoulder. ‘This war has a lot to answer for. If it’s any consolation, I’d have most likely done the same thing. We never want to see our loved ones suffer.’ She rose to her feet. ‘What a pickle.’

Sarah nodded. It felt good to have shared her problems with someone. ‘I’m sorry, Betty. I always seem to be crying in your office.’

‘And think back to why you were crying and what happened afterwards?’

Sarah smiled. ‘I was crying because of Alan. He used to call me “Sixpenny” because we met in Woolies.’

Betty smiled. ‘And where was Alan . . . ?’

‘Outside in the corridor, and you sent him in to me.’

‘Yes, and shortly after we had a lovely wedding. Sarah, that man loved you to distraction. It warmed my heart to see you together, and that doesn’t happen often to this dried-up old maid.’ She laughed. She raised her hand as Sarah went to apologize. ‘Now, does anyone else know of this?’

‘Only Nan.’

‘Let’s leave it like that, shall we? But I need to know how you feel about David Carlisle. He is a very nice man and doesn’t need to be led along by a young woman who doesn’t know her own feelings. It would be unfair of you to be with someone you didn’t love. I’m assuming this would have been the end result of this liaison?’

‘Nothing’s happened, if that’s what you meant.’

‘I really don’t wish to know, Sarah, but knowing your parents and grandmother so well, I know that you have been brought up to respect yourself enough not to do anything that would bring shame to yourself and your family.’

‘I would never do that, Betty.’ Her friend could be old-fashioned in her words sometimes, but she was right.

‘I have also noticed that someone else is an admirer of Mr Carlisle.’

‘You mean Maisie? I thought so too, but she denied it.’

Betty nodded wisely. ‘Time will tell. Now, the way I see it, you need to tell this young man how you truly feel; then perhaps you can carry on with your life without failing those you love.’

‘I’ll do that, Betty.’ Sarah rose to her feet. ‘He’s meeting me after work and taking me for a drink. I’ll do my best to tell him how I feel. I’ll speak to Maureen as well and ask her if she feels up to coming back to work for a while. You never know, I may just have got that wrong as well. I’ll be back later tonight, as I’m on fire-watch duty.’

Sarah spent the afternoon helping out on the household goods counter. She loved to serve the customers, and although her promotion to assistant manager brought with it added responsibility and a welcome pay rise, she knew that if it was her choice, she would sooner work on a counter all day long. It was while wrapping up a saucepan that she recalled Alan proposing to her on the spot where she was standing. Oh, Alan, I do miss you, she thought to herself. Perhaps Betty was right, but still, deep down, she was fearful that Alan had changed too much on his last home leave to be the man she thought of as her husband. Whatever had happened to him, perhaps she should forget Alan the Spitfire pilot and remember Alan the assistant manager from Woolworths. She would always be his Sixpenny Sarah.

David was in high spirits as they walked the short distance to the Prince of Wales. After leading Sarah to a table in a quiet part of the pub, he went to collect their drinks. ‘No gin, I’m afraid, so I got you a pale ale.’

Sarah nodded. She didn’t like strong drink at the best of times and one could last her all evening. ‘David, I have something to tell you.’

‘Me first. I have some news.’

‘But—’

He raised his hand to stop her speaking. ‘No buts – this is important. I’m going away for a while and want to put my cards on the table before I leave. You must know that I’m extremely fond of you, Sarah.’

Sarah’s heart skipped a beat. It was time she explained her feelings to David. ‘David, please—’

‘Let me finish, Sarah.’ David reached across the table and took her hand. ‘When I return, I thought we could put our friendship on a more formal footing. I would like to court you properly, if I may?’

Sarah pulled away. ‘David, please listen to me. I discovered something today. I still love Alan.’ She suddenly recalled the happiness in Woolworths when he proposed and then her twenty-first birthday, when, despite the start of war, they had been married. ‘I know that Alan is most likely dead, but I will love him until the day I die whatever he thought of me. I want to be able to think of our few months together with joy, and that would not be fair to you or any other man I married. However, I do feel there is another woman for you. Whatever our Maisie says, she does care for you, David, and would make a much better wife for you than I ever could.’

David looked sad. ‘I do care for you Sarah, but I understand. You must be sure, though. You do realize it will be a long time to live with just a memory?’

Sarah squeezed his hand. ‘I’ll always think of you fondly, David, but for me there will only ever be Alan. Whatever happened to him, I do hope his thoughts were of his family and what might have been. Our last days together were not as good as they could have been, but a good friend told me not to dwell on that.’

David showed interest. ‘You never did tell me about Alan’s last days. I only knew he was missing, presumed dead. It didn’t seem right to pry when I was almost walking out with his wife.’

For the next half-hour Sarah explained to David how distant Alan had been on his last trip home and then what had happened when the RAF officers had arrived with the news that her husband was missing. ‘By then I was sure that he didn’t love me, as he had never even answered my letters about our baby.’

David frowned. ‘It doesn’t sound right. I’m not at liberty to tell you about my duties in the RAF, but I may be able to make some enquiries. Do you trust me to do this?’

‘Oh, David, that would be wonderful. I don’t know how to thank you. I know that Alan has gone from me, but to know something more would bring some peace to us all.’

‘Then leave it with me. It may take time, but be assured that I’ll do my best for you.’

Sarah felt a heavy weight lift from her heart. ‘There’s something else I want you to do for me.’

‘By all means. What is it?’

‘Keep in touch with Maisie. Please don’t give up with her. I know she cares for you.’

‘Do you really think so? She said—’ He stopped mid-speech realizing what he had said. ‘That is so ungallant of me. Please don’t think that I was attracted to you because Maisie had rejected me.’

Sarah laughed at his discomfort. ‘Oh, David, I do love you – but only as a kind of brother. Maisie loved her Joe, but I know my friend well. She is a different person when you are around. I’m not sure yet if she knows of her own feelings for you, but I’d lay money on her realizing one day soon.’

He leant across the table and kissed her cheek. ‘Then I’ll hang around.’

‘Please do, and think of number thirteen as your home whenever you are in this part of the country. There will always be a place for you at our table. Now, I must get home and see my young daughter before she forgets what her mummy looks like. I’m on fire watch later tonight, along with Maisie, so perhaps you’d like to escort two ladies home afterwards?’

‘It would be my pleasure. I’ll come along early and help you man the stirrup pumps if things get hairy.’