The World is My Mirror (2 page)

The searching, though, is life searching, life getting depressed and life getting frustrated. It is a game, a game that is taken very, very seriously. Once seen, this game is breathtaking. The mind could never have come up with this one. Who sees...? Life sees, that is who.

Your experience is the only one you know of. Use it, do not lose it. Non-separation is all that is re-discovered. Wholeness sees itself in its apparent forms and greets itself round every corner. I invite you to be brave and take a look. When you look with honesty you only see yourself.

The world is my mirror. Reflect on that!

We believe there is something called ‘space’. Not only outer space, but the space around us. Now, in this space there are things‌—‌objects. We are convinced these objects have a life of their own: they have independent existence. In this way a sense of permanence is created in order for planning to take place; for future events to occur; for ‘life’ to happen. This seems so self-evident that any idea to the contrary feels ridiculous. This is the world of the individual, the person, the ‘me.’ What follows is an attempt to see if this is true. I don’t want to put anything else in its place. If we cannot confirm this commonsense axiom through enquiry, what shall we do? If the very ground of conventional existence can be questioned and shown to be unsound, then like a bouncy castle with the valve open, it starts to deflate and change shape. If you see reality as it actually is, you are in for a shock. You will get over it and a sense of normality will return, but you will never go back to ignorance. The reason is because there is no one to go back and no back to go to.

The world as it appears is the only world you will ever know. Trying to escape this world for some special one made from just awareness or consciousness is not possible. The illusion is all we have. There is no such thing as awareness or consciousness without an object. Have you ever experienced an apple and at the same time been absent? It does not make sense, does it?

And yet awareness gets bandied around in some spiritual circles as if it is the ultimate goal or the absolute. Thinking of awareness or consciousness in this way is the catalyst and impetus for a lot of seeking activity. Awareness seeking seems so much better than everyday life. Everyday life is problematic, messy and untidy, even when we think we have imposed some sort of order or control. We want something with smoother edges and more symmetry. This is not to say that ‘something’ is not always present even in deep sleep and prior to birth. It is just that deep sleep and prior to birth have a habit of looking after themselves. What we are interested in is this appearance business, this world that keeps showing up that intrigues and scares us in equal measure. Consciousness has the ability to disguise itself and ignore itself when it appears as a world. It is truly astounding the lengths it goes to in order to appear lost in its own creative abilities.

Trying to escape from this conventional world you have come to know will only add to the anxiety and frustration when you are attempting to realise something else called awareness or the absolute. I guarantee you that even after the most illuminating satsang or mind-blowing retreat, you will still need to eat, sleep and use the bathroom. The sun will still burn you and the wind will dry your skin. That is how it is. That is how things are.

Perhaps you can then just relax into the mystery of things and surrender to the All Powerful. But there is no mystery to life; there is just life. To know where it came from, and why, is not possible, simply because that needs ‘two’ and there is only ‘not two’. If you knew what the world is and where it came from, that would only be more fantasy created by a mind that thrives on stories. If you knew the ‘secret’, then you would think you were godlike, and that would make you very poor company. Thinking you know what anything actually is, is what got you into this mess in the first place.

There is nothing wrong with seeking. The problem is finding, or even not finding, and making a big thing of that. Finding what you are looking for is the worst thing that can happen. The reason is simple: it is bogus!

If you are one of these people who discover the truth as a result of your intense investigations, the chances are you will try and pass it on to others‌—‌you know, to save them the trouble of going through what you have been through. This is how the spiritual market place gets erected. Practices and rituals become a ‘path’ to enlightenment.

But even the messages that say there is nothing to find, that you are it, have the potential to set the mind off again by contemplating nothingness. Now to sit and meditate on nothingness is madness. You are being very unkind to the mind. It will try and help and then start coming up with gobbledygook to support you and your endeavours. You will then get angry with the mind and wish it would just go away‌—‌very unfair to something that is just being true to its own nature.

There is only one erroneous, insidious and downright terrifying idea: that is believing and feeling oneself to be a separately existing thing.

If you are one of these truth seekers it is because, for some unfathomable reason, that feeling of separateness has played the leading role in the drama you call your life. Not everyone experiences separation the way you do. Some get on with their lives sometimes feeling happy, sometimes less so. And even if all their worldly pursuits are a form of seeking, it does not grip these people to the extent that they continually contemplate existence and being. They simply get on with their lives. There is no need for retreats and ashrams for these guys. They are not in a state of bliss, but they are not obsessed with themselves either.

Your obsession with you is the problem. Of course I am talking about the objects of your dream, not ‘real’ people with ‘real’ lives. I am talking about the belief in the solidity and permanence of the dream that feels out there and separate. It is not. It cannot be. This is what separation amounts to‌—‌a sense of otherness.

You can do nothing more than accept things as they are. How could you do otherwise? Seeking is seeking for something that is ‘other’, something separate, and, like Father Christmas, there isn’t one.

If you want anything to do, do this: the next time you see, touch, smell, taste or hear an apple, ask yourself if any of those experiences can happen in your absence. If not, where is the ‘apple’? The answer to this question is highly personal and might not be available in words. It is like watching a child playing with his trucks in the sand-pit and asking his thoughts on awareness or consciousness. He’ll look at you, smile and then absorb himself once more in building a sand dune or refilling his lorry at his depot. What you cannot see is that he is given you the best answer you will ever get. The difficulty is, you are looking for more.

Liberation is like having one of those fairground grabbers come along, pick you up, take you somewhere neutral, spring clean you, coat you with an anti-static spray and then throw you right back into the thick of it. Only this time, although everything appears just like before‌—‌nothing seems to really stick.

The world is appearance only: it has no reality or power of its own. Without no-thing, some-thing cannot appear. Without appearance there is no no-thing to even be contemplated. This is why there is only Wholeness. However, I shouldn’t bother contemplating Wholeness‌—‌you will only turn it into something objective. When you do that there will appear to be a division into two. Just thought I would save you the trouble, that is all.

Trying to describe this to someone locked into the consensus reality that most people share is not possible. There is a blindness that will not allow any consideration of reality being other than what they have been brought up to believe. To be a person is to see a world that is fully formed and extended in time and space. Objects seem to have inherent existence, an existence that seems to require no cognition. Amazing! What a trick! A moment’s reflection, however, brings this assertion into question and renders it impossible. This impossibility arises not because it is too far-fetched, but because the very appearance of anything is the appearance of knowing, experiencing and presence.

Relatively speaking there is a ‘me’ and a ‘you’ and it would be silly to say there is no distinction. However, if we look closely, a so-called other person from your perspective‌—‌which is the only one you have‌—‌can only appear in your consciousness.

They appear in the form of vision, in the form of sound, smell, touch, and if you are really intimate with someone, taste as well. But these all constitute experience. And experience is just another way of saying right now, presently, actually. So, you see, the world of separate things having an independent existence is why some traditions call the world an illusion. They are not saying the world is not appearing; it is just there is no world that can be grasped and described without referring to sensations. This is why you may hear some say that all there is is Wholeness. This is what is being pointed at‌—‌one seamless reality that appears as experience in and as awareness. There is not awareness
of
; there is just awareness
in
all its many appearances. Awareness comes with appearances: no appearance, no awareness; no awareness, no appearance. Neither can be grasped without the other. Both are empty. No need to contemplate which has more reality. Not two. Non-dual. Oneness.

The mind could therefore be seen as a kind of projector, peddling fantasy as solid and real, out there and separate. It assigns experience as objective and independent. There is nothing actually wrong with fantasy. Telling our children that Santa delivers presents in the world on Christmas Eve is fun and creates a sense of joy and wonderment. Still believing in Santa as an adult when all the evidence indicates otherwise is downright foolish. But this is what we do when we believe objects have inherent existence‌—‌when we believe that they exist in and of themselves without being perceived by us.

It is this very belief that wreaks so much havoc, suffering and anxiety in our lives. But calling the idea of separation just a belief does not capture the accompanying feelings and lived experience of being alone in a vast universe, a universe we have to continually bargain with to give us satisfaction and keep at bay the dark underlying fear that we can be destroyed, and be no more‌—‌annihilated.

Ask yourself if you can experience prior to sensation. It would be like saying I knew myself before the body appeared, before my parents got their thing together and initiated that chain reaction that I call myself. It does not make sense. And yet thoughts of an afterlife and going somewhere can grip us with the kind of fear that leads to depression, anxiety, worthlessness‌—‌madness. There is nowhere to go other than right here, and ‘here’ is not a place; it is everything.

There seems to be an implicit idea or assumption that we come into this world as if there is some kind of holding area that keeps us back until we get assigned our era and social background. But if we take the time to investigate, the body has always been right here, at least in potential, inseparable from planetary activity. No new atoms have appeared labelled ‘me’. Whatever constitutes the body is assembled from what already is. We do not come into this world; we emerge out of it. This is quite, quite different. We therefore have no separateness or solidity. We cannot find what we are other than an expression of all there is. A unique expression of Wholeness is not a separate being. That is the illusion. That is the error. That is the suffering.

So there is no need to search for your true nature because you do not have one. ‘True nature’ is just the mind off on another wild goose chase, always trying to make something out of nothing, always trying to have a vantage point and acquire knowledge of this No-thingness. See the futility of this. Laugh at it, then go and hug someone or have a beer.

The advice here is investigate, investigate, investigate. Do not accept anything you hear or read. It will not work. Reality is staring you in the face, and what is staring you in the face is where you begin and end. Take a look. Be brave. Turning inwards and finding emptiness is indescribable‌—‌thank goodness. For there is no need to describe something you already are. This is being, Wholeness, oneness. It is beyond description, not because it is too amazing, but because no description can capture it. Capturing This wouldn’t be It. It would be just more ideas, beliefs, concepts. It would be soaked in memory, in deadness, in the past. Reality is now; now is reality, again‌—‌not two, non-dual, Wholeness.

Warning: take no notice of any message that says, ‘Who can do that?’ Or, ‘Who will investigate?’ Even though it seems paradoxical, do not let the absence of a ‘you’ stop you from ripping out the root of suffering. In this play, an apparent character can look at himself, or herself, and question the author’s authenticity because they are one and the same. The playwright, the play, and all the characters are not separate. Wholeness searches, Wholeness plays. There is no other.

Relax, you don’t have to do anything; you are being done. But have your life. Continue to respond by name, continue to argue with your spouse and get exasperated at your kids. Take a walk in the park and marvel at a tree, a squirrel, a litter bin and a drunk. Feel sad at the plight of the homeless and starving. Hold nothing back. Let actions proceed and watch the hand reach into the pocket and throw a few coins down into the threadbare old hat, by the blanket, by the dog, by the doorway. No need to say it is all an appearance. It is life.