The Worlds We Make (10 page)

How? Would Gav have climbed into a tractor and declared it the solution, or been as overwhelmed as I felt? I tried to picture him here, but the image of his rigid face just before I’d pulled the sheet over him swam up instead. I shoved it away, the pain digging deeper inside me.

Gav had never really been confident, not after we came over to the mainland. He’d tried to pretend, for me, but he’d have been so much happier if he’d stayed on the island. And he’d probably have still been alive.

The door clicked shut behind Leo and Anika, and Justin started toward one of the tractors. I jerked out of my regrets.

“Hey!” I said. “Sit down. Here, there’s a chair in the corner.”

He made a face at me, but to my surprise, he didn’t protest. Maybe his leg was hurting even more than I’d guessed. I had to keep a closer eye on him.

I walked over to the tractor he’d been checking out. There was only one seat in the sealed cab, but there might be enough room for a person to lean against the back window. Definitely not space for four, though, especially with the supplies we needed to carry. The tractor beside it was the same size. I paced around them, frowning.

“We could take two,” Justin said from his corner. He was following my movements with his flashlight.

“Then we’d need twice as much gas, and we’d be twice as noisy.”

He craned his head. “We could use that trailer over there. A couple people and our bags could ride in it while the tractor pulls it.”

The beam of his flashlight had hit what looked like a low-walled metal box on wheels, about the same length and width as the tractor. A hitch protruded from its front end.

“It’s totally open,” I said. “If it gets cold again…”

That wasn’t really the problem, though, was it? The problem was the weather getting
warmer
as we headed farther south. If the temperature outside continued rising, I didn’t think we could assume the snow in the cold box would stay frozen for more than ten or twelve hours. None of the vehicles in here looked like they could move fast enough to cross six hundred or so miles in that time. And none of what we’d gone through would be worth it if the vaccine samples spoiled.

Frustration bubbled up inside me. We knew where to go. With a real car, with gas, we’d have been so close. Without that, with the Wardens on our tails, Atlanta might as well have been across the ocean. Why did every part of this journey have to be so
hard
?

I kicked at a tire and was rewarded with a stinging pain in my toes. Tears that had nothing to do with my foot welled in my eyes. I stepped away from the light, gripping the edge of the tractor’s hood.

“What’s our biggest problem?” Justin said after a minute, tentatively. “I mean, we’re probably not going to find something perfect, right? So what’s most important?”

Focusing on the details steadied me. “We have to keep the vaccine cold,” I said. “And we have to make sure the Wardens don’t catch us. With that helicopter, they might be able to see us from fifty miles away.”

“So we need cover. A road where there are more trees blocking the view. Right? That sounds like what Tobias would say.”

It did. I set down the bags I’d been carrying and pawed through them for the road atlas. With it open on the floor, I stared at the spread of the whole country. Green splotches marked the largest forests, the national and state parks, including a huge one that stretched from West Virginia down through Virginia and along the North Carolina–Tennessee border, ending in Georgia just a short distance from Atlanta.

Only a few small towns speckled that area. Because it wasn’t just forest, it was mountains, I realized, thinking of the giants that loomed to the east of us. The roads would be winding and difficult. But a higher altitude would mean colder weather. If there was still a little snow down here, there might be a lot on the slopes. There might be snow all the way to Georgia. Then it wouldn’t matter if the trip, in one of these slow tractors, took us a few days instead of one.

“Don’t let this go to your head,” I said, “but you’re a genius.”

Justin chuckled. It sounded pained. My head jerked up, but to my relief he didn’t look sick or suffering. Just sad. He lowered his gaze, the glow of his flashlight bouncing off the floor and tinting his face a sallow yellow.

“I wish he was here,” he said. “I wish we hadn’t had to leave him.”

Tobias. “Yeah,” I said quietly. “I wouldn’t have, if there’d been any other way.”

“I know. But it still bothers me. You know, I don’t think I ever really
respected
him. Like, he was amazing with a gun, but I always thought he was kind of wimpy about everything else. The way he’d get so freaked out if we saw anyone sick…But he wasn’t a wimp. He was obviously really smart about things like getting away from the Wardens. And he gave himself up for us, so he wouldn’t hold us back. How freakin’ brave was that?”

“Yeah,” I said again, my throat tight.

Justin leaned forward, resting his arms on his lap. “I’ve been thinking about my mom too,” he said. “How I ran off on her to come with you guys. I thought
I’d
been a wimp, hanging around the colony, all of us hiding from anyone who looked a little scary, but it was a pretty chicken move not telling her I wanted to leave, wasn’t it? She probably doesn’t even understand why I did it. The note I left—I didn’t really go into a lot of detail.”

“Maybe it was chicken,” I said. “But you’ve helped us protect the vaccine, and that’s a good thing. You really have done a lot, Justin. I’m glad you’ve been with us.” I hadn’t realized quite how true that was until the words came out of my mouth. I closed the atlas and stood up. “When you get back to the colony, you can tell her all that. I think she’ll understand then.”

“If I manage to make it back,” he said. “What if those guys in the Jeep had caught us? What if the woman with the shotgun had got me in the head instead of the leg?”

“They didn’t, and she didn’t,” I said, as firmly as I could. “We’re doing our best. You’ll survive a leg wound.”

He raised his head then, to meet my eyes. He looked more serious than I’d ever seen him. “Sure,” he said, and his mouth twisted into a half smile. “But just in case I don’t, I want to know I really helped, more than I screwed things up.
I’m
going to do my best. Okay? And if—if we don’t all make it, you’ll tell my mom, right? Why I came? What I did?”

“Of course,” I said, staring back at him. He must be terrified, to talk like that. But I couldn’t think of another honest thing I could say to take that fear away.

We stayed like that for a minute, silent. Then he tapped the rifle against the floor and gestured with it toward the tractors. “So which one are we taking?” he said with more of his usual bravado.

I considered them. It would still be better to have a car. But I doubted Leo and Anika were going to find one hiding behind a silo, gassed up and ready to go.

This was the best we had, so we should use it. We could drive toward the mountains, watching for a better vehicle along the way. And if we didn’t find one, we’d just continue on with the tractor. Whoever was riding in the trailer behind it would have to bundle up, but we could switch off regularly. Those huge tires would be good if we did run into snow on the slopes. Even with a winding route and tractor-level speed, we could probably make it to Atlanta in just a few days.

“I’d say this one,” I said, patting the back of the one that appeared to have the biggest cab. “So, do you know how to hitch a trailer?”

Justin smiled with his whole mouth this time. “I bet I can figure it out.”

When Leo and Anika returned with the news that there were no other vehicles on the farm, I’d managed to drag the trailer over to my chosen tractor and Justin had helped me attach the hitch. I explained the plan as we tossed all our supplies—except the cold box, which I wanted to keep within reach—into the trailer. Neither of them argued.

I’d been thinking we’d head for the mountains immediately. But I saw Leo sway and grasp the side of the trailer for support after hefting his backpack over the side, and when I stopped to let myself breathe, I realized how heavy my own head felt. Justin was smothering a yawn. None of us had slept since the alarm clock had gone off last evening. We’d been chased and shot at and faced with a disgusting scene that still stank up the air around us, and on a normal day we’d have set up camp hours ago.

I couldn’t remember the last time we’d eaten, either. But I couldn’t even swallow water with the smell of rotting livestock lingering in my nose.

“We’ll go a little farther and then wait until it’s dark,” I said.

“Right,” Anika said, as if reassuring herself. “Helicopters won’t be able to see us at night.”

“We’ll keep an eye out for spotlights,” Leo said, without much humor.

The diesel tanks weighed far too much for us to lift them, so we topped up the tractor’s fuel and then filled the empty jugs we’d brought with us, as well as a large plastic barrel I’d spotted near the trailer. It was impossible to know exactly how much we’d need for the rest of the trip, but what we had seemed like a lot. Leo and I tested the controls in the cab, and then I eased the tractor out the wide door we’d been able to open from inside. Anika pressed the button to close it again and scrambled into the trailer to join Justin. And we were off.

The grinding of the tractor’s huge wheels over the road felt impossibly slow—the speedometer on the dash only went up to twenty miles an hour—but it was a lot faster than walking. After a few minutes, Leo rolled down the window to let in the breeze.

“Well, we’ve gotten away from the stink,” I said.

“That’s progress,” he agreed, but he still looked weary.

Of course he did. But I couldn’t help going on, even though the words tried to stick in my throat.

“The whole thing, with the compound, trying to take their gas,” I said. “We didn’t have anything to trade with, we didn’t know anything about them, and it was getting light, and the Wardens…It seemed like the best option we had.”

“I get it,” Leo said. “I know you wouldn’t have tried if you’d thought they’d shoot Justin.”

I needed more than that. I didn’t just want him to get it; I wanted him to say it made sense, that he realized I’d done the most right thing I could see at the time. There was still a hint of distance in his voice.

“Justin’s probably just happy he’s got an excuse to carry around a gun now,” Leo added, letting out a huff of amusement, and I relaxed a little. I was so wound up, it was making me paranoid.

Before much longer, we came to a smaller farm with a clapboard house and a garage big enough to squeeze the tractor and trailer in beside a rusty Chevrolet, the tank of which turned out to be empty. I looked back down the road, thinking of the abandoned SUV, wondering how quickly the Wardens would find us if they stumbled on it today.

Not as quickly as if we stayed on the roads in full daylight and that helicopter came by.

“I’m taking first watch,” I said, and waved Justin off when he opened his mouth. I didn’t want him or Leo being self-sacrificial and letting me sleep through what should be my turn.

For two hours, I sat in the shadows by the living room window, listening to the weathered porch swing creak in the breeze. The sun rose in the now-clear sky, and I unzipped my coat in the midday warmth. For a few minutes, shortly after noon, I thought I heard a distant mechanical whirring. I tensed, holding my breath. But the sound drifted away, leaving me wondering if I’d just imagined it.

When my time was up, I traded off with Leo and dove inside the tent. I couldn’t have kept my eyes open if I’d wanted to. My mind tumbled into dreams that flickered in and out of focus and dissolved without warning. I woke from them with a jolt, my pulse racing, unable to remember what I’d thought I’d seen.

The tent felt strangely empty. I heard the rasp of sleeping breath to my right, but the space at my left was vacant. Then a hushed voice carried through the canvas.

“Really? That’s not what it looks like.”

Justin. Maybe it hadn’t been a dream that had woken me.

It was Anika who answered.

“What does it look like, then? I’m not taking anything. All I’ve got on me is what I found myself—you can check if you want.”

“I wasn’t saying that. You’re planning on taking off. I saw you, looking at the door like you’re trying to figure out when it’d be safest to leave.”

Oh, hell. My hand leapt to the cold box, but it was still there, secure, by my head. I pushed off my blanket and ducked out of the tent.

Anika’s gaze snapped toward me from where she was wavering in the doorway between the living room and the front hall. Hazy late afternoon sunlight streaked the walls. Justin was standing just outside the tent, his weight on his good leg. I straightened up beside him, studying her. She was wearing the coat she’d scavenged back in Canada, no bag over her shoulder or at her side. Even if she was lying, she couldn’t have taken much.

“What’s going on?” I said.

“She’s planning her escape,” Justin said, jerking his chin toward Anika. His hands were balled at his sides.

“I’m not!” Anika protested. “So I looked at the door a few times. What’s the big deal?”

“I was watching you,” Justin said. “I can tell.” He paused. “I know what it feels like when you want to get out of a place so bad you could crawl out of your skin. You looked like that.”

Anika glanced from him to me and back, her shoulders hunching defensively. “I’m not going to say I’m loving this. I’m scared, okay? I knew the Wardens were going to be after us, but I didn’t realize it was going to be this bad. So maybe I’ve thought about how it might be easier for me to keep out of sight, not get noticed, if I was on my own. Can you blame me?”

“No,” I said, before Justin could reproach her. The weight of my responsibilities pressed down on me. Was I supposed to tell her to do what she thought was best for her? Try to convince her to stay? Did I even know which would be more dangerous? At least, staying together, we could help each other. Alone, she’d have no one if the Wardens caught her trail, if she got hurt or ran into someone infected.

And we wouldn’t have her.

The tent flap rustled, and Leo poked his head out. He took in the scene silently, his eyebrows rising.

“I don’t blame you,” I said to Anika. “And I won’t force you to stay with us if you think you’d be safer on your own. But I’d rather you stayed. The next few days, I think we’ll need all the help we can get.”

“You really think I’m such a great person to have around?” she said. “It was pretty much me who drove Tobias away, wasn’t it? As if I should have…
pretended
, just because he wanted, I don’t know—he was sick! And even if he hadn’t been sick, he wasn’t my type! What was I supposed to do?”

I could have laughed. Apparently we’d
all
been blaming ourselves. If she’d been there when Justin came to me with his guilt—if she’d seen inside my head…

“No one thinks he left because of you,” Leo said, standing.

“And it wasn’t your fault any more than it was the rest of ours,” I said. “I talked to him, right before. Tobias wasn’t upset with you.” Sad that things hadn’t been different, maybe, but accepting.

“I don’t know why any of you care whether I’m here or not,” Anika said, as if we hadn’t spoken. “I’m not good at this—looking out for other people. I had to just stop caring about anyone else, to stay alive.”

I’d suspected as much of her, but I found myself arguing.

“You’ve still helped,” I said. “You brought us those pills that kept Gav calm so we could get out of Toronto—so Tobias wouldn’t infect you or Justin in the car. You got us the car. You drove, you’ve carried supplies, and you found a way to stop the Wardens in the Jeep from chasing us. We don’t need more than that.”

“You really don’t care what happens to the rest of us?” Justin asked, with a tinge of hurt.

Anika hesitated. “I don’t
want
to. It makes everything so hard.”

I lowered my gaze. Maybe that was why I’d kept my distance from her, held on to my suspicions. Because when you cared and you lost someone, it was awful. I couldn’t have saved Gav, but maybe we all could have saved Tobias if we’d made an effort to show how much we wanted him with us.

I hadn’t made any effort for Anika, not really, and now she was ready to go too. I’d thought, when we were hiding under that tree, that we were trapped in this situation in exactly the same way, but it wasn’t true. I had my immunity from the virus, one less thing to fear; I had a personal connection to this vaccine through my dad and the island, to keep me focused.

Maybe I hadn’t trusted her, maybe I still didn’t completely, but I knew I didn’t want to lose one more person. And I had to prove it.

The answer was suddenly obvious.

“The vaccine,” I said. “It hasn’t been fair, the two of you being vulnerable while Leo and I are protected. I have to hold on to one backup sample, just in case, but there are three. I could give you each half a dose—it should still give you some defense.”

Anika’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“If you’ll stay with us, and we all work together to get to the CDC,” I said. “I think it’s only right. I really don’t know if we’d have gotten this far without you. Or you,” I added, glancing at Justin, who was gaping at me.

“Kaelyn’s right,” Leo put in. “You two deserve to be protected just as much as I do.”

They could take it and still leave. But this wasn’t about bribing them. It was about showing how much keeping them meant to me.

Justin broke from his daze first. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “What if the CDC will need all the samples we have? I’m not going to be the one who messes this whole thing up.” The color had drained from his face, as if he was frightened by the words coming out of his mouth, but his voice was firm.

“Damn,” Anika said. She slouched back against the door frame. Her head turned toward the tent, where the cold box still sat. Then she looked at me. “You really would, wouldn’t you?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

“I don’t even know what I’m doing. I came this far, didn’t I? Where the hell would I go? I just…” She trailed off, and then squared her shoulders. “You know what, I’m tired of being scared to death of those guys. Screw the Wardens. They haven’t managed to catch us yet. And you can keep the samples. I should be able to handle at least as much as this kid.” She jerked her thumb toward Justin, who bristled at the
kid
even as a grin tugged at his mouth.

Relief flooded me. I didn’t know how long her change of heart would last, but it felt good. Screw the Wardens. We could do this.

“Who’s supposed to be on watch?” I asked.

“This
chick
,” Justin said, nodding at Anika. She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling too.

“Then you should get some sleep,” I told him. “And get off that leg already!”

“Yeah, yeah.” He swiveled toward the tent. His face pinched as he knelt down by the flap. My relief faded.

“It’s worse, isn’t it?”

“It’s fine,” he said tightly, but I could see how awkwardly he held it as he crawled inside.

We’d have to take another look at the wound before we left. Try to wash it. But what if it was already infected?

“The CDC people will take care of it when we get to Atlanta, right?” Anika said. Her smile had fallen.

“Yeah,” I said. When we finally got there.

“The doctor said to check in if we needed any help,” Leo said. “Maybe they’d know something we can do for him on our own.”

“Good point,” I said. “I’ll see if I can get a hold of them. You two go back to what you’re supposed to be doing.” I fixed Leo with a mock glare when he opened his mouth to protest. “I need you awake enough to drive when it gets dark.”

“You make sure you’re getting some rest too,” he said. “If you can’t reach them now, we can call out again in a few hours.”

“I won’t try for too long,” I promised.

I took the transceiver up to the second floor, where the noise wouldn’t interrupt anyone’s sleep. The duvet in the master bedroom was rumpled, and a musty smell hung in the air. I could immediately picture a figure lying on the mattress, throwing back the covers as their fever rose. There was no body here, but the sense of sickness filled the room. My legs balked. I headed into the second bedroom, which appeared to be an unused guest room, and set the radio on the dresser in the corner.

As I lifted the mic, my mouth went dry. I’d talked on the radio before, but I’d never been the one calling out. For a second I had the absurd impression that it wouldn’t work for me.

I shook the feeling off and flicked the power switch. Justin had set the frequency back to the one we’d had it at yesterday morning. I dragged in a breath, and then pressed the call button.