The Worst Witch to the Rescue (9 page)

‘We’ve brought you some tea,’ said Enid. ‘It’s a scone –’

‘– or a rock cake,’ said Maud. ‘It’s hard to tell which – and a cup of tea.’

‘Thanks,’ said Mildred gratefully. ‘I don’t know whether H.B. expects me to stay here for the rest of my life or what.’

‘If I were you, I’d just keep out of the way tonight,’ said Maud. ‘She’ll be over it by the morning.’

‘Watch out,’ said Mildred, jumping off the bed and diving for Speedy, who was plodding determinedly towards the open door. She grabbed him and held him up so that her two friends could see him. ‘A t least now I can tell you why he’s here,’ she said. ‘I got him during the hols so that he could be my demonstration animal for the holiday project, but I couldn’t get him to speak at all. I think it’s because he was too big to fit the size criterion. It’s such a
shame, because he looks so wonderful, especially when he’s blundering along – they can move quite fast, you know. I tried the spell
three
times, but I could see it hadn’t worked. He just carried on sitting there munching his piece of carrot, looking incredibly dim. I do think tortoises probably
are
incredibly dim. They look as if they only have about one brain cell, so I don’t expect he would have had an awful lot to say, but the animals generally say
something.
Even the newt told me he had a bit of a headache – you don’t imagine a newt having a headache, do you? Anyway, Speedy just looked completely blank, so either it hadn’t worked or he wasn’t bright enough to say anything, so I gave up, and then I didn’t like to leave him at home, so I brought him with me. You don’t believe a word of this, do you?’ she added sadly.

Maud and Enid were staring at her
with eyes like saucers.

‘Oh, Mil,’ said Enid, putting an arm around her fondly. ‘I don’t know
what
to think this time. Ethel’s just so good at everything and you – well, you’ve never once come up with anything better than Ethel.’

‘Especially in the spell department,’ agreed Enid.

‘But we
know
you wouldn’t just tell a huge lie,’ added Maud hastily as she saw Mildred’s eyes fill with tears.

‘Why don’t we all have a nice quiet evening and an early night?’ suggested Enid. ‘Then we can talk it over in the morning.’

‘Good idea,’ said Maud, sounding rather over-jolly. ‘Shall we bring you a plate of supper later on?’

‘Don’t worry,’ said Mildred, trying not to sound hurt. ‘I think I’ll start my early night right now.’

Enid and Maud slunk out of the room, closing the door quietly behind them.

‘I feel
awful
,’ said Maud. ‘It sounds as if we think she just made it all up – that outburst about the holiday project. We’re her
friends
, for goodness’ sake. We
ought
to believe her.’

‘I know,’ said Enid glumly. ‘It’s difficult sometimes, though, isn’t it?’

sudden surge of anger swept over Mildred as she sat miserably on the bed, munching the scone/rock cake and contemplating the truly awful treachery of Ethel Hallow.

‘It’s
so
not fair, Tabs,’ she exclaimed to the faithful little cat, who was huddled on her knees. ‘No one’s ever
going to believe my word against Ethel’s. She sounds so convincing that even
I
wouldn’t believe me if I didn’t know! The trouble is that no one else
does
know. No one else was there except you, and you can’t speak.’

‘
I
can,’ said a very small, slightly rasping voice from nowhere.

Mildred jumped. ‘Was that you, Tabs?’ she breathed.

Tabby purred louder, but said nothing.

‘Is someone there?’ asked Mildred, looking wildly around the room. ‘Where are you?’

‘Under the bed,’ rasped the reply.

Mildred swung herself on to her knees so that she could look over the side of the bed and see underneath. There she saw the usual pile of boxes and suitcases and Speedy, munching his carrot. ‘Was it you?’ asked Mildred faintly. ‘Did you speak?’

‘I did,’ said Speedy, turning to face Mildred.

‘But – I – how?’ gasped Mildred. ‘The spell didn’t work.’

‘It
did
actually,’ said Speedy. ‘You cast the spell three times and the third time I was so fed up with all your chanting and waving me around in the air that I’d gone inside my shell, which, if you care to fetch a tape measure, fits into a twenty-five-centimetre box with five centimetres to spare at the head or tail
end, depending which way you look at it. It
didn’t
work when my limbs, tail and head were out, bringing my length to thirty-one centimetres, thereby rendering the spell utterly useless. Not that we tortoises know about anything at
all
, as we are well known to be
incredibly
dim, with possibly only one brain cell.’

Mildred sat back on her heels and gazed at the tortoise, who was gazing back at her with an amused smirk.

‘And another thing,’ he continued, sounding more grumpy as he went along. ‘I suppose you think it’s really witty to call a tortoise Speedy when we’re not
quite
so fast as, say, a cheetah. Practically everyone calls tortoises some sort of silly name for their own amusement. In fact, I won’t say another word unless you can think of a better name for me. I really don’t see why I should answer to a name which, frankly, I consider to be an insult.’

So saying, he briskly pulled in his head and front legs, followed by his back legs and tail, and the room fell silent.

‘Oh no!’ exclaimed Mildred. ‘
Please
don’t go to sleep!’

She groped under the bed, brought him out and laid him carefully on the bedclothes.

‘Would you kindly leave me alone,’ said the tortoise, sounding coldly polite.

‘Look, I’m so sorry about your name,’ grovelled Mildred. ‘
And
about the rude remarks. You’re quite right to be offended. I’m
really, really
sorry. What sort of name would you like? Is there anything you’d prefer? I mean, I’ve always wished I was called Miranda, so I do understand.’

‘Do you have any famous intelligent people in your world?’ asked the tortoise.

‘We used to have a famous intelligent man called Einstein,’ she said. ‘Everyone knows about Einstein.’

‘Hmm,’ considered the tortoise, half emerging from his shell. ‘Einstein. I like it. You can call me Einstein.’

‘Brilliant!’ said Mildred. ‘Einstein. That’s
so
much better than – er – the other name.’

‘Now, if you don’t mind,’ said Einstein, ‘I’m going to have a nap and I really
don’t
want to be disturbed this time. Could you put me back in the cat basket? It’s nice and dark in there.’

‘Will you have another chat with me soon?’ asked Mildred humbly. ‘There was something I wanted to ask you.’

‘Possibly,’ said Einstein. ‘Possibly not. Now, if you don’t mind, I really am exhausted – and please leave the cat basket door open, as I might want to go for a little walk. Also, tortoises tend to get claustrophobia. Strange, isn’t it – when you think how snugly we fit in our shells?’

‘Of course! Of course!’ agreed Mildred, placing him carefully at the back of the cat basket and wedging the door open with a sock. ‘Sleep well – see you later.’

Einstein made no reply, so Mildred clambered back on to her bed with
Tabby, attempting to keep calm as she rummaged through her memory, trying to recollect how many days ago she had cast the spell. To her horror, she suddenly remembered that it had been lunchtime on her aunt’s birthday, which gave her the exact date thirteen days ago. This meant that she only had a single day left with Einstein able to speak – only one day before her one witness to the conversation with Ethel fell silent forever.