The Would-Begetter (36 page)

‘Yes… Does Wendy know?’

‘Not yet. I don’t want her any more upset.’

‘No, of course not. When are you going in to see her?’

‘Ten-ish. Want to come?’

‘No… you’d better go on your own. Maybe I’ll go this afternoon.’

‘Come round here, why don’t you? I’d pop over to yours, but for the kids, and the fact that I told the police I’d be here.’

‘No Hector…I don’t think so, not for the moment anyway. So, how was Wendy when you saw her last night?’

‘Bit groggy, but entirely
compos mentis,
thank God.’

‘Was she very unhappy still?’

‘Well she certainly wasn’t a barrel of laughs, but they’re giving her anti-depressants, and they’re organizing some counselling, psychotherapy, that sort of thing. They reckon that should sort her out.’

‘Oh,’ Jess said, ‘good.’

‘If you change your mind, Jessy-boot,’ Hector said. ‘Do come. I could do with your company.’

‘Right,’ Jess said. “Bye.’ She put the phone down. I will go and lend Hector some solidarity, she thought to herself, but first I should like to see Wendy.

When Wendy had initially regained consciousness in the late afternoon of her ‘cry for help’, her inability even to end things satisfactorily weighed as heavily upon her as all her other deficiencies. I’m so useless, she thought despairingly. I can’t even make a go of killing myself!

However, at least in hospital you didn’t have to make any effort. You could just lie there and everything would be done for you. Hector had got her a private room, of course, and for once she was reconciled to the privilege. Some of the nurses were really kind. Pills and sympathy, Wendy thought, beats tea any day.

But there was one nurse who clearly considered attempted suicide to be a sin, and was very disapproving of her. Wendy gained the distinct impression that she believed hospital beds should be reserved for people who were ill through no fault of their own. Her attitude made Wendy feel angry. I’ve just as much right! she thought. Who does she think she is?

She was still cross the following morning, and she found she was strengthened by it. She discovered to her surprise that feeling angry could be a positive experience. She had got some
of her spirit back! She began to think, I don’t have to put up with things. I
can
say what
I
want. I don’t have to stay with Hector…

But this thought frightened her with its implications for future decisions and change. It wasn’t the time to be thinking like this. She wasn’t yet strong enough to cope. She tried to stop thinking at all. The pills they had given her were making her drowsy. She clutched at sleep gratefully.

When she next awoke, it was to find Hector sitting on her bed.

‘I’ve just seen the first swallow of the year,’ he said cheerfully. Wendy closed her eyes again. ‘Don’t tell me,’ he said. ‘I know one swallow doesn’t make a silver lining, but it’s a start isn’t it?’

‘Stop it, Hector,’ Wendy said, eyes still closed.

‘Sorry?’

‘If you’re going to talk at all, then say something that really matters.’

‘I was just trying to cheer you up,’ Hector said.

‘Well don’t!’ Wendy opened her eyes. Hector was looking hurt. Don’t let him get to you like that! Wendy counselled herself. Don’t automatically feel you have to look after him.
You’re
the one who needs love and attention. If he won’t give you any, then to hell with him! She closed her eyes again.

‘So, how are you, Wend?’

‘I’ve just tried to kill myself,’ Wendy said. ‘How d’you think I am?’

‘Well,’ Hector said, ‘I really don’t know. That’s why I asked.’ There was a silence. ‘Well, what shall we talk about then?’

‘Tell me what’s been happening. Is Morgan all right?’

‘Well he was worried naturally, but he’s OK now. He’s written you this letter. I’ll bring him to see you tomorrow. D’you know Wend, I really do think this architecture career of his might work out. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?’

‘I love Morgan for what he is, not for what he does,’ Wendy said.

‘Yes, well…so do I of course… but…’ Hector subsided into silence again.

Wendy began to feel that for once in their relationship she had the upper hand, and it gave her a
frisson
of pleasure. She
opened her eyes to watch Hector squirm some more, and then relented fractionally. ‘What about you?’ she asked.

‘Oh, I’m all right, well except for the bur…’

‘The what?’

‘Nothing,’ Hector said hastily.

‘Come on Hector, spit it out!’

‘Well I don’t want to upset you…’

‘Why break the habit of a lifetime?’

‘Don’t be like that, Wendy. I’m doing my best.’

‘So what were you going to say?’

‘Oh it’s nothing much. We had a few small things nicked from the house. I’ve cancelled all the credit cards, so it’s no big deal.’

‘They won’t catch whoever did it,’ Wendy said wearily. ‘They never do these days.’

‘I thought you’d be all upset.’

‘Why? I’ll tell you something, Hector, nearly dying really brings home to you what’s important and what isn’t. But I don’t suppose you’d understand a thing like that.’

‘Of course I would!’ Hector said, stung. ‘And anyway, you’re wrong in this instance. They
do
know who did it.’

‘Who?’

‘Florian.’

Wendy began to laugh weakly, and then it increased until she was shaking all over and nearly choking with uncontrollable mirth.

‘You’re hysterical!’ Hector exclaimed in alarm, jumping to his feet and ringing for a nurse.

‘Can’t be…’ Wendy gasped hoarsely, trying to get some air between coughing fits. ‘I had it all… cut out… remember?’ Then the nurse came and gave her a sedative, and she vaguely saw Hector being escorted out of the room, before succumbing once more to blessed oblivion.

The next time she awoke, it was to find the nurse bending over her.

‘Your sister’s here to see you, Mrs Mudgeley.’

‘Haven’t got a sister,’ Wendy said crossly, and heard the nurse saying, ‘She’s still a little confused. I’ll leave you two together.’ Wendy opened her eyes properly. ‘Jess?’

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry about the “sister”
stuff too, but I wanted to see you, and they wouldn’t let non-family members in.’

This was a new Jess, Wendy saw, with a designer haircut, and wearing smart clothes, even some subtle make-up. It was a great improvement. No wonder Hector…

‘You must be feeling dreadful,’ Jess said. ‘Poor you. But thank goodness you look a lot better than you did!’

‘I’m not with you?’

‘When we found you, I mean,’ Jess said.

‘
You
found me?’

‘Yes. Didn’t Hector tell you?’ Wendy made a dismissive movement with her head. ‘Actually,’ Jess ventured, ‘I was afraid you might be very annoyed to have been discovered before… you know.’

Wendy frowned. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I’m not quite sure what I feel yet, but it isn’t annoyed.’

‘Oh, that’s a relief!’

‘So tell me,’ Wendy asked. ‘What happened?’ She motioned her to sit on the bed, and encouraged her to relate the whole story. ‘Great!’ Wendy said, when she’d finished. ‘Isn’t that bloody typical? I owe my life to Hector’s three fancy women!’ Jess looked taken aback. ‘I guessed,’ Wendy said, looking chal-lengingly at her. ‘I’m not completely stupid!’

‘Oh no,’ Jess said at once. ‘It’s not like that at all. Hector and I have never been lovers. Really and truly!’ She looked so open and honest, that Wendy’s certainty wavered.

‘You’re trying to tell me that you’re
just good friends?’
I mean to say, Wendy thought, why have you come here if you aren’t feeling guilty?

‘Yes.’ Jess frowned and looked at her shoes. Then she straightened up. ‘To be honest, it might well have been more, but we felt we…so we didn’t.’ She stopped in confusion.

‘Oh I SEE,’ Wendy said. ‘Hector tried it on, and you weren’t having any. Is that it?’

‘Well… not exactly…’ Jess looked extremely uncomfortable.

She’s either lying, Wendy thought, or she’s trying to protect Hector. Either way, she isn’t on my side. Then she thought, I’m ill. I don’t have to put up with anything I don’t want to.

‘Before you go,’ she said, ‘answer me one thing. Was it you
who kept ringing Hector, and putting the phone down when I answered?’

‘No,’ Jess said.

‘Well, who then?’

‘It was probably Zillah, wanting to speak to Hector about money.’

Wendy snorted. ‘And when I think how short the bloody man’s kept me, over the years…’

‘Must have been tough.’

‘You don’t know the half of it,’ Wendy retorted, closing her eyes and lying back on her pillows.

‘Well,’ Jess said uncertainly. ‘I’m so glad you’re all right. Well of course I don’t mean all right, exactly… but, you know. Um… perhaps I’d better be going…I don’t want to tire you out.’

‘You want Hector?’ Wendy said suddenly, surprising even herself. She opened her eyes wide and started straight at Jess. ‘You take him! I’m finished with the bastard!’

‘Oh, but…’ Jess now looked rattled.

‘And pass me that letter, over there. It’s from Morgan and I haven’t read it yet.’ Jess obediently handed it over. Wendy tore it open, and read:

Dere mum – I hop yore alrit. Hanna worris that it her faught butt I sed yoo woodent blaym her aw floryine. Get well and cume hom soon. lots of luve morgan
XXX.

‘Well, I’d better be going…’ Jess began again nervously.

‘Stay and read this!’ Wendy ordered. She felt extraordinarily powerful. Jess took the letter from her and read it obediently. ‘Oh, poor Hannah,’ she said. ‘You don’t…?’

‘Blame her? Of course not. Will you talk to her, Jess? Explain it’s nothing whatever to do with her.’

‘I’ll certainly try,’ Jess assured her. ‘Wasn’t it good of Morgan to write to you on her account.’

‘You don’t know how good,’ Wendy said. ‘He
never
writes letters.’

‘Talking of which,’ Jess said. ‘Here’s my address in London.’ She wrote it quickly on a page from her notebook, tore it off and offered it to Wendy.

‘What for?’

‘Well, I sort of feel I’d like to help. For instance, you might need a temporary bolt-hole…’

‘Doubt it,’ Wendy said, making no attempt to take it. Jess hesitated and then put it down on the end of the bed.

‘Did you really mean it?’ Jess ventured. ‘The bit about being finished with Hector?’ She looked more confused than hopeful, Wendy noticed.

‘I’ve really no idea,’ Wendy said. ‘But if I am, then one thing’s for sure: it’ll be him that leaves our house, not me and Morgan. After all the work I’ve put into it, I’m not giving it up for anyone! Anyway, it’s always the wife and children that get the house.’

‘Not always,’ Jess said. ‘Not in Barry’s case.’

‘What d’you mean?’ So Jess told her about Barry’s marriage breaking up.

‘I never did like that Jackie,’ Wendy said, and as she spoke, her whole body began to tingle and feel as if it was part of a real person again. She felt suddenly – what was the word?… Yes… –
worthy
again. Would it last? Was this a renewal of hope? What if she and Barry…? She closed her eyes, the better to savour this outside chance.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jess said. ‘I’ve exhausted you. I must go.’

Wendy kept her eyes shut and heard her leaving and the door closing behind her. Then she sat up and read Jess’s address, before folding it carefully and putting it in her handbag. You never know when I might need this, she thought. It
is
worth going on. I wasn’t meant to die.

After Jess had left Wendy, she felt relieved but also upset. Of course she was glad that Wendy had survived, but she had been affected by her anger, and was also apprehensive at the thought of a freshly semi-detached Hector. She would have to go and see him, of course, but only briefly to say goodbye, and then she would drive straight back home to London. I’ve got loads of work to get on with, she thought. That should distract me.

Hector was delighted to see her. He enveloped her in a bear-hug at the door. ‘Thank goodness you’re here!’

‘I can’t stay, Hector. I’ve only come to say goodbye.’ Jess saw a movement on the landing above, but couldn’t tell who it was. ‘I just wanted to make sure you’re all right.’

‘Well it isn’t every week one’s wife attempts suicide,’ Hector said, making a brave gesture, ‘but under the circumstances…’

‘Of course,’ Jess said. ‘And the kids?’

‘Well they’re my only source of hope really. Hannah’s a bit of a handful as you’d expect, but
at last
I’ve begun to get closer to Morgan.’

‘Oh good!’

‘It is. I have to say this, Jess, even though he is my son (so it seems like boasting), but he really does appear to have an extraordinary talent!’

‘That’s great, Hector. I’m so glad.’

‘But you don’t have to go yet, surely?’

“Fraid so. I’ve loads of work on, and I only came down for the weekend.’

‘Well maybe I could come up to London and visit you sometime soon? Ifor and family have offered to take Wendy and the youngsters for a short while to give me a break.’ He
lowered his voice, ‘I’m looking forward to it actually. It’s been damned hard work ever since Wendy’s been…ill.’

‘Yes, I’m sure.’

‘But won’t you come in for a coffee? You can surely spare ten minutes?’

‘Well…’ Jess weakened. ‘Oh all right. Thanks.’

She sat at the kitchen table and tried to assess her feelings. What if Wendy really did throw Hector out? What if they eventually separated for good?

I don’t want to get involved in their break up, she decided. I can’t face having anything to do with it, so I must make sure I keep my distance until it’s all resolved, one way or the other. And then, who knows?

‘You’re looking very fierce all of a sudden,
cariad?’
Hector said, handing her a mug of coffee. ‘Biscuit?’

‘No thanks. I don’t feel fierce, just confused I suppose.’

‘Tell me, Jess,’ Hector said, leaning forward intently. ‘Do you know why Wendy did it? It’s a complete mystery to me.’

‘Well…’ Jess began slowly, ‘I suppose she felt betrayed…’

‘But Caroline and Zillah are ancient history, as far as I’m concerned,’ Hector said. ‘Surely she understands that?’