The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories (147 page)

“Has he been through this? Detoxing, rehab?” he questioned. The look in his eyes told me he already knew the answer.

I shook my head. I could feel my hands beginning to shake. That’s how it started last time, too. “I feel shaky,” I confessed. He wanted to help, might as well let him.

“You can ask me anything you want next week, ok? I’ll come every day if it’ll help you. It’ll be best if I leave now, though. Talking about this stuff while detoxing is frowned upon,” he admitted, standing once again.

“I can’t see my family, or the woman I love. Could you stay and just talk for a little longer? I want to know more about this facility and the process.”

“I’ll tell you more next week. I’ll come by on Saturday and see how you are doing in the detoxing stage. If all is well, we’ll talk all day,” he said, giving me a warm smile.

“Ok,” I said, standing to walk him to the door. I opened it, stepped aside for him to exit, and asked one final question. “Hey, why don’t any of these doors have locks?”

“Because you’re free to go whenever you’d like, Cade. This isn’t jail or punishment or anything of that sort. You’re here because you want to be and the lock free environment is to help remind you of that,” he grinned again, patted me on the back, and exited my room.

I watched him leave and when he got half way down the hallway, I called out, “Hey, Reid? Thank you.”

He nodded in acknowledgement and continued on. I settled in front of the TV, praying what to come wouldn’t be as bad as I imagined.

###

“M
r. Kelling?” a soft voice asked, pulling me from sleep.

I opened my eyes, seeing a tall blonde with scrubs on standing over me. She looked familiar, but my head was pounding, so I couldn’t remember her name at the moment. “Yeah?”

“Nikki here,” she smiled, “I’m just going to check your vitals. Your body has started detoxing, so I or the night nurse will be in here more often to make sure your body responds well.”

Detoxing.
“That’s why I have a headache,” I groaned, pulling myself to sitting position.

“Yes, and why you’re sweating.”

“What else could happen?” I inquired as she cuffed the BP monitor on me.

“Well, there’s a range of symptoms, Mr. Kelling,” she started.

I interrupted, “Please call me Cade.” My voice was weak. I didn’t sound like myself at all.

“Cade,” she corrected, smiling. “Withdrawal symptoms can be shakiness, headaches, vomiting, nausea, nightmares, and anxiety, just to name a few. The more severe symptoms—“

I interjected, “The more
severe
? Those sound pretty severe to me!” I exclaimed, causing the pounding to increase. I grabbed my head, closed my eyes, and moaned.

“Don’t get too excited, it makes it worse. And yes, those are considered mild compared to what could happen during withdrawals. You could get hallucinations, have convulsions, or get a fever. We will watch you closely during this stage because if the symptoms turn severe, we will need to get you to the hospital,” she explained, getting her light out to check my eyes.

I sat still, letting her complete my examination as I thought of what was happening to my body. How did I let myself get this bad? I was actually glad Francesca or my family couldn’t come visit me during this. I didn’t want anyone to see me in this shape. Being so dependent on alcohol did this to me. It was a lot for my brain to wrap around.

“Do you have any questions?” Nikki asked, her big blue eyes peering at me.

Had she been talking,
I wondered? “Um...nah, not right now. Thanks though,” I said. My voice was thick and hoarse. I felt like I was watching this all from a distance. Nikki left. I felt alone and as much as I hated to admit it, I was afraid. Drinking my issues away was all I knew. What would I do without it? Could I really do this? What if I failed? Would Pops really disown me this time? The questions and the overwhelming feeling I had in my chest was almost too much. I managed to drift off to sleep, dreaming I failed.

###

A
new nurse, a male, was checking my temperature with that ear thing. The cold metal shocked my system, causing my eyes to pop open as I awoke. “What’s going on?” I asked, groggily.

“Cade, I’m Daniel. I’m just here to check on you. Nikki’s shift finished an hour ago, so I’m your nurse now,” he explained, gripping my wrist to check my pulse.

“I feel sick,” I moaned out. My stomach was in knots. The waves of nausea could only be compared to seasickness. I felt like I had the one, and only, time I’d been out on the ocean on a large boat. I didn’t like the feeling then, I hated it now. “I may throw up,” I admitted.

He nodded, and went to his rolling cart. He got a white pill out of one of his bottles, bringing it to me. “This is zofran, it will help with the nausea. Just hold it under your tongue and it will dissolve,” he instructed.

I did as he said. My hands were shaking and I almost dropped it, but Daniel helped steady them enough so I could do it myself. I felt like an invalid, an idiot, for being in this position. I vowed to never again let myself get in this situation. The medicine worked rather quickly, thankfully. My head pounded, my body sweated, and my limbs shook. I did the only thing I could...I lay back, breathing slowly and deeply, and thought of Francesca.

Josie’s Funeral-5 years Prior

I’d watched Francesca’s sister die. The life left her body, leaving a beautiful corpse that reminded me too much of the one my heart was attached to. I called 911 as soon as I realized her car was losing control. They’d gotten there in record time, prying her out of the car, but it was useless. Her soul was gone.

The days that passed were horrible. I drank myself into a stupor, wanting nothing more than to go to Francesca. Comfort her, love her, be there for her. I knew she would be there, at the funeral, and while the thought of seeing her so sad and broken tore me in two, but I knew I had to go. I had to be there for her. To show Josie respect and show Francesca I cared.

The day arrived. My stomach was twisted like a pretzel, my mind racing with thoughts of what could have been. It could have been me that died...and Francesca wouldn’t be hurting now. I was a waste, just someone to hurt her over and over. Why couldn’t it have just been me? The funeral home was packed. Students, teachers, family, and friends all crowded in the small space, crying and sharing stories of Josie. I spotted Francesca almost immediately. Her dark blonde tresses were in a braid, her face natural, yet gorgeous. Her eyes were bloodshot and she wasn’t speaking to anyone. She stayed in the reserved seats, not doing anything but staring at Josie and the casket. I gasped, not wanting to see this anymore. I couldn’t handle the sad expression on her face, the devastation that clouded her eyes. The once bright and shining eyes that would captivate and entice me were dull from pain. My heart burned, like a fire coursing through my veins, from seeing her like this. I moved to talk to her, but a guy, not much younger than me, walked up and grabbed her hand. The jealous rage I felt wasn’t something I was used to. I wanted to rip his arm off, take her into mine, and declare he wasn’t to touch her again. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and I knew they had to be dating. My heart fell, taking my hopes along with it. I couldn’t do this, wouldn’t do this. Stand by and watch another man comfort her when all I wanted to do was take all her pain away. I turned, signing the guest book, and left. She would know I was there. It would have to be enough.

Present Day

I drifted in and out of consciousness that first night. Daniel checked my vitals every hour or so. He wasn’t as talkative as Nikki, but was nice enough. I didn’t feel as detached as I had Saturday when this happened. Maybe I was because I was mentally prepared, perhaps it hadn’t gotten that far yet. I really didn’t know, but I prayed it didn’t get any more severe.

“D
ad, listen, I needed to quit. Stop freaking out on me and just listen,” I demanded into the phone for the fourth time since the conversation started.

“You can’t just quit your job without a plan, Franny. Why did you do this? Was it because that boy is your client? Did he do something to you?” His questions bombarded and overwhelmed me.

“This has nothing to do with Cade, and just so you know, I’m still his lawyer. It has to do with the fact that Mr. Phillips and Mr. Lemming told me I would never get any higher than I was. I had no hope at promotion. You wanna know why, Dad?” I fired at him. I paced my bedroom, rubbing my temples with my free hand. He was frustrating me.

“Yes, I do want to know why,” he smarted back.

“Because I’m a woman. If you’d had a son, then I could be a partner at J & B Law firm, but since I’m a woman, it’s a no go,” I spewed out sarcastically. I’d called to tell him I planned to open my own firm but as soon as the words were out I quit, he’d went on a rampage. “None of that matters though, Dad. I called to tell you I want to start my own law office and was wondering if you could help me out.” He stayed silent for a long time. He reminded me of Cade’s dad. I sighed, throwing my body across my bed. “Dad?”

“I’m proud of you,” he said quietly. “You did the right thing.”

His words shocked me. They were unexpected given his recent tirade about quitting. “Thanks, Dad.” I smiled as the words crossed my lips.

“I’ll do whatever I can to help you. I think I know of a building with an office for rent. I’ll call and see how much it is,” he said. His voice rose in excitement, causing me to grin widely. Dad was always the type to freak out first, enjoy later.

“No hurry, Dad. We can wait until next week. I have some stuff to sort out, I have to talk to Zander, and I still have a court date Friday morning.”

“What does Zander have to do with this? And how did you manage to keep the client?” he questioned. He genuinely sounded intrigued by the situation.

“Zander McKinney overheard my performance appraisal and quit right after. He’s been encouraging me to open my own place for a while, so I told him he could work for me. He’s still working on his degree, but he has his paralegal license, so he’ll be an asset. As for the client...,” I started, feeling nervous. It was odd still that Cade himself wouldn’t talk to me and I didn’t want my dad picking up on that. “His dad is paying for the services, so I called to inform him of the situation. He wants me to keep the case.”

“He’s a good kid. You concentrate on the case. I’ll find you a building. Do you have money saved up?” My dad always thought of the financial and business aspect of all situations. He had always been that way. The organized planner of the family. My mom was more carefree and spontaneous about life. I was more like him than her.

“Ok, Dad. Don’t sign any leases or anything,” I reminded him. Sometimes he forgot that I was an adult and made these decisions myself, so I found it best to gently push him in the direction I wanted him to go. It usually worked.

“Yeah, I know, Kiddo. Don’t worry,” he chuckled. I could hear his smile through the phone. “How’s everything else?”

“Good. I have to take Hamlet to the vet later or in the morning to see if I can take the bowl off. I’m pretty excited about this whole firm thing. I really just want to go to the office supply store and buy it out,” I laughed.

He groaned, “You women and your shopping. You’re just like your mother.”

I laughed loudly at that. “Thanks, Dad.”

“It’s true!” he exclaimed, his laughter bellowing loudly in my ear. “I’m going to tell your mom the good news. Call us later?”

“Of course. Love you, Daddy.”

“Love you, baby girl. Proud of you.”

The line clicked off, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

###

T
he vet’s office was busy for a Wednesday afternoon. I gave the receptionist my appointment card, grasping Hamlet to me as he wiggled to get free. I mentally reminded myself to get a carrier for him. I wouldn’t come out of this without scratches.

“Are you Mrs. Kelling?” the blonde Barbie doll asked sweetly.

Her words shook me. I stammered, “Uh...NO...um...I’m Francesca Taymon. A friend brought Hamlet last time.” My explanation was rocky. I hadn’t expected her to mention Cade much less think I was his wife. I should have known better, he had to have given them his name last time.

“I apologize. I’ve got you checked in. We’ll call you back shortly.” She gave me a hundred watt grin.

“Thanks,” I said, smiling. My mind was reeling. Everywhere I went, everything I did was somehow connected to Cade. Everyone reminded me of him. Places brought back our past memories. I couldn’t escape him and I didn’t know why. Were we meant to be? Or was this just fate’s way of laughing in my face? I’d never been the type of woman that needed a man, and I wouldn’t change that. I didn’t
need
Cade, but I wanted him in every possible way. To see his face every morning, feel his breath on my face as he leaned in to allow his lips to devour mine. To hear his laughter, his voice echoing through my mind, filling me with a deep sense of love, belonging, and serenity; I wanted to touch his skin, my fingers caressing every inch of his delicious body; to taste his lips, his tongue as it connected with mine, sending shivers all over my body. Maybe being with Cade was a need...my body needed him more than I realized. He was a part of me, whether I wanted him to be or not. We fit together, in every sense, perfectly. Yes, he had a drinking problem, and I possessed low self-esteem...but together...together we were amazing. We could do anything, go anywhere. Our lives were destined to cross, not just once, but twice. It wasn’t just coincidence, or Cade’s dad, that allowed us to meet again after so many years. It was much more. The universe had made us for each other and it was time I stop fighting it. I knew the truth now. He couldn’t have saved my sister...but he tried. And he’d wanted to come to me. Why was I so stupid for so long? No more, I decided. I didn’t care if I had to wait five more years, I would tell Cade how I felt. Not at the justice center, obviously, but perhaps Friday. It was time he knew. I had to release these feelings, have them out in the open, so I no longer wondered
what if
. It was such a stupid thing, to constantly wonder what could have happened if only things had been different. What if’s were just the minds way of trying to make you crazy. Dwelling on an event, an occurrence in life, was a great way to make you lost it. You knew the outcome and you knew you couldn’t go back in time, yet you sat and thought of every possibility had you decided differently. What if’s were stupid, really.