The year She Fell (31 page)

Only a few hours ago, I would have been thrilled to see him. I would have run into his arms and kissed him.

Then that’s what I should do, I told myself. So I did. I ran down the steps towards him. He looked up from locking his car door, and smiled. I detected a bit of relief in his expression as he opened up his arms. I came up against him, bumping his chest with my shoulder, breathing in his solidity and warmth. I raised my face and kissed him—so bold, I was. Too bold? No. We’d just spent a night together. It wasn’t too bold to kiss him.

He
was being too bold, however. Breathless, I pulled away. “Tongue in front of the neighbors? And the taxpayers? I don’t think so, Jackson.”

He grinned, just a moment, then sobered. I did too, instantly, letting shame for forgetting filter my expression. “I almost forgot about Tom. Just for a second there.”

“That’s okay. Glad I can still distract you from what’s important.” He took my hand and led me up the steps. “Not much turning up in the caves. Got more volunteers looking around in the hills above there. Don’t worry. All they know is that someone’s missing, not that it might be a kidnapping. Any ransom calls?”

“No.” That was true. He hadn’t asked for a ransom. “My sister Theresa called. That’s about it.”

“The nun?”

“Yeah. But she’s not acting like a nun. She’s up in
Webster
County
now. I hope she stays there for the time being—it’s hectic enough already, and she can’t really do anything.” I thought I’d captured it pretty well—a little worried, but calm with the calm that came from having no control at all. As we walked back into the house,
Jackson
twined our fingers as we used to when we were just kids. It felt so familiar and so right, I almost forgot that twenty years and this new issue came between us.

“How’s Ellen doing?”

“She couldn’t stand it. She took the car and went looking around. I tried to stop her, but she just left.” I was acting, not lying. There’s a difference. “It’s been more than an hour. Maybe she stopped to get something to eat.” I sighed. “Just as well. We were driving each other nuts with worry. I’m no help at all.”

Jack looked around the empty parlor as if he could wish her back. “I’d feel better if she stayed put. In case we need to ask her something. And the search party could find something at any time.”

That gave me a chill. What if they came across Ellen’s car and found her with the kidnapper and Tom? But the search was concentrating on the cave area, and that was all the way across town from Route 21. “I’m sure she’ll be back soon. She was just so anxious. We’ve both been pretty much useless this afternoon.”

“We’ll bring the search party in at dusk, you know. It’s too risky to have civilians climbing about in the hills in the dark. End up losing a few searchers that way.”

Another chill. It hadn’t occurred to me that volunteers would be conducting the search, but of course, even with the sheriff’s department added, our little town wouldn’t have enough police officers to cover the woods. And it was all for nothing, because Ellen—and I—knew very well where Tom was. I had to tell Ellen about this. The volunteers would be experienced—hikers were always getting lost and needing rescue up in the mountains—but still, I didn’t think Ellen would want to put them at risk of falling into a ravine or encountering a bobcat.

I clung to her promise that in twenty-four hours, she would tell
Jackson
what she suspected. That was only about another eighteen hours, much of which the searchers would spend home in their bed.

“Let me make you some coffee,” I said, leading him back to the kitchen.

“I take it this is not the time for a return engagement, this time in your bed.”

I glanced over my shoulder at him. He meant it. He wanted it. He was on duty, here on official business, and he still wanted it—upstairs in the bed where we’d passed several heated, hushed nights so long ago.

And—oh, amazing—I wanted it too, wanted to forget about Ellen and Tom and whatever was going on with Mother and Theresa. Wanted just to give in as if lovemaking was all that the moment demanded.

Tempted. Oh, great. Get back with my adolescent love, and adolescent hormones come back with a vengeance. That’s exactly what I’d hoped, but this was an inconvenient time to be restored fully-fledged to sexuality.

Ellen could be back any minute.

I turned in the doorway and wound my arms around his waist. Felt the gun at his hip and knew a moment of disorientation. But
Jackson
was the safest man in the world—for me, anyway. I closed my eyes and kissed him.

Only dimly, I heard something outside. But
Jackson
’s instincts were more finely attuned, and he gently released me. “Coffee, you said.”

By the time Ellen walked in, I had the filter in the coffeemaker, and
Jackson
sitting at the table.

“
Jackson
. You’re here. Is there news?” Ellen must have seen his patrol car out front, because she had prepared her expression. She did a good job. I could see the guilt behind the mask of concern, but that’s because I was a professional actress. She would fool anyone else, probably. She flicked me a quick glance, and I read it to mean she’d discovered nothing too terrible on her visit to the old jail.

“No news. The search party hasn’t found anything new. Going home for the night.”

He was studying her closely. Too closely. I thought a diversion was in order, and slammed a cabinet door. “Ellen, you take cream, right? Jack?”

“Just the coffee. So, Ellen, did you see anything while you were driving about?”

Ellen shook her head as she took a seat across from him. “No. I don’t even know what I was looking for. I drove by the motel and saw Tom’s car. And just drove around town, looking for anything unusual. But of course, I didn’t see anything that gave me any clue at all.” She paused and looked up at him challengingly. Good touch. “I know you’re going to say just to let you do your job and not interfere.”

Jackson
took the cup I offered and set it down on the oak table. “I don’t want you getting into any danger. And someone should be here to monitor the phone. But if it makes you feel less helpless driving around, that’s okay with me.”

He said this in a mild tone that seemed to soothe Ellen. But it had me on alert. I couldn’t explain why, but I could sense that he was . . . aware. Wary.

I sat down beside Ellen and took her hand. “No reason to do that now, honey, because it’s going to be dark soon. And you need to rest.”

“Not a chance,” Ellen said with an attempt at a smile.

“I’ve got some valium. I’ll give you one.” I glanced over at
Jackson
, letting guilt shine in my eyes. More diversion. “Oops. I guess that constitutes illegal transfer of narcotics or something.”

“What? I didn’t hear anything about narcotics.”
Jackson
finished his coffee and rose. “I’ll be monitoring things tonight, and come back in the morning. Ellen, let me know if you think of anything that might be relevant, about your husband’s associates or work.”

He nodded towards the door, and I left Ellen to clean up the dishes and trailed him out on to the porch. I thought he wanted to, well, you know, kiss again. But he had his serious face on, the cop face, and I started to worry.

“She seems to be taking this in stride.”

It didn’t sound admiring. “Well, she’s sort of been through it before. Only then it was in a war zone and it was a year before he escaped. So she’s not the sort to panic.”

“Right.” Jack stopped the steps and looked back. “Tell me what she’s hiding.”

“Hiding?” My voice came out a squeak. I lowered it. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, she’s not telling me something. This disagreement they had and him staying at the motel. Her driving around town. I’m getting strange vibrations from this.”

The best defense is a good offense. “Strange vibrations? Now that’s great evidence.”

He shrugged. “I’m a cop, not a judge. And my intuition is telling me she’s not telling everything she knows.”

“Of course she is.” I tried to infuse my voice with certainty. “Why wouldn’t she? She wants Tom back.”

“How do we know that? Just because usually wives want their husbands back? But this isn’t your usual kidnapping. There’s no ransom call, no note. And whenever something’s unusual, we look to the family.”

It was time for a stronger reaction. “
Jackson
, I know you’re all cynical because you’ve seen so much crime and degradation. But there’s no reason to think this is a family situation. My sister wants him back. And if you’re implying she had something to do with him being taken, well—” Outrage wasn’t hard to muster. “You’re wrong.”

“And you know that because—she’s a
Wakefield
? Rich? A minister?”

“Because she’s my sister,” I said forcefully. He was leaning on the porch rail, and I pushed right up against him, getting in his face. “Because she’s Ellen, and she’s one of the kindest people I know. And you know that too.”

He moved forward, just an inch, enough to make me back off. “I know I sense something. And I always trust my hunches.”

His eyes were hard, and his grip too, when he raised his hands to my shoulders. I couldn’t help myself. I leaned towards him and touched his mouth with mine. Just a touch, but I felt it shiver through him, and through me too. “Jack,” I whispered.

But then he pushed me away, gently, but firmly. “Don’t do it, Laura. Don’t try to distract me.”

“I’m not—”

“You are. I know you. Maybe no one else would notice, but I do. You’re not being straight with me.”

I took a step down so I was on the solid pavement of the driveway. But I kept my hand on the rail beside him. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Sure you do. You’re keeping secrets from me. And you’re using what I feel for you to keep me in the dark.”

It was true, and yet it wasn’t. What I wanted to do with him, I’d want to do anyway . . . but I could hardly deny, to myself anyway, that I’d taken advantage of the moment to distract him from his suspicions. But it backfired. He was more suspicious than ever, and angry at me besides. “I feel the same way you do. Don’t you know that?”

“No. I know you wanted me last night because you thought you could trust me not to hurt you. And you were right. But that was using me too, only you were honest about it. Making yourself whole again, maybe for someone else. I went along with it. Don’t ask me why.” He walked past me towards his car, but stopped a few feet away. The evening sun was golden on his hair, but shadowed his eyes. “I’m not going along with this. You owe me the truth, and you know it. Call me when you’re ready to be honest. Or maybe once again your family is going to keep up from being together.”

He waited, but I couldn’t respond. So I watched him drive away, and had to fight back the urge to cry. We almost had it back . . . and now this. He blamed my family for breaking us up
 
before, when Mother had taken me away and annulled our marriage. And once again, I was blaming my own weakness, the loyalty that made me support my sister even when I didn’t agree with her, the sympathy for that poor boy who considered himself abandoned by those who should have loved him most. And I blamed my own fear of trusting
Jackson
, no matter how worthy of trust he was. To trust him would be . . . to love him. And that scared me most of all.