Their Baby Surprise (12 page)

There was no smile to soften the words, nothing but the starkness of the statement, and something warm and tender shrivelled up inside him. Was she tiring of him already, he wondered sickly, wanting to end their relationship so soon? The thought almost brought him to his knees.

‘You should have said so this morning if that’s how you feel. There was no need to pretend you were ill.’

‘As I said, I needed time on my own to think everything through.’

‘And now you’ve had the time you needed, you’ve come to a decision?’

‘Yes. I have.’

‘I see.’ He shrugged, hoping she couldn’t tell how terrified he felt. ‘I assume it has something to do with us, so why don’t you tell me what you’ve decided?’

‘I think we need to take a break from one another.’

It was what he had feared she’d been going to say and his heart seemed to shrivel up inside him. It was all he could do not to beg her to reconsider but pride dictated that he shouldn’t embarrass them both. After all, he had known from the outset that they hadn’t promised each other a lifetime of commitment.

‘If that’s how you feel then there’s not a lot I can say, is there?’ He shrugged, praying that she couldn’t tell how devastated he felt. ‘You could be right. Maybe we do need to cool things a bit. It’s been very full on recently, hasn’t it, Rachel?’

‘It has. I…I think we need to take a step back, Matt, don’t you?’

There was the tiniest quaver in her voice which gave him some measure of hope that she wasn’t convinced about that, but there was nothing to sustain it when he shot a searching look at her face. She looked so distant that it was like looking at a stranger rather than the woman he had grown to love with all his heart.

It seemed too cruel that he had finally admitted how he felt when he was on the point of losing her. Matt knew that he couldn’t keep up the pretence any longer and swung round. ‘As usual you’re spot on in your assessment of the situation, Rachel. I suggest we see how we feel in a couple of weeks’ time.’

‘I think it would be for the best, too,’ she said calmly, and he inwardly cringed as another shaft of pain shot through him. It was hard to believe that she could show so little sign of emotion when he was in such agony.

‘I’ll take the rest of the day off, if you don’t mind,’ she continued. ‘It will look very odd if I suddenly turn up for work when I’m supposed to be ill.’

‘Fine. Do whatever you feel is right.’

Matt went back to his car and got it. Rachel had already closed the door by the time he slipped the key into the ignition and he didn’t linger before he drove away. Maybe it was the shock of what had happened but he felt icily cold. He had simply never expected their relationship to end like this. There’d been no tears, no arguments, no recriminations, just a polite indifference that was so much worse. It simply proved how little he had meant to her if Rachel could let him go with so little sign of emotion.

His eyes blurred and he pulled up at the side of the road. Maybe Rachel didn’t deem it worth crying about but he did. He had lost the woman he loved for a second time and no matter what happened in the future he would never allow himself to suffer this kind of agony again.

CHAPTER TWELVE

R
ACHEL
sobbed her heart out after Matt had left. It was as though a dam had burst and all the tears she’d been holding back suddenly came gushing out. She felt completely drained afterwards but calmer, better able to think.

She had been right not to tell him just yet that she was pregnant, she realised. The calm and controlled way he had behaved just now had proved that. If he hadn’t felt it was worth fighting to keep her then she didn’t want him to think that the baby changed anything. She couldn’t bear it if Matt felt he had to do the
right
thing. That would be the route to a lifetime of unhappiness for all of them.

The situation was going to be difficult enough as it was. Rachel couldn’t imagine how hard it was going to be once the baby was born. Working together each and every day would be a strain for both of them in the circumstances. Although she loved working in Dalverston, it might be better if she found herself a job somewhere else.

The thought of having to start afresh was a daunting one but Rachel knew in her heart it was the right thing to do. What she was going to tell Ross was something she would need to think about, although it could wait for now. Her main concern was to find herself another job as quickly as possible.

She hunted out some back copies of the various medical journals she subscribed to and checked the positions vacant pages. There were a number of possibilities and she marked them all, although her pregnancy could prove a handicap when applying for another post. Most general practices were understaffed and they wouldn’t be keen to take on someone who would be able to work for only a few months.

She sighed as she laid the magazines aside. She would deal with that hurdle when she came to it. If nothing else came up, she could always do locum work for a few months to tide her over. She had some savings but they wouldn’t last very long if she had to live on them. It could take a while before she sold the cottage and she would have to rent somewhere else in the meantime, so she needed to earn enough to support herself.

Knowing Matt as well as she did, he would probably offer financial support for the baby, although she wasn’t sure if she should accept it. The child was her responsibility and she intended to make that clear to him, although she was willing to allow him access if that was what he wanted.

Her heart caught painfully when it struck her that it might be the only time she saw him. The odd couple of hours here and there weren’t very much to look forward to after how close they had been, but she knew she had made the right decision. She wouldn’t put him under any kind of pressure, wouldn’t run the risk of him ending up resenting her. She loved him too much to ruin the rest of his life.

Matt felt as though the rug had been pulled right out from under his feet when Rachel announced that she was looking for another job. In one tiny corner of his mind where hope still resided, he had convinced himself that somehow, some way, they would work through this glitch and come out all the stronger for it on the other side. However, he certainly couldn’t see a way out of this. If Rachel left Dalverston that would be the end of them. For good.

‘Naturally, I’ll work the required period as laid out in my contract. It’s two months less any holiday I’m owed.’ She consulted her diary. ‘That brings it down to six weeks by my reckoning.’

‘I’ll make a note of that,’ he said gruffly, the pain bubbling up inside him so that he had to clamp his teeth together to stop it escaping. He wasn’t sure what was worse, the fact that she was planning on leaving or that she could talk about it with so little emotion.

‘Don’t you want to check that I’m right?’ Rachel asked him in surprise, and he shook his head.

‘I’m sure you’ve worked it all out correctly. It’s not something you’d make a mistake about, is it?’ His tone was brusque but he’d be damned if he would apologise for it. Didn’t she know how hard this was for him, didn’t she even care?

‘No, it isn’t.’

There was the tiniest hint of a plea in her voice but he wasn’t going to make the mistake of thinking she was asking for his understanding. She had made up her mind what she intended to do and she didn’t give a damn about the effect it would have on him.

He stood up abruptly. ‘I take it that you’ll be applying for another post?’

‘Yes. I’ve already seen a couple of jobs that look suitable,’ she agreed, digging in the knife that bit further. She certainly wasn’t wasting any time, he thought savagely. Obviously, she was keen to put some distance between them as soon as she possibly could!

‘I see,’ he said, clamping down on the emotions that were churning around inside him. He would be damned if he’d let her know how angry and hurt he felt, especially when she didn’t care. He shrugged, feigning an indifference he wished he felt. ‘It goes without saying that I’ll be happy to provide you with a reference. You’ve done an excellent job while you’ve been here, Rachel. Any practice will be lucky to have you as part of their team.’

‘Thank you.’

Her voice caught on the words but Matt didn’t wait to see what had caused it. His control was held by a thread and he was desperate not to embarrass himself in front of her. He went to the door, pausing briefly to glance back, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring down at her diary, probably counting the days until she could shake off the dust of her old life in Dalverston and set off on a new adventure somewhere else.

Had it been their ill-fated affair that had pushed her into making the move? he wondered bitterly, then hurriedly blanked out the answer. He didn’t want to know if
he
was responsible for driving her away.

‘Leaving?’

‘Yes.’ Rachel summoned a smile but it wasn’t easy when she felt so devastated inside. ‘I know it’s probably come as a shock to you, darling…’

‘Too damned right it has!’ Ross slumped down onto a chair and stared at her in bewilderment. ‘Why on earth do you want to leave? I thought you loved it here in Dalverston.’

‘I do…I mean, I did, but recently I’ve had the feeling that I’m stuck in a bit of a rut.’ She perched on the edge of the sofa, willing her son to accept her explanation without probing too deeply. The last thing she wanted was Ross discovering the truth at this stage, although he would have to know at some point.

‘This hasn’t anything to do with Matt, has it? You two haven’t…well, fallen out?’

‘What do you mean?’ she asked in surprise, flushing when Ross gave her a speaking look.

‘There’s no point denying it, Mum. It was obvious that you two were an item at Christmas.’

‘I…um…was it?’

‘Yes, and before you ask, I was delighted for you both.’ He leant forward. ‘It’s about time the pair of you thought about yourselves for a change. I really like Matt and to my mind you two are ideally suited. If something has happened, are you sure you can’t work it out between you?’

‘I’m afraid not. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve decided I need to make some changes to my life, although it’s not the only reason.’ For a moment she was tempted to tell him about the baby but it would be wrong to tell Ross before she told Matt and then expect him to keep her secret. She hurried on, trying to put a positive spin on her plans.

‘I’m not getting any younger, Ross, and if I don’t make the move now then I’ll never do it. I don’t want to end up regretting it in a few years’ time.’

‘Is that the truth?’ Ross demanded.

Rachel felt herself colour when she heard the scepticism in his voice even though it was true in a way. If she stayed in Dalverston she could cause untold problems for Matt and that was something she would regret bitterly for the rest of her life. ‘Yes. Of course it’s true!’ she exclaimed with, hopefully, a convincing amount of indignation. ‘Do you really think I would lie to you?’

‘Sorry, of course you wouldn’t.’ Ross sighed. ‘It’s just that I can’t bear to think that you’re leaving because of some sort of silly misunderstanding that could very well be cleared up.’

‘I’m not. I’ve thought long and hard about this decision and I know it’s the right thing to do.’ She quickly changed the subject, afraid that she would let something slip if Ross kept pushing her. ‘Anyway, enough about me. How are you and Gemma getting on?’

‘Great! I never thought I’d feel like this about anyone. I’m head over heels in love with her.’

‘I’m so happy for you, Ross,’ Rachel said sincerely.

‘Are you? I was afraid you’d think it was too soon after what happened with Heather…’ He stopped abruptly, looking deeply concerned. ‘I hope it wasn’t that which caused you and Matt to split up? I’ve no idea how he feels about me and Gemma seeing each other because he’s never said anything to me. But it can’t be easy for him to accept that I’ve met someone else so soon. I do hope I haven’t caused a rift between you two.’

‘You haven’t,’ she said firmly. ‘I can say with my hand on my heart that me breaking up with Matt had nothing whatsoever to do with you, darling.’

‘Thanks heavens for that!’ Ross laughed ruefully. ‘I’d hate to think that I had caused you a whole load of grief at my age.’

‘You have never caused me any problems at any age,’ she told him truthfully. ‘Having you was the best thing that ever happened to me, darling. Believe me, it’s true.’

‘And you are the best mother in the world.’

Ross stood up and hugged her. He seemed a lot happier after that, eager to hear about the plans she had made. Rachel told him what she could, carefully avoiding any outright lies. She would tell him about the baby once all the tests had been done and everything was clear. How he would take the news was open to question but she would deal with that when it arose.

Ross left a short time later, promising to do all he could to help make the move as stress-free as possible for her. Rachel locked up and went upstairs to bed, wishing with all her heart it was as simple as that. Leaving her home and her job would have been stressful enough but factor in all the rest—Matt and the baby—and the stress factor achieved whole new levels. However, she would cope because she had to. She would cope because it was the right thing to do. She wouldn’t trap Matt into a situation he wouldn’t welcome, although she couldn’t help thinking wistfully how different things might have been if they had been truly committed to one another when she had found out she was pregnant. They could have had something to celebrate then.

Matt felt as though he was caught up in some terrible nightmare. Every day that passed brought the day when Rachel might leave ever closer and he had no idea how he was going to cope when it happened. What made it worse was that she was so distant with him, confining any contact they had to strictly work-related matters. After their recent closeness, he felt her withdrawal all the more keenly and couldn’t understand it.

Why had she changed her mind about him so suddenly? One minute she had seemed as blissfully happy as he had been and the next she hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. The more he thought about it the stranger it appeared and he knew that he wouldn’t rest until he found out what had gone wrong. It was having the opportunity to ask her that was the problem. There was no time to discuss it at work—she made sure they were never together long enough to give him the opportunity. As for going to see her after work, he knew it would be a waste of time—she would probably refuse to speak to him. No, he needed to find a time and a place when she couldn’t avoid him.

He finally got his chance one evening. Carol had organised a fortieth birthday ‘do’ after work—dinner and drinks at a local pub—for Dianne, the newest member of their reception team. Matt had no intention of going when it was first mentioned to him. Quite frankly, the last thing he felt like doing was celebrating, so he made an excuse. However, when he discovered on the day that Rachel was going, he changed his mind. It could be his one and only chance to talk to her. After all, she could hardly ignore him with everyone there watching them.

Carol was standing at the bar when he arrived that night. She smiled in delight when she saw him coming in. ‘Oh, wonderful, you’ve decided to come after all.’ She pointed towards the far side of the room. ‘We’ve managed to grab ourselves a table over there. What do you want to drink? I’m just about to order.’

‘Oh, just a bottle of beer for me, please.’ He took out his wallet and handed her several twenty-pound notes. ‘Here, use this.’

Carol whistled. ‘That’s very generous of you, Matt. I’m doubly glad you managed to get here now!’

Matt laughed dutifully then made his way across the room, replying automatically to the friendly greetings that met him. Rachel was sitting in the corner and he frowned when he saw how pale and drawn she looked. She smiled politely as he pulled out a chair, but he could see the alarm in her eyes and knew that he was the last person she’d expected to see. ‘Hello, Matt. I didn’t know you were coming.’

‘I wasn’t planning to, but I changed my mind at the last minute.’ He leant forward, subjecting her to a searching look. ‘Are you sure you should be here, though? You look worn out.’

His eyes held hers fast although he had no idea what she could see on his face at that moment. All of a sudden he didn’t give a damn either. This might be his only chance to sort out this mess and he refused to waste it by pretending he didn’t care.

He did care, he cared a lot, loved her too, and only wished he could tell her that. The fact that she was unlikely to welcome such an admission was incidental. It didn’t stop him feeling how he did. He loved her more than life itself and if there was any way to make her understand that she was wrong to leave him then, by heaven, he’d find it.

‘It…it’s been rather hectic in work lately, hasn’t it? I expect that’s why I’m looking so tired.’

Rachel could feel her heart pounding as she looked away from Matt’s probing gaze. She had only agreed to come because Carol had told her that Matt wouldn’t be there, so it had been a shock to see him coming into the pub. She cast him a wary look from under her eyelashes and felt her breath catch when she discovered that he was still watching her. She had no idea what was going on but the expression on his face stunned her. Why was he looking at her as though he genuinely cared?