Theirs to Keep (10 page)

C H A P T E R     S E V E N T E E N

WHEN ELLE WALKED INTO THE kitchen the next morning, she felt self-conscious, and it was automatic to be shy and reserved instead of finding that comfortable routine they’d settled into over the last several months.

But things had changed. Yesterday, they’d taken a giant leap. She couldn’t say whether it was forward or not. Who knew what the future held? In order to effectively have a future, one had to embrace and come to terms with one’s past.

It would be so easy to shut her eyes, shake her head and refuse to allow any part of the past in. A huge part of her didn’t want to remember. She wanted to start over. In so many ways, her life had begun the day Cade and Merrick found her.

And it wasn’t to say that she had nothing or was nothing without the two men. But in those awful few days between the time whatever horrible thing had happened to her and when Cade and Merrick had found her, she’d been desolate and hopeless.

They’d given her strength. And faith that she wasn’t consigned to that fate forever.

She never wanted to feel the utter devastation that she’d endured when she’d awakened on the riverbank, cold and shivering, her mind a blank and filled with only one thing.

Terror.

“Mornin’,” Cade called out.

Merrick paused at the blender, where he was concocting his high-protein breakfast shake that he always drank before his morning workout at his gym. He stared at her, those eyes brooding but unerringly able to ferret out the slightest shift in her mood.

“What’s wrong?” Merrick asked bluntly.

Cade arched a brow, but he too was staring at her like he knew something was off.

She gave a slight grimace and trudged toward the table where she could sit and see both men.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just a little…” She pursed her lips and then frowned. “I’m not sure what I am, to be honest. But let’s face it. Yesterday was pretty heavy. I guess I’m not sure what it is I’m supposed to do now.”

“Just because we laid out how we feel about you doesn’t mean that things change,” Cade said mildly.

She glanced over, and he’d turned to the side from the stove, his hip cocked against the edge as he held a spatula in his left hand.

“Logically, I know that. Or at least I think I do. I’m just afraid. Of so many things. Right now, I’m freaked out by my own shadow. It’s hardly a time to be contemplating a serious relationship. I don’t know why the both of you aren’t running like hell in the other direction. What could you possibly see in me?”

Merrick’s expression immediately grew stormy. Cade’s brow furrowed in a clear what-the-fuck manner, and she held up her hand to stop the inevitable blowup.

“I’m not being all woe is me here, guys. I’m not even saying it to garner sympathy or to build up my ego. I’m not even spouting a bunch of crap of how I’m not worthy, and you’re too good, blah blah blah. I’m being brutally honest here. I’m a complete and utter hot mess. I’m so twisted up that it could take years to untie all the knots. Why on earth would you put yourself through this? I’m genuinely baffled.”

Merrick’s face softened. He dumped the now-empty blender into the sink and then walked to where she sat, taking the chair next to her. He reached for her hand, twining their fingers together.

“How do you explain why the sun rises every morning? How do you explain the stars in the sky? How do you understand why no two snowflakes are alike? Some things just are, baby. And this is one of them. I can’t give you pretty, dressed-up answers that are so polished they don’t even sound sincere. I can only tell you that for me, it’s you. It’s always going to be you and nobody else. Fuck explaining it. I don’t
need
an explanation. I just need
you
.”

“Not that I can do near the job he just did with that oh-so-eloquent speech,” Cade said dryly. “But I’d like to put my two cents in at least.”

Her chest was so tight that she wasn’t certain she could take any more like what Merrick had just stunned her with. She was speechless. And her heart fluttered so wildly that she felt light-headed and dizzy. Drunk on sensation.

The hope that had sprung in the last little while had started as a slow trickle that she kept a very tight rein on. She’d feared getting ahead of herself.

But now it was all out there. It was impossible to misunderstand their intentions. They wanted her. Both of them. And God, she wanted them too.

Cade touched a finger to her cheek and tenderly traced the lines of her face, landing on the fullness of her lips, until it was all she could do not to swipe her tongue over the tip.

“A lot of what Merrick said is exactly how I feel. Maybe I fought it more than he did in the beginning because I couldn’t wrap my head around how we could possibly make it work. It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to take the ultimate commitment from all three of us, and we’ll have to work three times as hard as a couple in a traditional relationship.

“But with that said, once I stopped fighting it and allowed myself to say…what if? It was freeing. I began to think of the possibilities. I thought of how happy that I
know
we can make you. If you’ll just give us that chance,” he ended softly.

“But will I make
you
happy?”

“You already make us happy,” Merrick said.

Cade leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I understand why you feel the way you do, honey. I get it. I really do. I know we didn’t meet under the best circumstances. I know you have a lot of fears and insecurities over not knowing what’s in your past, and I know you worry that you’re a burden to me and Merrick and that somehow we’ve got it all screwed up in our heads, that we’re suffering some kind of savior complex, and that’s why we’re so into you.”

She blinked, unable to even respond to that.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Slowly she nodded. “That’s about it in a nutshell.”

“Put it out of your mind,” Cade said, as blunt as Merrick had been just moments earlier. “It’s not remotely true. You’re here with us because we want you here. There are a number of agencies we could have turned you over to. Hell, we could have just called the police and washed our hands of you months ago. But we didn’t do any of that because we want you here with us, and we’ll do damn near anything to persuade you that it’s where you need to be.”

She smiled then and reached up to take his hand, squeezing for all she was worth. “I don’t know if it’s where I need to be, but it’s where I
want
to be.”

“Good enough for me,” Merrick said. “Now, I vote we stop rehashing this so we stop making ourselves crazy, and we go out and do something fun today. The weather is beautiful. It’s warm, and the sun is shining.”

“Oh, that sounds great,” she said in a wistful tone. “But what about your workout? Shouldn’t you be leaving?”

The sun wasn’t even up yet. It was routine for them all to rise early so Merrick could run and be at the gym by sun up. He put in several hours on the mat, and then he’d go into the office to help Cade. In the evenings, he ran again and worked on conditioning.

Merrick leaned forward to kiss her, his lips cold from the shake he was drinking.

“Tell you what. Let me get my morning workout over with, and then we’ll go do something together. Just the three of us.”

“The local park is beautiful. Has a great lake where ducks gather to be fed. I could pack us a picnic lunch, and we can hang out in the sun. Bring a jacket, though. There’s still a nip to the air,” Cade advised.

Spring was slowly struggling to make its presence known in Grand Junction. Autumn chill had come quickly in October, as she’d well known because it had been when she’d dragged herself from the Colorado River to collapse on the bank.

It was plenty cold here, and she knew enough about the new Elle to know she wasn’t used to the colder, drier climate in Western Colorado. Wherever she had come from, the temperatures were much warmer. The question was, how had she ended up here. And why?

She shook off the lingering worry and fear, determined to move forward, out of the shadows.

“That sounds great,” she said, injecting the proper amount of enthusiasm into her voice.

And it
was
perfect. She’d get to spend the day with Cade and Merrick. She’d become fiercely dependent on the comfort and support they offered. They were her security blanket. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, she knew she wouldn’t be where she was right now emotionally if not for the two men who’d taken her in and helped put her back together.

“Here, eat your breakfast,” Cade said, handing her a plate with scrambled eggs, a blueberry muffin and bacon. “When we’re done eating, we’ll head down to take in Merrick’s workout and then we’ll come back so he can get showered and changed. I’ll work on getting us something packed for lunch.”

She relaxed, enjoying the simple routine they’d fallen into. Breakfast together in the mornings. Merrick’s workouts in the gym. The office during the week and then evenings together with Merrick and his conditioning team and workout partners.

No, she hadn’t ventured out much on her own. Yet. But she’d get there. She had every confidence that with Cade and Merrick’s support, she’d regain her confidence and her certainty of her place in the world.

In a perfect world, she’d be able to do all of that on her own. She wouldn’t need anyone to assert her independence. But everyone needed someone at some point, right?

She had no knowledge of the person she’d been before. The person she couldn’t remember. She’d like to think that she hadn’t always been this needy, insecure, clingy person she was now, and it was her hope that she could somehow find the old Elle and shed the hesitancy with which she approached everything now.

At other times, she acknowledged that she was being too hard on herself, and that given what she’d endured and God only knew what else she didn’t know about, it was no surprise she wasn’t ready to light the world on fire and seize the day.

“Time,” she whispered. “I just need time.”

“What’s that, baby?” Merrick asked.

She blinked and looked up at him and then smiled at the concern brimming in his dark eyes. “Nothing. Nothing at all. Just something I needed to remind myself of.”

Cade settled down on her other side, his plate piled high with food.

“Whatever it is you were worrying yourself over, let it go,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I’m trying,” she returned softly. “I really am.”

“Good,” Merrick said in his gruff voice. “Let’s just enjoy the day, and tomorrow will take care of itself.”

C H A P T E R     E I G H T E E N

THE BREEZE BLOWING OFF THE small lake had just enough nip to make Elle shiver, but she burrowed into the warm, fleece-lined jacket and shoved her hands into the pockets as they searched for just the right spot to set up.

It was an absolutely spectacular day. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and deep blue spread out for as far as the eye could see. The trees had begun budding out, and green was popping through the brown of winter.

The first buds of flowers had slowly begun to unfurl, and the air was sweetly scented with the fragrance from a multitude of flowering plants and bushes.

Merrick had cut his training session short that morning, and she only felt a little guilty that she was taking him away from his regimen.

Things had been so fast and furious since his win in Las Vegas. The call had come in and the contracts signed for the title bout scheduled for late spring in Los Angeles.

His training had intensified, but along with adding sparring partners and beefing up his conditioning, promotion had taken up a huge chunk of his time.

He traveled more than he had previously, and he granted interviews and had media coverage of his training camp. And through it all, he and Cade had tried their best to keep Elle out of the public eye.

Catherine had been invaluable, taking over a lot of the publicity for Merrick. Merrick hadn’t wanted to bring in a publicist, even though most fighters in his position had an entire media team. But Merrick wanted only people he trusted around him, and so he’d kept his entourage small, and he’d continued to train quietly, drawing as little attention to himself as possible.

The people in his circle were good people. They’d made Elle feel welcome into Merrick’s inner sanctum. Catherine and Dakota were just like family, and Elle knew Merrick considered them such. Other fighters in the organization had moved to Grand Junction to train with Merrick and help him prepare for the championship match. There was a lot of loyalty surrounding Merrick, and Elle liked her place among the people who’d allied themselves with the gruff warrior.

She breathed in another deep breath, enjoying the sweet-scented air.

“Oh, look, that’s perfect,” she said, yanking her hand out to point at a rock that jutted over the water’s edge.

The huge boulder was flat on top and afforded a great place to sit and enjoy the view. She eagerly moved forward, leaving the two men behind so she could claim her spot.

She clambered up and stood, gazing over the water and to the opposite bank where mothers pushed baby strollers, there was a dad trying to get a kite up for his son, and there were a few joggers making a circle around the small lake on the worn walking path.

When she glanced back for Cade and Merrick, they were standing just below her, indulgent smiles on their faces as they watched her. She hopped down from the rock to help them spread the blanket on the bank. When the wind kicked up, curling up one of the corners, she plunked the picnic basket down to hold the blanket in place.

“What did you bring to eat?” she asked eagerly.

Merrick chuckled. “You look like a kid in a candy store, baby.”

She grinned, her enthusiasm not at all dampened by his gentle teasing.

Cade drew her in to kiss her forehead and then reached to open the basket.

“I made some kick-ass sandwiches. I brought some chips and sodas, but the pièce de résistance? Fudge brownies.”

“Oh my God. Gimme!”

Both men laughed, and Cade snatched the basket up before she could attack.

“Be a good girl and eat your lunch first,” Cade admonished. “No dessert until you’ve cleaned your plate.”

She elbowed him in the ribs and sat down cross-legged, a disgruntled twist to her lips.

Cade chuckled again. “Whoever says pouting doesn’t work clearly hasn’t seen you pout. I’d damn near give you anything with that bottom lip stuck out so prettily.”

Her cheeks warmed, and then she eyed him devilishly. “Does that mean I get to eat dessert first?”

“Dive in,” Cade said.

Merrick shook his head. “What a wuss. You didn’t hold out five seconds against her.”

Elle turned her pout on Merrick and gave him her best impression of doe eyes.

“Ahh, hell, give her the damn brownie,” Merrick grumbled.

Cade burst into laughter, and then Elle followed suit. Merrick grinned good-naturedly and made a grab for one of the sandwiches.

Elle devoured the brownie first, groaning in pleasure the entire time. As she licked the last of the crumbs from her fingers, Cade held out a sandwich to her.

After eating her fill, she eyed another brownie and sighed wistfully.

“I want it, but I’m so stuffed I can’t possibly eat it.”

Then she yawned so broadly that she nearly cracked her jaw.

Cade smiled and patted his leg. “Lie down for a while. Take a nap in the sun. You can eat the brownie when you wake up.”

She reclined between him and Merrick, resting her head on Cade’s thigh and propping her feet over Merrick’s lap. Cade ran his fingers through her hair, smoothing the strands in a soothing rhythm.

Contentment eased through her veins, warming her from the inside out. A lazy, lethargic sensation took hold, a gentle lullaby that had her eyelids fluttering with the effort to stay awake.

Cade’s palm descended over her forehead, and he traced lines from her temple over the curve of her cheek. She lost the battle and closed her eyes, sinking further into the darkness that awaited.

She dreamed of a beach. Warm sand beneath her feet. Waves lapping at her toes. And she was happy. Laughing and smiling.

Firm hands gripped her waist and then went to her arms, sliding down their length until they captured her hands.

There was power in his hold. And it was a man. Someone she knew intimately. She could see the muscles ripple in his chest and forearms. How broad his shoulders were.

And then he kissed her. Hard, deep. Like he knew everything there was to know about her and how she loved to be touched. His hands roamed freely over her body, possessive and demanding.

She wasn’t afraid. She welcomed his touch. She wanted more.

She looked up, straining to make out his features. To put a face to this nameless man who knew her so intimately. She squinted against the sun, blinking as he pushed in close to once again claim her mouth.

I love you.

She came awake, gasping as the words echoed through her mind. She’d been thinking them. That she loved this man. Someone who was no more than a stranger to her. Or was he? Was he someone from her past?

“Elle? Elle? Are you all right?”

Cade’s voice broke through the haze of confusion surrounding her. She pushed herself upward, warding off his and Merrick’s hands and instead wrapping her arms protectively around her waist, hugging herself tight.

She climbed onto the rock, seeking the warmth of the stone surface as she huddled, knees drawn to her chest, staring out over the water.

What had the dream meant? Had it even been real? Was it a memory tucked away in the dark recesses of her mind, or was it just a dream and nothing more?

She touched her forehead to her knees and closed her eyes, trying to recapture the images from the dream. If she only knew what he looked like. What his name was.

“Elle, baby, talk to us, please,” Merrick said just beside her. “Tell us what’s going on. Did you have a bad dream? Did you remember something?”

How could she say no, it wasn’t a bad dream. It was a
good
dream. She’d been happy. Full of joy and love.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t know if it was real.”

“Tell us what it is so we can help you sort it out,” Cade said.

“I wasn’t afraid,” she choked out. “I don’t know if it was a memory or just a random dream.”

“Then why did it upset you so much?” Merrick persisted. “Elle, can you look at us, baby?”

She kept her head down, hot tears sliding down her cheeks. She was a complete head case. Why would such a happy dream cause her so much distress? Shouldn’t she be relieved that someone out there had cared about her? That she’d cared about someone else?

But if she’d been so damn happy, and this man in her dream had cared about her and knew her so intimately, then why had she blocked him out, and why wasn’t he looking for her?

She wiped at her cheeks, not wanting them to see her crying. The muttered curses that echoed so close to her told her she hadn’t been successful.

Strong arms surrounded her, pulling her in close. Merrick tucked her head underneath his chin and rubbed his hand in a small circle over her back.

Disgusted with herself, she muttered, “I ruined the whole day.”

“No you didn’t,” Merrick said quietly. “We still have the day. You slept an hour. Not long at all. We can do whatever you want. If you want to go home, just say the word.”

She shook her head. “I want to stay here with you and Cade. It’s a beautiful day. I don’t want it ruined because I’m a basket case.”

“Shhh,” he admonished. “Just sit here a while until you get your bearings.”

Slowly she raised her head up and gazed over to where Cade stood just beside the rock she and Merrick were sitting on. He was holding a brownie.

Staring at the offering, she teared up all over again. She had the two most wonderful men in the world, and it shouldn’t matter to her who she’d dreamed about.

That was her past. These men were her present. And her future. They were who mattered. Not some faceless, nameless ghost in her past. Someone who could have been the person who’d raped and tried to kill her.

“Don’t cry,” Cade said in a low voice. “You’re going to kill me, sweetheart.”

She took the brownie and sent him a watery smile. “Thank you. I love the brownies.”

“And I love you,” Cade said simply.

Her eyes widened, and she stared agape at his blunt declaration.

Taking advantage of her lapse in speech, he leaned in and kissed her lips.

How it must look to others, her snuggled firmly into Merrick’s embrace while Cade kissed her.

She didn’t care.

All she cared about was those three little words. Words so sweet that they echoed through her mind.

“Do you mean it?” she whispered, pulling away so they were just a breath apart.

He touched her face and then ran his thumb across her swollen bottom lip. “I don’t make a habit of saying shit I don’t mean.”

She kissed him again. This time she was the aggressor, going in to claim his mouth. She tasted the chocolate on his tongue, absorbed the heat of his lips. Deeper and deeper until she was drowning in…desire.

It hit her with speed that surprised her. After so much fear, so much hesitation. So much worry that she’d never be able to be intimate with him and Merrick.

She’d responded to them both emotionally. But physically? She enjoyed their kisses. Soaked up their touch like a parched desert desperate for rain. But she hadn’t felt the razor-sharp edge of desire, the yearning so deep in her body that it was nearly painful and yet so wonderfully good all at the same time.

Her nipples tightened. Her breasts ached. A pulse began between her legs that had her squirming to alleviate the tension.

When Cade drew away, he was breathing hard, and his eyes were glazed with the same passion she was experiencing. And still, there was a heavy layer of tension between them. The thick, pulsing arc of electricity that vibrated through the air.

Merrick’s hand coaxed up her back eliciting a bone-deep shiver. She was hyper aware. It was as if her body had left its latent stage and shed every ounce of fear and reluctance. She recognized, in Cade and Merrick, men she could trust. And did trust. Her mind knew it, but her body had been slower to respond.

“I’d like to go home now,” she said, her voice laced with the hum of arousal they couldn’t possibly miss.

Cade held out his hand. “Come on then. Let’s go home.”