Then Summer Came (11 page)

Chapter Ten

I stirred my fork around in my bowl of pineapple chunks.  I stood in the doorway of Emily’s kitchen, looking out over the remains of last night’s debauchery:  the sea of red, plastic cups and the few, dead-looking people that hadn’t gotten a cab ride home, scattered across the floor and Em’s couch. 

I finished my breakfast, borrowed an outfit from Em, grabbed my bag, and headed for the door.  I’d decided to go into work.  I was an avid water drinker and rarely woke up with a hangover, so there was no reason to miss work.

I rushed into the office.  Everyone had their designs ready for me to view as soon as I walked in, and they all bum rushed me.  I drew my head back from the papers that were being anxiously flung in my face, avoiding everyone I passed and walked quickly into my office. I may not have been plagued by a hangover, but I didn’t feel very good and I just wanted to sit down. 

I wondered what Beck would do when he woke up in Em’s bed.  Yeah…I’d just left him in her bed.  I might’ve used work to avoid talking to him, but I didn’t know what to do.  I woke up next to him and despite my drunken stupor, I remembered the
entire night
.  Was it choppy?  Yes, but I
definitely
remembered. 

I was ashamed to say that what mostly swarmed in my head was the way I felt when I opened my eyes and saw him sprawled out next to me. 

His arm was between us, folded next to my face, and I took the chance to read the sketchy lyrics of his tattoo.  He didn’t really offer up any details when I asked about them last time.  I squinted the words into focus, but the most I could make out was “you’ve shattered me”, “salvage a dysphoric soul”, and “remedied my restless nostalgia.”  I wondered what the piece said as a whole.  The words were daunting, and knowing he’d written them made me very curious about him.  He didn’t seem like a man who’d been shattered. 

My focus slipped from his tattoo-covered arm to his somber, sleeping face.  He was turned in to me, his lips so close to mine.  It was almost too much to feel his quiet breaths on my cheek. 

My hand was thrown across his hard stomach, and I couldn’t help but mash my fingertips into his warm, pliable skin.  It had been so long since I’d been able to wake up next to Derek, but seeing his body next to me, naked and warmed by the sliver of sunlight that shined in through the window, it reminded me of what it used to feel like when I woke up in his arms every morning.  I knew it wasn’t
really
Derek, but I didn’t care…it was enough. 

Would Beck remember?  Would he call me to talk about it?  Or would it be like all of his randoms, and he’d just disregard it completely, like he didn’t realize it’d even happened?  It was most likely going to be the latter; apparently, he was notorious for one-and-dones. 

I couldn't decide if I felt guilty or not. I'd begged Derek to spend time with me for weeks but he wouldn't. He’d also left our date early and canceled on me more than a dozen times
and
stood me up!  Hell he couldn’t even find time to
marry me
.  I did feel guilty, but I tried to block it out.  Beck was always around, and it was comforting.  I liked seeing his shoes by the door and his towel hanging in the bathroom.  I liked to see his keys on the table when I came in, like Derek’s used to be.  I liked that Derek’s apartment hadn’t felt empty and lonely in weeks.  If I were to tell the truth, I enjoyed seeing Beck around the apartment because it reminded me of how it used to be with Derek.  It didn’t justify what we’d done, but I pretended it did. 

I shivered at how upset Derek would be if he found out.  But I wouldn’t let him find out.  It wouldn’t happen again.  It was a drunken mistake.  I was upset with him, and I messed up. There was no need in hurting him.  In all honesty, I just missed him so much and having Beck around, looking and feeling so much like Derek, was hard to ignore.

“Gina!”  I slammed my hand down on the intercom button on my desk.  “Bring me the designs, please.”  I thought maybe some work would clear my mind.



"Last night was so fun!”  Emily was bouncing in her seat, going on about my risqué display with “Derek”. 

“I guess he missed you more than you thought.  He came in that place after you, girl!”

“Yeah, he still has a lot of concerns at work, though…”

“The only thing he seemed to be
concerned
about was
you
!” she raised her eyebrows suggestively.  “I half wished
I
was you last night!”

I shook my head.

“You didn’t have to hole up in my bedroom all night, though!  I’m pretty sure I slept on top of
a pile of people
.  I wasn’t even sure where I was when I woke up.”

“Sorry…”  I really didn’t want to think about the mistake we’d made.  I just wanted to forget it ever happened. 

“Anyway, I—”

“I will say,” she interrupted, “I moseyed into my room, when I got up, and I’m jealous of what you get to wake up to.”

I scoffed.  “I couldn’t tell you the last time I woke up next to him.”

She eyed me strangely.  “Well, last night…”

“I mean, other than last night,” I corrected myself nonchalantly. 

“Well, either way, that man is a work of art!” 

“Yeah, so—”

“Why are you being so modest?”  She tossed her straw wrapper at me, playfully.  “You love our raunchy girl talk!” 

“Well…he’s my fiancé…ya know?”

“Okay…” she cut her eyes at me and mumbled, “Prude much?” 

It really didn’t bother me.  She was right; we’d always talked about Derek and the guys she slept with, too.  It just wasn’t Derek, and I really wanted to stop talking about it.  I wanted to tell her.  I didn’t like to keep anything from her.  I really wanted to tell her, but…
I just didn’t
. 

“Well, anyway…how’s the whole Beck thing working out?” 

“Good,” I said vaguely.  Somehow, I’d coaxed her into dropping the conversation about Beck, who she still thought was Derek, and now she’d begun actually talking about Beck.  It was maddening. 

“Is it weird?  You know, the whole twin thing?”

“No,” I lied.  “It’s fine.”

“Just fine?”  She didn’t look convinced.  “Are you guys friends?  Do you like him?  Is he a flirt?”

“No, he’s fine…”

Her stare was probing, and she blinked blankly at me.

“What’s new about school?”  I chipperly changed the subject. 

“Well…nothing now.  We’re about to go on break.”

“That’s awesome.  You’ll be glad to get a break, hu?” 

“Oh, so glad.  I can go back to my normal routine:  guys, guys, and lots more guys.”  She bounced happily, which meant I’d successfully changed the subject. 



It had bothered me all day.  I just needed to talk to Beck.  He needed to know that it was a mistake and it couldn’t happen again.  I’d worked and hung out with Emily until I couldn’t take it anymore.  I needed to face him.  I hoped he’d be downstairs at the apartment. 

I opened Derek’s front door, and I heard loud yelling as I went in. 

“Bam!”  Beck was standing over a cute, tomboyish brunette, his finger in her face.  “No more shit talkin’, Cam! 
Your team is bogus
!”  The girl cackled and threw her hand up in his face, rolling her eyes. 

I closed the door and Beck looked over at me when he heard it.  His face grew serious as his eyes scanned me.  “Hey,” he said with a half-smile. 

“Hey.”  I looked back at the sofa, noticing the two guys sitting on each side of the girl with the “bogus team.”  I recognized Mik, who was to her left, but didn’t know the other guy. 

“Lissa, this is Mik, who you’ve already met, and this is Cameron, and Clayton.”  He pointed at them from left to right.  “Guys, this is Lissa.  She lives here, too.”

“It’s Cam.  Just Cam.”  The cute brunette stood and held out her hand.  Her voice was sort of deep and she looked like a tomboy, with ragged jeans, a flannel button up, and sneakers.  Her brown hair was flat and washed out and curled around her round face like a hug.

I walked towards her, tucking my folders of designs under my arm to shake her hand.

The blonde, Clayton, stood and swatted her hand and cupped mine between his.  “You are absolutely stunning,” he said, sounding bewildered.  His eyes were a shocking shade of blue, and he was attractive and knew it.  “Just stunning,” he repeated, stroking the top of my hand. 

“Careful, that one’s a womanizer,” Mik warned, stuffing his hands into his pockets.  “And he’s full of bad pick-up lines and what he calls ‘charisma’.”  He laughed at his own joke, and Cam laughed in agreement.  I reached out to hug Mik and he wrapped me up, gently patting my back, while Clayton held tight to my free hand. 

“Stop admiring!”  Beck slugged Clayton’s shoulder and he dropped my hand to clutch his wound.  “That’s my brother’s fiancé.” 

My eyes widened as I wondered if he truly gave a shit about that.  He didn’t seem to mind at all last night.  He’d finally gotten me to act on my attraction to him.  I mean…I was to blame, too, but it was hypocritical that he was lecturing Clayton on my dedication to his brother, when he clearly didn’t care enough to not sleep with me. 

“You want a beer?”  Cam handed me a cold bottle from the cooler at her feet and fell back onto the sofa.  “We were just watching some hockey.” 

“Thanks.”  I took the beer and laid my stuff down, and then took the open seat between Clayton and the arm of the sofa. 

Beck sat in the chair on the other end of the sofa.  I kept my focus on Clayton as he bragged about his favorite team and explained why they’d be victorious.  I looked past him at Beck and saw that he was looking at me, too, but his eyes wandered back to the TV. 

“You should hang out with us more often,” Clayton said, casually patting a hand on my knee.  “Whoa, those shoes are pretty impressive,” he added. 

“Thanks,” I admired them proudly, turning my ankle from side-to-side.  “I designed them.”

“No kidding!”  His eyes glowed with wonder as he spoke.  Mik poked fun that Clayton thought of himself as charismatic, but I think I had to agree with Clayton. 

“Yeah, I—”

“Hey, Clay,” Beck interrupted.  “Grab the salt from the kitchen.”

“Salt?”  Clayton peered at him around Cam’s head, confused. 

“Yeah, could ya just get it?”

Clayton stood but made sure to offer me a charming smile and rub my leg, first.  “I’ll be right back to talk about your talented designing.”  He cut his eyes over at Beck in warning. 

I watched Beck as he casually made his way to the sofa and squeezed in Clayton’s spot, between me and Cam.  He stretched his arms across the back of the sofa behind our heads and relaxed back, chanting about the game. 

I looked up at him, but he kept his eyes glued to the TV, engrossed in the hockey game.  Why’d he have to have company?  I just wanted to talk to him and see if he remembered anything.  Even if he didn’t remember, wouldn’t he be curious as to why he’d been in Em’s bed when he woke up?

I sighed, unintentionally and he glanced down at me.  “You okay?” he asked seriously. 

I blinked at him, hoping to find something in his eyes. I just wanted to know if he remembered.  “Yeah…I’m fine,” I said, not finding any evidence in his stare. 

He smiled and turned back to his hockey game. 

“Seriously?” Clayton said in a high pitched voice as he reentered the living room.  “You’re such a cock-block, Beck.”

“The ring on her finger is the cock-block, Clay.”  Beck snapped back like he’d already had his comeback prepared hours ago. 

“Yeah, well, don’t you have a club skank to woo?”

“It’s noon on a Wednesday, Clay, geez,” he said, craning his head back toward Clayton.

The last few seconds of the game began to count down and Beck set in bragging about his team’s win, while Cam, Mik, and Clayton teamed up to defend their team’s loss.

“Another beer?” Cam asked as she grabbed her cooler up. 

“No, thanks.  I’m just going to get some water.”  I stood and made my way into the kitchen. 

I listened as Beck’s friends gathered their things and reminded Beck of their plans for Monday.  Their voices faded as they continued their conversation out in the hallway. 

“See ya,” Beck said, reentering the apartment and closing the door back. 

I grabbed my glass of water and walked quickly back to the sofa, anxious to talk to him alone. 

I sat down and sipped my water, trying to find where to start. 
Oh, hey, do you remember how we fucked last night? 
Yeah, that just seemed too forward and a little embarrassing. 

“So, your friends are nice.”  I decided a nice mutual conversation would do. 

“Yeah, if you don’t include Clay,” he laughed.  “He’s a real piece of work, but he’s a damn good wing man.”

I laughed.  “Mik seems nice.  I really like him.” 

“He is,” he agreed.  “We’ve been friends for a long time.”

“Really?  What’s his story?”

“Well, he moved away when I did, and he even traveled with me a lot.  He went out on his own for a few years, but he called me up one day when I was staying in Colorado.  We lived there together for a bit, and then he came back to LA.”

“So he’s from here, too?”

“No, he’s from Arizona, but he moved here when he was seven, and we’ve just always been friends.” 

He seemed very fond of his friend, and it made me smile.

“He was here for a while, and he left a few times, but for the past year or so, he’s really held on to this place.  He hasn’t left at all.  He was so insistent on staying here that he even talked me into coming back here.”

“Mik’s why you came back?”

“For the most part, yes.  I mean, I haven’t seen my family in a long time, so them, too, but mostly Mik.”

I had to take the chance while I had it.  “So, do you remember the party…last night?”

“Yeah…”  His face remained vacant.  He just stared at me. 

“All of it?” I questioned him. I wasn’t sure if he knew what I meant.