These Things Hidden (24 page)

J
onathan is still staring in shock at the photo of Charm holding Joshua. Binks takes a small, slow step backward, as if trying to escape unnoticed. Charm’s mother is looking on with a twisted smile and an odd gleam in her eyes. She actually seems to be enjoying this.

I hear her before I see her. The slow, echoing thump of footfalls on the steps, an odd sucking sound, the squeak of a door opening. My sister steps from the shadows, her arms held awkwardly away from her body. “Brynn, what’s the matter?” I ask. “What’s going on?” She doesn’t answer, but continues moving toward us. As she gets closer I see that she is soaking wet, her shoes squelching with water as she moves. Her eyes are dull and dead-looking, but her face is relaxed and I see
something new in my sister’s expression. An expression I don’t ever remembering seeing cross her face. Relief.

“Brynn,” I say again, this time more loudly. “What’s the matter?” Still no answer. I move in front of her and grab her arms. “Brynn, where is Joshua?”

“They’re together now,” she murmurs, gliding past me as if in a trance.

C
laire stares in confusion as Allison’s sister wanders slowly past, water dripping from her clothes. “Brynn?” she asks. “Are you okay? Where’s Joshua?” She doesn’t answer, but mutters quietly to herself and starts to move toward the front door of the store.

“Brynn,” Claire says more loudly. “Where’s Joshua?” Nothing. Jonathan and Claire look at each other and Jonathan reaches for Brynn’s arm.

“It’s okay now, they’re together,” Brynn whispers in a singsong voice. Jonathan loosens his grip and she pulls away from him.

“Oh, my God … Joshua,” Claire whimpers, and she and Jonathan scramble toward the steps. Allison follows
closely behind, slipping once and knocking her shin against the hardwood floor.

“Joshua!” Claire yells. “Joshua!” She bursts into the apartment and moves toward the sound of running water.

C
harm can hear Claire and Jonathan calling for Joshua and she moves to follow them up the steps. Brynn bumps into her, and she can feel the wetness of her clothes. “What’s happening?” Charm asks as she continues past her. “Why are you all wet?”

Brynn stops suddenly and looks at Charm, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “Together,” she whispers. “Together, together. I need to go.” Brynn dazedly points toward the door. “I need to tell her….”

Charm watches in fascination as Brynn slogs from the bookstore, water dripping from her clothes.

A scream comes from the apartment above. “Someone help!” Charm kicks off her shoes and scurries up the
steps with her mother and Binks right behind. Her heart is pounding, fearful of what they’re going to find when they reach the top.

“C
all 9-1-1! Please …” Claire cries.

Jonathan digs into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out his cell phone and dials. “We need help,” he says frantically, and gives the operator the address. “I don’t know … I don’t know. Hold on, please.”

“Oh, my
God … Joshua.”
Claire pulls at Joshua’s shirt, trying to drag him from the tub. His clothing is saturated with water, heavy and unyielding, and he keeps sliding from her grip. Jonathan thrusts the phone to Allison and reaches into the tub. He grabs a handful of Joshua’s hair, pulls him to the surface and gathers him into his arms. Allison, in a strangled voice, is telling the 9-1-1 operator to send an ambulance.

Charm, who had moments ago been nearly hysterical
at her mother’s ranting, has suddenly become businesslike and composed. “Lay him down,” she orders Jonathan. He carefully lays Joshua onto the hardwood floor and Claire gasps at the blue cast of his skin, the stillness of his chest. As Charm places her ear next to his mouth, she asks, “Is an ambulance on its way?”

“Yes, they’re coming,” Allison cries.

Charm leans over Joshua and checks to make sure his airway is clear while Claire and Jonathan watch helplessly. “What can I do?” Allison asks.

“Go meet the ambulance, bring them up here,” Charm commands, and then puts her fingers to Joshua’s neck. Allison runs down the stairs.

“Is he breathing?” Claire asks, her voice breaking.

She gives a small shake of her head and breathes one breath into Joshua’s mouth, then begins the series of chest compressions, using only one hand on his tiny chest.

In the distance they hear the wail of the ambulance. “Is he breathing?” Claire asks Charm again, but knows that he is not. She grabs on to Jonathan and they clutch each other desperately, watching, waiting, for any sign of life. “Please,” Claire chants over and over again. “Please.” And all she can think is that she was given this precious little life to care for and protect and she has failed. She has failed.

“B
reathe, one, two, three, four.” Charm whispers with each compression, counting to thirty before starting the process all over again. She has lost track of how long she’s been doing CPR. Her arms are tiring and in the distance she can hear an ambulance.
Thank God.

Next to her, Charm can hear Jonathan’s ragged sobs and Claire begging Joshua to start breathing. “Please breathe, Joshua, please,” she pleads.

Charm feels more eyes on her and looks up to see her mother and Binks standing in the doorway and a wave of anger surges through her veins. “Get out!” she yells. “Leave now—we need room for the EMTs to get us.” Without a word, Reanne and Binks disappear. Charm knows that for how much her mother loves drama, she
never would have wanted this. The siren gets louder and then the sound of stomping feet climbing the steps fills the hallway. With one final compression on his thin, bony chest, Joshua’s body convulses and water spews from his mouth and he begins to breathe again—short, shallow breaths, but he is breathing. Charm falls against the wall in exhaustion. The EMTs take over and in seconds Joshua is whisked away.

“Thank you,” Claire manages to tell Charm, laying one grateful hand on her arm as she and Jonathan follow them out the door.

Allison kneels down next to Charm, her eyes red with crying. “You saved him.”

Why, then,
Charm wonders,
does it feel like I’m the one who ruined his life?

J
onathan and Claire follow Joshua to the hospital in Jonathan’s truck. “He was breathing, wasn’t he? He was breathing?” Claire keeps asking fiercely.

“He was, he is,” Jonathan says, as if trying to reassure himself. “Jesus, what happened up there?” he wonders, and Claire can only shake her head. Claire doesn’t know why Joshua was in that bathtub. She can’t even imagine what was going on in Brynn’s mind. She doesn’t want to know. If Claire had been thinking clearly, she would have never, ever sent Joshua up those stairs with Brynn Glenn. She didn’t even know her and she had just learned that her sister was not who she made herself out to be. But there was so much going on—Reanne screaming obscenities and crazy accusations, seeing the photograph of Charm. Joshua was terrified and all she
wanted to do was get him out of there, get him somewhere he felt safe and secure. How could they have not known who Allison Glenn really was? Were they so busy being new parents to Joshua that they were completely oblivious as to what was going on in their own town? She had tried to do the right thing, be a good mother, but was it enough? Was it too late?

Jonathan can’t keep up with the ambulance and by the time they arrive at the hospital Joshua has already been taken away. Jonathan and Claire sit in the waiting area, holding on to each other, crying. Claire somehow manages to call her sister, who promises to call their mother. They will come to Linden Falls as quickly as they can.

Charm shows up a short time later, peeking around the corner of the waiting room door, hesitant to enter.

“I made sure Truman was okay and I locked up the store for you,” Charm says. “I got rid of my mother, too. She won’t bother you again.”

Claire looks around. “Where’s Allison?”

Charm’s eyes are bloodshot and her nose is red from crying. “She went to find her sister. I’m so sorry … so, so sorry,” she sobs, her face crumpling.

“I called the police,” Jonathan says, an angry edge creeping into his voice. “There are too many questions about what happened.” He runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “What happened to Allison’s sister? Where is she?”

“I don’t know,” Charm says helplessly. Her clothes are still wet and wrinkled, her face pale with worry. To Claire she seems just as devastated as she and Jonathan are, and right then Claire knows she would never deliberately hurt Joshua. Still, she feels a twist of anger at the lies, the deception, Charm has shown.

“Please, just leave,” Claire says. “I’m sorry. We can’t have you here right now.” Charm nods silently and turns to go.

It seems like years, waiting for word on Joshua’s condition. When the doctor finally comes into the waiting area, the room feels airless.

“Joshua is going to be just fine,” she says with a smile. “He’s awake and he’s breathing on his own. Would you like to go and see him?”

“Of course,” Claire says, beginning to cry again, this time with relief. The doctor leads Jonathan and Claire to the room where Joshua lies. He is hooked up to an IV and his eyes are half-open, but when he sees his parents a smile creases his wan face.

“Hey, it’s our three-tailed badger,” Jonathan says, his voice cracking.

“No, I’m Joshua Kelby,” he answers weakly.

“Yes, you are,” Claire tells him firmly.
You are the wish that we make every morning when we wake up and the prayer we say before we go to bed each night,
she says to herself, and
reaches out for his small hand.

J
ust one last thing to do and then I can rest.

I need to go to her, need to let her know that he is coming. I push out the door, into the dark and feel the cool air on my face and on my wet skin. “Over the river and through the woods …” I hum, barely noticing the curious looks I get as I walk down the street. I must be quite the sight and I giggle at the thought. It’s not far now. I know it’s not the exact spot I left the little girl, but it’s close enough. It will have to be. In the distance I hear a siren and wonder if they’re coming for me. It’s about time. I walk a little faster. They should have come for me five years ago. I wanted to tell them but Allison said, No, keep your mouth shut. And I tried to, but every time I closed my eyes I saw her being swept away, heard her cries until I couldn’t stand it anymore. After
that man found her cold little body, I called the police. I wanted to tell them it was me, me, me. But when they finally drove up all I could do was cry and Allison told me to shut up, shut up, shut up. So I did. And they took her away.

For a long time I was so sorry, knowing it was my fault that she was in that jail and I was sitting at home, going to school, living my life. But I figured it out, it didn’t take long. It was like when we were little and there was one piece of cake left. Allison always took the side with the flowers and I was left with just the white frosting. She had done it again, took the side with the flowers. She got to leave; she got to go away even if it was to go to jail, and I had to stay. They started looking at me then, and they wanted me to be like her. When I wasn’t, they stopped looking. Which was worse. So then I wasn’t so sorry anymore.

You can hear the Druid before you see it. It runs southward through the center of town, through the countryside right behind our house. It winds and twists until it runs into the Mississippi and then it’s like it never was, like it just disappears into nothing. Magically. The river in this part of town usually smells like dead fish and the gasoline from motorboats, but the rain has washed that all away and the air is fresh and clean. I stand at the edge of the paved walkway, high above the black water. Druid means sorcerer. Magic.

I’m scared, so scared, and I look around for Allison. I want my sister. Someone touches my arm, “Are you okay?” I hear.

“I want my sister,” I say, and start to cry. “He needs his sister. I need to tell her he’s coming.”

“Can I call someone for you?” the voice says.

“No, no, no, no,” I say. “I need to tell her.”

When I step off the edge I feel a scrambling panic. I hit the cold water and it fills my ears, my nose, my mouth. I try to cry out for my sister, but my words become bubbles and rise to the surface silently. When I stop thrashing, stop struggling, I see her. So perfect, so tiny, just like I remembered her. “He’s coming,” I tell her, reaching my hands out to hers. “He’ll be here soon.” And as I cradle her in my arms we sink, slowly, peacefully, to the river’s bottom, to wait.

C
harm sells the house and takes some of the money that Gus left to her after he died and decides to buy a more reliable car. After that terrible night she knows she has to leave Linden Falls. Still, it’s taken Charm eight months to actually pack up and drive away.

The thought of saying goodbye to Joshua is terrible. Charm thought it was hard the first time. The second time will be worse. This time she knows she is not coming back. Ever.

The day before she leaves, Charm calls Claire and asks if she can stop by the store to say her goodbyes. Thankfully, she says yes. When Charm arrives, Joshua is running around the store trying to get Truman to chase him. When he sees Charm, he stops and looks at her thoughtfully.

“You breathed into me,” he says seriously.

Charm bites her lip, not quite knowing how to respond.

“Josh, buddy,” Claire says, “Charm is just stopping in to say goodbye. We’re leaving in a few days.”

Joshua thinks about this. “We’re going to stay with my grandma in—”

“Josh,” Claire warns. “Remember, it’s a secret. We’re going to surprise Grandma.”

“I hope you have a lot of fun with your grandma, Joshua,” Charm tells him, forcing back her tears. With sadness, Charm realizes that Claire doesn’t want her to know where they are going. “I just wanted to make sure I said goodbye to you before you left. I’ll miss you, Josh.” Charm kneels down to his eye level and reaches out to hug him, noticing Claire stiffen next to her. Still, Charm wraps her arms around Joshua and hugs him tightly, trying to imprint the feeling of his soft hair on her cheek, the knobby bones of his spine under her fingertips. Joshua hugs Charm back, hard.

“I’ve got something for you, Joshua,” Charm tells him, pulling away from him reluctantly. Charm looks up at Claire to make sure it’s okay to give him something. She looks unsure, but nods.

“What? What is it?” he asks excitedly. Charm stands, wipes her eyes and hands him the gift bag.

He all but rips it from her hands and Claire reminds him gently, “What do you say, Josh?”

“Thank you,” he says absentmindedly. He reaches in among the bright green tissue paper and pulls out the Chicago Cubs baseball cap that Gus bought for him when he was first born, the one that Charm kept hidden in a shoe box for five years, along with the incriminating photo of her with Joshua, the tiny booties and the rattle.

The hat Gus said he would grow into one day.

“Oh, a baseball cap!” Joshua says, impressed. “It’s just like the one that Luke has, but better.” He places the cap on his head and the bill covers his eyes.

“It’s a great cap,” Claire agrees.

“Yeah, we gotta recruit those Cub fans early,” Charm says, echoing the phrase that Gus always said, smiling through her tears.

“I’m going to go look in the mirror,” Joshua declares, running off to the bathroom.

“That was really nice,” Claire says seriously. “You’ve been good for Joshua, Charm. You would be … you’ve been a wonderful aunt.” Claire hesitates. “I hope you understand why we can’t encourage a relationship between you two. It would be too confusing for Joshua. And then there’s your brother.”

“My brother will never, ever try to begin a relationship with Joshua or try to take him from you,” Charm tells her vehemently. “Christopher doesn’t need any
more problems. My mother—” she sighs “—is my mother. She won’t try to get to Joshua. She likes to stir things up and leave.”

“I know that you’ve only wanted what’s best for Joshua, Charm. You saved his life, and I’m grateful for that.”

Charm shrugs, not knowing how to respond. “This is for you,” Charm finally says, handing her the large envelope she brought with her.

“What’s this?” Claire asks.

“Medical histories. Allison and I gathered all the information we could about our families,” Charm explains. “It’s all in there. There are pictures of Allison and Christopher, Gus and me, the grandparents,” Charm says. Seeing Claire’s face, she adds, “If you ever think he should see them, I mean. Allison and I will never, ever contact Joshua. We promise. We want him to be happy and safe, and he is, as long as he’s with you and Jonathan.” Charm feels tears prickling at her eyes and knows it’s time for her to go.

She moves toward the door, willing herself not to look back.

“Charm,” Claire calls after her, and Charm turns, hopefully, expectantly. Joshua’s hat is sitting crookedly on his head and he has his arms wrapped around his mother’s waist. He looks so happy. “Thank you,” she says, her tear-filled eyes meeting Charm’s. “Thank you for my son.”