Theta (35 page)

I was caught for a few seconds in the
beautiful shade of blue-green of his eyes. His strength and warmth
grounded me while simultaneously frightening me a little, as
always. Seated half on top of him on the couch, I couldn’t help
wishing this moment would never end, that the chaos in my mind
wasn’t going to return when our bodies no longer touched.

For two weeks, I’d been trapped in this
apartment, swirling slowly down into a level of insanity that left
me unable to distinguish my thoughts from Cleon’s, or my
experiences from his. Sometimes, I sat in his office and spoke to
high level officials and sometimes, I watched television endlessly
in my living room. I didn’t know which of us was which anymore.

I hadn’t, until Adonis
touched me and yanked me out of the mental free fall I’d been in
for days. Without Cleon’s mind merged to mine, I understood where I
was,
who
I was and
even what conversations and thoughts had been mine.

Adonis caused a different kind of free fall,
where my heart – rather than my mind – was tumbling into the abyss.
I rested my fingertips on his face, not quite able to believe he
was here, even though the warmth of his skin assured me he was.

Registering Adonis’ question, I lowered my
hand before my fingers reached the full lips I ached to touch.
“It’s complicated,” I replied, thoughts on Cleon’s firm belief the
gods weren’t responsible for the Holy Wars. “Lantos … he gave them
the ability to talk to me, but I’ve been suppressing them. Cleon
won’t let me leave this apartment if I don’t talk to them.”

“
Maybe you
should.”

I studied Adonis. I could ignore the advice
of everyone – except for Adonis and Herakles. Adonis was the former
leader of the religious police, SISA, but I had never thought him
particularly fond of the gods, especially given his Bloodline’s
relationship with the deities who cursed them.

“
If you do not feel
comfortable speaking to just any god, I know one who will listen,”
he added at my silence.

I hesitated. “You think it’s necessary?”

“
I think there’s no
downside to understanding who your enemies may or may not
be.”

“
Makes sense.” The guards
had pierced the outer door and were starting on the metal wall I
put between us. Instinctively, I gripped Adonis’ hand, unwilling to
let him go, especially not before I warned him. “I foresaw your
death, Adonis. Twice.”

“
Tell me exactly what you
saw.”

I filled him in on the visions. Whereas I’d
hidden parts of them from Phoibe and Lantos, I revealed everything
to Adonis. He listened, head tilted in interest and eyes steady on
my face. When I was done, he remained quiet.

“
I can’t believe you’re
here.” My cheeks grew warm again. I wanted to ask him if he thought
worse of me after the incident in the city where I murdered over
three thousand people, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t handle
disappointing him.

“
I belong right here,” he
said and cupped my cheeks in his hands.

“
But you can’t stay,” I
insisted. “I can’t protect you. I couldn’t protect Theodocia or
Leandra or Mrs. Nettles.” Tears blinded me, and I wiped them away,
humiliated to cry in front of anyone.

“
I don’t need protection,
Alessandra.”

I loved the way he said my name. Low, soft,
deep with reverence I’d never considered giving much of anything in
my life.

“
If you will consider
meeting with one god in particular, I think he can help,” Adonis
added.

At that moment, he could’ve asked me to
murder another three thousand people, and I would have agreed
without a trace of independent thought interfering with the
decision. I gazed into his eyes, hardly able to believe he was
sitting here with me, and we were touching in a way far more
intimate than we ever had. Something akin to adrenaline was blazing
in my blood, leaving me self-aware, my skin too sensitive, to sit
here long without exploding or squirming.

“
Okay,” I
whispered.

“
He may be able to
interpret your vision. I see pieces of information in it, but the
bigger picture eludes me.”

“
Me, too.”

The grinding whine of a massive drill sent
both of us covering our ears. The floor and ceiling trembled, and
the metal wall began to shake. I tried to brace it, to will another
layer of metal over the existing wall, with no effect. My heart
began to race, and I recalled too clearly Lantos claim I would be
the reason behind Adonis’ death. Cleon wanted Adonis dead, because
he understood the threat to our bond.

“
Cleon’s here,” I shouted
about the drilling. “He’s blocking me! You have to leave!” I
scrambled off the lap of the man I was pretty certain I loved and
willed all the lights in the apartment out. Certain to keep a death
grip on his hand, I identified the darkest corner.

“
Alessandra,” Adonis
called.

“
I can’t leave the room
because of that asshole Lantos!” I exclaimed in frustration. “But
he owes us both for betraying us. He’ll do what I tell him to!”
Towing him to the corner, I leaned into the darkness and did as the
shadow titan had once directed me. “Lantos!”

Adonis took my arm and turned me to face
him. His features were grim. He understood he couldn’t stay, not if
he wanted to survive this. He said nothing, though, and we stood in
awkward silence. He was calm. I was panicking.

“
I can’t lose you,” I
said.

“
You won’t. I’m not going
anywhere. Nothing that comes through that door -” The ferocity in
his low growl was pure Mismatch.

“
You have to go. If you
don’t, you
will
die!” I said urgently. “If you’re gone, I don’t care what
happens to the rest of the world!”

His jaw was clenched tightly enough for the
muscles to tick. He was gripping my arms tighter, and emotions
churned in his eyes.

“
Please,” I begged. “For
me. We will find a way to be together, but it’s not here and now.
If you die, I will chase you into Hades, and everything else will
be lost. I’m safe here. No one can hurt me.”

“
One condition.” He
released a breath. “Meet me tonight on the wall where I saved you
once before.”

I couldn’t. I
wouldn’t,
not if it meant
I placed him in danger.

“
I’ll be there.” It took
every ounce of what I’d learned from Cleon and Lantos for me to
look Adonis directly in the eye and lie – and it broke my heart to
do it.

With the drill screeching in our ears, and
our fates doomed at best, I could think of no other moment in
history where I wanted to be than here with my Adonis. Our look
grew too long. Did he sense the thought going through my mind –
that this might be our last time together?

Did he know I would destroy my world to save
him, and had already considered destroying myself for the same
reason?

More tears burned my eyes. I deserved far
worse than their fire after all I’d done. I didn’t know what to
say, and by his silence, neither did he.

Adonis leaned forward and kissed me. The
second his soft, warm lips touched mine, I froze. My mind went
completely blank, and the fire racing through me turned into an
inferno whose source was the base of my belly. Having never kissed
anyone, I didn’t know what to do. His lips guided mine with
gentleness at odds with the intensity of what I felt, and I timidly
responded to the light pressure of his lips. Leaning into him, I
rested my body against his.

Adonis’ warmth and strength … his dark,
masculine scent … his flavor … I wanted to disappear into him. My
instincts were screaming at me to do so much more, but I didn’t
understand what that meant. Herakles had raised me with absolutely
no knowledge about the opposite sex, aside from where to hit or
kick a man to disable him quickly.

Someone coughed loudly enough for us to hear
over the sound of metal grinding against metal.

Adonis lifted his head from mine. My eyes
opened, and I stared at him, breathless and unable to hear much of
anything above my heart beating.

“
Pardon me for disturbing
you,” Lantos said from behind Adonis. “I believe someone called for
me.”

Adonis’ hands dropped from my face to take
my hand, and he turned away. If he hadn’t moved, I’d have been
stuck there for eternity, gazing up at him in absolute awe. Any
doubt I had about what he felt vanished in the flames of need
raging in my body.

Lantos didn’t look at Adonis directly but
focused on me.

“
Yeah,” I managed in a
faint voice. “Can you take him to safety?”

“
I can,” Lantos
said.

Adonis’ jaw was clenched, and the glare he
leveled on Lantos was cold.

“
You have to go,” I said
and pushed him towards Lantos. “Please. I’ll meet with whomever you
want. Just go now!”

Lantos and I exchanged a look, both of us
aware of the danger Adonis was in if he remained. Adonis knew as
well. He squeezed my hand and walked towards Lantos.

“
If you betray us again …”
he began.

“
I won’t betray
her
,” Lantos
replied.

Adonis was tense, but he
appeared to accept this, while I was left startled.
Now
Lantos decided to
protect me? After he’d already inflicted the worst damage possible?
Was this part of his attempt to right some wrong he wouldn’t
discuss? And what did he mean by he wouldn’t betray
me
? Was he planning to
turn traitor on Adonis?

“
We don’t have much time,”
Lantos said with a glance at the metal wall.

I squeezed Adonis’ hand.

“
I’ll be back for you,” he
said to me without taking his eyes off his former
friend.

Adonis shifted towards Lantos. I braced
myself for the return of Cleon to my mind, and turned away, eyes
closed.

The second his hand slid from mine, I
crashed to my knees. Cleon was there, his consciousness merging
with mine until I didn’t know if I stood in my living room or in
the hallway outside, pacing anxiously.

Thank the gods,
he was thinking.
What
happened?

The drill stopped immediately. I willed the
wall away and wobbled to my feet. My head was filled with too much
for me to manage without a major headache.

Cerberus was in his mirror again, watching
me, as always. This time when I looked at him, I thought about how
far I’d go to rescue Adonis, in life and death. There were no
limits.

Wiping my eyes, I climbed to my feet. Now
that I was reconnected to Cleon, we were sharing information again.
I could keep nothing from him, and he could keep nothing from me.
His relief was forefront in my mind, followed by anger and concern.
He had thought I was dead or similar, though we both knew if I
died, so did he.

He would also know about now that Niko had
set this all up.

“
If Adonis comes near here,
I will have him killed,” he said, standing in the ruins of the
destroyed wall of the front of my apartment.

“
You’re getting worse,” I
said and faced him. The strange pains that had plagued him since
shortly after we were united continued to grow. I sensed it without
feeling it, which puzzled both of us, since we had been able to
experience the physical sensations the other did for several weeks
now. This pain was unique to him. It showed in the tightness of his
features, his blanched skin, and the general weakness of his body.
I could tell his hunger from mine, and I read in his mind he hadn’t
eaten in four days.

If anything happened to one of us, it would
probably kill us both. Neither of us, however, had any idea why he
was suffering.

“
I’m ready to listen to the
gods,” I said. Speaking aloud was unnecessary with our minds
linked, but I did it to try to put some space between
us.

“
Good.” He turned and
motioned to one of what appeared to be two dozen guards crowding
the hallway. “Grab Niko and his son. Take them to the basements.
Put out an alert for the Supreme Priest.” He was thinking of
Adonis, but he didn’t mention him. “Move this shit.” He motioned to
the equipment they’d used to breach the door and then flinched, one
hand going to his head.

Two soldiers hurried away while another five
shifted into the apartment to lift the large drill.

Cleon came to stand beside me. “I’m thrilled
Adonis talked some sense into you.”

“
It’s not just
that.”

He met my gaze, accessing my thoughts as if
they were his. “Then let’s go see her.”

“
Oh, so now I’m allowed out
of my room?” I snapped.

“
If anyone had ever tried
to convince me of how bizarre the brain of a teenage woman was, I’d
have never believed it,” he said and shook his head.

“
Can’t be worse than being
in the mind of a delusional psychopath!”

“
They’re pretty
similar.”

I hated him. He didn’t exactly hold the
highest opinion of me, either. We were like a couple married for
fifty years. Nothing either of us said or thought surprised the
other anymore. We’d both sunk into a state of agitated apathy
towards one another.

“
We’re not going to
meet
him
tonight,
no matter how much you want to,” Cleon added.