Thief: X (20 page)

“I’ll be right here for you.” He smiled,

“Yeah, like you were right there for me when I got excommunicated?” I raised my eyebrow and gave him my death glare,

“Ah, I guess you’ll never get over that.”

“You excommunicated me!”

“Technically, I didn’t.”

“
Technically, YOU did.
” I mocked and did little finger quotes.

“I admit I stood by and let it happen, but it was for your own good.”

“You put those things on then and I’ll be right here for you.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you Alex.”

“Apparently excommunication does.” I folded my arms and sighed. Ok, I was probably being childish but I couldn’t help it,

“If you can honestly tell me that you don’t want to put them on, you can leave them be but I’m guessing you can feel the pull,”

“Ok, but I swear if this goes tits up I’ll shove them down your throat.” I saw Father Thomas wince but a smile soon crept on his face. Of course he was right, I could feel the pull of them wanting me to wear them. It was no wonder Cain had been looking for them but how did he lose them in the first place?

I picked them up and they felt warm under my touch. Were these really leaves from the tree of knowledge? I threaded my fingers through and clicked the clasp around my fingers. I wasn’t sure what I expected but them being too big and flapping wasn’t it. I pushed my hands in Father Thomas’ face and jangled them,

“They’re too big. Look at them, they look stupid. Saying that they were made for Cain and I bet he looked a right idiot wearing them, all glittery and shit.”

“About that, they weren’t glittering a second ago.”

“Shit and they’re getting tighter.” I tried to unclip them but they were solid on my hands, “I hate you!” I glared at Father Thomas.

The leaves started to multiply and vines sprouted, wrapping around my wrist. I tried to pull them off and then tried bashing them on the table,

“Will you do something instead of staring?” I shouted. Father Thomas started running around, pulling out books looking for something.

The vines started to gain length and that was when they took on a mind of their own. They started wrapping up my arms, leaves sprouting as they went and then they struck deep into my skin. I felt them crawling into my skin and then light poured out of the wounds as they drove deeper into my veins.

“Cut them off!” I shrieked. The pain was intensifying. It was like having thousands of worms in my veins, wiggling their way up.

“What?” Father Thomas was starting to panic and he was looking at me in shock,

“Get that bloody axe off the wall and use it!” I was gritting my teeth, feeling my skin stretch and crack under the pressure,

“I…I…” He was looking flustered and his glasses were about to fall off the end of his nose,

“I can’t exactly do it myself, plus they’ll grow back. Aim for just below the elbows and hurry up before they get higher.”

“I…I…”

“Just.Do.It!” I gripped onto the table and waited, “Come on!” He pulled the axe from the wall and stopped,

“I…I…just don’t know how to do it.”

“Stop stuttering and swing.”

“I might miss.”

“Do it!” I was about to pass out when I thought he was about to start stuttering again but he swung and my arms fell to the floor.

I’d never had both of my arms cut off before and I never wanted to again. Ok, there were benefits to them being able to grow back but I still felt the pain, and oh god did it hurt! Father Thomas was in shock, shaking his head and mumbling something in Latin. I was screaming obscenities at the stumps of my arms. I kicked at my hands and forearms on the floor out of anger. That was when the bloody things flipped onto their fingers and ran off under the table. Now it was my turn to be shocked. That was so not normal. Yeah, I knew nothing was exactly normal were I was concerned but this was some freaky shit. Oh and to top it off my arms weren’t growing back,

“They’re possessed!” Father Thomas was crossing himself as he backed into the wall,

“You better not have a gag reflex because as soon as I catch them I’m shoving them down your throat.” And I wasn’t joking.

Who knew only having stumps would be so difficult? I knelt on the floor to look under the table but I had no idea how the hell I was going to catch them without hands. As I saw them, they saw me and start running, or fingering…no that was just plain wrong.

“Ok, this isn’t working. I need your help Father.”

“I…”

“You’ve dealt with all sorts of crap working with the Vatican. You have a demon brain in that jar…” I pointed with my stub, “…so snap out of it and help.” He blinked a couple of times and nodded,

“Let’s get them in that corner and I’ll use a blanket to throw over them.”

“Like I have a choice.” I waved my stubs in his face to illustrate my point,

“You said they’d grow back,”

“And they haven’t, so shoot me.” I tried to will my arms to grow back but instead I saw them creeping around the floor,

“Quickly!” Father Thomas shouted.

He whipped the blanket from the chair and we both pushed my freaky hands towards the corner of the room. I never thought I’d be herding my own hands like cattle. My life was definitely taking a weird turn. Before they could shoot off again Father Thomas threw the blanket over them and scooped them up,

“Now what?” He said. They were trying to squirm free but Father Thomas held on tight,

“I have no idea.” I slumped on the chair and watched my hands trying to break free, “I told you something always happens.”

Father Thomas sat next to me and placed the blanket on the table making sure his hands still had the ends tight. I sighed and rubbed my stumps on the blanket. That was when the pain started again and this time it was so much worse. I fell backwards with the chair and couldn’t break my fall with my stumps. Oh what a wonderful day this turned out to be.

My stumps started to glow and I watched as my arms started to grow back. A silver trail of mist circled from the blanket to my arms as they took on more form. It felt like my skin was about to explode and I let out a scream. Thirty seconds felt like hours thanks to the torturous, spiking pain as my arms and hands reformed. By the time they’d finished I was a hot, sweaty mess on the floor, panting like I’d just given birth. Father Thomas offered his hand to help me get up and I grabbed it with my own.

“That was weird and amazing.” Father Thomas beamed,

“
That
hurt!” I thought the pain was over but I felt the skin on my hands getting hotter,

“Are your hands steaming?” I really didn’t want to look but I did and yes they were.

“Something tells me it’s not over yet.” I laughed hysterically.

My skin pulsed. Flesh turned to stone, then to water and briefly to nothing but air. On the final pulse my skin turned silver and then my fingers started to mould to each other until they were pointed like a sword.

“We always thought the painting was wrong.” Father Thomas suddenly said. I was still glaring at my swordy hands. I really had to come up with a better name.

“What the hell are you talking about now?” My patience was gone along with the pain,

“That picture on the wall.” He pointed to a huge oil painting of what I presumed was Cain fighting in a suit of armour, “From the picture we thought Cain had fixed his swords to his armoured gloves but you…”

“Wait. I can feel them. I can feel everything.” I concentrated and the silver washed all over my body. Cain wasn’t wearing a suit of armour in the painting, he was wearing the gauntlets. I could see every molecule of the silver but there was more. I felt stable for the first time in my life.

I could feel the ground beneath me, the air around me and the fire inside me. This was Eve’s gift. The gift of calmness and I felt it all through my body. The deeper I looked the more I found. The gauntlets were giving me the knowledge I needed to change at will. I felt my fingers reforming and I panted. Re-growing parts of my body and morphing had taken what little energy I’d had left and I collapsed to the floor.

“Bloody hell, I wondered where those had gone.” I looked up to see Cain peering over me,

“I’m not in the mood.” I didn’t even make the effort to move,

“You’re no fun.” Instead of trying to help me up he lay down next to me and folded his arms behind his neck,

“That hurt.” I said referring to the pain from the gauntlets,

“Nothing in life is free. You should know that. Isn’t it time you killed something?” I turned my head and saw him grinning,

“I’ve been a tad busy if you haven’t noticed.”

“Well you certainly haven’t been baking cookies. I thought all women could cook?”

“Stop being sexist.”

“I’m just saying. In my time…”

“Oh shut up. The end is coming isn’t it?” I really didn’t want to bring it up but everything was starting to fit into place,

“Maybe…maybe not. You have the tools to survive whatever’s coming now and I will be coming for you. Unfortunately you also have to deal with that horrid clown and Dorian. Did I mention I don’t like him?”

“Repeatedly.”

“I take it you’ve finally figured out the clown is a sin eater and that poor excuse of a man cut your brakes?” He was laughing and I really wanted to punch him,

“Yep and you could have just told me.”

“And where’s the fun in that?”

“Can you just go back to the apocalypse dreams? You talking is getting on my nerves.” I sighed and closed my eyes.

“Drink this Alex, you’ll feel better.”

“Fuck off Cain.” I sighed,

“Oh my God. You’re connected to him!” Only one person could get that excited over Cain. I cracked one eye open enough to see Father Thomas kneeling in front of me,

“Urgh.” I groaned,

“Sorry, drink this…” I looked at it and raised an eyebrow, “…it’s safe Alex.”

“What is it?” For all I knew it would turn me into a gargoyle or something equally as hideous,

“Liquid sin.”

“You’ve got to be joking?” I sat up and looked at the bottle of amber liquid,

“Sin eaters work for the Vatican, remember?”

“Not the ones that get excommunicated.” Nor the ones that dress up like a carnival reject,

“How many times do I need to apologise? I had good intentions, you know that.”

“Give me the bottle.” I sighed and was so glad I had my hands back.

I took a swing and felt the sin settle in. It wasn’t anything major, probably someone cursing but it felt good.

“Take it slowly. I have more if you need it.” He pointed at an old cast iron safe,

“And to think I’ve been doing it the old fashioned way all these years.” I joked but my laugh came out insincere,

“That was quite genius using a Madam like that,”

“Is there any part of my life you haven’t watched?” I internally cringed at the thought of a Priest looking in on my sex life,

“Not everything obviously, because I had no idea about you being able to transmorph.”

“Well, needs must and I needed something to eat. Madam Cassandra offered help, so I took it.”

“I know.” He grabbed another bottle from the safe and locked it, “What are you going to do next?”

“It looks like I can’t get these stupid gauntlets off without talking to Cain and he won’t help. I have a sin eater, a soulless twat to kill, rescue some teenagers and probably have a nervous breakdown in the process. Oh and to top it all off I’ll have to do it all alone.” I was always alone, it was better that way. No one else to worry about.

“Ah, about that. While you were out you had visitors, they’re upstairs waiting.”

“Is it another Ghoul? I could go with shouting something in the face right now.” Father Thomas laughed and tugged on his collar, “Don’t worry I’m only joking.” I was saving that for Clockwork.

“Let us depart then.”

I followed him up the stairs again and pushed my backside back into the confessional. When I drew the curtain back I was amazed to see Wolfie and Sister Succubus holding Smidge and Cerberus in their arms,

“I don’t understand. Why aren’t they burning?”

“Because not all demons are evil Alex. Wolves have been blessed for many years thanks to the McAdams family, with only a few returning to their old vicious ways. Although if that one doesn’t put my gold candlesticks back he won’t be welcome here.” He pointed at Adram and I smiled. I heard him tut and put the candlesticks back,

“I could get a new house in Hell with those!” I shook my head and realised that smoke was coming from his feet. Apparently the silver foil he’d wrapped around his feet wasn’t working as well as he hoped, “Is it me or is it getting a little hot in here?” He fanned himself and I laughed,

“I don’t understand why you’re all here?”

“That’s because you’re stupid.” Adram laughed,

“You could have left us in that prison but you didn’t. You opened your home up to us when we didn’t have anywhere else to go. It may not have seemed much to you but it meant a lot to us. Not even our families cared enough about us to do any of that.” Wolfie said,

“You don’t owe me anything if that’s what you mean? I’m going in to kill Clockwork and I can’t guarantee anyone that comes with me will come back out.”

“We know that and we want to help. I know I’m a demon but surely we can do good things too. It’s why I became a nun and if it means I have to disregard my vows while I do this than so be it. You need help Xan and so do those girls.” Sister Succubus looked determined at me,

I didn’t know what to say so I looked at Adram,

“When the Dark Lord turned me into a donkey, you were there because you’re my best friend. When, a Toxian demon laid eggs in my stomach, you were there because you’re my best friend. When your cat gave me fleas, you were there, because you’re my best friend and now you’re here and I’m here because….say it with me Xan…”

“I’m your best friend…”

“…actually I was thinking you’re a jinx. A big, fat, bad luck charm! What?” He shrugged, “I’m in it for the spoils and I’d rather not get roasted in Hell fire for letting you die.” Same old Adram,

“You know it’s dangerous and I have no idea what Clockwork’s doing,”

“Oh, about that, I finally got to ponder over the Kodak with Lucifer himself. We had tea and biscuits, talked about our day…"I glared at him, "...ok I stole it and hid in the cupboard with a candle. There wasn’t much but what I did find points to Clockwork wanting to become immortal.”

“He already is.” I sighed. He was a sin eater,

“Not if he’s a sin eater. Remember they can be killed. Immortality is usually an illusion. Wounds heal but if you yank out the heart or take off the head…” Father Thomas started to say but I’d heard it all before,

“Yeah but that didn’t work for me.” Instead my head had grown back, while I chatted with Cain,

“That’s because of Cain. Only Cain is truly immortal because God gifted it to him. “

“And yeah, he also wants to become God.” All our heads swung around to Adram who was picking something green and nasty out of his ear,

“Excuse me?”

“Why, what have you done now?” He flicked the ear bogey at me,

“Him wanting to become God?” I shouted in his face,

“Oh that! It won’t happen because the Dark Lord would never allow it.” He said smiling,

“He’s got this far, Adram.”

“It’s only a bastardised healing ritual that has the odd side effect of making some Godlike.”

“Side effect? Oh God, I think I’m having a stroke.” I held my head in my hands and I wanted to cry,

“Drama queen or what?” Adram looked calm, while I was having a meltdown,

“I have to kill him and quickly. I have no idea where the hell he is.”

“You could always call Marshall?” Adram shrugged,

“What?” I was coming close to ripping Adram’s head off,

“He took your phone.” He shrugged again and started picking at his ear,

“Will you stop that, it’s either in their for good or your brains itching!” I was losing my temper with him, “You could have told me this information earlier!”

“Nah, you’d missed out on all this love.” I dove for him. Beating the crap out of Adram was cathartic,