Thin Girls Don't Eat Cake (11 page)

“We’d better make a quick escape, then. I can see the netball girls looking this way. You’re fresh meat and you’re under forty. Always a bonus.”

“You could pretend I’m with you, smooch up to me, like.”

“And you could get a crutch in the crotch.”

“Will you kiss me better?”

“God, you’re even more in love with yourself than when you had braces.” I laughed. “Let’s go home.”

We made our way to the double doors of the club where I stopped to rifle through the pile of coats left at the entrance, looking to locate my jacket. It was then, as I was attempting to pull my arm into the first sleeve that I smelled the unmistakeable woody smell of aftershave. Once it would have made me weak at the knees. Now, it made me want to puke. Connor Bishop had come through the door. Oh yes, this night was getting better. I couldn’t wait to show my ‘date’ off.

I shrugged myself into my jacket and turned round. I hadn’t seen Connor since the split, he’d been keeping a low profile, probably because everyone knew that he’d been fooling around with Shannon and me at the same time. Not that they’d told either of us. We’d both looked like idiots over him.

“Olivia. Hello.” His eyes roamed up and down my body.

Eww
. It made my skin crawl.

“Connor.”

“What are you doing here?”

I stood my ground. My confidence was returning since I’d begun to lose weight and if he had any intention of belittling me like last time, he could think again. “More to the point what are you doing here? Haven’t you had sex with everyone present? Including the birthday girl?”

Connor at least had the decency to look sheepish. “I was, uh… I came to… um… It doesn’t matter. You look nice, by the way. Have you lost weight?”

Oh, the cheek of him. I wished I could hit him with my crutch but it’d be so undignified and I’d probably fall over myself doing it. “Yes, if you must know.”

“That’s great. You look, um, lovely.” He leant towards me out of earshot of Sean. “And quite sexy.”

Was he kidding?

I stared blankly as he did that thing with his eyebrows. The thing I used to find flirty, but now looked plain silly. He was looking at me as if some long lost fire had been rekindled and he couldn’t wait to strike a match from it. What had I ever seen in him? He was even more of an idiot than before, if that were possible.

“I’m on a date, Connor.”

Not that I was but it didn’t hurt him to think that.

“Ditch him. Come home with me.”

As if.

“Why would I do that? Sean’s kind, funny and he’s a doctor. Three things that you definitely aren’t.”

Connor looked Sean over. “I bet he can’t do that thing you like.”

Oh for heaven’s sake. Couldn’t the worm just slither off into his hole?

“Right well, we have to get going,” I said. “Things to do, places to be.”

Reaching for the door handle, I was about to pull it, when the door swung open a second time, hitting me smack in the chest and knocking me into the pile of coats. I gave my head a shake and tried to right myself.

Bum.

“Are you all right? Here, let me help.” Connor dashed to the pile of coats and was in the throes of sympathy before I had time to gag at how truly disgusting the idea was. He held out a hand, which I refused to take.

“Of course I’m all right. And even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t want your help.”

Befuddled, I got to my feet to find my mother standing next to Connor, who was standing next to Sean, who looked more confused than I was. Dressed that evening in a pair of printed leggings that looked like something a nineties revival band would wear with a low cut cowl neck top and heels that eclipsed anything I’d ever owned, Mum was the vision of a made-over woman. And not in a good way.

Seriously, this new life thing was getting a bit silly. Since Dad had passed away she’d completely gone off the rails.

“Mum! You almost knocked me into next week.”

Mum appeared a little flustered. She was looking from Connor to Sean and back to Connor again like her head was a revolving door. “Oh possum, I’m so sorry. I was preoccupied.”

Which was nothing new lately.

She settled her gaze on Sean. A rather lewd smile spread across her face. “Oh my Lord, Sean? What happened to the braces and pimples?”

Sean took her hand. “I grew up.”

“You certainly did! And filled out too.” Mum let out a girlish giggle that was almost a complete replica of the one I did at times.

Scary.

“It’s lovely to see you again, Mrs Merrifield.”

“Are you off home?”

“Olivia’s foot’s aching. As her doctor, it’s my duty to make sure she gets home safely and puts it up.”

“Well, behave yourselves. I don’t want to have to bail either of you out of jail.” Mum winked. She clasped the hand she’d shaken between both of hers and gazed into his eyes. “You have very nice healing hands.”

Oh. My. God.

“And on that note, we’d best get going,” I said, praying that Sean wouldn’t judge me for my mother’s absolute inappropriateness.

“Yes, of course. Toodle-oo darlings.”

With a wink at Connor —
eww
again — Mum raced off to do lord knows what. I stood shaking my head. I adored my mother but it was an effort at times.

“Your Mum’s still as cool as ever,” Sean said.

“A little too cool if you ask me.”

“Was she trying to chat me up?”

“Probably. Let’s go.”

“So I’ll give you a call then, shall I?” Connor said, still standing expectantly beside the jumbled heap of coats.

I gave him my best withering glare. “I wouldn’t bother, Connor. That’d be about as pleasant as having my eyes pecked out by magpies.”

Alice and I were sitting on the swings at the park the following afternoon, while Alice swung an increasingly excited-looking Ethan up and down. It was unseasonably chilly and Ethan’s cheeks and nose were pink with cold. I’d shoved my hands between my knees but it didn’t seem to be making a great deal of difference. My nails were going blue.

“I saw Connor at the party last night.”

“What did he say? Did he notice you’ve lost weight?”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course he did. He’d hardly said hello before it was mentioned. Then he promptly tried to make like we were still a couple.”

“He always did have a bit of a nerve. So, how was Sean?”

“Funny as ever. He’s so nice.”

She must have been able to sense my hesitance. “Did you kiss him?”

“I wasn’t even tempted. We sat on the couch and drank wine and talked about old times. He put his arm around me at one stage and it was almost creepy, like he was my brother or something. I’m pretty sure he felt it too. When I came back from the toilet, he’d moved to the armchair. It was like he was testing the waters, like he thought he should feel something now that we were adults, but it clearly wasn’t there. The only chemistry between Sean and I would be the stink bombs we made in eighth grade.”

Alice pushed against the ground with her feet, propelling the swing a little faster. Ethan’s arms flailed as he attempted to clap with joy. “So how did it end up then?”

“We agreed that friends is a far a better idea. That banter we had at the hospital was merely teasing like you would with an old friend. You can’t make something out of nothing.”

Alice nodded. “Probably for the best. At least you didn’t delude yourself into thinking something would come of it. You knew it was only meant to be a friendship. But you know why this has happened, don’t you?”

“Why?”

“Cole. Subliminally, you hold a glimmer of hope that you’ll wake up one morning and he’ll be single. Therefore, you were sending him the ‘I’m not interested signals’.”

I stopped my swing and bent down to retrieve my crutches. “That’s ridiculous.”

“No, its not.”

“But I’m not attracted to Sean. How could I send out vibes if I’m not attracted?”

Alice brought her swing to a halt too and began to strap Ethan into his stroller. The baby wriggled, showing his protest at being taken away from the swing. “I don’t know, I read it somewhere. That’s all.”

We began to walk down the road towards Alice’s house. What was normally slow going with the stroller was made even more so by the clonking of crutches. We passed a few houses, side stepped a chicken out for a walk — you saw all sorts of sights in Merrifield — and stopped a couple of times for Alice to check on Ethan. She seemed very quiet. It was almost as if she didn’t want to go home.

“Is there still trouble in paradise?” I asked. A fight with Jed was one of the only reasons the smile left Alice’s face. And they had been arguing. Alice would have to be giving birth before she bailed on an event she’d RSVP’d to. And even then she’d give it a good go.

“Jed and I don’t live in paradise anymore.”

“Oh Alice.”

“I’m thinking about leaving him, moving back in with Mum.”

It had to be serious if she was considering that as an option. Alice’s mother wasn’t the easiest person to deal with. She played favourites with Alice and her siblings and Alice was always the loser.

“Did you fight last night? Is that why you didn’t come to Shannon’s birthday?”

“I think it was the worst fight we’ve ever had. I’d taken Ethan to Mum’s — she was looking after him so we could go out — I’d put extra effort into my hair and makeup and cooked him a lovely dinner. Then when he got home, half an hour late, the only comment he made was to ask if he was meant to be wearing fancy dress. I completely flipped my lid and he went storming off. He didn’t come home till after eleven.”

“I don’t understand what’s up with him. Jed would never do anything to hurt you.”

Alice paused. There were tears in her eyes. “I found messages on his phone. Texts from a girl called Vicki. I don’t know anyone called Vicki. Do you?” Her lip began to wobble.

“No.”

“I won’t stand for it if he’s seeing someone else. I’m not going to have Ethan subjected to arguing parents and an unhappy house. I’d rather move out now and let him have no father.”

Which was totally understandable given that Alice had grown up in a similar environment. Her father had been a notorious womaniser and her mother had stayed with him ‘for the sake of the children’. When the youngest of the siblings had turn eighteen, her mother had changed the locks, hired a lawyer and told her father where to go. Literally. He’d gone to live in Albany, two hundred kilometres away.

“Shouldn’t you talk to him before you make any decisions? There may be a perfectly good explanation.”

“I can’t. He’s never home.”

“You have to do something. You can’t give up on your marriage like this. Not with your anniversary coming up. I know how special the day is for you.”

Alice and Jed always made a big deal of celebrating the day they got together as a couple, rather than their actual marriage. This year was going to be the biggest yet — fifteen years.

“Clearly, its not that special any more.” A tear slipped down Alice’s cheek. She didn’t bother to wipe it away. “I don’t know how its come to this. What have I done? I’m not fat. I’m a good wife. I cook and clean, I don’t nag. I contribute to the household income.”

I gathered her in my arms, rubbing her back as she sobbed. And as I did, it dawned on me that all my silly little issues with being fat and cakes and stuff were nothing compared to what was happening to my friends. Yes, they were important to me but this was life changing. Alice’s course of action now could potentially alter three lives forever.

And I’d been worrying about bloody cake. It was so ridiculous.

“Why doesn’t he love me anymore?” She sniffed.

“I’m sure he does. I’m sure this is a misunderstanding.”

If it wasn’t, I was going to be first in line to punch Jed right in the nose. How dare he do this to my best friend? How dare he.

At last, we reached the gate of Alice and Jed’s cottage. The front door was open and looking down the hallway, I could see Jed balancing on the top step of the ladder. He was installing the new light fittings Alice had bought online. Even though it was his only day off in the week. And even though he’d vocalised rather loudly before we left for the park that he had places to be other than standing on a ladder and couldn’t it wait until next weekend. Still, he was up there doing it to make Alice happy.

He couldn’t be having an affair, could he? Men who had affairs reeked of cheap perfume and slunk around the town looking shifty. They didn’t go about doing nice things for their wives. Not unless they were feeling guilty. Gosh. Was Jed feeling guilty? From the look on Alice’s face, I could tell she was thinking exactly the same thing.

“Are you still okay to babysit on Friday night? For our date night? If it’s on, that is,” Alice asked. She and Jed had a standing date at the pub every Friday at six. It was often only an hour but Alice didn’t care. It made her feel like someone other than a mother for part of her week. She guarded the time ferociously.

“Not a problem. I’ll be off my crutches by then. I’m looking forward to it.”

I hugged Alice and kissed Ethan goodbye. Despite the fact that she’d offered me a ride to Mum’s, I felt the need to hobble there under my own steam. It wasn’t the warmest afternoon to be braving the fresh air, but Alice and Jed needed all the alone time they could get. They didn’t need me taking up their time.

*****

The sun had begun to set when I finally hop-walked down Mum’s front path. The garden of the big old house was in swathed in gold and tangerine, giving it a surreal type of glow. I’d grown up in that house, lived there until I went to Perth to attend university and then stayed on for my job at the TV station. I had an attachment to the creaky front door and the way the draft whistled up the hallway in a storm. Even though Mum had begged Dad to fix it a thousand times before his death, he never had. Now she refused to have it repaired. She said the creaking was Dad, reminding her he was still there watching over her.

Lord knows what Dad would think if he could see the way Mum behaved these days. All this talk of exercise only meant for twenty year olds and gushing over movie stars and travelling about the place dressed like she was teenager was too much. Even to me, and I considered myself rather open minded.

Dad had left a personal note with his will that he wanted Mum to go out and live her life if he died first, not to mourn. I don’t think he meant her to live it quite as outlandishly as she was doing, though. Sometimes I felt my mother was going to the extreme to prove a point to my dead father.

After knocking on the door and receiving no answer, I dug my key out of my pocket and slid it into the lock. It was nothing for my mother not to be at home when I arrived. Often, I began dinner myself and Mum would come swanning in wearing some outrageous outfit and apologising because she’d been held up doing something or other before shooing me away from the kitchen knives. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was Mum got up to now that she’d given up work at Autumn Leaves, the aged care home on the hill, and was living on the life insurance policy Dad had left. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know either. In certain cases, ignorance was definitely bliss.

Clomping up the hallway, I headed towards the meditation room Mum had created from my old bedroom. Often, Mum could be found there, wearing harem pants and a singlet top and chanting a mantra of gobbledygook designed to attract goodness and light into her life. Personally, I thought it was a little silly though I never said so to Mum. Why hurt her feelings over something so harmless?

The meditation room was empty so I made my way slowly down the hall to the kitchen. It was as I was passing Mum’s room that I heard the noise the first time.

I paused, my head cocked, listening. It was a muffled sort of moan, something akin to a cat being strangled. I turned and looked along the hallway. Mum’s cat was nowhere in sight.

The noise occurred again. This time it was followed by a long slow painful ‘ahhhh.’

Had Mum tripped and hurt herself? I’d heard horror stories of elderly parents lying on the floor waiting to be rescued for days because they’d broken a hip or a leg and couldn’t move. Of course that was a silly notion. The only one who tripped in the Merrifield family was me. Besides, Mum wasn’t anywhere close to elderly.

The noise grew louder, reaching a frenzied cry. It definitely wasn’t the cat.

“Mum?”

Uncertain as to whether I should invade her private space — or more worryingly what I’d find if I did — I put my ear to the door. “Mum?”

The noises came to an abrupt halt. There was a certain amount of grunting and shuffling from behind the bedroom door and then out popped Mum, done up to the nines in full makeup, a red silk shortie kimono she’d bought on a recent trip to Japan and little else than a rather awkward look.

“Olivia!” She fluffed her hair.

“Is everything all right? I heard noises. Are you hurt?”

Mum’s face was flushed. “No. No. Of course not. Everything’s perfectly fine. Come to the kitchen and let’s get a wine. I wasn’t expecting you till seven but I’ve started on a roast beef for dinner.” Her voice was louder than usual, and forced, as if she thought I’d developed hearing loss overnight. Bustling me towards the kitchen, she glanced over her shoulder at the bedroom door.

What on earth was going on? Had she had taken one too many of those cold and flu tablets again? Last time she’d gone into such a hallucination she was convinced I was Mariah Carey and had asked me for an autograph.

I looked as much like Mariah Carey as Jim the Butcher looked like Tom Jones.

“But the noise, Mum. What was that noise?”

“Ah, er, the cat. He got stuck in the wardrobe. I was trying to get him out and he wasn’t being that cooperative.”

Whilst naked? I doubted it.

“And you were naked why?”

Mum’s cheeks coloured. “Well, obviously I was getting changed when the cat got stuck.”

I didn’t believe a word of it. I’d been caught in enough compromising positions in my time to know a fib when I heard one. Especially seeing that the cat had appeared through the cat flap from the backyard seconds before and was twining itself around my legs.

Once we were in the kitchen, and Mum scuttled about in the pantry, pouring glasses of wine and filling platters with pate and biscuits. The conversation was inane and followed no logical path. We were both too distracted by what was hidden behind that bedroom door.

“How long are you going to keep him in there?” I asked, at last.

“Who?”

“Whoever it is you’ve got hiding in your room. If it’s Jim, I don’t mind, Mum. He’s lonely; you’ve got no one. It’d be nice to see you together. He’s a lovely man.”

The chardonnay in Mum’s mouth sprayed across the bench. She began to cough so hard I had to slap her on the back. “It’s not Jim.”

“Then who? And why won’t you introduce me? Are you ashamed?”