Thin Ice (23 page)

“To all my fellow graduates; if no one has told you how proud they are of you,
know that
I am. If no one told you that they believe in you, know that I do. You have one life and you have to live it the way you want to. Let the people who don't make you a better person become a memory, and never let go of the people that support you, love you and want to grow with you. Congratulations class of 2013. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.”

I made it without throwing up. that deserves like an award or something. Deep breaths Elli. The worst part is over.

As the crowd applauds, Dylan and Anderson being the loudest, I walk off the podium to take my seat next to Tegan. Before I sit she gives me a death gripping hug and when she pulls back, I see she's crying. Thankfully she wore her waterproof mascara. We sit back in our seats and the rest of the ceremony drags by, especially since Dylan is within the vicinity and I haven't seen him in months. When my name is called, I go up, shake the hands of all my teachers, and some people I’ve never met before, grab my diploma and realize this is it.

I made it.

Alive and breathing.

And Happy.

 When the caps are thrown, I grab Tegan and we make our way to the stands. Before we even get half way there, Dylan and Anderson are already in front of us with flowers. I don't even look at the bouquet as I jump into Dylan’s open arms. He grabs me and spins me around and the smile on my face is so wide it hurts.

“Surprise!”

“Best surprise ever!”

He puts me down but doesn't let go. He kisses me long and hard, and it’s like he never left.

“Elli look at you! I'm so proud of you!” He kisses me again and then lifts my arm as I spin around. He pulls me back into him, holding the flowers behind my back and my mind is going haywire.

“How was the speech? Not to boring?”

“Not in the least bit. It was perfect.” He kisses me again and then I'm being pulled away.

“Alright, alright my turn.” Dom says as he hugs me.

“Congratulations sis.”

I fiercely hug my brother and watch as him and Dylan talk as I make my way around to everyone and pose for countless pictures. I’m hugged and congratulated, and then yelled at by my mom for not telling her I was valedictorian so she could have prepared herself with more tissues. Then I get to my dad. He’s not big on hugs, so it felt a bit awkward.

“Proud of you kid.” he says. “Now the real world begins.”

 Ahh there it is. Dear old dad can never just give a compliment. But I won’t let it bother me right now. He said he’s proud and that’s enough for me. I head back over to Dylan who was watching the interaction with my dad intently, and he puts his arms around me.

“You okay?” he asks.

Am
I
 ok? I look around and see the faces of the people I love so much, and that are there for me when I need it most, without asking. I look and see Tegan who is hugging her parents as she introduces Anderson. I look at Mia, Will
,
 and my parents who are laughing their hearts out
at
something my sister is saying. I look at my brother who is standing next to Dylan and is taking in the scene of graduates celebrating with their loved ones. But lastly
,
 I look up at Dylan as I remember what
I
 wrote in my speech.

Keep the people who want to grow with you, and never let go.

I smile up at the man that I love and finally answer his question. “I’m better than ok.” I hug him around his waist and we walk off the field that our ceremony took place on, into a whole new chapter of our life.

Elli

“
Nashville Predators Goal scored by Number 8! Dylan Rath!”

First NHL game, first NHL goal. Tegan, Anderson, my brother
,
 and I cheer on Dylan as he celebrates in a team hug. Then he looks out to our seats,  which are right behind the glass, and he winks at me. The crowd is still going crazy as they quickly obtain a new favorite player, and I couldn’t be more proud.

After graduation, I moved out to Milwaukee with Dylan, but talks were already in motion about bringing him up to the Predators. So when a spot opened up and it became official, we made the move, found an apartment
,
 and settled in. Anderson moved in with Tegan in my old apartment and are planning on moving out here after he graduates. He’s getting a degree in sports therapy and Dylan is going to talk with some of his bosses about what he can do to get Anderson a chance with the team. They flew out here for the weekend to see Dylan’s first game and Dylan flew my brother out as well.

I have an interview with a publishing company next week for a Graphic Artist/ Cover Designer position and I’m extremely excited. I know it’s only my first interview, but they liked my work enough to give me a chance, so I hope it goes well.

I lost a few more pounds since leaving school and I’ve come to the conclusion I’m not on a diet anymore. I’m eating well and living a healthy lifestyle, but now, I don’t punish myself when I miss a workout.

Dylan has been nothing short of incredible. We had a little too much fun at Ikea when we went to get things for the apartment, and then even more laughs when we tried putting everything together. But our main focus was the living room. A reclining sofa, a flat screen TV with surround sound that his parents bought us, complete with an infinite movie library. The day it was all installed, the first movie we put on was of course, Harry Potter, and it was like I’ve never seen it before.

We hung pictures on the wall. The drawing I made of him; our paintball picture; a picture of us, Tegan and Anderson from graduation; one of Dylan and Anderson at the game Tegan and I bought them tickets to; a selfie of Dylan, Anderson and my brother the day he won the tournament; one of Dylan and I in front of Hogwarts when we went to Universal after graduation; one of his parents; and one of my family. It completed the room and I didn’t think we needed any other decorations. Dylan agreed.

It felt like a home.

The buzzer goes off, pulling me from my thoughts and back into the 4-3 Predators win thanks to Dylan’s goal. Just as we’re about to leave our seats and go to the spot where we’re supposed to meet Dylan, a security guard comes over and stops us.

“Are you Elli Uccello?”

“Yes sir. Is everything alright?”

“I’ve been asked to escort you. Come with me please. Your friends may stay here.”

I look back at everyone, and they all look like they’re hiding something. They urge me to follow him and I hesitantly go. By the time he stops, the rink is cleared out and he opens the door to the ice. I look at him confused, but he motions me forward.

I slowly make my way onto the ice, being careful not to fall, but also taking in how large this arena is. I get all the way to the middle when Dylan finally skates out, still in all his gear, minus his gloves and helmet. His hair is tousled, but his grey eyes are excited and there’s a grin on his face.

“Dylan what’s going on?”

He closes the distance between us and takes my hands. “Well, you see, there’s this girl, and I’m kind of crazy about her.”

Is this what I think it is? I’m completely paralyzed where I’m standing, and it’s not because I’m afraid of falling on the ice.

He continues. “She’s beautiful, talented, funny and so, so strong. The strongest person I know, actually. When I’m with her, I feel whole. Like everything is right in the world and my life is worth something more than I ever thought it would be. She let me into her world, and I never want to leave.
”

He gets down on one knee, and my heart stops. This is actually happening. I don’t even look at the ring he has in his hand, I’m just staring at him. Only him. That’s all that matters.

“I love you so much Elli. I love everything about you. I never thought I would find someone as perfect for me, but you came into my life and took my heart the moment I set eyes on you in the Wolves rink. We’ve been through so much, and I want nothing more than to keep experiencing this life with you. Will you..”

“YES!”

I put my arms around his neck and get lost in his kiss. I feel him smiling and we part so he can finish his sentence. “Marry me?”

Laughing I start to tear up as he stands and grabs my hand to put the ring on my finger. I still haven’t looked at it. I’m just staring at this beautiful man that I love so much who wears a mirrored expression of mine.

“Don’t you want to look at the ring?”

“Dylan it could be a piece of string for all I care. All I want is you.”

“Well you have me. All of me.”

I kiss him again and then look down at the most perfect ring. I don’t like fancy or flashy, and I wasn’t lying when I said it could be a piece of string, and Dylan knows that. But the ring I’m looking at has a small diamond, and is surrounded by mini leaves.

“Dylan. Oh my gosh, I love it.”

“I had some help.”

We look over and see Tegan, Anderson
,
 and Dom banging on the boards, taking pictures and celebrating.

I look back at Dylan and just smile.

I think of the girl I was and the girl I am now. I wish I could go back to that girl sitting in her car, missing class because she couldn’t breathe. The girl that used her toothbrush to feel pretty and starved herself so she would like what she saw in the mirror. I wish I could go back and tell her that things get better. That she’ll have things she’s never dream
t
 of and that she’ll be happy.

         But then I realize I wouldn’t have all these things without the lessons I learned from that girl. Because that girl was me, and what matters now is the future, and he’s looking at me with gray eyes, and a smile that shines so bright it could melt all the ice on this rink.

Elli

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breath in.

Breathe out.

I close my laptop and watch as the gym classes begin. Well, here goes another day. Graduation is in a few weeks, and I leave for Winter Park soon after. I hold my laptop close to me, and allow Dylan and Tegan to give me some strength to get through the rest of the day.

Hope is all I have right now. Hope that even a fraction of the world like the one I’ve created exists. Hope that it will get better, and hope that I’ll have the strength to allow it. But most importantly, hope that I can become the Elli I want to be. The one I gave a happy ending. I know she’s possible, maybe not yet, but she’s in me.

 If I’ve learned anything from pouring my heart into this story, it’s that not only do I want to love myself, I just want someone to be there for me. To love the before and the after pictures. To know when I’m struggling even when I don’t know it myself. I’ve also learned that things don’t happen overnight. It’s a process, like anything else that’s worth fighting for.

Right now, I’m going to take advice from the inner Elli and start the journey of learning how to love myself, because I’m worth fighting for. I may not have Dylan to physically lean on, but I have the idea of him. It may seem silly, but atleast it’s something.

Before I turn off my music, I listen to Missing You by All Time Low and let the lyrics of the song sink in. I put my laptop in my bag, take a few more deep breaths, fix my bras that are digging into my skin and make my way to the art studio, where I’ll finish out my day and then leave to go to work. I’m going to Italy the week before graduation for the senior Italian trip, and I’m really excited to explore how much is out there that I don’t know about. We made our itinerary and there’s multiple museums I’ve checked off to go to on my free time. It looks like everyone else going on the trip wants to spend their time shopping, so I know I’ll probably wind up in the museums by myself. But I’m okay with that.

I’m counting down the days to leave for school. I’m almost completely packed and I already started shopping for my apartment. My employee discount at Bed Bath & Beyond is being put to good use. I’m moving in alone, but I’m not opposed to a roommate down the line.

I’m looking forward to my new start. To build a life that I control. I may be struggling now, but future Elli won’t be, because I won’t let her.

Elli

“Next!”

“Elli Uccello.”

“Welcome to Winter Park University Miss. Uccello! Please stand on the green line and smile!”

 I do as I'm told and receive my student ID. So this is college. Everyone is so different. The staff is way too happy, which I write off as a Florida thing, and this campus is beautiful. I look around and see all of my future classmates and hope that I look some what approachable. This is a chance to start over. No one knows anything about you and everyone is willing to meet someone new. I walk around and check out all the booths trying to get the new students attending orientation to join their clubs. Since I'm in the accelerated program, I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have for extracurriculars. So I hold off on joining anything until I get my schedule, which should be sometime today.