Thirst for Love (13 page)

“Oh, Etsuko, your
haori
is ripped,” he called. He had a penchant for saying what didn’t need saying.

At this moment a new note came into the shouting. The useless message from Kensuke never reached Etsuko’s ear. In the harsh glare of the bonfires her profile seemed slightly sterner than usual, slightly more majestic, and slightly crueler.

The mob in the courtyard was constantly rushing to one or another of the three
torii
and jamming together there. Their movements, which at first glance seemed to have no special order, were directed by a great lion’s head held high over them. Opening and closing his jaws, his green mane streaming behind, the lion’s head floated about as if cleaving the waves. It was manipulated at different times by three young men clad in cotton kimonos, forced to give way to each other after only short stints, so overwhelming was the perspiration induced by the chore.

Over a hundred young men followed the lion, each carrying a white paper lantern. They would crowd around the lion and jostle against each other, striking their lanterns together. After a time the lion, as if carried away by rage, would break free and rush toward another
torii
. Again the young men would follow, and again they would hold up their lanterns, some miraculously still alight, their owners frequently unaware that all had been broken save the handle. And all the while they shouted at the top of their lungs.

In the center of the courtyard bamboo poles had been erected. When the base of each pole was lighted, the entire pole quickly ignited and exploded. As each blazing pole fell, another was erected in its place. Compared with these mad torches, the bonfires at the four corners of the courtyard were fairly tranquil exercises in pyrotechnics.

These village dwellers, who on an ordinary day would have nothing to do with danger, were here braving the flying sparks and crowding about tirelessly, watching the extraordinary impulsive movements of the massed young men following the lion. Outwardly the spectators were calm, but in their ranks a certain undulant cohesion seethed, creating collisions that threatened at any moment to catapult the front row of viewers into the turbulent sea of young men. Older men carrying fans, who were responsible for keeping everything within bounds, moved between the young men and the spectators, shouting themselves hoarse, alternately inciting the one group and restraining the other.

The whole scene, as viewed from the top of the stone steps of the sanctuary, seemed like the form of a great dusky snake, writhing about the flaming poles, throwing off phosphorescence in all directions.

Etsuko’s eyes were riveted to the area where the paper lanterns crashed together so fiercely. In her mind, Yakichi, Kensuke, and even Miyo no longer existed. The embodiment of this outcry, this frenzy, this completely demented demonstration—in the hazy drunkenness of Etsuko’s perceptions—was Saburo. It had to be Saburo, she thought.

This swirling, needless waste of life’s energies seemed to Etsuko virtually a shining thing; her consciousness seemed to float on this perilous confusion, melting like a piece of ice on a baking pan. She could feel her face light up every once in a while in the glare of the flaming poles and the bonfires. She irrelevantly recalled the profusion of November sunshine that fell on her like an avalanche as they opened the door to carry out her husband’s coffin.

Chieko realized that Etsuko was looking for Saburo. It would never have occurred to her that her sister-in-law might be looking for something more. Out of her native kindness, Chieko said: “My, it’s exciting. But I’d like to go down there. Here you can’t really feel how savage a country festival can be.”

Kensuke caught his wife’s wink and along with it the motive behind her suggestion. He knew too that Yakichi dared not come along. That provided him with a second motive, that of staging a small vendetta against his father.

“All right. Get set! Let’s go! Do you want to go, Etsuko? You’re young enough.”

Yakichi put on his usual sour face. It was the proud, sour face of a man accustomed to manipulating others with just a slight change of expression. There had been a time when just one such look would have been enough to make an executive tender his resignation. Etsuko, however, didn’t look at him, and quickly said: “All right. I’ll go along.”

“Father?” asked Chieko. Yakichi didn’t answer and turned his sour look on Miyo, making it clear to her that she was to remain here with her employer.

“I’ll wait here; come back soon,” he said to Etsuko, without looking at her.

Etsuko, Kensuke, and Chieko linked hands, descended the stone stairs, and walked into the noisy throng as if wading into the surf. The spectators down here moved about more easily than they had seemed to when viewed from above. One had no trouble cutting past all the spiritless, gaping faces and moving to the front.

Etsuko heard the bamboo exploding at her side and felt refreshed. Any unpleasant sound would have come pleasantly to her ears now. These delicate ears of hers, no longer moved by trifles, asking only for the risk of being strained to bursting, must really have been listening intently to the rhythm of some emotion dwelling deep inside her.

Suddenly, above their heads, its mane streaming, went the lion’s head, its golden teeth exposed, moving toward another
torii
. Pandemonium ensued, as human beings flowed in waves to right and left. Something dazzling cut across Etsuko’s line of vision. It was a band of half-naked young men moving as one in the glare of the flames. Some wore their hair loose and disheveled; some wore white headbands tied so the ends streamed behind. Emitting animal-like shouts, they churned past Etsuko, filling the breeze with musky odor. As they passed, the dark reverberation of hard flesh striking hard flesh, the bright squeal of sweaty skin clinging to and breaking away from sweaty skin filled the air. So entangled were their legs in the darkness that they looked like some meaninglessly entangled mass of inhuman creatures. It seemed as if not one of them could know which legs were his own.

“I wonder where Saburo is,” said Kensuke. “When they’re naked, you can’t tell one from the other.”

He was taking no chances on losing one of the women, and had his arm around each of them. Etsuko’s slippery shoulder threatened at any moment to slide from his grasp.

“It’s true,” he said, agreeing with himself. “When people are naked you can really understand why human individuality is such a fragile thing. And when it comes to thinking, there are just four kinds; that’s all: the thinking of a fat man, the thinking of a skinny man, the thinking of a tall, gangly man, and the thinking of a little man. When it comes to faces, now—whatever ones you look at—they never have more than two eyes, one nose, and one mouth apiece. You don’t see anyone with one eye.

“Take even the most individualistic face—all it’s good for is to symbolize the difference between its owner and other people. What’s love? Nothing more than symbol falling for symbol. And when it comes to sex—that’s anonymity falling for anonymity. Chaos and chaos, the unisexual mating of depersonalization with depersonalization. Masculinity? Femininity? You can’t tell the difference. See, Chieko?”

Even Chieko looked bored; she grunted agreement.

Etsuko couldn’t help laughing.
This man’s thinking—constantly, almost incontinently, mumbling in the ear. That’s it! It’s “cerebral incontinence!” What pitiful pants-wetting! This man’s thoughts are as ridiculous as his backside
.

The real absurdity, though, is that what he is saying is so out of tempo with all the shouting, all the excitement, all the smells, all the activity, all the life around him here. If he were a musician, no conductor would have him in his orchestra. But what can you do with a country orchestra except recognize it’s out of tune and make do?”

Etsuko opened her eyes wide. Her shoulder slid ever so gently out of Kensuke’s sticky hand. She had found Saburo. His usually taciturn lips were open wide—shouting. His sharp teeth showed white and shining, sparkling in the light of the bonfires.

In his eyes—never turned toward her—Etsuko saw another glowing resplendent bonfire.

Again the lion’s head stood out above the crowd, seeming to survey the entire scene. Then it capriciously changed direction and headed straight into the spectators, green mane floating proudly, moving toward the main
torii
at the front of the shrine. A band of half-naked young men thundered behind.

Etsuko relinquished all power over her legs and followed the procession. Behind her she could hear Kensuke call, “Etsuko! Etsuko!” and the shrill laughter of Chieko. She did not look back. Something inside her seemed to stand forth out of a vague, mushy quagmire and to flash forward with almost herculean, physical power.

On certain occasions human beings are imbued with the belief that they can accomplish anything. In such moments they seem to glimpse much that is normally invisible to human eyes. Then, later, even after they have sunk to the bottom of memory’s well, these moments sometimes revive and again suggest to men the miraculous plenitude of the world’s pains and joys. None can avoid these moments of destiny; nor can anyone—no matter who he is—avoid the misfortune of seeing more than his eyes can take in.

Etsuko now felt she could do anything. Her cheeks burned like fire. Jostled by the expressionless throng, she sped, half-stumbling, toward the front
torii
. The fan of a marshal struck her on the breast, but she did not feel the blow. She was caught in a fierce clash of torpor and frenzy.

Saburo was not conscious of her proximity. His marvelously fleshed, lightly tanned back was turned to the pushing spectators. His face was turned toward the lion in the center, shouting at it, challenging it. He held his lantern, no longer lighted though unmarred by the rents and punctures that disfigured the others, high with his lithe arm. The ceaselessly twisting lower half of his body was lost in darkness, but his barely moving back was given over to a mad kaleidoscope of flame and shadow. The movements of the flesh around his shoving shoulder bones seemed like the exertions of the wings of a powerful bird in flight.

Etsuko longed to touch him with her fingers. What kind of desire this was she did not know. That back was to her metaphorically a bottomless ocean depth; she longed to throw herself into it. Her desire was close to that of the person who drowns himself; he does not necessarily covet death so much as what comes after the drowning—something different from what he had before, at the least a different world.

Another strong, wavelike motion in the throng impelled everyone forward. The half-naked youths moved counter to this, backing up in concert with the capricious lion’s head. Etsuko stumbled forward, pushed by the throng, and collided with a bare back, warm as fire, coming from the opposite direction. She reached out her hands and held it off. It was Saburo’s back. She savored the touch of his flesh. She savored the majestic warmth of him.

The mob behind her pushed again, causing her fingernails to gouge into Saburo’s back. He did not even feel it. In all the mad pushing and shoving he had no idea what woman was pressing against his back. Etsuko felt his blood dripping between her fingers.

The marshals didn’t seem to have the crowd very much under control. The mad young men banded together in one mass and, shouting all the while, moved close to one brightly blazing bamboo pole. Embers fell before their feet and were trampled upon. The barefoot men were past feeling the heat of them. The pole stood wrapped in fire, lighting up the limbs of the old cypress tree with flame and scarlet smoke. The burning bamboo leaves were yellow, as if caught by sunlight. The slim fiery pillar shook and exploded, then dipped deep from side to side like a sailboat mast, and suddenly toppled into the middle of the jostling crowd.

Etsuko thought she saw a woman with her hair afire laughing loudly. That was about all she remembered with any clarity. Somehow she got away, and found herself standing by the stone steps in front of the shrine. She later recalled a moment when all the sky she could see was filled with sparks. Yet she felt no sense of horror. The young men were struggling again to plunge toward another
torii
. The spectators seemed to have forgotten their fear of a few minutes ago and were streaming after them as before. Nothing had happened.

Etsuko wasn’t sure how she had found her way here. She stood in the courtyard of the shrine, staring vacantly at the diagonal pattern thrown on the ground by the flames and the human shadows. Then she felt a rough blow at her shoulder. It was Kensuke’s sticky hand.

“Here you are, Etsuko. We were worried sick about you.”

Etsuko looked at him silently, showing no emotion. He, however, went on breathlessly: “Something’s happened. Come with me.”

“Is anything wrong?”

“Never mind. Come with me.”

Kensuke took her hand and mounted the staircase with great strides. There was a circle of people around the spot where they had left Yakichi and Miyo. Kensuke elbowed people aside and conducted Etsuko into the circle.

Miyo was lying face-up on two benches that had been brought together. Chieko was leaning over her, trying to loosen her sash. Yakichi was standing by awkwardly. So carelessly was Miyo dressed that the skin of her bosom showed through her loosened clothing. She lay unconscious, her mouth slightly opened. Her hand hung down, seemingly twisted, her fingernails striking the paving stones.

“What happened?”

“She just fainted. It looks like cerebral ischemia, or something. Maybe it’s an epileptic fit.”

“We’d better call a doctor.”

“Tanaka just called one. He’s coming with a stretcher.”

“Should we let Saburo know?”

“It’s all right. It doesn’t seem to be serious.”

Kensuke could not bear to look at Miyo’s face, green as grass, but directed his eyes in the opposite direction. He was one of those men who, as they say, can’t kill a flea.