Read Thirty and a Half Excuses Online
Authors: Denise Grover Swank
Thirty and a Half Excuses (38 page)
“I’m sitting here listening to the words coming out of my mouth and even
I
can’t believe I’m asking this of you.” He ran his hands over his head, his face contorting in agony. “I can’t believe I even tried to make this work. I was so stupid. But I couldn’t face losing you.”
Fear coursed through my veins, and I stood in front of him. “Don’t do this, Joe. I
know
you. You don’t want to do this.”
“I’m not strong enough to fight them, Rose.” He shook his head, fighting his tears. “You’re the strong one. Not me.”
“What are you talking about?” I grabbed his hands. “That’s not true, Joe. I’ve spent four months with you. I
know
you.”
His eyes glassed over. “No. You knew the me I so desperately wanted to be. A man free to live his life without family obligations. Free to love you.” His chin trembled.
“They’re holding something over your head,” I whispered. “That’s why it took you so long last night. You were telling them
no thank you
, and they threw something bad at you to make sure you did what they said.” What could be bad enough to make him do this? “It’s about me.”
His eyes sunk closed.
“No more secrets, Joe. We can’t make this work if we have secrets.”
“You don’t want to know,” he pleaded. “Just let it go. Let
me
go.”
“Let you go? No! We can fight this together.”
“Rose, my parents are terrible people.” His face paled, and he rested his forehead in his palms. “It’s not just about you and none of it’s true. But the media doesn’t care. They’ll run with it, and no one pays any attention to retractions.”
“What is it?”
“They’ve concocted some nonsense about Mike bribing county officials for his construction business.”
My heartbeat sped up. “Oh, that’s bad.”
“They have photos of Violet with Brody McIntosh coming out of a motel. They plan to say they had an affair and left their spouses for each other.”
“Oh, God.”
They knew about Violet
. I couldn’t let them expose her affair. My stomach tumbled. “What about me?”
“It’s not true.”
“I know. What is it?”
He looked green. “My father has set up an account in your name, and he had someone postdate the opening for last May.”
“Why would they do that?”
“He also postdated a money transfer for last May.”
“I don’t understand.” I was starting to panic, and I didn’t even know why.
“Rose, they transferred the money into one of Daniel Crocker’s bank accounts. They set it up to make it look like you hired Crocker to kill your mother.”
My head felt fuzzy, but Joe pulled me onto his lap as he sat down in a chair, his voice breaking. “I was gone so long because I begged and pleaded for them to not do this, not to take you away from me.” He looked down into my face, tears in his eyes. “You’re the only good thing I’ve ever had in my life.
I want you
. You have no idea how much I
need
you.” He stared into my eyes. “But I can’t destroy you.” He kissed me and moaned. “Oh, God. I can’t believe I even considered it.” He clung to me, crying into my shoulder. “If I love you, I’ll let you go.”
I shook my head, my panic rising. “No! I don’t want you to let me go.”
“If I don’t, they’ll destroy you. They’ve agreed for me to have a test engagement to see how the voters respond to you, but the things they expect you to do and not do will make you miserable. You’ll end up resenting me for it. The life they expect me to live isn’t you.”
I grabbed his face between my hands. “But it’s not you either. Can you tell me that you’ll be happy?”
“Rose, it doesn’t matter if I’m happy. My parents don’t care.”
“But
I
care. I can’t let you do this, Joe. I can’t let you throw us away.”
“Don’t you see?” he pleaded. “If I don’t run for this senate seat, my parents will ruin you. There won’t be any
us
because you’ll be in prison. Not to mention what they plan on doing to Violet and Mike.”
My fingers dug into his arm, holding onto him for dear life. “Then I’ll do what I have to do to be with you. I’ll follow their rules.”
He gave me a bitter smile. “You think you can pretend you don’t know Neely Kate and live with it? You can ignore someone who needs help? It will eat you up inside. Why do you think I was so messed up before I met you?”
“Joe, there has to be a way!”
He leaned his forehead against mine. “I wish there was.” He kissed me lightly. “This is the only thing I can do to protect you, and for once I’m man enough to do it. The irony is that I’m losing you in the process.”
I showed him the ring, frantic for him to listen to me. “You asked me to marry you. That means something, Joe.”
“Of course it means something. Losing you is like losing a part of myself.” His voice broke again and he kissed me in desperation and grief.
I clung to him, kissing him back and trying to show him how much I needed him.
How could I live without him?
He lifted his head, and took a deep breath. “No.” He pried his hands from my neck then slid me off his lap and stood. “I’m just making this harder for both of us.”
Still in shock, I followed him to my room. He grabbed the bag he kept in my closet, opening drawers and shoving the clothes he kept at my house into his duffel.
How could this be happening
?
“Joe,
please
.” I grabbed his hand, but he shook it off.
Although his face hardened, he ignored me, stepping around me when I tried to block his path. “Joe, stop!
Please
. We can figure something out. We’ll go somewhere together. We’ll run away, go somewhere your parents will never find us.”
He froze, the features on his face softening.
Encouraged, I looped my arms around his neck, pressing my body against his. “We can go anywhere. How about we live on a beach where we can live in our swimsuits? Me half-naked all the time. You’d like that.” I tried to give him a saucy smile, a difficult task when he was breaking my heart.
His body relaxed into mine, and he closed his eyes.
I lifted my mouth to his, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him as he kissed me with urgency. One of his hands buried in the hair at the nape of my neck, tilting my head back to give him better access.
I reached under his shirt, my hands skimming up his back and his hold on me tightened. “I don’t want to lose you, Joe.”
I had said the wrong thing. He froze, horror on his face. His arms dropped, and he tried to break loose of my hold.
I held on tight. “You keep saying I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you. If that’s true, then why aren’t you fighting for me?”
“Don’t you see that I am? I’m fighting so you don’t lose
you
. If I let you become the person my mother wants you to be, not only will you resent me for it, but you will no longer be the woman I love.” A sad smile covered his face. “I don’t
want
you to change.” He gently pried my hands from his back. “One day you’ll thank me for this.”
He picked his bag up off my bed. I couldn’t imagine never waking up with him again. Or just cuddling on the sofa watching TV. Or making love with him. I couldn’t imagine a life without him. “What do you want from me, Joe?”
Joe stopped in front of me. “I want you to move on with your life. I want you to be happy.”
“
Happy
? How can you expect me to be happy without you?”
“Promise me you’ll try.”
I refused to answer. He was really going to do this. And I was going to let him.
I reached for my ring and started to tug it over my knuckle.
His hand covered mine. “No. I don’t want it back. I bought it for you, Rose. It’s yours.” He tilted my face up to his. “I want to look at you one last time.”
“I’m bruised and swollen. I don’t even have on makeup.
This
is how you want to remember me?”
He tried to smile, but his chin quivered. “You’re beautiful. Yes, this is how I want to remember you, just like this. Brave and strong and willing to stand up for what you believe in. Don’t ever let anyone change you to be what they need. Me included, Rose.” He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, then headed for the door.
“So that’s it?” I asked, my voice breaking as I followed him into the living room. “It’s over, just like that?”
He opened the front door and held it open, turning around to look at me. “It was over from the beginning. I’ve just been waiting for my past to catch up to me.” He pressed his lips together and swallowed, tears filling his eyes. “Goodbye, Rose.”
I stood in disbelief as I watched my world walk out the door.
Thirty-One and a Half Regrets
release January 9, 2014
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Visit my website:
www.denisegroverswank.com
Other books by Denise Grover Swank:
Rose Gardner Mysteries
(Humorous Southern mysteries)
TWENTY-EIGHT AND A HALF WISHES
TWENTY-NINE AND A HALF REASONS
THIRTY AND A HALF EXCUSES
THIRTY-ONE AND A HALF REGRETS (January, 2014)
Chosen Series
(Urban fantasy)
CHOSEN
HUNTED
SACRIFICE
REDEMPTION
On the Otherside Series
(Young adult science fiction/romance)
HERE
THERE
Curse Keepers
(Adult urban fantasy)
THE CURSE KEEPERS (November 19, 2013)
THIS PLACE IS DEATH (Curse Keeper #1.5, February, 2014)
New Adult Contemporary Romance
AFTER MATH
REDESIGNED
BUSINESS AS USUAL (Fall 2013)
Acknowledgments
Thank you to my critique partner, Trisha Leigh, who helped me smooth out some minor tweaks that produced major impact. Also thanks to my slew of beta readers who so willing and eagerly offered their opinion. I was nervous about releasing this book and you made it easier. But I would be remiss if I don’t mention Rhonda Cowsert. She’s a faithful beta reader, whose insight is invaluable. I trust her judgment and opinion above all others.
Thank you to my children who endure Mommy getting lost in her plothead when she gets sucked into a story. Hopefully, one day they will understand.
Thank you to all my readers who love Rose and beg me for more. May we have many more Rose Gardner Mysteries together.
About the Author
Denise Grover Swank was born in Kansas City, Missouri and lived in the area until she was nineteen. Then she became a nomadic gypsy, living in five cities, four states and ten houses over the course of ten years before she moved back to her roots. She speaks English and smattering of Spanish and Chinese which she learned through an intensive Nick Jr. immersion period. Her hobbies include witty Facebook comments (in her own mind) and dancing in her kitchen with her children. (Quite badly if you believe her offspring.) Hidden talents include the gift of justification and the ability to drink massive amounts of caffeine and still fall asleep within two minutes. Her lack of the sense of smell allows her to perform many unspeakable tasks. She has six children and hasn’t lost her sanity. Or so she leads you to believe.
You can find out more about Denise and her other books at:
www.denisegroverswank.com
or email her at
[email protected]
Table of Contents
Other books by Denise Grover Swank:
Table of Contents
Other books by Denise Grover Swank:
Table of Contents