Thirty Nights (American Beauty #1) (32 page)

It’s freezing…I’m barefoot…the hospital gown billows around me…rows of stainless steel boxes in the wall, doors shut.

“Isa?” Reagan whispers urgently in my ear. I resurface as the judge’s voice fills the room.

“Mr. Benetto, does your client have a legal basis that may allow him to stay? Marriage to a citizen or children?”

“Not at this time, Your Honor. However, he has exigent circumstances with his family. We’ll be pursuing that argument vigorously.”

“They all have exigent circumstances, Mr. Benetto, but the success of his removal is not before me today. I need to decide if I’ll release him until then.

“I understand Mr. Solis has strong ties to this land. But unfortunately, none of them give him a statutory basis for relief. On the contrary, they make him a flight risk. He has reason to run and not return if I release him. Bond denied. He will remain in detention but I will expedite his removal hearing to June fifteenth. I will review your evidence about his role in his sisters’ well-being at that time. Adjourned.”

Javier’s body slumps, mine with his. Benetto lifts him and Reagan lifts me to stand for the judge. I have no lungs, no heart, no blood. Not even tears. Benetto takes Javier’s arm, Bailey shadowing their every move.

At last, Javier looks at me. Eye to eye. I know we’re seeing the same thing. Our first Christmas. Carnitas. Dancing. Babysitting. Feign jokes. Paintings.

Paintings?
ICE said the tipster knew about painting supplies and frames. Only three people know about the paintings outside of family: Feign, Aiden and Benson. An idea tries to take root in my head like a poisonous weed but my mind rejects it.

Javier, Benetto and Bailey start moving in a slow procession. As they pass by us, Javier stops in front of me. As if released by his presence, my tears finally flow and drip between us. I throw my arms around him, ignoring Bailey’s protests. Let him arrest me for holding my only family.

“Isa.” Javier speaks softly, tucking my head in his chest. He no longer smells like peppermint and paint. Only like an aged home. “Don’t tell the girls and don’t bring them here. They won’t understand.”

“I know.”

“And don’t
you
come here unless you have that green card in your hands. Swear it.”

“What? No—” I lean back to argue but Benetto places his hand on my shoulder.

“He’s right, Miss Snow,” Benetto says. “If you’ll be evaluated, it’s best to be safe.”

“But who’ll come to see you? I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I will.” Reagan’s voice is thick but confident. “Every day, Javier. Anything you need.” Javier thanks her, his face registering a shadow of embarrassment and surprise. Then he turns to me and takes my hands.

“Don’t let them starve if this doesn’t work out,” he whispers.

“I won’t,” I promise.

He holds my gaze for a long moment then, abruptly, crushes me to his chest. His tight hold hurts my bruises and I jerk reflexively. He notices my reaction and frowns.

“It’s nothing. Just me being stupid.”

He looks like he’s about to say something but Benetto nudges him. Bailey is watching us. I want to ask about Javier’s call with Aiden but I can’t here.

“It’s time, Miss Snow,” Benetto says, then everything happens too fast. Javier’s arms are gone, Bailey steps between us and they all walk away. I follow mindlessly in their wake. At the double doors, they pause once and Javier’s eyes meet mine.

“Love you,” I say, giving my voice the full strength of the words. The love Javier has given me, and I him.

“Always.”

The doors close on him, as his face loses life.

Elisa, remember we change in death…two metal tables, side by side…white sheets…two discolored hands in rigor mortis… Are you sure, Elisa?… No, not anymore. The hands are nothing like them. I walk backward…the doors close in front of me.

Reagan’s arms wrap around me tightly. Somehow, we’re in the parking lot, in her car.

“Who could do this?” she says over and over again. “Could it have been Feign himself? You said he’s being investigated.”

I shake my head, staring at nothing. “What would he stand to gain now in the end?”

“I don’t know—maybe he panicked. Who else would do this?”

I try to consider her theory but my brain starts connecting dots I don’t want connected. Painting supplies still at Aiden’s home, Aiden’s demand that I turn Javier in, his promise to destroy anything that might hurt me, the tipster knowing Javier’s location and schedule, no links to the DOJ
.
I hate the suspicions my mind is forming so I dial from Reagan’s phone to dispel them.

Aiden’s phone rings for a long time, compared to the one ring it usually holds for me. As I am about to hang up and call again, he answers.

“Elisa.” His voice is quiet.

“I know you know he was caught and we’ll deal with that later. Right now I need to hear you had nothing to do with it.”

He doesn’t answer. I listen for sound but there is nothing. Empty as I am, I feel like a pipeline. Free for the flowing of any sewage-like emotion. First, fear.

He’s still silent.

“Did you turn him in?” My voice drops to terrified whisper.

“Yes.” His voice is low but even.

“No! No, you’re lying. Tell me you’re lying.”

He doesn’t speak.

“I don’t believe you.” With no reason, I cling to instinct. But as I say the words, I remember his hideous threat to Javier if something were ever to endanger me.

“You wouldn’t do this. You would never hurt me this way.” Every cell—and there aren’t many left—rejects the idea.

“I’ve already done it.” His voice is resigned. The asphalt of the parking lot morphs into black cloth. Black mourning dress, black lace, then darkness.

I fight, reason and plead with him but his answer never changes. Pain comparable only to a fatal accident fills the emptiness. I wait for thought to find me. It forms in scraps.

“Why did you do it? Did you want me to leave you so badly that it didn’t matter how many paid for it? Is this some sick way of saving me from yourself? Of making my dreams come true at the expense of others?”

“Does it matter why?”

The pain becomes bewildering, throbbing until I fade. Because he is right. Knowing why wouldn’t help if, in the end, he still did it. The price was too high.

“I guess not. Nothing justifies this. Not even love.”

“Maybe not. But now you don’t have to go to jail to save him. And his fate is not in your hands. You can finally live your American dream.” His even tone fills my ears long after the line goes dead.

Roses…two white caskets…hundreds of people…look at her, she’s not blinking…poor child…a tombstone engraved, Amor Vincit Omnia…love conquers all.

The best lie ever told.

Time passes in the courthouse parking lot. How do I fix this? How do I make it right? A faint echo stirs inside. A muddled image of myself putting one foot in front of another to leave the grave site, hours after the funeral.
Keep going
, I remember hearing but I don’t know who spoke. I was all alone.
Keep going
, that same voice echoes now. It does not sound like life. Just a ghostly whisper to remind me of other lives left after Javier and me.

I ask Reagan to drive back to Portland. She steps on the gas as for a NASCAR audition.

We park the MINI in a nonparking spot and sprint into Bob’s office. He waits with my papers ready. When he sees me, he freezes. I tell him everything—even Javier’s name, clutching Reagan’s hand, attorney-client privilege be damned.

Bob blinks, gapes and shakes his head. “This couldn’t have been Mr. Hale. Why would he go through the trouble of finding a witness if he was planning this?”

But I figured out some things in the car. “What if this witness doesn’t really exist? Odd, isn’t it, that he appears right as Javier is caught?”

“The witness exists. I checked with the DOJ.”

“But what if Aiden himself is the witness?”

Bob’s eyes widen.

“Yeah,” Reagan whispers. “It makes sense. Maybe he killed three birds with one stone. If Javier got caught, there would no longer be a need to protect him. Isa wouldn’t have to choose between helping herself or her family. And with Aiden testifying, the DOJ would get the truth. They wouldn’t need to talk to Isa. She’d never have to lie for Javier or even tell them about her modeling work. Aiden was trying to save her!”

Every word sounds like Aiden. Except none of it makes a difference.

“He still destroyed my family, Reg.” I choke back a heaving sob.

Bob shakes his head. “I don’t believe it. It would have hurt you too much. Why would he want you to hate him?”

I swallow because Bob doesn’t know the truth. Nor does Reagan. Aiden had every reason to want me to hate him. Every reason to want me to leave him.

But I can’t tell them that.

“How can I help Javier, Bob? Please!”

“Elisa, I can’t represent him because you’re my client and that’s a conflict of interest. But Benetto is top-notch. He doesn’t take a lot of pro bono cases so something must have moved him.”

“What are his chances? The truth please.”

Bob takes my hand. “Not great, my dear. The argument for undue hardship on the family is common but it rarely wins. There are compelling circumstances here, but his family needs to be prepared.”

My dad’s watch ticks 3:45 p.m. “Elisa, you should sign so we can send it off before FedEx gets here,” Bob says gently.

I look at the papers in front of me. My American dream. But what makes a dream, a dream? For me, it was a new life free of ghosts. I won’t have that here anymore. Javier and Aiden will haunt me. I can’t see Javier. And in the off chance that he is allowed to stay, he wouldn’t fill Aiden’s void or undo his betrayal. If I will be haunted anyway, there is only one place for me. It has waited—
they
have waited—for me to face it for four years.

And I can save six lives. Without Javier, four girls may become wards of the state with an aging mother, an ill father and no brother. Even with Javier, they’re still in peril with Antonio paralyzed and no income from Feign. It’s fitting that my first family—Dad’s invention—should save my second.

“I’m sorry, Bob. I cannot sign. Please put the million dollars in trust for Maria and Antonio Solis, with Javier, Isabel, Isadora, Daniela and Anamelia Solis as beneficiaries if Maria and Antonio pass away. Javier Solis is the administrator, effective immediately.”

Reagan starts sobbing. “Isa, no! Bob, tell her! Tell her she can’t do this!”

A tear leaves Bob’s eye. “Legally, she can. But Elisa, you’re destroying your dream.”

“One dream above seven is too high a price.”

He watches me for a long time. “May I give you some advice?”

I nod.

“It’s wise to make the parents, not the girls, the beneficiaries because the hardship must be to the U.S. citizens for Javier to win. If the girls have the money, he has no prayer. It’s also smart to make Javier the administrator because he has an extra duty that would require him to stay here. I suspect that’s why you suggested it. But it’s not wise to release the funds now.”

“Why not?”

“Because if they have a million dollars before the hearing, Javier will never win.”

I rage at the impossible choice. Destroy a family to save one, or destroy one to save them all.

“But, there’s a legal solution. I’ll hold the funds in your trust account until Javier’s hearing on June fifteenth. You’ll be gone by then. I’ll release the money that day no matter what happens. But it’s imperative that none of them knows about this.”

“Why not?”

“Because if ICE finds them and they have to testify that they’ll suffer hardship without Javier, they’d be lying under oath if they knew your sacrifice. No one will know what you did here today until you’re gone.”

“I don’t care about that if it helps them.”

“One million dollars will help them. But you should take some of the money to see you through the transition.”

I think this through. I want none of it but how am I going to get home? I can’t borrow from Reagan. The ticket alone will be about $2,000.

“I’ll take ten thousand, as much in cash as possible.”

Bob nods and goes to speak to his accounting manager. Reagan and I hold each other while we wait.

“I don’t know how to say goodbye to you,” Reagan sniffles.

“Let’s not please. I’m barely standing.”

“I’ll come see you right after Javier’s hearing. I’ll bring your stuff, and we can just be for a while.”

I nod in her arms and bury my face in her red curls. Sooner than time can possibly move, Bob returns with an envelope of cash and a check. I sign and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

“When do you leave?”

“Today if I can find a flight.”

Reagan whimpers but Bob nods. “If you have to face it, start now. And if you stay, you may have to testify that you witnessed Javier’s illegal work. You help them more by being gone.”

“Thank you, Bob. For everything.” These years were worth it for people like him.

He starts shaking my hand, but at the last moment pulls me into his chest for a grandfather hug. He walks us out, and waves as Reagan races us to our next stop.

At Casa
Solis, Maria is in the kitchen. The girls have a playdate and Antonio is with them. All the better. I can’t say goodbye to them. I tell Maria I love her
con mi corazón y alma
. I tell her Javier’s orders about the girls. I tell her she has a new daughter in Reagan. Then, I take her hand. Time for the truth. Or part of it.

“Maria, the lawyer says I need to go back to England for a while. I need to take care of the cottage too. Mr. Plemmons is getting old. I can’t abandon it.”

She looks at me for a very long time, the lines on her face now full wrinkles. She doesn’t speak. She knows there are other reasons so she doesn’t fight me. Her eyes brim with tears.

“
¿Y tu amor?
”

“He’ll go on. As will you. You know how you’re not telling the girls about Javier because some things are better not known until the end? Look at me. Whatever the end, the girls will be okay. Do you trust me?”