This Body (32 page)

Act 4, Scene 4

The fates are against me. They tossed a coin — heads, I'm poor; tails, I'm rich. So what do they do? They tossed a coin with two heads.

— J
OHN GARFIELD
,
Four Daughters
(1938)

Katharine stood with True in the restaurant lobby and watched her husband approach them. She wished she could turn to True
and say, “He looks weird, doesn't he? He looks really weird. He looks very weird. Really. I think he's retaining water.” But
she couldn't. He looked good. He looked really good. As Mr. Mulwray had told her, Philip and Diana had been down in San Diego
playing golf.
Golf? Philip never liked golf
. He was tanned and looked relaxed. The Ashley hair was brighter on his head than she had seen it in years.
Even his hair is happy?

She had dressed for dinner with the utmost care but realized it was all for naught. Thisby usually handled casual well, but
Katharine couldn't cover up the fact that she had been sleepless for days — and worn through.

Diana looked dressed to kill. She wore white, which showed off her slim body, her blond hair, and her tanned skin. She had
too much makeup on in Katharine's opinion, her teeth were too big —
and her breasts don't look like they're all that big a deal
— but she was definitely a looker.

Philip shook Katharine's damp hand. “I see the family resemblance. Quince looks like you. Actually, True says I might have
met you once before. If I did, I'm sure you've changed since then.”

At our last meeting, I died. It alters the appearance
.

True had arrived at the restaurant by himself. Hank was not feeling well, and Emily had stayed home to nurse him.
Did Hank not believe me? Did he think I was going to tell his family that he lusted in his heart? Lusted after … me? I don't
understand. A secret admirer. I never saw it. Never felt it. I mean, I loved him as a brother, but why would he be in love
with me? When he had Emily. The person my own daughter would rather talk to than me
.

The four of them sat down at their table, and the men launched immediately into the glories of golf. Philip was in a good
mood, talkative, jovial, like he used to be when Katharine first met him.

Strangers in good company
.

Katharine sat there, stubbornly quiet, and watched Diana through slitted eyes. Katharine was conscious, as never before, of
the shared space within her. It was almost as if she could tap directly into Thisby.
And Thisby knew me. She knew me
. They both decided that the worst punishment would be to make Diana talk. She might be a terror in the corporate world, but
it was obvious to them that she was feeling uncomfortable in her new role as wife and stepmother. And Katharine knew things
about Philip that no one but an intimate would know. She could make it very uncomfortable for all of them.

Does Philip still leave his used dental floss by the bathroom sink as if there might be a dental floss drive some day?

Is he still so ticklish under his right testicle that when you touch even near the spot, he is torn between agony and ecstasy?

“So, do you like golf so much too?” Thisby's voice boomed in her ears.

Wow, way to go for the jugular
.

Diana laughed a little deprecatingly. “No. It's all right, but I'd rather play tennis. So we split the days, tennis one day,
golf the next. Phil's not a bad tennis player for not playing a lot.”

Phil? He lets you call him “Phil”?

The waiter came by and took their order. Philip selected a bottle of Chianti for them, and Katharine let the waiter fill the
four glasses at the table. The blood-colored liquid held shadows that flickered darkly against the glass. The phoofums in
her mouth exploded into cotton balls, and suddenly she thought the inside of her mouth would crack like overdone skin. She
took a swig of water.

Katharine felt perverse. Mad and perverse. There was a stirring in her center that started to take on bulk and shape. “I understand
you two haven't been married long.” She directed this toward Philip.

“Two and a half months. It's just flown by.” He glanced quickly at Diana and then turned to Katharine. “You probably know
that my wife died over a year ago.” He paused. “I didn't think I could fall in love again so quickly.” He reached for Diana's
hand and covered it with his.

Katharine looked at their hands as if they were mating toads.

“We got quite a bit of grief from friends and family, including him” — Philip pointed to True — “for not waiting longer.”

Katharine couldn't help but lean closer to True.

“But … I hope Katharine understands.”

Katharine felt a hysterical chuckle tickle her throat.
You talkin' to me
?

“Didn't Aunt Katharine always say that if she died first, she wanted you to remarry?” True asked and then saw Katharine looking
at him dumbstruck. He blushed and turned to Diana. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude.”

“No, it's okay. You weren't being rude at all,” Diana said quickly. She glanced back and forth from True to Philip. “I wish
he would talk more about her. He never talks about her, her death, what she thought. I'd like to know things like this.”

“I talk about her,” Philip protested rather weakly.

“No, you don't. You barely mention her in passing. Sometimes I want to bring her up, but since you don't, I don't feel right
about it.”

“I don't bring her up because you don't.”

“But I don't …”

The newlyweds smiled and made up in a microsecond.

“Okay” — Philip pretended to hunker down as if to do business — “I've been instructed by my wife to talk. So what do you want
to know?”

It was almost too good to be true. Katharine could see Diana forming a question.
No, this is going to be my quiz show
. “Her death was sudden?” The corners of her mouth felt as if they were about to split. She fingered the stem of her wineglass.

“Completely unexpected. I thought it was stress. She hadn't been getting along with the kids for a while, and I thought it
was that. And then there was her job. We weren't getting along real well for that matter either. We would have gotten through
it, though. Marriages go through stages like that.” He looked solemnly at Diana, as if to impart some well-earned knowledge.

“Mom said Aunt Katharine hadn't been feeling well for a long time,” True remarked.

“Well, yes, but she had been to the doctors, and they said she was fine. I'm afraid I kind of brushed it off. I don't know.
I don't think she knew what was happening either.” He tapped the handle of his fork and the tines bounced off the table. He
quickly put his hands back in his lap. “I'm wondering if she didn't just give up. Maybe she had just had enough. She had a
long haul with her parents. They were sick for so long, and she was an only child. They relied on her a lot.”

I took it. I always did
.

“She took care of them. Always did, I think. Even when she was a child. Always responsible. Always there. I think that's what
attracted me to her. I was a bit of a fuckup, pardon my French, before I met her, and she was always so steady, so strong,
so solid. Someone you wanted to attach yourself to.”

Jesus, I sound like some sort of fucking, pardon my French, rock
.

“But I don't think she had much fun in life. She never could understand why someone would do something for no good reason,
let alone for a bad one. But to her credit, she never expected our kids to be like her, and thank God, she wasn't like her
parents.”

They weren't so bad
.

“But Katharine just didn't understand the kids.”

Oh, and you did
?

“At least as teenagers. I think they would have gotten along well as adults.”

But I never got the chance
.

“But they never got the chance.” Philip focused back on the faces around the table. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dominate
the conversation. Even if I was instructed to.” He cast a glance at Diana, who was looking at him without expression but then
smiled encouragingly.

Katharine felt like a real junkie now, having been deprived of a drug just long enough to be mad enough to kill for a fix.
She was going to murder him if he didn't talk, even if she hated what he said. She was going to stand up and drive her fist
under his solar plexus.
Talk, you polygamous bastard, or I'm going to push my fist right up to your heart and rip it out from under your ribs and
shove it still beating into your face. Then I'm going to eat it in the marketplace with fava beans and this nice Chianti
.

“No, really, I'm interested.” She almost laughed at her ridiculously pedestrian-sounding tone of voice. “And you? How did
you handle her death?”

“Oh, me? I fell apart. Simple as that. It was incredible the little things she did that I didn't even know about. The whole
house fell apart too. I remember one day” — he moved his silverware — “standing outside in front of the garbage bin, holding
a milk carton in my hand. We're on this so-called voluntary recycling program. You know, where supposedly the only things
left to go in our garbage can are used lightbulbs and toothpaste tubes. Now was this” — Philip mimed the carton in his hand
— “supposed to go in the mixed paper or the catch-all recycling bin?” He looked up. “Katharine took care of all that stuff.
What did I care? So I'm standing there with this miserable carton in my hand, feeling totally stupid and useless, and I'm
crying. How am I supposed to figure out life when I can't even figure out the damned recycling bins. I'll tell you that was
a low point in my life.”

Katharine watched as Diana took her other hand and covered his hand that was covering hers. She wanted to slap her own hand
on top of both of theirs.
I win
.

“So what was it?” True asked.

Philip looked up, puzzled. “What was what?”

“The milk carton. What was it? Mixed paper or catch-all?”

Philip stared at him. Diana looked horrified. Katharine started to choke, the laughter a lodged pit in her throat. True looked
innocently about him.

Philip began to chuckle. “Catch-all. But I didn't know I was supposed to rinse it out first. They get a little rancid after
a while if you don't.”

I hope you got fined
.

Diana relaxed.

“It was Ben who saved me and, ultimately, saved us,” Philip continued, after a moment.

Shit, now how do you shut the fucker up
?

“Ben was a rock.”

Another one? A chip off his ol' mother
?

“
You haven't met him yet
.”

Not this one
.

“Marion says he's changed quite a bit,” True offered. “I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, coming from a little sister.”

“No, it's good, it's good. From my point of view, it's good. From our point of view,” he amended, leaning slightly to include
Diana. “Ben was into stuff he shouldn't have been into and not going to school. But he's getting back on track.” Diana watched
Philip with fierce maternal protection. “He's still a teenager, of course. He knows everything, and he's absolutely right.
All the time.” He paused again, and no one said anything. “In fact, it was Ben who talked us into getting married.”

O wonderful son, that can so stonish a mother
!

Philip nodded to her as if he had heard. “He told us, Why wait? We knew we were going to get married sooner or later, so why
not sooner? We took a lot of grief for that. If I hadn't had Ben's backing — and Marion's, for the most part — I would have
never done it.” He turned to Diana, who nodded. “I think Marion is still taking it kinda hard. She and Diana get along pretty
well, considering, but she misses her mom.”

The membranes in Katherine's mouth felt like they had been squeegeed.
They won't care if I drink. They won't even think it's strange. They'll think it's strange if I
don't
drink. True doesn't know all of it. Goodfellow wouldn't have told him everything. That's family business
.

Philip looked at her squarely. “I really appreciate you taking an interest in Marion. I can see how much happier she is after
being down here just a couple of weeks. I'm not sure about the hair, though.” He laughed. “But even I remember how important
it is to go back to school after the summer looking totally different.”

They had dyed Marion's hair the same color as Katharine's, laughing and giggling and getting dye all over the bathroom, the
towels, their clothes. When Marion came out of the bathroom, after having rinsed and dried her hair, Katharine was quite shocked.
The darker color made Marion look older and more sophisticated, something Katharine couldn't quite figure out whether or not
she liked. But she loved the fact that she and Marion now shared a physical attribute.

“But hair grows out,” Philip said. “I try and be open.”

Well, aren't you Mr. Wonderful
.

“Katharine went crazy one day when Ben dyed his hair. Something she regretted, I think.”