This Heart of Mine (36 page)

Ninety-five
. Or what about the day she'd flipped the canoe?
Ninety-six
. Or when he'd climbed the tree after Marmie?
Ninety-seven
. Or just watching the mischief flash in her eyes.

And when they'd made love. That had been the rush of a lifetime.

Now all the fun was gone. He'd gotten more thrills riding a bike at the campground with Molly at his side than he was getting going ninety-eight in a Ferrari Spider.

Sweat trickled under his arms. If he blew a tire right now, he'd never see her again, never have a chance to tell her she'd been right about him all along. He was exactly as afraid as she'd said.

He'd fallen in love with her.

Just like that the empty spaces inside him filled up, and he took his foot off the accelerator. As he sagged back in the seat, he felt as if his chest had caved in. Lilly had tried to tell him and so had Jane Bonner, but he hadn't let himself listen. Molly was right. He'd secretly believed he couldn't measure up as a person in the same way he measured up as a player, so he hadn't tried. But he was way too old to keep living his life underneath leftover shadows.

He slipped into the right lane. For the first time in months he felt calm. She'd told him she loved him, and now he knew exactly what that meant. He also understood what he had to do. And this time he intended to do it right.

Half an hour later he rang the Calebows' doorbell. Andrew answered wearing jeans and an orange inner tube. "Kevin! Do you want to go swimming with me?"

"Sorry, buddy, can't do it today." Kevin slipped past him. "I need to see your mom and dad."

"I don't know where Dad is, but Mom's in her office."

"Thanks." He ruffled Andrew's hair and made his way through the house to the office in the back. The door was open, but he knocked just the same. "Phoebe?"

She turned and stared at him.

"Sorry for barging in like this, but I need to talk to you."

"Oh?" She kicked back in her chair and extended her chorus-girl legs—longer than Molly's but not nearly as enticing. She wore white shorts and pink plastic sandals printed with purple dinosaurs. Despite that, she looked more formidable than God, and when it came to the world of the Stars, she was just as powerful.

"It's about Molly."

For a moment, he thought he saw speculation in her expression. "What about her?"

He stepped into the room and waited for an invitation to sit down. It didn't come.

There was no way to ease into this, and no reason he should. "I want to marry her. For real. And I want your blessing."

He didn't get the smile he expected. "Why the change of heart?"

"Because I love her, and I want to be part of her life forever."

"I see."

She had a perfect poker face. Maybe she didn't know the way Molly felt about him. It would have been just like Molly to try to protect him by hiding her feelings from her sister. "She loves me."

Phoebe didn't look impressed.

He tried again. "I'm fairly sure she's going to be happy about this."

"Oh, I'm sure she will be. At first anyway."

The temperature in the room dropped ten degrees. "What do you mean by that?"

She rose from the desk, looking much tougher than someone wearing plastic dinosaur sandals should. "You know we want a real marriage for Molly."

"So do I. That's why I'm here."

"A husband who'll put her first."

"That's what she's going to get."

"The tiger's changing his stripes awfully quickly."

He didn't pretend not to know what she meant. "I'll admit it's taken me a while to figure out that my life needs to be about more than playing football, but falling in love with Molly has readjusted my viewpoint."

Her expression of cool skepticism as she came around the side of the desk wasn't encouraging. "What about the future? Everyone knows how you feel about the team. You once told Dan that you'd like to coach after you retire as a player, and he got the idea you eventually want to move into the front office. Do you still feel that way?"

He wasn't going to lie. "Putting the game into perspective doesn't mean I want to throw it away."

"No, I don't imagine it does." She crossed her arms. "Let's be honest—is it Molly you want or is it the Stars?"

Everything inside him went still. "I hope you don't mean what I think you do."

"Marrying into the family on a permanent basis seems like an efficient way to make sure you eventually get to the front office."

The chill that crept through him went all the way to his bones. "I said I wanted your blessing. I didn't say I needed it." He began to walk away, only to have Phoebe's next words slap him from behind.

"If you go near her again, you can kiss the Stars goodbye."

He turned, not believing what he heard.

Her eyes were cold and determined. "I mean it, Kevin. My sister's been hurt enough, and I won't let you use her to fulfill your long-term plans. Stay away from her. You can have the team or you can have Molly, but you can't have both."

Daphne was in a very bad mood. It followed her around while she baked her favorite oatmeal-strawberry cookies, and it stuck to her side when she talked to Murphy Mouse, who'd moved into the woods a few weeks before. Even the big pile of shiny new coins jingling in her pink backpack didn't make her feel better. She wanted to run to Melissa's house for cheering up, but Melissa was planning a trip to Paris with her new friend, Leo the Bullfrog.

Most of all Daphne was in a very bad mood because she missed Benny. He made her angry sometimes, but he was still her best friend. Except she wasn't his best friend anymore. Daphne loved Benny, but Benny didn't love her.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the strap from her electric guitar. His new school started today, and he'd be having so much fun that he wouldn't even think about her. He'd be thinking about touchdowns instead, and all the girl rabbits who'd be hanging out by the fence wearing tube tops and trying to entice him with foreign phrases and puffy lips and bouncy breasts. Girls who didn't understand him like she did, who were impressed with his fame and money and green eyes, and didn't know that he loved cats and needed entertaining sometimes and didn't hate poodles nearly as much as he thought, and that he liked to sleep cuddled around her with his hand—

Molly ripped the paper from her yellow pad. This was supposed to be
Daphne's Bad Mood
, not
Daphne Does Dallas
. She gazed out across Bobolink Meadow and wondered how some parts of her life could be so happy and some parts
so
sad.

The sweatshirt she'd spread in the grass had bunched under her bare legs. It was Kevin's. As she straightened it, she tried to concentrate on the happy parts of her life.

Thanks to her new contract, she was financially secure for the first time since she'd given away her money, and she was bursting with ideas for new books. The campground and B&B were filled to capacity, and the more responsibility she gave Amy and Troy, the more they were able to handle.

Their feelings toward the place had become as proprietary as her own, and they'd asked her to consider converting the attic into an apartment where they could live year-round. They wanted to keep the B&B open all winter for cross-country skiing and snowmobile enthusiasts, as well as city people who simply felt like enjoying winter in the country. Molly had decided to let them do it. When Kevin had been searching for someone to run the campground full-time, he'd overlooked the obvious.

She hated how much she missed him. He probably didn't even think about her. She knew now that was his loss. She'd offered him her most precious possession, and instead of holding on tight, he'd thrown it away.

She snatched up her writing pad. If she couldn't work on
Daphne's Bad Mood
, she could at least make a list of groceries for Troy to pick up in town. Amy was baking her new specialty for tea—dirt cupcakes, which were chocolate cup-cakes topped with green coconut frosting and Gummi Worms. Molly was going to miss Lilly's help with the guests, although not nearly as much as she'd miss her companionship. Her mood lifted a little as she thought about how happy Lilly and Leo the Bullfrog were.

She heard a movement behind her and set aside the notepad. One of the guests had found her hiding place. So far that morning she'd made restaurant reservations, drawn maps to antique stores and golf courses, unstopped a toilet, taped up a broken window, and helped the older kids organize a scavenger hunt.

Giving in to the inevitable, she turned—and saw Kevin coming around the fence at the bottom of the meadow.

She forgot to breathe. The frames of his silver Revos glinted, and the breeze tousled his hair. He wore a pair of khaki slacks with a light blue T-shirt. Only as he came closer did she see a picture of Daphne printed on the front.

Kevin stopped where he was and stood there simply gazing at her. Molly sat crossed-legged in the meadow with the sun shining on her bare shoulders and a pair of yellow butterflies fluttering like hair bows around her head. She was all the dreams he'd lost at dawn—dreams of everything he hadn't understood he needed until now. She was his playmate, his confidante, the lover who made his blood rush. She was the mother of his children and the companion of his old age. She was the joy of his heart.

And she was gazing at him as if a skunk had just wandered out of the woods.

"What do you want?"

What had happened to
Kiss me, you fool
? Riiiight… He pulled off his sunglasses and tried a little of the old playboy smile. "So how's it going?"

Had he really said that? Had he really said "how's it going?" He deserved everything she was going to throw at him.

"Couldn't be better. Nice T-shirt. Now get off my property."

So much for the woman who'd wished him all the best the last time they'd been together. "I, uh… heard you might be selling the place."

"When I get around to it."

"Maybe I'll buy it back."

"Maybe you won't." She stood up, and a few blades of grass stuck to the side of one of those legs he loved to touch. "Why aren't you at training camp?"

"Training camp?" He slipped his sunglasses into his shirt pocket.

"Veterans are supposed to report this morning."

"Damn. I guess I'm in trouble then."

"Did Phoebe send you here?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what's going on?"

"I wanted to talk to you, that's all. Tell you some things."

"You're supposed to be at training camp."

"I think you already mentioned that."

"One phone call and I can find out why you're not there."

He hadn't wanted to do this yet, and his hands found their way into his pockets. "First, maybe you'd better hear what I have to say."

"Give me your cell phone."

"It's in the car."

She grabbed a sweatshirt he seemed to remember belonged to him and marched toward the fence at the bottom of the meadow. "I'll call from the house."

"I'm AWOL, okay? I'm being traded!"

She spun around. "Traded? They can't do that."

"They're crazy, and they can do just about anything they want."

"Not without throwing away the season." She twisted the arms of his sweatshirt into a knot at her waist and charged toward him. "Tell me exactly what happened. Every word."

"I don't want to." His throat felt tight and his tongue clumsy. "I want to tell you how pretty you are."

She regarded him suspiciously. "I look just like I did the last time you saw me, except my nose is sunburned."

"You're beautiful." He moved closer. "And I want to marry you. For real. Forever."

She blinked. "Why?"

This wasn't going the way he'd planned it. He wanted to touch her, but the frown marks between her eyebrows made him think twice. "Because I love you. I really do. More than I ever could have imagined."

Perfect silence.

"Molly, listen to me. I'm sorry about what happened, sorry it's taken me so long to figure out what I want, but when I was with you, I was having too good a time to think. After you left, though, things weren't so good, and I realized that everything you said about me is right. I was afraid. I let football become my whole life. It was the only thing I was sure of, and that's why I got so reckless this year. There was something missing inside me I was trying to fill up, but I went about doing it the wrong way. But there sure isn't anything missing inside me now, because you're there."

Molly's heart was pounding so loudly she was afraid he could hear. Did he mean it? He looked as if he meant it—worried, upset, more serious than she'd ever seen him. What if he really meant it?

As a child who'd been emotionally abused, she had a strong survivor's instinct, and it kicked in. "Tell me about the trade."

"Let's not talk about that now. Let's talk about us. About our future."

"I can't talk about the future until I understand the here and now."

He must have known she wasn't going to let it go, but he still tried to sidestep. "I've missed you so much. Without you, I stopped being happy."

It was everything she'd wanted to hear. And yet… "All I have to do is call her."

He wandered toward the fence. "All right, we'll do it your way." He braced a hand on the top rail. "I wanted to try to set things right with them once and for all, so I went out to the house. Dan wasn't around, but I saw Phoebe. I told her I loved you and that I was going to ask you to marry me for real. I said I wanted her blessing."

Molly needed something to hold on to, but there wasn't anything around, so she sank down in the weeds, drew her knees to her chest, and concentrated on sucking in air.

He gazed down at her. "You could look a little happier."

"Tell me the rest."

"Phoebe didn't like it." He pushed himself away from the fence, the lines around his mouth deepening. "As a matter of fact, she hated it. She accused me of using you as an insurance policy toward my retirement."

"I don't understand."

"Everybody knows I want to coach eventually, and I've talked to Dan about his front-office work."

Molly finally got it. "She said you were using me to guarantee your future with the Stars. Is that it?"

He erupted. "I don't need a guarantee! I proved myself a long time ago! There's not a player in the league who knows more about the game than I do, but she looked at me like I was a no-name parasite. Molly, I understand that you love your sister, but football's a game about winning, and I have to tell you right now that I've lost all respect for her."

Her legs had regained enough strength for her to stand. "There's more, isn't there?"

His expression was a mixture of anger and confusion, as if he couldn't comprehend how a life made of gold could have developed any tarnish. "She said I could have you or the Stars, but not both. She said if I saw you again, my career with the team was over. If I stayed away, I still had my job."

Something warm opened up in Molly's heart. "And you believed her?"

"You're damn right I believed her! And it's her loss! I don't need the Stars. I don't even want to play for them anymore."

Her loving, interfering sister… "She was scamming you, Kevin. This whole thing's a scam."

"What are you talking about?"

"She wants me to have a Great Love Story like she had with Dan."

"I saw her face. This wasn't any scam."

"She's very good."

"You're not making sense. What do you mean that she wants you to have a love story? I'd already told her I loved you."

"She's a romantic. Almost as much as me. An ordinary love story isn't good enough. She wants me to have something I'll remember my whole life, something to pull out and examine if you forget to send flowers on our anniversary or get mad because I put a dent in the car."

"I'm sure you understand what you're talking about, but I don't have a clue."

"If you were a woman you would."

"Well, excuse me for having a—"

"Words are wonderful, but every once in a while a few women are lucky enough to have something extra, something unforgettable." This was so basic to her that she had to make him understand. "Don't you see? Dan saved her life! He was willing to give up everything for her. Because of that, Phoebe always knows she comes first with him—ahead of football, ahead of his ambition, ahead of everything. She wanted me to have the same thing with you, so she convinced you that you had to choose."

"I'm supposed to believe that she jeopardized the entire team just to force me into making some kind of grand romantic
gesture
?" He was starting to shout. "I'm supposed to
believe this
?"

Kevin loved her! She could see it in his eyes, hear it in his frustration. He'd been willing to give up the team for her, and her heart sang. But the sound was almost drowned out by another noise—one as unexpected as it was inevitable.

The clang of a fire alarm.

She tried to ignore it. Even though she knew Kevin's career with the Stars was as secure as ever, he hadn't known it, and the fact was, he'd been willing to make the sacrifice.

Yes, her heart was definitely singing. Yes, this was a moment she could spend her entire life reliving. A moment that was perfect.

Except for the fire alarm.

She refused to listen to it. "You seem a little angry."

"Angry? Now, why would I be angry?"

"Because you thought Phoebe kicked you off the Stars."

"You forget that I don't
care
about the Stars anymore. You forget that I want to play for a team with an owner who understands that the point of the game is
winning
, not jeopardizing millions of dollars in revenue so her star quarterback can play Sir Galahad!"

The fire alarm clanged louder. "Then you didn't make much of a sacrifice."

He was a champion, so he could spot the blitz coming from a mile away, and his expression grew wary. "This is important to you? This whole romantic-gesture thing?"

Clang… Clang… Clang
… "I have to get ready for tea."

"I haven't done enough? You want something more?"

"Not at all."

A muffled curse, and then he swept her into his arms and began carrying her toward the woods. "How's this for a romantic gesture?"

She crossed her arms over her chest, crossed her ankles, a perfect portrait of petulance, but she felt sick. "If this involves naked bodies, it's sex, not romance."

Unfortunately, he set her down instead of kissing her until he'd drowned out the sound of a thousand fire alarms. "You think I don't know the difference between sex and romance? You think because I'm male, I'm obtuse."

Her Great Love Story was on a downhill spiral because of a fire alarm that had grown so loud she wanted to cover her ears. "I guess only you can answer that question."

"All right, here's what I'm going to do." He took a deep breath and met her gaze straight on. "I'll win the Super Bowl for you."

She realized he meant it, and little starbursts of happiness exploded inside her—each one punctuated by the noise of the alarm. Right then she understood that she was facing the fundamental question of her life, a question that had its roots in the heart of a little girl who'd been emotionally abandoned when she was much too young. Kevin Tucker was strong enough to slay dragons for her and strong enough to win the Super Bowl for her, but was he strong enough to love her even when she wasn't lovable? She needed an answer that would quiet the fire alarm forever.