This Is So Not Happening (15 page)

Then I shoved my way out the front door of the school and into the cold night air. I couldn’t believe that ten minutes ago I had felt so happy. So carefree. Now I felt bad about myself, I felt bad about my relationship…. I just felt bad in general. And I was about to have to put on a happy face for two hours of chowing down with my dysfunctional family. I had no idea whose car we were taking or where they were parked, but I made a beeline for the parking lot, just trying to get away, tears streaming hot across my already freezing-cold face.

“Okay, this girl’s basement is bigger than my entire house!”

Lincoln sidled up to me and handed me a clear plastic cup full of bright red punch. Around me people played on Faith’s father’s classic pinball games, traded memories of tonight’s performance, and laughed as other cast members played Dance Dance Revolution on the TV, while I stood with my back against a pillar, wishing I could rewind the night and do something differently with Jake. Anything.

“That’s where you’re supposed to say ‘really?’ and then I say—”

“No?” I replied.

Lincoln leaned his hand against the pillar somewhere over my head. He wore an old brown-and-tan striped cardigan over a white T-shirt, and it fell open as he moved. “Normally, yes, I
would say no, but this time I think I’d actually have to say yes.”

“Okay, I just
barely
followed that,” I said, standing up a bit straighter.

“Let me put it this way. Her game closet? About the same size as my bedroom,” he said.

“Gotcha.”

Lincoln took a long, long slug of his punch, looking me in the eye the entire time. Looking me in the eye until I had to blush and look away.

“So what’s your deal?” he asked. “You don’t seem to be getting the fact that this is a party.”

“Oh?” I put my half-drunk punch on a nearby table, along with five other discarded half-drunk cups. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“It means you’re supposed to be having fun.”

Fun. Like I had any idea what that was anymore. This was my senior year and the most fun I’d had so far was probably the late-night rehearsals we’d had last week. Smuggling Burger King backstage on dinner breaks, swinging from the sets, making our voices echo in the deserted lobby. Actually, most of the play stuff had been fun. The play stuff. The one place where my boyfriend was not a factor. And tonight, the one night he
was
a factor, he’d just swooped in and killed my stage buzz.

My heart twisted painfully as I wondered, not for the first time, what I was doing going out with a guy who hadn’t made me smile in months.

Yeah. I was definitely not in party mode.

Lincoln leaned over me and put his cup inside mine, where it forced some of the liquid up the sides. I expected him to go back to where he’d been standing, but he didn’t. Instead he
stood in front of me. One foot between my two feet, his chest mere inches from mine.

My heart began to pound as a million thoughts raced through my mind. He was going to kiss me. But no, he wouldn’t kiss me. He knew I had a boyfriend. But maybe that didn’t matter to him. What was I going to do if he kissed me? Where was Faith? Was she watching me right now? Would it be the biggest deal if I let him kiss me? I mean, I’d kissed him onstage a dozen times. What was so different if he kissed me now?

And also, Jake wasn’t here. He was supposed to be here. And he wasn’t. Maybe I
should
kiss someone else.

Suddenly, in the back of my mind, Annie’s voice started chanting,
Do it! Do it! Do it!

“Really?” I heard myself say. Stalling. I was stalling. I looked at his scuffed brown shoes, the worn knee of his jeans, the off-white rug where three pretzels had been mauled into dust.

Lincoln hovered closer. I looked up at him. He shook his head “no” but said, “Yes.”

Then he leaned in toward me. His lips inched toward mine. I knew how they would taste, how they would feel, but I couldn’t breathe. Jake’s face flitted through my mind, clear and bright as day. And I saw exactly what he would look like if he found out I kissed another guy. I felt exactly the disappointment and betrayal and anger he would feel. Because I’d felt it myself the night I’d found out about Chloe.

I turned my face away. Lincoln’s forehead collided with my temple.

“Ow!” he said.

“I’m sorry.” I sidestepped away from him and backed up, tripping over someone’s leg and falling sideways against the
old jukebox in the corner. “I’m sorry, Lincoln. You know I … I have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, touching his forehead with his fingertips and wincing. “I just thought—”

“I have to go,” I interrupted. Because I didn’t want to hear what he thought. Did he think Jake and I were in trouble because he’d spotted us fighting tonight? Did he think Jake and Chloe were a couple now because Jake was
always with Chloe
?

God. Could my brain get any more screwed-up?

“I’m sorry.”

I turned and headed for the door, needing to escape more than anything. I had to get out of here and think. I had to figure out how I felt, why I had almost just let that happen.

“You don’t have to leave!” Lincoln called after me.

“Yeah, I kind of think I do,” I replied. “I’ll see you on Monday!”

I grabbed the banister on the stairs and hurled myself upward. As I shoved through the door to the first floor, cool air enveloped me and I finally felt like I could breathe. I could hear Faith’s mom and dad chatting with some other parents in the kitchen and I dove for the coat closet, glad my mother had chosen not to come. Somehow I found my black coat shoved in among the other black coats, and I was outside within seconds.

I hurried down the front walk and across the crunchy frozen grass, relishing the fact that I could walk home from Faith’s. At least
something
good had come out of moving to Gray’s.

Suddenly, out in the frigid cold night air, everything seemed crisply clear. I was in love with Jake. Whatever he’d done, whatever was going on in his life, however mad at him I was, I was
in love with him. I could never kiss another guy while we were together. I wouldn’t do that to him.

Good. That was good to know about myself. But it didn’t solve the other ten million problems with our relationship. One thing was for sure, though. Right then, I felt like the worst girlfriend of all time, and as I turned and headed toward “home,” I decided that from now on, I was going to do everything I could to be better. I promised myself I was going to be the best girlfriend I could be. I was going to act like everything was okay even if it wasn’t. Because maybe the more I acted like it was okay, it would actually start to be okay.

Or maybe I was just making no sense. Either way, I decided to walk slowly, even though it was freezing-cold out. If I walked slowly enough, maybe by the time I got back to the house, I’d have it figured out.

“This is gonna sound weird, but I feel like I haven’t seen you in, like, a month.” Ally hooked her arms around my neck and we started to slow dance. Fake stars winked and streaked over our heads, as couples moved around us. I looked down into her brown eyes and she did, freakily, look different.

“Did you do something? Like, to your hair or something?” I asked.

“See what I mean?” she said with a laugh. “You don’t even remember what I look like.”

I blushed and rolled my eyes. “I remember. I see you every day.”

“I know, but we’re both always so busy,” Ally said as we moved in a tight circle. “It’s like ‘hi’ in the hall and ‘what did you get on your quiz?’ and then that’s it.”

I nodded even though I didn’t get it. We ate lunch together no matter what, and I drove her to school every morning. I’d been seeing just as much of her as usual, except for being grounded until I finally got a good grade yesterday. What was she looking for? An apartment together downtown?

Near the edge of the dance floor, Chloe was slow-dancing with Hammond, but keeping a serious distance. Like a full arm’s length. I guess with her trying to hide her stomach, she had to. She was wearing this black dress that was tight under her boobs and then seriously loose to her knees. You couldn’t tell she was pregnant, but all the guys were staring at her boobs. They had never been that big before, and every dude in the room knew it.

“What’re you looking at?” Ally said, glancing behind her.

I stepped on her foot to keep her from looking. I’m not proud of it, but a guy has to do what a guy has to do.

“Ow!” she said, pulling her toes up.

“Sorry.” I gritted my teeth. “I know it sucks that I’ve been grounded, but at least it’s over. Now we can do whatever.”

Ally put her foot down again and gave me this insanely sexy smile. “What kind of whatever did you have in mind?” she asked, pulling me in a little closer.

Instantly every inch of my skin was on alert. Actually, come to think of it, it
had
been a long time since we’d been alone together. Like,
alone
alone. I hadn’t done much more than peck her on the lips in days. Weeks maybe. I held her closer, and her breath caught, which just got me going even more.

“Think there’s a private room around here somewhere?” I said.

She blushed purple. “I
know
my mom’s around here somewhere.”

I loosened my grip a little. “Talk about a buzz kill.”

Ally laughed, but I wasn’t exactly kidding. Then a fast song started up and the only semicrowded dance floor was suddenly claustrophobic. Ally started to bounce around to the music, so I tried to do the same. I’d never been very good at fast dancing. I just sort of stepped from side to side and counted the seconds until it was over.

There was a whoop and a shout and suddenly a circle was forming. Being taller than most people had its perks. I could see over everyone’s heads that Faith and this junior girl, Ava Strathmore, were pulling Chloe out into the center. They started to do this dance together, like doing the same moves, and everyone clapped to the beat. Chloe was laughing and I had to smile. It had been a while since I’d seen her laugh.

“Did they actually choreograph something?” Ally said, standing on her toes so she could see. She was taller than most girls, too, just not most guys.

“They did this for the talent show sophomore year,” Shannen said, coming up behind us. “It just ain’t a party until Faith snags the spotlight.”

In the center of the circle, Chloe leaned over and swung her hair around and around like she was a propeller … or maybe a stripper. I swear I thought one of her boobs was gonna pop out of her dress, and I think everyone else did too. Every guy in the room was holding his breath. Then her mother broke through the crowd and went pale, hanging on to her pearls for dear life.

“Um, should she be doing this?” Ally asked.

“She’s fine!” Shannen shouted, raising her arms over her head. “God, let the girl have a little fun.”

Then Chloe flung her head up and stood straight and suddenly her eyes sort of crossed. Just like that I remembered that day on the side of the road. The day she almost fainted. Someone in the crowd gasped. Chloe staggered sideways. Her dad jumped out of the crowd behind her with his arms outstretched, and she went down.

“Omigod!” Ally cried, hand over her mouth.

My heart completely stopped beating.

The baby. Just don’t let the baby be hurt.

I shoved through the circle and was on my knees next to Chloe. Hammond did the same on the other side. Luckily her dad had caught her before she hit the floor, but she was completely out.

“Chloe! Chloe, can you hear me?” her father asked.

“Charles?” Chloe’s mother wailed.

“Get Gray!” he growled. She disappeared into the crowd just as Dr. Nathanson came into the circle from the other side. Ally’s mom went straight to Ally’s side.

“What happened?” Dr. Nathanson asked, kneeling next to me.

“She just fainted and went down,” I said.

Mr. Nathanson looked Chloe over. “Charles, I hate to have to ask this, but is your daughter … pregnant?”

I looked down. On her back, with her dress flopped to the floor, it was obvious. Chloe’s belly was like a mountain. Mr. Appleby nodded and Gray looked, well, gray.

Everyone was dead silent, but the music was pumping. Kids started snapping pictures with their phones, sending
texts or tweets. I wanted to pummel every one of them.

“Boys, I’m going to need a little room,” Dr. Nathanson said to me and Hammond.

“Yeah, dude,” Hammond said, glaring at me.

“Me? You’re the one that should back off,” I spat.

Hammond’s eyes went wide. “I was with her for two years!”

“Yeah, and she broke up with you, like, six months ago, jackass!” I shot back.

“Boys! Both of you! Get out of the doctor’s way!” Mr. Appleby shouted. “This is not about your egos right now!”

Hammond and I both stood up. I turned away, turned toward Ally, but her expression kind of killed me. She looked sad, helpless, jealous, and mad all at once. I put my hand on the back of my head and looked at the floor. I could feel everyone watching me. Wondering why
I
had gone to Chloe’s side. Maybe even realizing the truth. Thumbs flew over keyboards, everyone here telling everyone I knew what they thought they now understood. Finally the music was cut dead.

“Chloe? Are you okay?” I heard Mrs. Appleby say, after what seemed like forever.

I whirled around. Chloe was sitting up. Blinking.

“Where are we?” she asked, staring up at the fake sky. Then her face filled with terror. “Oh my God. The baby! Is the baby okay?”

Now there were gasps. As if they hadn’t seen the belly bump, hadn’t heard the doctor’s question.

“Let’s get her out of here,” her father said. “She needs some fresh air.”

Dr. Nathanson and Mr. Appleby helped Chloe to her feet, supporting her on the way out the door.

“Wait, but the party,” I heard Chloe say. And then she was gone.

Mrs. Appleby stood there in the center of the dance floor by herself, sort of wavering back and forth on her heels. Shannen’s mother came out of the crowd and went over to her, and the two of them clasped hands for a second. Then Mrs. Appleby looked up and focused. It was like she finally saw the audience. Saw everyone staring at her.